i need some advise now

[OneBlessedMommy]

So I have a job as a nanny, this is my second week. The kids are twins, 2.5 yrs one boy, one girl. my ds will be 2 in june. They will not share with eachother and my ds screams and throws toys at them when they try to take things from him, he trys to take toys from them and the boy will push him. I try seperating them and it wont work. Now my son is hitting them and me when i tell him to share the toys, I try just keeping him by me but it wont work either. Any advice on what to do PLEEEEZ it would help so much.

[OneBlessedMommy]

anyone out there????

[onlyAngil]

I am out here, just not much help...

[Mosaic]

They're still too young to really get sharing at this point... by 4 or 5, they'll be a lot better at it. Your best bet fight now is to be a good role model in that department and to act as referee with the kids as best you can.

[pink gal]

A good friend who had twins worked very hard from early on to teach the concept of taking turns. At 2.5 they are really too young to understand an abstract concept like sharing, but turn taking when supervised and reinforced can be helpful for kids this age. You can even use a timer set for one minute and when the bell rings it's the next kid's turn. Having another toy ready for when the turn with the desired toy is up can also help redirect attention.

Best of luck to you.

[rabbitmum]

Maybe it would help a bit to set aside some toys that are only for when you are working as a nanny, so that your son doesn't feel that they're taking his toys?
They are a bit young to really get sharing yet. They might share a bit now and again to be nice, but it's difficult for them and it takes time to learn.

[OneBlessedMommy]

thanks girls so much, any advice on what to say-do when they hit me or eachother?

[dubfam]

Taking turns works really well, and trading works well to.

If child 1 has a toy that child 2 wants, then child 2 tries to find a toy that child 1 will "trade" for. If child 1 will not trade, then it is time for taking turns with the toy. The trading can solve the problem all on it's own, though, because often child 2 will get distracted by another toy, or child 1 will be happy to trade for whatever child 2 brings over. It helps them learn how to solve these things on their own.

As far as hitting goes...I would just say "Gentle Touch" and move them away. Demonstrate gentle touching, and try to help them understand that what they did hurt the other child. Wash.Rinse.Repeat. for the next couple years!!!
Sit on the floor with the kids and be part of the play as much as possible. Try to head off the hitting before it happens. It will continue to happen no matter what you do as this is completely normal for this age. You just have to guide them through it and teach more appropriate responses.

And may the force be with you!!!!!

[shanna-cat]

i am also a nanny (have two of my own and watch a 1.5 part time and a 2.5 part time) and this is what i found works well for us:
first off- yes they are two young to understand the concept of sharing. i try most of the time to not intervene and let them hash it out themselves unless there is hurting going on or it is really getting out of control. an example: if child a has the blue ball and everyone else wants it, at the point of screaming/yelling/ hitting i get down to there level and will say 'look at that big red fire truck sitting by the chair and i see a kitty book on the couch!' drawing there attention away from the desired object. if at that point child a drops the ball for the kitty book then so be it and if child b or c goes to the kitty book then that works as well. sometimes you can ask child a if when they are done with the ball can child b or c play with it? (but be prepared for a 'no' answer as well!). at this point i wouldn't expect or even encourage them to play together! they will eventually learn to be around each other.
as far as hitting goes, i try and remember that children are not inately mean or hurtfull but are learning how to communicate (because sometimes after a long day of hitting, kicking, and hair pulling you will wonder how you produced such an *evil* child!). if my son hits me or someone else i take it as a sign that he is experiencing an emotion that he is unsure of how to deal with. so i try and show him an okay way to express his emotion... 'i don't like to be hit/kicked/bitten but you can hit the couch/floor/chair' or 'you look really angry, you can stomp your feet on the floor like this to help you feel better'. i try and stick away from the 'use a gentle touch' approach because he is not having difficulty touching gently but instead is unsure how to deal with his anger. of course sometimes a much desired toy ends up on top of the refridgerator or hidden away in a closet until another day!
learning new behaviors is a process and i bet your child (and the twins) are still adjusting to the new situation. some helpful tips that i have discovered after much nannying are
1. allow lots of transition time. i nanny in others homes so i arive 15 min early before the parents need to leave to give enough time for the kids to adjust- i also leave about 15 min after they get home at the end of the day. some kids need more time, some kids less
2. set up some daily routines. sing songs after the parents leave, take a walk beore naps or have a special snack in the afteroon.
3. a change in scenery can work wonders! if things get going rough go outside/inside, into the basement, in another room (the bathroom is always a fun alternative becuase it is so often not a play spot), or even turn off all the lights and shut the blinds for some flashlight fun.
good luck to you and i would love to hear how it turns out for you and in turn what works for you and what doesn't!

[One_Girl]

Originally Posted by OneBlessedMommy

thanks girls so much, any advice on what to say-do when they hit me or eachother?

Tell them "STOP, it is not okay to hit" or STOP, don't hit." then redirect them with something else they can do when they are angry like stomping their feet and model stomping feet with an angry look. As much as possible step in and give them words, like if you see one child who really wants a toy and appears frustrated tell them how they look and give them words to ask for a turn or for the turn timer. Teach them to tell each other to stop when they are being hit also, standing up for yourself is a really useful skill to have and it is good to start practicing young.

[co op mama]

I like to tell my 18 month old son " hand are not for hitting" " please be soft with your hands" then I demonstrate. I also will just pick him up and remove him from the person he is hurting then redirect with a book, puzzle or a toy I know he likes.

[seemfrog]

My boys (2 1/2) fight a lot (they also play a lot), and some days it seems like they are determined to find things to fight over. Those days especially look for a change of scenery, or doing something totally different (finger painting, playdough, etc). I take the toy away if there is too much screaming/fighting for awhile and tell them what I'm doing.
Sometimes we will sing the "ABC..." song in order to trade/share - "ok, we are going to sing the abc's then its ___'s turn!"
I am always asking them to "use your words" and although at times I have felt like nothing was sinking in they do use their words a lot now.
HEY! STOP THAT!
NO, YOU STOP THAT!
*slap*
*scream*
*push*
so now I'm always making sure I acknowledge and thank them for using their words, but try to give them "more" words:
"I'm playing with the ball right now"
"Is it my turn yet?"
"just a minute please"
Its so cute to hear them "using their words" but they still will get into hitting and screaming if he doesn't immediately go their way, so we are still working on it...