3 y/o said "I'm going to kick your A**!"

[robin4kids]

I run a small daycare in my home. My ds (5) was playing with the 3 y/o boy when all of a sudden I hear as clear as day, "I going to kick your A**" I jumped up and told the boy that we do not say those words. Those are adult words and they are not very nice adult words. I then put the boy in time-out for 3 mins. (Sorry to all that do not believe in this, but I happen to think it is effective when done correctly.)

This same boy has MANY behavior issues. I have had him for 2 years now. His mom works with my dh. I told his mom and she smiled and said she knows he learned it from his cousin. My oldest ds (12) likes to play with the kids and he said that same day the boy said the phrase to him. He also told him not to say those words.

I am telling you, it is getting harder and harder to shelter my kids. I NEED this income to survive. I can't, though have my own children or any I care for repeating this! Cross your fingers that this does not happen again!

[angela&avery]

kids will pick those things up quickly from those around them. I would just make sure he understands its not acceptable and make sure your kids understand that too.

My friend has a ds that says some things that I dont like and I just reiterate to my children after playing with him that it is not acceptable and that "we" dont say things like that.

You have to trust the way you raise your children and that they know better.

My kids do and I dont have too many problems with them picking things up from other kids and if it does happen, they get a swift, firm reminder that it is not acceptable.

[robin4kids]

Well my own dc are pretty good about not repeating things, but when you get in a daycare setting the rules change. I have a 23 mon that repeats EVERYTHING he hears. He is very smart. He can already spell his name! Anyway if he hears these words I KNOW he will repeat and I will be in trouble. Imagine for a minute five kids chanting A**. I know it sounds silly, but they all love to chant things together. They all think it is so funny. These are the thoughts I have.

[angela&avery]

Originally Posted by robin4kids

Well my own dc are pretty good about not repeating things, but when you get in a daycare setting the rules change. I have a 23 mon that repeats EVERYTHING he hears. He is very smart. He can already spell his name! Anyway if he hears these words I KNOW he will repeat and I will be in trouble. Imagine for a minute five kids chanting A**. I know it sounds silly, but they all love to chant things together. They all think it is so funny. These are the thoughts I have.

at 23 mo i would ignore, and just remind the older kids who understand that it is not ok.....

I know my 6 yr old at 3-5 knew better when my one to 3 year old came out with some choice words.... i think we just kind of ignored her so that she got no reaction and then coached him on not laughing or letting her see him laugh, etc and not repeating..... we never had a problem......

im just saying there isnt much more you can do , and its very common around here. I think MOST parents slip and say things they shouldnt and kids pick it up....

I mean I dont often hear "im gonna kick your a**", but its interesting to me that the kids are going to chant a** and not just say the whole phrase.

Also if the 23mo is very smart and can write his name, etc, he should be able to understand that certain words are inappropriate and I would just discipline everyone the same... if the 3 year old gets a time out for saying inappriate things, maybe so should the two year old ... you know?? If he understands and all..

[almama]

Well, as a mom of kids who pick up on some less than desirable words, I can only give this piece of advice. I notice that even when my 7 yo says things he often doesn't know what it means (sometimes he does, and sometimes he pronounces it incorrectly - meaning he read it somewhere, or uses it totally incorrectly). They are basically trying to get a message across (anger, humor - if someone laughed at the 3 yo he *will* repeat it again, or even fear). So, instead of responding to the words, how about responding to the feelings, modeling the best you can, and giving them alternative words.

If a 3 yo said, "I'm going to kick your A" I'd say, "hmm, are you angry?" If no, then "Are you trying to make a joke?" and then coach them into more acceptable wording. I don't think it is wrong to make rules about language in your home (we do, but kids can get creative . . . ), and letting them know that word is not OK is fine. But at 3, they are trying things out and testing language.

Even if your 12 yo never did this, all kids are different. My middle son would hear once that it was inappropriate and I think I would never have to say it again. My other two . . .let's just say I do the best I can every day.

We walked into the library the other day and my 3 yo said, "I'm going to punch that bear," about a big stuffed bear they have there. It threw me, then I thought about it and asked him if bears scared him. It opened the floodgates and he told me how he had been worried about bears. Three years olds are pretty black and white.

I think when you open your home up to daycare, you open it up to nurturing the kids - not just your own. If you continue to welcome this child into your home, I think you need to be open to all his needs. If he is not working out for you and your home, then it is time to send him back and find someone else.

[One_Girl]

Did you explain the rules about swearing to the mom and ask that she points out to him words that will get him in trouble at daycare. It sounds like he could really benefit from knowing what types of behavior aren't appropriate at daycare. It seems unfair to put a child in time-out when they don't know that what they did was wrong. Some of his problems may stem from being allowed to behave one way at home and then being expected to know that that is wrong at daycare and punished unfairly for not knowing that. Most of the things I have read about time-out caution against using time-out in situations like this because it is more likely to lead to resentment and worse behavior.

[LynnS6]

The hands-down most effective way I've found to deal with this is to have a 'substitute phrase' ready to do. It's an idea from Playful Parenting. So, when the child says something offensive, you say "well, that's not very polite, but i don't EVER want you to call me bananas!" (or rasperries or chocomocha latte! -- if the word sounds funny, you get bonus points.)

They will then, of course, proceed to call you 'bananas'. You then reel in mock horror. Chase them around and pretend you're going to put them in time out, clutch your ears and say "oh no, not bananas!" With the trhill of this game, the original bad word is soon forgotten.

IMO, you cannot protect your child from every inappropriate word out there. You can tell them when it's appropriate to use those words (when you're REALLY angry) and give them a silly alternative to work with.