Screaming when upset and not telling me what happened

[muttmom92]

I don't know how to deal with my 3 yr old when gets hurt or upset sometimes. She's extremely verbal, but if she gets hurt or upset and wants something, sometimes she just screams or makes 'uhhh' noises instead of talking.

During these times she wants me to understand what she wants. She doesn't want to just be left alone to get it out. I've tried calmly explaining to her multiple times that I can't help her if I don't know what she wants. That only makes her scream and grunt more. I've resorted to telling her that when she calms down and can tell me with her words what she needs, I'll help her. Then I just go about my business. What else can I do?

For example, last night she was riding on her caterpillar thing and one of the wheels got stuck on a kitchen chair. All I saw was her trying to get it free and then she FLIPPED out. I quickly got the caterpillar loose, but she was hysterical. I asked her what happened, but all I got was screaming and "uhhh". She pointed to her nose, so I asked if she hurt her nose. She screamed no and proceeded to have an even bigger fit. She gets more and more upset the more I don't understand her.

I eventually told her I'd help her when she calms down and talks to me. That led to her screaming on the floor for five minutes while I did the dishes. Then she came to me with her arms up, so I picked her up. She started to calm down. She very quietly told me that the chair hit her nose. I guess I was wrong when I asked if she hurt her nose. The chair did it. Poor choice of words on my part, I guess.

Just offering to hold her at the start of these fits doesn't always work. She still wants to communicate with me what happened and gets frustrated when I don't understand.

So why doesn't she just talk if it's so frustrating to her? What else can I do?

Thanks

[grantskismom+1]

We were seeing a child psychologist for a while (for an issue that's resolved itself....but I digress) and he helped a lot with assisting us with dealing with these situations.

Three year olds get overly frustrated and literally CANNOT talk. They are overwhelmed. Pushing them to talk just adds to the frustration. When they get to that point just hold them if they'll let you and allow them to get their frustration out through crying. When they're ready and able to talk they will.

It's so difficult not to push them to talk. It's like a natural impulse to say, "Just tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it!!!" The thing is, it's not our job to fix everything for our child. I look at these non-talking fits as an exercise in acceptance. It's good practice for letting go and allowing my child to deal with the problem on his own (with my comfort) without me rushing in to fix it.