SO FRUSTRATED!!! (vent)

[heatherdeg]

My son is 4yo. He has some learning disabilities (qualifies for spec ed services through the district) and he has some serious advances (decodes/reads at 4th grade level, flying through K level math). He has a dx in the autism spectrum and he has some auditory processing problems.

It seems close to impossible to find a group to hang with. We follow our son's interests. He happens to be interested in reading and math (and planets... oh yeah, and multiple languages). Needless to say, he's going to be homeschooled to accommodate his ups as well as his downs. Well, when I try to get involved with the local hs groups (and there seriously are NOT many), I'm looked at like one of those overbearing mothers pushing their kid to learn at every turn. "How did you teach him to read?"... um... I DIDN'T! Of course, they don't believe me: I'm just trying to cover up my overzealousness and must be competitive not to share the trick. Not to mention the ones that totally shun me for doing ANY type of educating of a child his age in the first place. What happened to "follow the child"???

I feel like I have nowhere to turn. We don't have a lot of friends and our family lives far. My son LOVES to be with other kids and we've tried preschools (including Montessori) but with the auditory problems (and a few of the other issues), it's made the whole thing nothing short of a nightmare (and this is after 4 schools). We're so done with it.

I don't know what to do.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[mom2ponygirl]

I do think it gets better with time. We didn't start hs'ing until 5 1/2 so our group didn't get to experience the 4 yr old version of our dd. However, we did get lots of the how did you teach her to read so well, or I'm sure my kid could be doing that level math if I justed pushed them like that. Yeah, nice welcome to hs moments! Or the nice little co-op we tried to join, but when I asked for her to be in a math class at her level the director gives the shocked - 'but that's impossible she'd be in the same class as my older son!' Sigh.....

I developed a thick skin and only talked to one in real life person about dd in any depth. Although we do not deal with the special ed problems you do (except perhaps auditory processing) I found that moms with kids having special needs were the easiest to get to know. Online groups provided a big support as well. Finally, time helps because a 9 yr old who reads everything just doesn't make the big impression they did at 4! I still get looked at like I have 3 heads if I admit she's in a distance algebra class, but I model being unperturbed and like well, of course it is the most normal thing in the world for her to be doing. Otherwise, dd feels like somethings wrong with her and that's just unfair! She knows she's different and she's okay with that now. We both just smile and say we all take different paths and different things are easy and different things are difficult for everybody, shrug. Most people in the group handle it well. Some still look at us as if we're a bit odd, but oh well, I think they're a bit odd as well and thats okay too.

[mommy68]

I have a 13 yr old currently H/S'ing. I see the same things you are seeing. Maybe it's regional but I'm on the east coast as well. I meet moms online that take a totally different approach to H/S'ing than the ones I meet around my own town. Most moms I meet really push their children to be smart and it's like they have something to prove to the world that they have to push their kids even harder to achieve way above their age level so they can prove that H/S'ing is a good thing. I'm more about letting the child learn when they are ready and not pushing them.

And maybe I'm referring to more of the opposite of what you are referring to, but I don't know. I feel that moms around me push their kids to know more than they need to know at much younger ages. I feel like my child is behind sometimes when I get around other kids his age and their parents. It all evens out eventually.

I've only known one other H/S parent that did that with her kids. Most are pushing kids to do multiplication by 1st or 2nd grade these days. I'm hoping my youngest doesn't want to do that until closer to 4th. I just won't push anything. We will do it all as she shows interest. The same goes with her brothers.

[mom2ponygirl]

Originally Posted by mommy68

I've only known one other H/S parent that did that with her kids. Most are pushing kids to do multiplication by 1st or 2nd grade these days. I'm hoping my youngest doesn't want to do that until closer to 4th. I just won't push anything. We will do it all as she shows interest. The same goes with her brothers.

I totally agree with your approach. I think the OP was refering to the problem when your kid digs math and plays with multiplication at age 4. Then you get the 'pushing' label and the weird looks when you are also just following your child. My kid could do 4th grade math before she could go down a normal playground slide by herself (age 6), or tie her shoes. I neither pushed her math nor neglected her play skills! We follow her lead and encourage her in areas where she struggles.

Its just that when your kid falls outside the norm in any area, you hope that the hs community will be more accepting and it is disappointing to discover that sometimes they are not.

[heatherdeg]

Originally Posted by mom2ponygirl

I totally agree with your approach. I think the OP was refering to the problem when your kid digs math and plays with multiplication at age 4. Then you get the 'pushing' label and the weird looks when you are also just following your child. My kid could do 4th grade math before she could go down a normal playground slide by herself (age 6), or tie her shoes. I neither pushed her math nor neglected her play skills! We follow her lead and encourage her in areas where she struggles.

Its just that when your kid falls outside the norm in any area, you hope that the hs community will be more accepting and it is disappointing to discover that sometimes they are not.

OMG... YES!!! That's EXACTLY what I'm talking about.

mom2ponygirl... I aspire to the peace you appear to give off about this whole thing.

mommy68... yeah, the East Coast has this horrifying competitive parenting crap. Let me tell you how far it's gone: when I meet other families that are trying to adopt & love their agency I ask what agency they're with and they don't know what to say. They don't want to tell me lest *I* get the call for a child before them...!!! CRAZY! And it feels like there are 3 kinds of hs-ers around me: HEAVILY religious (which is fine, but not us in any way); anti-education in anyway; or the hot-housers who think they can do better than the schools. We don't fit. GRRRRRRR...........

[elizawill]

gosh, i'm sorry you've had a bad experience with your local groups. maybe if you really wanted too...you could just explain it to them the same way you typed it here. i think your explanation is more than sufficient...and although it offers more info than they need (since it's actually none of their biz)....it will allow them perhaps to better understand & their judgments can fall to the side hopefully.

even though a 4 year old reading very well and loving math workbooks isn't the norm, i mean it certainly isn't really weird or off-the-wall at all. for it to be such a big deal to the women in your local homeschool group is actually kinda weird to me - lol...... i don't really know what the big deal is for them.

hang in there, mama!!