How to handle 2 year old who hits us?

[anyuka]

I need some advice on how to handle my dd when she hits us. Sometimes it's because I think she is tired and other times just because she thinks it funny. She has really hurt us and one time gave my dh a huge scratch on his face. We try to tell her no, be gentle, that's not nice, please don't hurt mommy, etc. I've even once slapped her hand and she laughed. Another time I squeezed her check and she cried. Not proud of those times at all. Please help me with better ways to handle her hitting. Thanks!

[grantskismom+1]

First, a hitting 2 year old is totally normal. They grow out of it. It doesn't mean that they grow up t o be violent bullies. For me accepting that it's normal made it easier for me to deal with.

That said, it being normal doesn't mean it's something you just let happen. I found two approaches that work very well. First, you can simply walk away. When she hits stop what you're doing together, don't say a word (you don't even have to say no), and walk away. I tend to do this when we're playing and it just gets out of control or he hit me in anger. I'll walk away but usually I come back and resume play again after I explain that hitting is not okay.

The second approach we've used it to encourage "gentle touches." This is one of the most valuable things we taught our now 3 year old. I would touch him gently and say something like, "Gentle touches are good. Gentle touches make people happy." Then I would take his hand and show him how to do gentle touches. We'd do this everyday until he got it. After a while I could say "Let's use gentle touches" when he'd hit while we were playing.

[prothyraia]

:

We do the same exact two things with my 18 month old. I either say "Stop!...Show mama gentle.", or just go spend a minute somewhere he can't get to me.

[DevaMajka]

When ds was little, I followed these steps:
1. Give information (and state expectations) "Do NOT hit. I don't like to be hit." obviously, if you need to physically stop them from hitting, you do so, but do it gently.
2. Honor the impulse- realize that there is a legitimate reason behind the hitting. There is something that dc is trying to express, whether it's they want to play, they are angry, they want attention, they are frustrated, etc. That reason is legitimate, it's just the way that they are expressing it that is unacceptable.
3. Find acceptable alternative ways to express that impulse. Give them other ways to express themselves. So say "If you want to play, say "mom play with me." "If you're angry, clap your hands and jump up and down." "If you want her (the dog) to back off, put up your hand like this" (then demonstrate a hand sign for stop).
If you don't help them find another way to express themselves, they will eventually figure it out, but in the meantime they will use the best method they know how- which means the will keep hitting.

My ds wasn't speaking at two, and these steps definitely "worked" for months before he was two.

I never did the "gentle touch" thing. I don't have anything against it, but it doesn't really help the child learn acceptable ways to express themselves (unless their original impulse is to touch you, yk). So I would say "gentle touch" if ds were touching my hair to feel it, and he was being too rough.
I wouldn't say gentle touch if ds were hitting me because he was frustrated. Telling him to touch me gently isn't really helping find a solution for the socially unacceptable behavior.

[prothyraia]

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy

Telling him to touch me gently isn't really helping find a solution for the socially unacceptable behavior.

I don't know about that. My son will now sometimes stroke my face when he wants my attention, instead of smacking me

I can see how it would be less than helpful with anger or frustration based hitting, though.

[chfriend]

At 2 we just dodge. They outgrow it.

[TheRationalCrunchy]

I said the same thing in another thread a couple minutes ago, but:

Hitting isn't the problem. Hitting PEOPLE is the problem.

What about getting something else for her to hit? Something soft, or even a drum to hit and bang on. It's way more fun to hit a drum or tambourine and make noise than to hit mom and dad.

[kikidee]

OP, I could have started this thread! We are having the same issues, right down to a scratch on DH's face. I am so glad to read these responses and to hear that it's normal.

Thanks for the ideas.

[That Is Nice]

1. Give information (and state expectations) "Do NOT hit. I don't like to be hit." obviously, if you need to physically stop them from hitting, you do so, but do it gently.
2. Honor the impulse- realize that there is a legitimate reason behind the hitting. There is something that dc is trying to express, whether it's they want to play, they are angry, they want attention, they are frustrated, etc. That reason is legitimate, it's just the way that they are expressing it that is unacceptable.
3. Find acceptable alternative ways to express that impulse. Give them other ways to express themselves. So say "If you want to play, say "mom play with me." "If you're angry, clap your hands and jump up and down." "If you want her (the dog) to back off, put up your hand like this" (then demonstrate a hand sign for stop).
If you don't help them find another way to express themselves, they will eventually figure it out, but in the meantime they will use the best method they know how- which means the will keep hitting.

I agree with these suggestions, and I do these things for the most part. A lot of times I do say "gentle, please" or "we need to be gentle" instead of do not hit. Also, sometimes I use time outs for positive reinforcement (times ins) if the hitting continues more than once. I really want to work on number 3 with my child, but I have a feeling that is more for older kids. Good advice!