I had an interesting conversation this weekend, and I'm wondering how other people would respond.
First off, I'm very close to my family. My parents live in an in-law type thing on the first floor, and we live on the second floor. They absolutely adore my children and love watching them, playing with them, etc. Very hands on.
When my boys were born, both times my parents volunteered to help with childcare (as in, watching the newborn while we slept, taking our older child out, etc) but never did much in the way of more useful household help. When I was in labor with my second, my mom told my husband that they would clean up the kitchen and make it spotless, and never did.
So, this time around, I told my mom that I really don't see needing her help with the children at all.. my boys play independently, plus we have a huge backyard, and she won't be able to feed the baby or anything, obviously. I told her that what I'd *really* appreciate would be help with dishes, meals, laundry, or vaccuuming. She wants to take off the second week after the baby is born (my husband will be off the first week). She said, "Oh, no, I'm not doing any of *that*! I'll take the boys out, or hold the baby for you."
Anyway. Here's the interesting part. Her mother and her sister came to visit this weekend, and we got to talking about that. My mother said, "Well, *I* didn't get any help like that after I had my kids!" and when I asked if she would have liked it, she said definitely. So then my grandmother said, "Remember when I fell off the ladder and broke my shoulder and a bunch of teeth? I came home from the hospital, hoping my mother would bring me a nice meal and help out a little, but she didn't" and then my aunt said, "Yeah, after I had my baby, I thought my mom would come and help out for a few days, but she just visited for a few hours."
I thought it was really strange that these three women all felt disappointed that their mothers didn't help them when they needed it, and yet they all refuse to help their daughters when in similar situations. I mean.. that makes no sense.
I'm on the verge of telling my mom that if she's not able to help with household stuff, then I'd rather her stay downstairs and I can bring the kids down for a few minutes here and there, but I don't feel comfortable with her being upstairs when my house is such a mess (her standards are way above mine to begin with, too, so this is somewhat true). Is that sneaky? How would you respond?
First off, I'm very close to my family. My parents live in an in-law type thing on the first floor, and we live on the second floor. They absolutely adore my children and love watching them, playing with them, etc. Very hands on.
When my boys were born, both times my parents volunteered to help with childcare (as in, watching the newborn while we slept, taking our older child out, etc) but never did much in the way of more useful household help. When I was in labor with my second, my mom told my husband that they would clean up the kitchen and make it spotless, and never did.
So, this time around, I told my mom that I really don't see needing her help with the children at all.. my boys play independently, plus we have a huge backyard, and she won't be able to feed the baby or anything, obviously. I told her that what I'd *really* appreciate would be help with dishes, meals, laundry, or vaccuuming. She wants to take off the second week after the baby is born (my husband will be off the first week). She said, "Oh, no, I'm not doing any of *that*! I'll take the boys out, or hold the baby for you."
Anyway. Here's the interesting part. Her mother and her sister came to visit this weekend, and we got to talking about that. My mother said, "Well, *I* didn't get any help like that after I had my kids!" and when I asked if she would have liked it, she said definitely. So then my grandmother said, "Remember when I fell off the ladder and broke my shoulder and a bunch of teeth? I came home from the hospital, hoping my mother would bring me a nice meal and help out a little, but she didn't" and then my aunt said, "Yeah, after I had my baby, I thought my mom would come and help out for a few days, but she just visited for a few hours."
I thought it was really strange that these three women all felt disappointed that their mothers didn't help them when they needed it, and yet they all refuse to help their daughters when in similar situations. I mean.. that makes no sense.
I'm on the verge of telling my mom that if she's not able to help with household stuff, then I'd rather her stay downstairs and I can bring the kids down for a few minutes here and there, but I don't feel comfortable with her being upstairs when my house is such a mess (her standards are way above mine to begin with, too, so this is somewhat true). Is that sneaky? How would you respond?
Maybe you can word it better lol.
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