I am at the end of my rope with DD. I just don't know what to do anymore. She is constantly crying over everything, having tantrums, doesn't listen, hits us. Where has my sweet little girl gone? She was a complete angel until 2.5, then at Christmas time (a little over 3), she became very difficult and it's been a nightmare ever since. No changes at home have happened (except that I am a full-time student at night and very stressed out between her and school, but this has been going on for 2 years, so nothing new here). She's been out of diapers since age 2 (her choice, very easy) and is still nursing, although we started weaning last summer (my choice) and are down to once a day at nap time, but the nap has gone away entirely the past two weeks.
Our biggest issue right now is going to the bathroom. A month ago she started holding it. At that time, when she would finally go, after she wipes and pulls her pants up, she will have a complete melt down that she didn't wipe well enough, and no amount of wiping will do. It seems to me that she was having retention and then dribbling related to holding it for so long (going only about twice a day, sometimes 3 if I can get her to drink more). She's smart; she figured out that she could put a wad of TP in her pants and that helped for a while, but not anymore. She will always go before a bath, because for some reason she doesn't have the problem if she soaks in the tub after. So she's been asking to take a bath every time she goes, which we can't do. Yesterday I thought I found a solution with a peri bottle and a towel, but no luck, it's just a fun toy and she still is crying and doesn't want to go, or sits on the toilet for an hour playing with it and then still cries and melts down after.
She also has been itching herself raw. I am careful to make sure her skin is well-moisturized (but lately she won't let me put lotion on...). We keep telling her to please not do that, and have suggested rubbing gently, a cold pack, deep breaths, a worry stone, etc, and she is intent on scratching herself to bleeding. I'm almost a nurse, and the other day it occurred to me that she could be itching from a medical problem, so I think I will call the pedi and see if they want to rule anything medical out related to the itching or a UTI (which she probably has anyway to some degree from the constant bladder stasis).
She also has been very defiant. She doesn't listen to anything I say. Eating, going to bed, everything is a huge problem. I can't even get out of the house, it's so embarrassing and becoming a real problem. I want to go get some garden supplies so we can plant seeds together and she's refusing to get dressed. I just feel so upset. Everyday I feel like I've failed at parenting because 1) she's so upset so often and nothing I do works and 2) I'm not enjoying parenting at all anymore.
She's like Jekyl and Hyde. Right now she's happily playing with her dolls, naked. But if I ask her to do something or she has to go to the bathroom, all hell breaks loose. Or perhaps her toast will be too crunchy (exactly the same as always) or her kiwi too dark (honestly happened yesterday, it was very ripe and delicious and darker green than normal, hours later she finally tried it, which is usually not the case when she is against something). I've been reading 'The Highly Sensitive Child' but I'm not sure that's it. She was an absolute angel baby and toddler.
Thanks for reading, I just needed to get it off my chest! Please tell me to hang in there and that it gets better. I just can't take the crying anymore, I am going insane. My heart goes out to those who've had colicky babies.
Our biggest issue right now is going to the bathroom. A month ago she started holding it. At that time, when she would finally go, after she wipes and pulls her pants up, she will have a complete melt down that she didn't wipe well enough, and no amount of wiping will do. It seems to me that she was having retention and then dribbling related to holding it for so long (going only about twice a day, sometimes 3 if I can get her to drink more). She's smart; she figured out that she could put a wad of TP in her pants and that helped for a while, but not anymore. She will always go before a bath, because for some reason she doesn't have the problem if she soaks in the tub after. So she's been asking to take a bath every time she goes, which we can't do. Yesterday I thought I found a solution with a peri bottle and a towel, but no luck, it's just a fun toy and she still is crying and doesn't want to go, or sits on the toilet for an hour playing with it and then still cries and melts down after.
She also has been itching herself raw. I am careful to make sure her skin is well-moisturized (but lately she won't let me put lotion on...). We keep telling her to please not do that, and have suggested rubbing gently, a cold pack, deep breaths, a worry stone, etc, and she is intent on scratching herself to bleeding. I'm almost a nurse, and the other day it occurred to me that she could be itching from a medical problem, so I think I will call the pedi and see if they want to rule anything medical out related to the itching or a UTI (which she probably has anyway to some degree from the constant bladder stasis).
She also has been very defiant. She doesn't listen to anything I say. Eating, going to bed, everything is a huge problem. I can't even get out of the house, it's so embarrassing and becoming a real problem. I want to go get some garden supplies so we can plant seeds together and she's refusing to get dressed. I just feel so upset. Everyday I feel like I've failed at parenting because 1) she's so upset so often and nothing I do works and 2) I'm not enjoying parenting at all anymore.
She's like Jekyl and Hyde. Right now she's happily playing with her dolls, naked. But if I ask her to do something or she has to go to the bathroom, all hell breaks loose. Or perhaps her toast will be too crunchy (exactly the same as always) or her kiwi too dark (honestly happened yesterday, it was very ripe and delicious and darker green than normal, hours later she finally tried it, which is usually not the case when she is against something). I've been reading 'The Highly Sensitive Child' but I'm not sure that's it. She was an absolute angel baby and toddler.
Thanks for reading, I just needed to get it off my chest! Please tell me to hang in there and that it gets better. I just can't take the crying anymore, I am going insane. My heart goes out to those who've had colicky babies.
So there is hope!!!
: SOON I hope.
But now I'm happy if she's not naked, and I think we need to get a short haircut. Now let's hope that I can approach tooth brushing in just the right way...
On entering her "play world." It's an amazing way of connecting with our kids and helping them through hard times. A variation of the theme you described can also be wonderfully healing... putting her in the "teacher" role, your basic role reversal that is. DS loves all kinds of role reversal, anything that puts him in charge for awhile. Very helpful in helping him manage his own actions and very healing for us both.
I remember actually thinking a little after my dd's 4th birthday that life seemed to have calmed down. There were far fewer tantrums. She started to understand the give and take of "if you help me (as in going on an errand) then we can do something you want to do". We were able to go out and have fun as a family... without me constantly trying my best to keep dd in a good mood so there wouldn't be a scene, or fighting over getting out the door, etc... Yes, 4 was much easier. I suspect 5 would have been good too except she regressed a bit with the birth of her brother, but we are starting to come out on the other side of that now too. Hang in there!
