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Originally Posted by hippymomma69  Interesting article! Not sure I can see myself telling my child "you're wonderful" just at the moment they are in trouble....seems disingenuois (sp?). But still it's interesting.
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I see what you're saying, it would be hard, but I don't really see it as disingenious. (It really helped me to listen to Aldort's seminar on tape because she elaborated on this very subject and this very incident and it really made sense and at the end of the day, her approach was effective not only in eliminating the behavior, but also in restoring the good feelings her son needed about himself to regain his composure and learn to deal well with his strong emotions about sharing his mom with little brother.)
The point that she's making is that it's important to let our children know that they are not judged on what they do, but by who they are. That our love exists for them whether they are behaving in a way we like, or don't like. A person can do a bad thing, but still be a good (or wonderful) person, etc. Additionally, recognizing that the child doing the hurting is also in pain. That it's exactly in the moments when our children are at their worst, that they need us the most. By being given the gift of unconditional love, they have the security they need to feel better and therefore change their behavior. Treating the underlying issue/emotion, so to speak. And of course, this is just what she was doing "in the moment." She was also recognizing many other areas to "treat" her son and help him deal with his problem (giving him power in other ways through play/games, and getting alone with just after the moment and giving him a safe alternative for his actions, etc.)
Just an interpretation. My .02, for what it's worth.
The best,
Em
