s/o of funeral thread ... explaining cremation?

[2GR8KIDS]

There are so many helpful and informative replies on the thread about 4 year olds and funerals that I thought I would ask if anyone has experience explaining cremation to young kids. My kids are 4.5 and 8.5 and we will be going to a memorial service for my mom in a couple of weeks. We will also be interring her ashes. Although they both understand the fact that grandma died, my youngest is very sensitive and I think she will be freaked out at the thought of her grandmother's body being burned to ashes.

[nicole lisa]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Hmmm....I'm trying to remember how it first came up with us. Oh, it was when discussing the three things Siddhartha needed to see on his way to throwing off his privilege. One of the realities he needed to witness was death and he saw a body on a funeral pyre. DS was very young (book was the first we ever bought DS - before he was born - and read to him as an infant and then toddler over and over again. At some point he must have asked a question cause we wound up talking about cremation in North America and how it differs from a funeral pyre and how BF and I will be cremated and he can decide what he wants done (he's decided funeral pyre.) I think because it was introduced to him as just a matter of fact thing it never weirded him out.

I think I would start by explaining the service. Maybe explain the memorial service to them and what's going to happen (interring the ashes) and see where the conversation goes. If they ask what is being interred I would explain that when someone dies they get to decide that happens to their body and grandma decided she wanted her body to be cremated and what's being interred are the ashes from the cremation. I would be careful about describing cremation as burning cause that may bring to mind images of fire which isn't what cremation is.

I did a quick google search and came up with these sites that may give a good cross section of opinions:
http://life.familyeducation.com/deat...ion/41380.html
http://www.ehow.com/how_2073465_expl...ion-child.html
http://www.lafayettecrematory.com/Pu...rms/child.html

[Jessy1019]

I've talked about what I want to happen to me after I die, and also talked about it in the context of my mom's dog and DP's dog, both of whom were cremated. I told my five year old that it's when the dead person's body is put into a very hot fire and turned into ashes, that pretty much everything burns up and then the family can keep the ashes or scatter them somewhere special. I don't really mince words with my kids, though, and they're not especially sensitive so YMMv.

[caspian's mama]

i wouldn't talk about fire at all. i'd come at it from a "circle of life" angle- when we die, our bodies go back into the earth to turn into plants and food for animals (lots of colorful springtime imagery here). grandma wanted this to happen quickly, so she asked that her body be made into tiny pieces and sprinkled on the ground. (if you have fish you can say it's like fish food, if that doesn't seem disrespectful.) if they don't ask how the tiny pieces are made, don't tell them. if, after this explanation, they still ask, be brief and hope that the talk of flowers and fuzzy creatures will remain the strongest image in their minds.

HTH. ds had his first funeral last year when he was just about 4yo. it was my grandmother and he wasn't very close to her so it wasn't a big deal at all (well except for my mom excluding him from the wake). good luck and i'm sorry for your loss.

[2GR8KIDS]

Thanks to all for the helpful suggestions.