If your teen is dating...

[Oriole]

Do you like him/her?
Do you think/know if they are sexually active with each other?
Do you talk with your teen about their relationship?
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DSD is 15 and dating 16 y.o. boy. He seems like a really nice kid. It's exciting and new for them, they seem to be very much in love.

So far I'm really happy about the level of openness we maintain about relationships. Then again, I really like the kid, I can imagine this being much harder if I didn't. I'm certain they are not sexually active, we just barely crossed "the first kiss bridge", and they are never alone really. From the way she talks, I have a reason to hope she will come to either me or her dad for sex advice, I guess we'll have to wait and see... (and let's hope this won't be for a while? heh).

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Please tell me your thoughts on your teen-dating situations. I'm really curious.

[Serendipity]

im not the mother of a teen, but i think you should specifically say 'hey, i'm so glad we have such an open realtionship, and just remember, if you are thinking about having sex, i'm open to those conversations as well'. or something like that. i think saying the specific words, rather than saying 'if you ever want to talk about anything' really helps, at least with my 15yo sister. it's like they really need you to break that ice and say the word so they don't have to kwim?

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by granolapunk

im not the mother of a teen, but i think you should specifically say 'hey, i'm so glad we have such an open realtionship, and just remember, if you are thinking about having sex, i'm open to those conversations as well'. or something like that. i think saying the specific words, rather than saying 'if you ever want to talk about anything' really helps, at least with my 15yo sister. it's like they really need you to break that ice and say the word so they don't have to kwim?

we do say all kinds of words here.. Including "sex".

[ArielMomma]

Yep. I like them a lot. My son's girlfriend has aspergers and she is a little qwerky in some interesting ways. My daughter's boyfriend is very nice. Sometimes if I am busy and falling behind on housework he will pitch in (even more than my kids). Last week he mowed the yard without anyone even asking him to!

My 17yo son isn't sexually active, but my 15yo daughter is. We have a very open household. I believe sex is a healthy part of committed and long-term relationships. I don't mind if they have sex in my house. (a few months back we had an incident with friends having sex in the house, that was a much more turbulent time)

I am mainly here to listen. If they want to talk about their relationship then I am open to it. The same goes for sex. If they have questions then I'll try my best to provide answers.

[mtiger]

My 14yo is not dating. I'd be open to it, but she tends to intimidate most boys she knows.

My 16yo has been dating for roughly a year. He's on his 4th g/f. They've been an item for about 3 mos now. I do like her - my boy's a great kid, but she's been a positive influence on him: told him that she liked his hair when it was shorter - he cut it; she told him that he really needs to cut back on energy drinks 'cause they're not healthy - he did; she said that he should really try to eat some fruits/veggies to stay healthy - he's eating an apple a day and drinking V8 VFusion (hey - it's a start!). She's friendly to both me & 14yo. Nice girl. (*)

They are not sexually active. My son has told me that he's not ready and really wants to save that experience for when he's older and more mature.

LOL yeah, we talk about their relationship. We're very open with one another.

(*) The problem is her parents. They apparently have had "trouble" with their older daughter and one (or more?) of her b/f's, so barely allow A & B to do anything outside of school. Including going out for dinner with me & 14yo, going to the mall with me & 14yo, going to the movies with me & 14yo. I've met the mother and have offered to get together with both of them to make sure we're all on the same page in terms of what's okay and what isn't. A has offered to spend time there when her Dad's home so that he could get to know A and get comfortable with his spending time with B. Just this w/e, her Dad said he could spend time at their house - OUTside - when they're home. As he gets more comfortable with A, A could come into the house for short periods of time. What the... ??? Of course, yesterday and today (spring break here) they suddenly had "family" plans so he couldn't go over. I personally don't get it. Do they WANT her to sneak around? And seriously, my boy is the kind of young man most parents would live their daughters to be with. He's smart, works hard in school, has ambition, is unfailingly polite, showers daily, is respectful, is anti drugs/alcohol/smoking... And none of it is an act. It's frustrating for them, and for me. I know how much my boy likes her - and he's shot down at every turn by her parents. Sigh...

[ziggy]

I'm interested in how a same sex pairing would change this for you all, if it would.

I vividly remember being 13, not at all interested in boys, and my mother basically making me feel like crap about it. If I'd just date then I'd have so many more friends! I wouldn't sit at home reading all the time! I would be teased all the time! Could I please stop shaving my head?

And then when I finally brought somebody home, a girl, when I was 15 I wasn't allowed to date until I was 18. She claimed this had always been the rule.

My brother is turning 16 soon, and is dating a boy, and she seems resigned to it, if not totally on board. My little sister is 14, and dating a guy at her school. My older brother says he's gay, though I feel like he's never been on a date. He basically sits at my grandparents house and plays video games all day, every day. He'll be 25 soon.

Do any of your have queer kids? Do they date in HS?

[Alkenny]

DD is on her second 'serious' boyfriend. I loved her first one, he was very much a part of our family. I like her present one, though I don't know him very well.

She's not sexually active, but she knows to come to me and talk about anything.

[Sisyphus]

Originally Posted by ziggy

I'm interested in how a same sex pairing would change this for you all, if it would.

I vividly remember being 13, not at all interested in boys, and my mother basically making me feel like crap about it. If I'd just date then I'd have so many more friends! I wouldn't sit at home reading all the time! I would be teased all the time! Could I please stop shaving my head?

And then when I finally brought somebody home, a girl, when I was 15 I wasn't allowed to date until I was 18. She claimed this had always been the rule.

My brother is turning 16 soon, and is dating a boy, and she seems resigned to it, if not totally on board. My little sister is 14, and dating a guy at her school. My older brother says he's gay, though I feel like he's never been on a date. He basically sits at my grandparents house and plays video games all day, every day. He'll be 25 soon.

Do any of your have queer kids? Do they date in HS?

I would hope that either of my boys being queer wouldn't change a thing for me, but, then, my kids are 8 and 5 and I'm a bit queer myself (recently - the past year come out to myself and others) so, maybe that's not the "typical" view? I don't know... I just want my kids to be happy, healthy and have good healthy relationships... with same gender or opposite.

[double feature]

Originally Posted by Oriole

Do you like him/her?
Do you think/know if they are sexually active with each other?
Do you talk with your teen about their relationship?

My 19-year-old has been dating her boyfriend (same age) for four years this past February. I love him like family, I think we certainly lucked out. He's a great kid with a great head on his shoulders. An overall nice, respectful, funny guy who cares deeply for my daughter as well as her family and his own bunch. I couldn't have "picked" a better-suited mate for her . As far as being sexually active, I know they are and have been since the beginning of their relationship. I'm glad I have such an open relationship with my daughter that we're capable of discussing such matters . We talk about their relationship often, it's a constant really. I'm glad she feels like she can say anything to me.

[Septagram]

I don't have a teen, but wanted to poke in here and say one thing. My mother had a talk with me when I was 12. She told me that someday I would be ready to have sex. She wouldn't be ready, but I would, and that when that day came we would need to go get some birth control and a pap. I took her up on that offer when I was 17 and in a comitted relationship.

[Oriole]

Originally Posted by ziggy

I'm interested in how a same sex pairing would change this for you all, if it would.

...
Do any of your have queer kids? Do they date in HS?

We had a talk on the subject with DSD about a year ago. She knows she'd be accepted for who she is. We never had "dating age" rule for her, now that she is 15 and dating it seems to fit...

[Alkenny]

Originally Posted by ziggy

I'm interested in how a same sex pairing would change this for you all, if it would.

Do any of your have queer kids? Do they date in HS?

Mine aren't (not that I know of), but we have discussed it and that it wouldn't change one thing when it comes to me. My DH would have a rough time dealing with it though, I'm afraid.

[jellybellyxoxo]

Well, my oldest is 13 and she's super popular and always has been. She had her first boy friend in first grade at the age of 6. She's had to many to count in the mean time, most of them her age or older. AND it's not like she goes on 2 or 3 dates with each one, she goes on dates with them for 2 or 3 (at least) months. I'll explain her current one.

Do you like him/her?
Do you think/know if they are sexually active with each other?
Do you talk with your teen about their relationship?


I think that the guy she's dating is very nice. The guy has actually HELPED my daughter. She's a bright student who goes below her self. He's helped her get better grades and made her happier [my DD has a lot of times where she's almost-but-not-quite depressed].

I am positive that they are not sexually contacting each other except for kisses on the lips. My DD would never do that and knows when to quit with a guy.

Generally not. If she goes out on a date, or to a dance or something, then I'll ask how it went and that's it. Sometimes, my DD will tell me what they did and go into some detail.

[barbara73069]

My 16 yr old DD

My 16 yr old has been dating her bf since she was 13 and I love him to death. He's really just part of the family now. And yes they are sexually active however their relationship has so many different components and sex is just one of them. They have a very healthy and mature relationship and I'm very proud of both of them. And yes they both have always been able to come to me with any questions they have.

[MusicianDad]

Our nine yo dd had one date in a group and we let her go cause she made a deal with the boy that if she went out with him the one time he'd leave her alone for a month.

I would hope that she feels comfortable coming to us when she chooses to start having sex. We have an open dialogue in this house about sex, a choise her father and I made back when we moved in together, his parents never spoke about it and it made things confusing for him, my father and I did talk about it and I never had trouble talking to him about any thing.

Nothing changes if our dd turns out to be a lesbian.