Heyla wonderful mamas all! A question...
My vbac was amazing and healed many of the emotional wounds left by my c/s but it wasn't so "easy" on the physical recovery side... I was left with a 4th degree tear and "mild" uterine and bladder prolapses. I'm fortunate that the tear repair has been successful and I don't really have any fecal or gas incontinence issues at this point (10 months later) and that the prolapse situation isn't worse but I'm still having significant body image issues. I feel "broken" and disappointed by how I have healed (I have funky perineal scarring, my labia are totally lopsided, and the repair of the anal sphincter left weird "flaps" of skin around the opening where the edges didn't heal in alignment).
I know the surgeon who did the repair (a wonderful, crunchy, natural birthing OB) teaches classes on how to handle this sort of birth injury so I'm pretty sure the repair was done as well as possible, and as I said... everything "works" and isn't unduly painful but it "looks" icky and since I'm reminded of this every time I use the bathroom or sit down it's an issue. Part of me feels like I should be grateful for how well I've healed, and then part of me feels guilty for not being more grateful, and then of course there's the part of me that doesn't care how well I healed... it's just angry that I didn't heal better.
So how do other mamas who have suffered a birth injury regain or restore their body image? Any techniques that have worked particularly well? This is getting in the way of my relationship with DH and has basically brought all thoughts of building our family further to a halt (can't TTC if you can't DTD so to speak). Not to mention I simply don't like feeling this way and at 10 months post partum I figure what I've been doing so far simply isn't working or isn't enough.
So... Any ideas for body image healing after a physically traumatic birth?
My vbac was amazing and healed many of the emotional wounds left by my c/s but it wasn't so "easy" on the physical recovery side... I was left with a 4th degree tear and "mild" uterine and bladder prolapses. I'm fortunate that the tear repair has been successful and I don't really have any fecal or gas incontinence issues at this point (10 months later) and that the prolapse situation isn't worse but I'm still having significant body image issues. I feel "broken" and disappointed by how I have healed (I have funky perineal scarring, my labia are totally lopsided, and the repair of the anal sphincter left weird "flaps" of skin around the opening where the edges didn't heal in alignment).
I know the surgeon who did the repair (a wonderful, crunchy, natural birthing OB) teaches classes on how to handle this sort of birth injury so I'm pretty sure the repair was done as well as possible, and as I said... everything "works" and isn't unduly painful but it "looks" icky and since I'm reminded of this every time I use the bathroom or sit down it's an issue. Part of me feels like I should be grateful for how well I've healed, and then part of me feels guilty for not being more grateful, and then of course there's the part of me that doesn't care how well I healed... it's just angry that I didn't heal better.
So how do other mamas who have suffered a birth injury regain or restore their body image? Any techniques that have worked particularly well? This is getting in the way of my relationship with DH and has basically brought all thoughts of building our family further to a halt (can't TTC if you can't DTD so to speak). Not to mention I simply don't like feeling this way and at 10 months post partum I figure what I've been doing so far simply isn't working or isn't enough.
So... Any ideas for body image healing after a physically traumatic birth?
