I am a bully.

[mommy2abigail]

I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I am so low on energy and patience that I've become a bully to my dd1. When words don't work, I result to grabbing her arm or shirt or yelling. It's terrible and our dynamic is very negative right now. I feel like we are in a cycle of negativity and I can't get us out. I'm falling further and further from my 'ideal' way of parenting and going closer and closer to the type of parent I used to cringe at. I hate myself right now, I feel like a failure at this whole mothering thing.

Please help me get out of this slump!!! I don't even know what to ask advice for, there are issues regarding everything with dd1 right now. Most of it is my control issues, and her reaction to my ridiculous need to control the stupidest little things. I KNOW this, I just can't let it go!!!

Is there a book or something that could help me work through this??!? I know it's me, she is just reflecting my negativity...Please help us!!!

[sweetmama3]

Im new, but want to sub to this thread, because I have been feeling the exact same way with BOTH my 2yo and 7yo....

[smartair]

I was here about 3 weeks ago. I was so sad at the way things were going at our house I actually would cry at night.
I took a step back and here is what I did:
1. Canceled all playdates and outings (execpt necessary ones like groceries)
2. Started running in the am with my boys in the jogging stroller. We stop at a park so they can play, then I finish my run.
3. Whenever I am feeling like "crap, this sucks"... I try to think of why I am thankful for this situation. Example: DS1 screaming head off because DS2 knocked his beloved block tower over for the 3rd time. I am thankful that my DS1 is such a passionate person, I am thankful for my DS2 being so persistant, I am thankful that we have blocks to play with, and I am thankful to be home to witness and confront this problem WITH them. (I got this idea from an article in Mothering this month and adapted it to my life)

That said, it doesn't always work. I yelled at my 16mo old yesterday. But I hadn't yelled in 3 days (quite an accomplishment for me). Once I yelled though, I realized we needed a change of sceenery and went to the park.

ALL relationships are like roller coasters. They have highs and lows, it's just how you deal with the lows that count. Give yourself credit for asking for help and trying to figure out what is wrong.

Best of luck, you can do this!!!

[lincap]

nak


I hear your pain!! I have had a very short temper with DS1 29 months old... very short. To give me a break, he is watching Super Why right now..

I am trying to start each day happy but DS1 starts the day whining and crying.
Plus it is a struggle to get DS1 dressed... i try to do it when DS2 sleeps... but DS1 fights it, then he is ready as soon as DS2 cries and needs to nurse!!

Playing outside helps, having activities hepls, snacks help, but balancing a newborn and toddler is tough!

[LionessMom]

between having fibromyalgia and 4 kids i am running ragged as well. i try to be silly most of the time as this makes them laugh but sometimes i find myself yelling and being cranky. it is hard being a mom. my mom always says to be silly and sometimes stick your fingers in your ears and run around singing lalalalalalalalala.

also can anybody tell me what the d in dh dd ds etc stands for?

[rmzbm]

Originally Posted by Superbeanie52

also can anybody tell me what the d in dh dd ds etc stands for?

Either "dear" or "darling."

OP - Not really sure what to offer as far as advice, but hang in there. You are not a failure and there's no need to hate yourself. We all go through slumps now and then. Sounds like you need to reconnect with the kids. I'd throw everything else to the wind and focus on them for a while. Give up on ideals and trying to be all "AP" or "GD." Just connect and have a good time. Things will look up. Go easy on yourself, good luck!

[LionessMom]

thanks. i thought that is what it was. I really like the supprt on here. you're great. :>

[Dr.Worm]

I hear ya! I have been feeling the same way and I notice it happens most when there is so much going on such as too much homework; too much cleaning; jam-packed schedule...when things are calmer, I am calmer and she is also...routines are important and so is fresh air! One day at a time..

[laoxinat]

Originally Posted by rmzbm

Either "dear" or "darling."

Let's not forget "dastardly" and "devious" (They aren't, really, but they can sometimes seem that way...)

[Dr.Worm]

I thought they stood for "draining" and "destructive" lol!:

[bellacymom]

You are not alone! I am working on it but most days I hate myself because I start yelling and getting grabby with my 3 year old. I am trying but it is REALLY hard on the days when I get no sleep because of the little one. *hug*

[chfriend]

Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen

[ktmama]

I've really been feeling this way with my kids for the past week or so. This is really uncharacteristic of me. Three things I find helpful:

1. In moments of stress, I stop and say "ooooommmmm" (for real I do and it really helps).
2. I flood my dd2 with love and attention. I try to change the energy by "catching" her in a peaceful place and telling her I love her and giving her lots of hugs and kisses. This is actually work for me, since I'm not normally a demonstrative person.
3. I play with her one on one a lot more that usual and that helps us connect too.

HTH.

[Learning_Mum]

If I'm reading your signature right, you've just recently had a second baby? If that's the case I'd say what you are going through is totally normal! You must be tired from night feeds and wakings and I have heard from *alot* of Mama's that when their second was born they had very little patience for their first, and sometimes just flat out didn't like them. I'd say give yourself time to adjust, and try and give your oldest alot of one on one quality time. And forgive yourself!

[Katwoman]

When I'm trying to make a change I try and do small steps, seems less overwhelming like that.

I try and tell DD's something I love about them when things are going well. Like a compliment when I'm walking by. Lets them know I love them.

I have apologized for screaming. Explained Mom's are perfect and don't always do everything right.

I cut myself a break when I'm really tired. That doesn't mean I think it's okay to yell, I just remind myself I'm doing the best I can and recommit to being better the next time I open my mouth.

I get some one on one time with each child every day. Even if it's just reading a book or a really good long snuggle/hug. Just a way to connect with them on an individual level.

Try and watch for negative interactions that can be turned around. My DD2 loves to bang on things with heavy objects. When I'm tired and frazzled my first thought is to just tell her no. (Which I find negative.) But what I really mean it, you can bang on the carpeted floor with that. Here let me show/remind you. So I try and watch for the no's and make them into something positive or something I mean. Does that make sense? I find it helps with the overall "tone" of the house.

[CherryBomb]

Oh, I think we've all been there mama. With my 33 month old (who's developmentally around 24 months) when I get frustrated and angry, I try to do something really silly, like yelling out in a funny way (instead of yelling *at*her in a mean way, I'll be like "buggady buggady boooo! and shake it out or dance or something like that). She thinks it's funny so we both start laughing and it eases the tension. Or i"ll scoop her up and blow raspberries on her belly, things like that.

I'm having a much harder time with my almost 7 year old. She's in a really snotty disrespectful stage and I'm not handling it well

[juju's mom]

I second the "Playful Parenting" book and also "Unconditional Parenting"

When I am exhausted, fresh air ALWAYS helps my mood and in turn the kids get in better moods. They feed off my moods so much that I really have to watch myself.

Hugs to you. I have been in your spot.

[mommy2abigail]

Thanks for all the kind words of support and advice!!! I know I can count on you guys. I've been trying all the suggestions, and clearing our schedules so that we can just chill at home. DH has been sick, and no help at all, so that's been especially hard.

Yes, I did just have a second baby, almost 3 months ago. It's been great, she is very easy going, despite waking frequently at night. I guess so much of my stress is the incredible guilt I feel regarding dd1. I know I'm tired and impatient, and that her life has changed dramatically in the past 3 months. All in all, she is coping well, it's me that is not.

I had a long talk with dh this morning, just about helping me out more, and giving me a break from the kids more often. I'm nannying another 3 year old in addition to my two, and I'm also trying to start a home business. Yeah, needless to say I"m a bit overwhelmed lately!!!

[dubfam]

I have been a lot shorter on patience since I had a baby in Dec

Hang in there Mama!

[sailormom]

Thak you so much for posting this. I am in the same boat, and I have been feeling like I am drowning!!!

I,too, have a new baby,six month old, adn my six year old has been unbearable-hitting,screaming all the time, spitting, throwing things. I have always wated to be a kind loving GD mom, but lately I have been scraming adn yelling and grabbig and feeling like a complete failure!!

I have been trying technique after technique and she is so incredibly stubborn it is mind blowing!!

I have been totally lost and feeling so mad at her, this thread has really helped an dgiven me some feedback

Lately I have been so sleep deprived and exhausted adn confused about waht to sdo with her, and feeling so bad for my ds( the baby) that he has to hear and see her going crazy all the time, that I have been thinking this is just too hard. I ham homeschooling her,too and have been wondering if I should put her in school adn get a break.

This thread has helped me stop and take a breath. Oh, I hope things will get better soon!!