why wont they use the playroom??????

[starbound25]

Ok this drives me NUTS! Last spring we had our basement redone with a new bedroom for my DSD and a large open playroom for all the kids

so last year the girls were 3 & 4 and they really only went down and played if myself or DH went down with them, we thought this was really to get them comfortable in the room, well now they are 4 & 5 and they wont use the room, I even took all the toys out of the living room and put them in the playroom, they dont care, they cry and scream when I say they have to spend some time playing in the playroom, ands its really only a few hours a day, particularly when baby is napping, because they can be SO LOUD and she wakes up

so how do I make this appealing, I will not cater to them and go down with them every time they play down there, it is also my little bit of quite time a day, they are down there, baby is asleep and I get to sit on the couch for a little bit and be on the computer or watch some tv whatever, I dont think thats horrible of me

the rest of the day we are always together, always in the same room (we have a small ranch style home)

aaccccckkkkkk I'm getting so frustrated, what do we do???!!!!!!!!

[limabean]

I'm sorry, I don't have answers for you, but DS is the same way -- he will only play in his bedroom if I'm upstairs too. I think he just feels scared being on a whole different level of the house by himself, so usually I'll just bring my laptop upstairs and get some work/surfing done while he plays. I definitely need downtime, but I don't want him to feel like I'm sending him away from me, so that's been a good compromise for us so far.

[JennaW]

Why don't they want to play down there? Are they scared?

We had our playroom in the basement growing up and I liked it for the most part. One thing I really liked was that we were allowed to keep it messy! I mean, we did have to do a "deep clean" every once and a while but for the most part we could leave toys out and it wasn't a big deal.

I do remember being a little scared of things like spiders that liked to hang out in the basement.

[starbound25]

we do get daddy long legs down there but they dont seem to be bothered by them, I dont think they are scared, well they will say they are scared that they wont go down individually but together it seems ok, its getting them down there, like if DSD is home and she is down in her room they are fine for hours down there, it is odd that we have to be on the same floor for them to be content, but I think its good for them to be comfortable in the special play area that was built for them, I just dont get it, they are surrounding me now in the living room, keep in mind they have NO toys up here either!! and yes they woke the baby up from her nap!!

[Ruthla]

Maybe they're simply too young to want to play without you?

I wouldn't "force them" to play down there without you. I'd tell them "It's quiet time right now. Baby is napping and I want to relax. You have a choice- you can play noisy games downstairs, or you can read or do puzzles or some other quiet game in the living room."

The playroom WILL get used when they're older. It wasn't a waste to have it built for them. But there's no need to use force or coersion- instead I'd focus on "you have to play quietly in the living room" and see how that works. Either they'll learn to have quiet time, or they'll get bored and decide the basement would be more fun.

[Potty Diva]

we had a playroom in our old house and Kailey never used it. She won't play in her room now and prefers being in the same room we are in to play. It gets hectic though because this house is small and we don't have the room to really let her spread out and have fun.

[chfriend]

My kids play in proximity to me in the house and usually talk to me the whole time. They are 7 and 3.

The 7 year old plays comfortably with a friend outside and away from me, but not when we're all in the house. She's pretty extroverted. The 3 year old just likes to be close 'cause she's still little.

I figure soon enough they'll be in their rooms, listening to their music, reading their books, writing in their secret diaries.

I don't want it to go any faster than it already is.

[Needle in the Hay]

Because they're little and it's downstairs. Maybe you can get your relaxing time down there with them. Can you hook up the computer down there? Or read down there while they play (maybe make a comfy area for you?) My DS often likes to play and have a DVD on at the same time. He might half-watch/listen to a dvd while he starts a lego project. When the dvd ends he doesn't notice or care and is by then really into his playing. In your place I'd set up something like that down there for them and in any case go down with them while they get started. You could always try to go back up once they are into their play and you'll probably end up with more time (whether you stay down with them or come up after they're playing) since they won't wake the baby.

eta: I think it makes a big difference that it's on another level of the house and it's not at all odd that it bothers them. We were really lucky and were able to make our DS' playroom right off the kitchen area. I can't see it working out as well for us if it were on a different level.

[j924]

My ds is very similar and it didn't happen until he turned four. Go figure. Like yours he is fine if one of his sisters are there. I popped the computer in the playroom so I could hang out here and not feel trapped. I also leave a book in his room. When I need to leave, I will either bring him to help or if it is really short like a bathroom break have him count. Just think, it'll only be a few short years until they don't want you supervising.

[emmasmommy]

My 5 and 2 yo dds have a playroom downstairs and they almost never use it either. It is quite far from the main part of the house and I think that's why. We did move some of the toys upstairs so they would actually get played with, and they do play in the playroom if we are downstairs.

[EyesOfTheWorld]

Originally Posted by Ruthla

Maybe they're simply too young to want to play without you?

I wouldn't "force them" to play down there without you. I'd tell them "It's quiet time right now. Baby is napping and I want to relax. You have a choice- you can play noisy games downstairs, or you can read or do puzzles or some other quiet game in the living room."

:

When we were in our old house, my girls would NEVER play upstairs in thier room without me or DH. Now that we're in a rambler, they play in the playroom several times a day. I think it's something about being on a totally different floor that is too much for them. For the record, I can remember not wanting to go down to the (finished) basement alone as a kid either - I think I was 11 when we moved out and still felt that way!

Is there anyway to make the basement more of a rec room/ living room area and move the toys upstairs to where you are?

[AllisonR]

Nothing much to add. My 3.5yo DS has never ever played in his own room by himself, but my 17mo has! For about 10 minutes, as it was exciting to be somewhere where everyone else wasn't.

DS can entertain himself OK, but he likes someone in the general area. Both will play alone or together, if I am in the kitchen or living room, and they are in the dinning room or play area. But not the other end of the house or on a different floor. They like easy access to me or DH, and want to "check in with us" every once in a while, just to make sure we are not doing something more exciting than what they are doing. And yes, making bread and folding laundry is way more exciting than being in a room full of toys.

I really agree with the pp about this ending a lot sooner than you think. One day there will be a "private property - get out" sign on their door, or music in their ears 24-7 because YOU just can't relate, you will be wondering when you get 5 minutes to talk with them, in between dance class, homework and all their friends. I hope not - I am talking to me just as much as to you - but them being in the same area with you is a temporary thing. I just don't see a year (or even a few) being that long.

[Starflower]

We have a large room in our house that has kind of become the playroom. But DD doesn't play in it much because she never picks anything up. So we need to clean up before she'll actually play there. Lately, she's been bring her toys up into our living area. Our house is small and our "downstairs" is only two steps down so we're all pretty much on the same level.

When DD feels like being on her own, she'll usually go into her room and play. She talks to herself incessantly, so if she gets too quiet I know to check on her. She is almost 5.

For the most part, though, DD just wants to be where the people are.

[dillonandmarasmom]

My 5 year old DS *just* started using the playroom almost exclusively for Legos. He has discovered it is the best place to spread them all out without them getting kicked, stepped on, broken apart...Prior to this, he didn't want to play in there without one of us or his sister in with him.

I think the kids just want to be near me or DH. They love to chat while playing, incorporate us into the fun, or just be nearby.

[artgoddess]

My four year old doesn't like playing away from me. We have a single story house. It's probably a little too soon for them to be expected to play away from you.

You have my sympathies about the napping babe. My son is constantly waking my 7 month old.

[2GR8KIDS]

Even my 8.5 year old hardly ever plays in our basement playrooom (which is nicely finished and not at all spidery/scary), even when he is down there with his younger sister. He will play down there for awhile if he has friends over, but even then they gravitate upstairs frequently. Like other PPs have suggested, we have made it a place where we can hang out too, with a comfy couch, computer, etc., because the only way either kid will spend any reasonable amount of time down there is if an adult is down there too.

I also try to keep the perspective that soon he will be a preteen that wants nothing to do with his parents. At that point I will be happy that there is a place in the house where he and his friends have some privacy but I can still keep tabs on what they are doing. In the meantime, at least there is a place for the toys to live!

[greeny]

I wouldn't "force them" to play down there without you. I'd tell them "It's quiet time right now. Baby is napping and I want to relax. You have a choice- you can play noisy games downstairs, or you can read or do puzzles or some other quiet game in the living room."

I find myself always agreeing with Ruthla.

[Phoenix~Mama]

DSD is the same way. She won't play in her room unless her cousins are over playing with her, or DP and/or I go with her.

She always says she can't play by herself... But your girls have each other. *shrugs* I don't know.

I remember when I was young, I'd always play with my sisters outside or in our rooms. We didn't care if Mom was there or not. lol

[One_Girl]

Kids like to be in the same room their parents are in even at this age. This may be their only time to play with you and no baby around. I really don't think that going and spending time playing with them while the baby is asleep is catering to them. Could you go down for part of the time and make due with an hour to yourself or could you put them in preschool for a few hours and then nap the baby so that they have someone who is engaging them in play and you have that time to yourself? Is it possible to take your few hours when your husband comes home or to take one day a week to yourself when your husband is home and just come out of the bedroom to nurse the baby?