Modest Dressing Mommas - Page 14

[smeisnotapirate]

Yup, sleeved shirt underneath. Not overreacting at all. If it's easy to modify, that may be better. Then you don't have to fight over it every time she wears it.

Sorry about those links. These girls are wearing the style I was trying to show you in the link. For a variation, there's also this.

[Liquesce]

You all are making me feel bad about my sense of modesty. For me a child's clothes are a child's clothes, with very different standards than an adult's. Spaghetti straps for a two and a half year old would be a total go in my house. Just goes to show "modest" has a wide range of interpretations ... my kids might uncover things yours don't, and I might cover parts of myself that you don't, all under the same terminology.

[Magelet]

Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate

Yup, sleeved shirt underneath. Not overreacting at all. If it's easy to modify, that may be better. Then you don't have to fight over it every time she wears it.

Sorry about those links. These girls are wearing the style I was trying to show you in the link. For a variation, there's also this.

wow. Kind of weird, and yet, TOTALLY cute! Thanks I may have to make a couple of those.

Originally Posted by Liquesce

You all are making me feel bad about my sense of modesty. For me a child's clothes are a child's clothes, with very different standards than an adult's. Spaghetti straps for a two and a half year old would be a total go in my house. Just goes to show "modest" has a wide range of interpretations ... my kids might uncover things yours don't, and I might cover parts of myself that you don't, all under the same terminology.

I'm with you on that. To me, spaghetti straps on a child's dress is not a problem at all. To be perfectly honest, I doubt that I will "enforce" modesty of any kind on my kids at any age (beyond sort of standard "No, you are not going out in a skirt that shows your butt and a shirt that shows your entire stomach"). Just talk to them about it, and why I dress more modestly, and to a certain extent let them choose for themselves.

For a two year old... well, at least from my experience with my sister, if a two year old is running around stark naked, in some contexts, it doesn't matter. At the beach for example. They're 2. (When my sister was 2, it was IMPOSSIBLE to keep clothes on the girl The moment you put them on, she'd take them off.) Certainly not around town or anything, but at home (even outside, in the backyard) at the beach, I don't know. They're kids. I think I am both modest dressing while still partly retaining a European sensibility about nudity. I think its partly the way our society views our bodies that influences me to dress more modestly. I don't like being objectified, so I dress to avoid it. Not that it always works...
I mean, I would certainly talk to my kids about modesty, but to me, modesty is sort of... de-emphasizing the sexual, and thus reducing objectification. I wouldn't be worried about that in a 2 year old. Spaghetti straps or none. (something like a bikini however, I would have issues with, because to me, a bikini is a "sexual" piece of clothing, and inappropriate for a little girl, modest or not.)

[Beth F]

Originally Posted by Magelet

For a two year old... well, at least from my experience with my sister, if a two year old is running around stark naked, in some contexts, it doesn't matter. At the beach for example. They're 2. (When my sister was 2, it was IMPOSSIBLE to keep clothes on the girl The moment you put them on, she'd take them off.) Certainly not around town or anything, but at home (even outside, in the backyard) at the beach, I don't know. They're kids. ...........<snip>
Spaghetti straps or none. (something like a bikini however, I would have issues with, because to me, a bikini is a "sexual" piece of clothing, and inappropriate for a little girl, modest or not.)

During the summer, our dd doesn't like much clothing either. For us, that's a natural child thing and no big deal around the house.

As I read through the replies, I tried to figure out what struck me about the straps. The dress doesn't look like a full bikini but more like the beginnings of a bikini...too much skin for public.

I have to admit that I do have a bias against showing too much skin outdoors because dh had metastasized melanoma when he was 26yo.

[tikva18]

When my dd was 2, I let her wear sleeveless as well as pants. Now that she's over 3 she's not doing either of those anymore. We will layer long sleeves under dresses... I'm thinking long sleeves... not too sure what will happen this summer.

[smeisnotapirate]

I think that short sleeves are absolutely appropriate for anyone, but I hate spaghetti straps on anyone. I think that spaghetti straps can fall too easily, and I'm always messing with them whenever I see little girls in them because they're half-falling off, so I just don't like them.

[tikva18]

Well, I personally don't wear short sleeves and in the long run Dd won't either... it's just a matter of when I enforce it.

[smeisnotapirate]

Rivka, do you cover your elbows or cover TO your elbows? All my short-sleeved shirts come right to my elbows but don't cover them. I think that halachically, though, the elbows should be covered, right?

[tikva18]

I cover past my elbows.

[holyhelianthus]

We wear shirts under our sleeveless things. These were my favorite to wear because they are more form fitting (and long! So they go well under short shirts) but now I want something a bit longer in the sleeve.

ETA- they have a kid's section too.

[Smithie]

I think puberty is the time to start thinking very critically about "is this outfit appropriate for the social venue I am about to go into" - but OTOH, clothes that are designed to be sexxxeee, like bikinis or shirts that say "Hot Stuff" or whatever, are far more inappropriate on a child than they would be on an adult! At least the adult is fully aware of what message she is sending and, one hopes, prepared to deal with the consequences.

<--- anticipates huge problems dressing my daughter to my eccentric standards

[tikva18]

For me, the this year and the next year are the time to inculcate the concepts of modesty. I want to her to live and breathe a modest life. By the time puberty rolls around it's too late. She needs to grow up strong in her beliefs so if, by chance, she has a friend that tries to pull her down, she can remain strong.

[Magelet]

Help! I need headcovering help. This just isn't working for me. To the point I'm doubting about covering my head/hair at all. I need something that stays put, all day, even a vigorous day, and yet is fast and easy. The only thing I have the fits the bill is a tichel type scarf tied in the dutch crown, which requires making two braids and pinning them in a crown first. Not easy to do when your running 10 minutes late (which is sort of common around here.)

Even kercheifs and bandanas slip backwards usually, so I retie them because I freak out that they are going to fall off. I also don't love the way kercheifs and bandanas stick up in the corners like this. I don't love kerchiefs in general, though at work where we have to cover our hair (in a commercial kitchen) there is a nice plain black bandana that I like. It doesn't seem to slip either. Don't know why. the stick up corners aren't great, and honestly, I don't love the look of a bandana, but the black makes it ok. And a bandana goes over better here I suppose than fully covering.

I'm just always fussing with everything. I prefer to cover the whole top of my head, and all of my head (the part with hair on it), though I don't worry about covering my hairline, or the entire length of my long thick hair. Even the tichel tied in a bun wrap doesn't stay.

In terms of looks, I like things that look sort of jewish, and old fashioned or ancient. mostly, I'm looking for a couple options that stay put with little fuss, that are cheap. I can't afford much in terms of buying right now. A tiny bit of money for fabric, or the 1 flowery kerchief or many rectangle tichel like scarves or something else very very cheap are my options for now.

x-posted in covering mamas

[aquarius aspiring]

Hi there.

I posted a little about myself in the "Cover"-ed Girls thread, but I thought I'd say a little more about my clothing style in this thread.

A few months ago, I found an LJ community on modest style and I've looked at lots of different clothing sites since then. I've been weeding out my wardrobe in preparation for moving apartments and realized that I don't like a lot of my clothes. I have a lot of v-neck and scoop-neck shirts and realized they scoop or v a little too much. My bra size is 42-44 C, so I don't want to show off the girls everytime I bend over.

I also don't like wearing pants that much either. I'm wearing a long skirt today and feel much more comfortable. My wardrobe mission is to dress a little more modestly and a little more feminine and look like I spend a little time on myself in mornings instead of throwing on the first thing I can find. I'm not religious or spiritual, so I guess I'm just trying to make up my own style as I go along.

I'm trying to add to my wardrobe gradually, so I've been hunting for skirts lately. I've been attempting to find a cargo/khaki skirt and a denim skirt, both that go past the knees (maybe ankle-length). One of the problem is that I'm right under five feet, three inches tall, and I have short legs. I've been to a lot of stores (Dress Barn, K-Mart, Wal-Mart, Old Navy, Ross, Marshalls, etc.) lately and only found one knee-length skirt (the rest were minis). I plan to hit JcPenny's and Sears in the next few weeks to see what they have. Last resort is buying skirts online (Style J), but I'd prefer to try stuff on before I buy it.

[imnottelling]

Originally Posted by Magelet

Help! I need headcovering help. This just isn't working for me. To the point I'm doubting about covering my head/hair at all. I need something that stays put, all day, even a vigorous day, and yet is fast and easy. The only thing I have the fits the bill is a tichel type scarf tied in the dutch crown, which requires making two braids and pinning them in a crown first. Not easy to do when your running 10 minutes late (which is sort of common around here.)

Even kercheifs and bandanas slip backwards usually, so I retie them because I freak out that they are going to fall off. I also don't love the way kercheifs and bandanas stick up in the corners like this. I don't love kerchiefs in general, though at work where we have to cover our hair (in a commercial kitchen) there is a nice plain black bandana that I like. It doesn't seem to slip either. Don't know why. the stick up corners aren't great, and honestly, I don't love the look of a bandana, but the black makes it ok. And a bandana goes over better here I suppose than fully covering.

I'm just always fussing with everything. I prefer to cover the whole top of my head, and all of my head (the part with hair on it), though I don't worry about covering my hairline, or the entire length of my long thick hair. Even the tichel tied in a bun wrap doesn't stay.

In terms of looks, I like things that look sort of jewish, and old fashioned or ancient. mostly, I'm looking for a couple options that stay put with little fuss, that are cheap. I can't afford much in terms of buying right now. A tiny bit of money for fabric, or the 1 flowery kerchief or many rectangle tichel like scarves or something else very very cheap are my options for now.

x-posted in covering mamas

A tichel tied in a bun won't work because all the weight is dragging it down. Have you tried tying the long ends around your head twisted like this: http://www.tznius.com/cgi-bin/dutch.pl

Depending on how much you want to spend, there are pretied bandannas that might work better for you. I actually have a whole selection from random places...

[Magelet]

thanks.
yeah, I've tried the dutch crown, that is the only one that stays put really really well. ah well.

Not going to lie. pre-tied bandana? I don't get it. why would you pay more to have a bandana that is tied and then sewed? Oh, or are they more like snoods in terms of construction, with bandana looking ties? hmmm. well maybe some other time unless I can figure out how to make them...

I'm thinking I can spend about 5 dollars total, to get me outfited with a couple more headcoverings that work? lol. my budget is just too tight for much right now. smeispirate suggusted pinning the scarves with two bobby pins over my temples. I'm going to try that as well, we'll see if that helps (maybe with it just knotted under my hair?) I have several long scarves. I'm hoping I can get a couple colors of fabric for that much and make some, I think. Plus, I have some fabric around the house. a whole lovely green curtain that I bought for making headcoverings. So for the most part, buying isn't likely to be possible.

[imnottelling]

Originally Posted by Magelet

thanks.
yeah, I've tried the dutch crown, that is the only one that stays put really really well. ah well.

Not going to lie. pre-tied bandana? I don't get it. why would you pay more to have a bandana that is tied and then sewed? Oh, or are they more like snoods in terms of construction, with bandana looking ties?

That.
They cover your hair fully since you just put it over like you would a snood, but there are ties attached to the bottom which you can leave down or tie yourself to make it tighter. The back has elastic which stretches for all heads, and then the ties can make it tighter....hard to explain....I don't know offhand cheap places online so you can get one and then try to replicate...I got some for $6 at a local sale...

[ThreeJane]

Magelet:

I use various forms of covers but most are modified kerchiefs (like this: http://www.garlandsofgrace.com/suzanne.html ). This particular covering has a soft strip of velvet sewn under the headband part them for traction.

On other coverings, I have even taken the scratchy part of a piece of Velcro and sewn that in the middle edge of the band (right above my forehead) for traction as well. Some don't have anything additional to keep them on my head. I can crank down the ties tight enough to give me a headache and....

ALL of them slip back unless I use clippies or bobby pins. I've found the clippies seem to work better as they snap on your hair harder. I have very slippery hair and coverings just don't like to stay on! So you may want to consider using a clippie at each temple to hold on your covering (I usually match the clip to the covering, so if it's white, then white clips, etc.) You can usually get them at the dollar store.

Try the Velcro trick too; it helps hold the headband part of the covering in place and the clips keep the sides up.

I read your blog and I think that adding snaps to the nape portion of your covering might help eliminate the flare (the little sew-on snaps). Put on the covering, pinch it shut at the nape where you want it to not flare, mark it, and sew on your snaps. Some of my longer coverings have two sets of snaps so that my hair is contained, since I don't wear my hair in a braid or bun when covering (even though it's to my waist, I wear my hair down under a cover, so some of it is exposed in the back, if that makes sense).

[Magelet]

Originally Posted by ThreeJane

Magelet:

I use various forms of covers but most are modified kerchiefs (like this: http://www.garlandsofgrace.com/suzanne.html ). This particular covering has a soft strip of velvet sewn under the headband part them for traction.

On other coverings, I have even taken the scratchy part of a piece of Velcro and sewn that in the middle edge of the band (right above my forehead) for traction as well. Some don't have anything additional to keep them on my head. I can crank down the ties tight enough to give me a headache and....

ALL of them slip back unless I use clippies or bobby pins. I've found the clippies seem to work better as they snap on your hair harder. I have very slippery hair and coverings just don't like to stay on! So you may want to consider using a clippie at each temple to hold on your covering (I usually match the clip to the covering, so if it's white, then white clips, etc.) You can usually get them at the dollar store.

Try the Velcro trick too; it helps hold the headband part of the covering in place and the clips keep the sides up.

I read your blog and I think that adding snaps to the nape portion of your covering might help eliminate the flare (the little sew-on snaps). Put on the covering, pinch it shut at the nape where you want it to not flare, mark it, and sew on your snaps. Some of my longer coverings have two sets of snaps so that my hair is contained, since I don't wear my hair in a braid or bun when covering (even though it's to my waist, I wear my hair down under a cover, so some of it is exposed in the back, if that makes sense).

I like the suzanne one. Do you think that is made by making a very large bandana and then sewing the "corners" in at the nape of the neck? that is what it looks like. Is that what you are talking about in terms of adding snaps? I'm a touch confused about what you mean by the snaps. Maybe you could take a picture? Thats how I often wear my hair under the coverings, is just down. Well, it depends on how unruly it is being that day....

Sounds like I need to go find the clippies from when I was 10. good thing I'm a pack rat *rolls eyes and thinks about actually giving some stuff away before she moves in a couple weeks*. I've heard that from a few people. The velvet makes sense, I have some scrap velvet around, I might try that. For the velcro... I feel like that would be a NIGHTMARE to take out in the evening. It doesn't totally get all caught in your hair and muss it up so badly? I try to maintain my hair fairly unmussed, because when it gets all ukky, it takes so long to get it nice and orderly again. Thanks

[Smithie]

Magelet, I like my "hijab underscarves" I got a couple of weeks ago:

http://www.middleeasternmall.com/-c-36.html

Dirt cheap! I wear them pulled back so the front on my hair shows. All the older ladies at the Temple hate them to the point of being rude about it, so I would guess that they look pretty frum