Teaching responsibility

[idaismyname]

Hello
I have been struggling lately with with the concept of teaching my children especially my 7 year old responsibility.
I have 4 kids 7,5,2,9months.
I feel as if I am constantly picking up someones something.
I will ask my 7 year old to hang her uniform up after school and almost daily I will find it on the floor. Then I have to ask her again. Same goes with socks on the floor and putting our school stuff back in the backpack.
Is seven to young to remember to do this everyday without being hounded.
Any ideas thanks

[Kelso]

my long answer

Although I don't have a 7yo myself (I have an almost 5yo and almost 3yo), I can say that being told to hang up the uniform(in our case,back pack or coat) and then finding it on the floor a few minutes later, then asking again sounds normal to me. I know it is with the 4+yo,unless we are doing a specific cleaning time. Mysister has a 15yo,10yo,7yom&4yo: only the 15yo comes remotely close to paying attention in this department. Heck, I can't even get dh to hang up his stuff every time!!:
Also asking twice doesn't seem like hounding to me, but that could just be me. After twice, though, the asking gets old.

I wonder if your 7yo just needs a few minutes of down timewhen she gets home? You know, 20mins for a snack or something and then put every thing in its place? How is the rest of the family? What example is being set by you and any other adults? Maybe the two of you could set some rules as to what's acceptable for after school clean up? I know that when I come home from work, the first thing is to relax for a few minutes to change gears, and then do the things that are asked of/by me.

If you feel you are hounding, the maybe a chart with tasks to be completed w/in 30 mins of returning home? Give her the responsibility. One of my neices was always late to school until she was given an alarm clock (at about 9yo) and told she had to be ready by xyz time or she would have to go to school late and explain it to her teacher. I think she was late once, and was embarresed by it. After that she got up every day and was ready on time.
Also on Fridays, we have 'special night'--pizza and a movie in the den for dinner. But if the den isn't clean, it doesn't happen. Both kids usually are eager to clean up for the occasion.
I hope this helps or gives you some ideas.
kelso

[mom at home]

I'm right there with you... My 7 yr old doesn't take much responsibility either. Sometimes she surprises me, but generally I have to ask and remind, ask and remind... She complains about being treated like a baby and that I'm always telling her what to do, but if she just did what needs to be done, I wouldn't ever need to remind her. Arggh!

My tack lately has been to expect her to take more responsibility, rather than doing anything for her. I don't mind doing things to help them out, but when I get met with sooo much resistance, I don't help out as much. We talk about this issue a lot, but it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I do try to connect doing the things she needs to get done with other things she wants to do. If she wants to do the fun stuff, she has to do the other stuff first.

I don't think 7 is too young. My 5 yr old is much more responsible than my 7 yr old.

Sorry, no real advice. But I can relate.

[khrisday]

I have a 7 year old as well. I think the onlt real way to teach responsibility is to alow the child to see the consequences of their actions. If you ask them to hang up the school uniform once, and it isn't done- what will happen? It may be wrinkled, and the child (not you) will have to iron it, they may have to search for it the next morning, or they may not have a clean uniform to wear.

[idaismyname]

Thanks

Yep I pretty much figured this was normal.
I was dreaming someone had a magic pick up your clothes potion.
He he. Guess I can keep dreaming.

[mom at home]

Originally posted by khrisday
I have a 7 year old as well. I think the onlt real way to teach responsibility is to alow the child to see the consequences of their actions. If you ask them to hang up the school uniform once, and it isn't done- what will happen? It may be wrinkled, and the child (not you) will have to iron it, they may have to search for it the next morning, or they may not have a clean uniform to wear.

Unfortunately, my 7 yr old could care less about any kind of consequence. If she doesn't want to do something, she won't. It gets really frustrating...

[khrisday]

Unfortunately, my 7 yr old could care less about any kind of consequence. If she doesn't want to do something, she won't.

That's kind of the point though- not to just get them do what you want, but for them to see that there is a consequence and make the choice. If she doesn't care about the consequence, then I guess the problem is actually yours and not hers.

[~member~]

If she doesn't care about the consequence, then I guess the problem is actually yours and not hers.

khrisday

That is so true!! I really like how you said that.

I have gotten to the point with my 7 yr old, that i tell her if I have to pick it up then it is going into the garbage. Her room is her room, but my room is mine and I NEED it to be somewhat clean/clear of debris. Two garbage bags later, she hasn't brought anything in my room, so...and, yes, I cheated, cuz the 'special' things I hid and threw away all the other stuff. I figured it was to make a point, not totally traumatize her lol!

[EnviroBecca]

She may not care about the consequence for herself, but there is still a consequence for you. As someone who loves you, she should care about that.

Try focusing on one specific issue, rather than general messiness, and have a formal meeting to solve this problem. Get a clipboard and a nice sharp pencil. First, you state what the problem is and why it bothers you. Then, you ask her to explain why she does this. Next, both of you brainstorm solutions and write down ALL of them, even the silly ones. Finally, talk about all the possibilities, agree on one, and agree how the new policy will be enforced. Then implement it.

Here's an example from when I was 6 years old: After weeks of "Please put your shoes away.... Your shoes are still in the middle of the floor; please put them away.... Put those shoes away NOW!!!" my mother and I had a meeting. She said that I often took off my shoes and left them in the middle of various rooms when I came home from school, and this was a problem because she sometimes tripped over them, which was scary and painful because she was recovering from back surgery. I had not made the connection between her annoyance over the shoes and her back problems, so I began to take the problem seriously once I heard that. I explained that when I came home from school and found my younger brother in the middle of some enticing play, I was eager to join in and didn't want to take the time to walk allll the way down the hall to put my shoes in my closet, but I did want to take off the shoes because my feet were uncomfortable after a long day at school. Mom hadn't realized that. The solution we eventually chose was to move my shoe storage location from my bedroom closet to underneath the bench by the front door; that way, I could put away my shoes as soon as I came home without going out of my way. This worked out very well, and we BOTH felt that our needs were being respected.

IMO, your 7yo and 5yo both are old enough to pick up after themselves, and your 2yo is old enough to start! The trick is to find ways to make it easy and natural for them, and to motivate them to do it as a way of participating in a respectful and harmonious family rather than out of dread of disapproval.

Maybe the uniform could be hung on a pegboard or draped over a chair, rather than hung on a hanger which can be difficult for a child? That's my only specific idea for this particular situation without hearing the answer to an important question: WHY does she not hang up her uniform?

[Piglet68]

that's a great reply, envirobecca!

[idaismyname]

Thanks

Your right I do think they are old enough to be responsible for their own stuff.
We are very consistant in our rules.
I guess they'll catch on someday.
Thanks for replying
I know this is pretty normal so I'm not too worried but I figure there are 12 feet in this house. That's alot of socks to pick up!