Originally Posted by dubfam
I am getting really confused on this thread and I am VERY into GD.
I really feel like some of the responses here are coming from the more wishy washy side of GD...I am sorry but I don't have a nicer way to put that. I am not trying to hurt anyone's feelings.
This thread just has me a little
FWIW I wasn't advocating for natural consequences in this situation. I simply said they're what happens if no one intervenes - and yes, sometimes the consequences are too great and the parent intervenes to protect the child from harm. There was some confusion as to what natural consequences are.
(Locks on the doors aren't a natural consequence. They may not even be a punishment; depends on how it's handled. For instance, I put my vitamins up high, not as a punishment but for safety. I personally like having a bell on the door handle that lets me know if my kids are leaving.)
But on a personal note, not just definitions, I don't think it was an appropriate punishment. I don't make my children suffer when they make mistakes or behave in ways that I don't want. If that's wishy washy then... oh well.
I don't do consequences. My kids don't lose privileges, don't get time outs or grounded. I don't let them step off bridges to learn a lesson. And they certainly aren't forced to let down other people to learn a lesson about something unrelated. Now, if we went to a birthday party and my child threw the cake at the other children, well, then I'd think twice about the next birthday party, and you better bet we'd be having a lot of discussions.
I'm not saying I don't get mad or frustrated. I do. But I am saying that making my kid suffer isn't my first answer to the problem. I've never ever had a situation where it was the only or best solution. Most of the time, it's not even PART of the solution.
Maybe the problem is that I'm not fully into "GD" anymore
to me that sounds like finding nice ways to coerce your kid. Better than hitting them, sure. But not where I'm at now... I'm a gentle parent, but not "Here's the right way to do a time out so your kid learns not to question your authority"...
which I guess looks wishy washy. My 5yo daughter did go farther than I wanted, to someplace I asked her not to go. I was scared to DEATH. It never occurred to me to tell her she couldn't go to a party, or that she had to clean the toilets or peel potatoes, or that she should be whacked. I let her know I was scared, talked to her, reiterated the boundaries and the reasons for them, more talks about safety, I made sure she got to go to the playground that is less than a block from our apt, and in general kept a better eye on her, since now I know her "territory" is increasing. No one needed to be punished for the situation to resolve, kwim?