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Wanting but Waiting tribe - Page 4

post #61 of 520
Thread Starter 
I wonder if I can share my ticker....lol

http://mb.lilypie.com/PLyp0.png

Hehe
post #62 of 520
That made me laugh. You should put it in your sig!
post #63 of 520
Thread Starter 
Lol - I dont think you can on this website! I have it in my sig on other forums though hehe...I bet they all think im mad!
post #64 of 520
I am definitely wanting but have to wait. We want to travel and think about buying a house before we ttc so probably at least 2 years, but it's so hard when all my friends are having babies.
I think we stick to the waiting because we know it will be better in the long run. I wouldn't mind to much if it happened now, just have to change a few plans, but I'd prefer to do it at a time when I can enjoy all the different stages of pregnancy knowing that it was planned and that I've had a chance to do all the right things - vitamins, healthy eating etc.
It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this. I've started stocking up on baby things too, which my dh doesn't quite understand but that's ok.
post #65 of 520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betnybaby View Post
I am definitely wanting but have to wait. We want to travel and think about buying a house before we ttc so probably at least 2 years, but it's so hard when all my friends are having babies.
I think we stick to the waiting because we know it will be better in the long run. I wouldn't mind to much if it happened now, just have to change a few plans, but I'd prefer to do it at a time when I can enjoy all the different stages of pregnancy knowing that it was planned and that I've had a chance to do all the right things - vitamins, healthy eating etc.
It's so nice to know that I'm not the only one feeling like this.
I know a lot of people say it's never the "perfect" time, but I don't regret waiting until we had our ducks in a row. We would have managed if I'd gotten pregnant sooner, but waiting gave us many more freedoms both before and after she was born. I was 32 when DD was born, so I often feel old compared to other mamas with 2-year olds, but it was absolutely the best choice for us. It is hard sometimes when you are craving that baby, but I know that we definitely appreciate the memories, choices, and security that waiting afforded us.
post #66 of 520
THANK YOU for saying that! I find it really insulting when i tell people we are waiting to get our ducks in a row (or at least to TRY to get them in a row, sheesh!) and someone says "There's never a perfect time" or " You'll never be ready/have enough money/etc to have a baby". All that may be true, but to me, it aint very nice to just poop on our dreams like that. There are very concrete reasons for our decision to wait that are built on our value system, short term goals, and faith. If God has other plans than we have, thas fine too and Im sure all will be provided.

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Amy* View Post
I know a lot of people say it's never the "perfect" time, but I don't regret waiting until we had our ducks in a row. We would have managed if I'd gotten pregnant sooner, but waiting gave us many more freedoms both before and after she was born. I was 32 when DD was born, so I often feel old compared to other mamas with 2-year olds, but it was absolutely the best choice for us. It is hard sometimes when you are craving that baby, but I know that we definitely appreciate the memories, choices, and security that waiting afforded us.
Sigh, another vent ahead. Hubby and I have been in a financial tailspin as of late, but we are working to get out of it within the next couple of months. However, today we were discussing our financial woes and hubby mentioned that whenever someone comes out the side of their mouths with the whole "Don't wait too long to have kids" thing (we've been together for 5 years now, married for 4 years this Aug.) he tells them "We would LOVE to have kids but we just can't justify that sh** right now!" It made me tear up a little bit to hear him say that because 1) I've never heard him say that he'd love to have kids right now and 2) That our financial/situational means right now is the biggest reason keeping us from starting a family.

We don't typically delve into all of that with people because we always get met with the whole "Well, you'll never be ready/have enough money/etc to have kids" thing that we HATE because it feels so dismissive to us. As if all this hard work we are doing and going through whatever is just because we wanna FLOSS to have kids??! NO, its because we friggin cant afford ourselves right now, let alone children and we wouldnt WILLINGLY put ourselves into a situation like that. Not saying those that do are bad or wrong but FOR US it isnt right.

So at night i fuss myself into frustration dreaming of the life I want to have (that we are working so hard toward). I KNOW that being a mother is hard. I KNOW that parenthood is uncertain. I watch my best friend do it as a single mama to three kids EVERY DAY. But i STILL want that (well, not the single part, i very much want to do it with hubby by my side every step of the way and then some, lol). I know pity parties aren't good and don't help anything, but LORD, I love my life as it is now and I am know that I am blessed beyond measure, but when will it be our turn?

I know that i have no idea of what im asking for. From the pregnancy worries and pains, to the laboring and birthing worries and pains, to the worrying, illnesses and insane parenting adventures once the child arrives, I KNOW i have no idea of what im asking for....or even what im dreaming for.

All I know is that I want that and that this wait (and we aint even started to TTC!) until I get it is very difficult.

Sigh. So until then, i guess i will continue to work hard at achieving what I need to feel secure for a family, continue to be grateful for the blessings that i already have (its SO hard NOT to feel like Im lacking something in a major way tho), lurk on others' paths to and through motherhood and continue to dream during the day and at night on my someday.
post #67 of 520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Lioness View Post
I know that i have no idea of what im asking for. From the pregnancy worries and pains, to the laboring and birthing worries and pains, to the worrying, illnesses and insane parenting adventures once the child arrives, I KNOW i have no idea of what im asking for....or even what im dreaming for.

All I know is that I want that and that this wait (and we aint even started to TTC!) until I get it is very difficult.

Sigh. So until then, i guess i will continue to work hard at achieving what I need to feel secure for a family, continue to be grateful for the blessings that i already have (its SO hard NOT to feel like Im lacking something in a major way tho), lurk on others' paths to and through motherhood and continue to dream during the day and at night on my someday.
Aww, girl. It is hard. A lot of people don't realize what it feels like to crave a baby. It honestly is like a physical hunger! Can I ask how old you are? You may have already said, but I don't remember. (Not that your age matters, I'm just curious.)

My opinion about people saying, "There's never a perfect time," is that it's a justification for the choices *they* have made. It's a reflection of their life more than yours. I know it's hard not to feel judged or patronized, but in your heart you are the only one who can make the best choice for your family.

I will say this: Having a child is HARD. It's hard on you physically and emotionally, it's hard on the marriage, and it is hard financially. Well maybe I shouldn't say hard - it is *challenging.* The more resources you have, the easier it becomes. If you are totally financially strapped, that will trickle down so much more if you have a child, and you will constantly be feeling like you don't have options; it's easier to make sacrifices when they only affect you, but making sacrifices that concern your child can be really painful. That leads to stress, guilt, and anxiety...which all leads to you being able to be less than a present parent. Does that make sense? It's true that you can't eliminate stress or challenges, but you can minimize them by making smart choices before you decide to become parents. When you have options and resources (being able to be a SAHM if that's what you choose, having money to pay for a babysitter, having good health care, etc.) you really have the energy to focus on the other stressors such as not getting any sleep and not being able to take a shower!

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but there's a reason *I'm* on this thread too...we're waiting because of our goals and dreams as well. It doesn't make you selfish or foolish; it makes you a good parent already.

I came back to say that I just re-read your post, and it seems like you are a woman of faith, so I will say one more thing - instead of fussing every night and focusing on what you are missing, try communing with the spirit of your child now. Talk to him/her, envision everything from your pregnancy and birth to having a newborn, toddler, big kid, teenager, etc. Talk to your child about your life together. If you really feel a connection, it might feel like "something" right now, when you are feeling that something is missing. (I hope that doesn't sound too out there! It worked for me after I had a miscarriage, and it definitely helped to ease that feeling of emptiness.)
post #68 of 520
Thread Starter 
I am so glad I started this thread! - We all need that understanding support and I am glad that this is what this thread is providing!

And I completly agree with this:
Quote:
My opinion about people saying, "There's never a perfect time," is that it's a justification for the choices *they* have made. It's a reflection of their life more than yours. I know it's hard not to feel judged or patronized, but in your heart you are the only one who can make the best choice for your family.
and this:
Quote:
I know a lot of people say it's never the "perfect" time, but I don't regret waiting until we had our ducks in a row. We would have managed if I'd gotten pregnant sooner, but waiting gave us many more freedoms both before and after she was born.
You know - its only a few months until we start TTC (December)...But all our ducks arnt even together yet! lol - I know a lot of people do not understand what the difference will make but it will make a huge difference we we look at the financial side of things. So I know I need to wait, but it is so hard! Everytime my DH and I get to some love making - I chim in saying 'So you wanna make a baby?' lol... Of course, we are too careful for that but in the back of mind I do have a tiny hope for an 'accident' because then at least it was out of my control. But we are waiting and I am glad and I know I will not regret it!

Quote:
It is hard. A lot of people don't realize what it feels like to crave a baby
Thats the hardest part for me - that is why I started this thread. Its especially hard because I know my DH will never understand how I feel (I just dont think men can experience broodyness in the same way - especially as its not their bodies built for the creating, growing, and carrying of a baby!) and thats harder than anyone else not understanding that.
post #69 of 520
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Amy* View Post
Aww, girl. It is hard. A lot of people don't realize what it feels like to crave a baby. It honestly is like a physical hunger! Can I ask how old you are? You may have already said, but I don't remember. (Not that your age matters, I'm just curious.)

My opinion about people saying, "There's never a perfect time," is that it's a justification for the choices *they* have made. It's a reflection of their life more than yours. I know it's hard not to feel judged or patronized, but in your heart you are the only one who can make the best choice for your family.

I will say this: Having a child is HARD. It's hard on you physically and emotionally, it's hard on the marriage, and it is hard financially. Well maybe I shouldn't say hard - it is *challenging.* The more resources you have, the easier it becomes. If you are totally financially strapped, that will trickle down so much more if you have a child, and you will constantly be feeling like you don't have options; it's easier to make sacrifices when they only affect you, but making sacrifices that concern your child can be really painful. That leads to stress, guilt, and anxiety...which all leads to you being able to be less than a present parent. Does that make sense? It's true that you can't eliminate stress or challenges, but you can minimize them by making smart choices before you decide to become parents. When you have options and resources (being able to be a SAHM if that's what you choose, having money to pay for a babysitter, having good health care, etc.) you really have the energy to focus on the other stressors such as not getting any sleep and not being able to take a shower!

I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but there's a reason *I'm* on this thread too...we're waiting because of our goals and dreams as well. It doesn't make you selfish or foolish; it makes you a good parent already.

I came back to say that I just re-read your post, and it seems like you are a woman of faith, so I will say one more thing - instead of fussing every night and focusing on what you are missing, try communing with the spirit of your child now. Talk to him/her, envision everything from your pregnancy and birth to having a newborn, toddler, big kid, teenager, etc. Talk to your child about your life together. If you really feel a connection, it might feel like "something" right now, when you are feeling that something is missing. (I hope that doesn't sound too out there! It worked for me after I had a miscarriage, and it definitely helped to ease that feeling of emptiness.)
Awww, thank you Amy, you and the input you've given has been very soothing to me in this thread and I just wanna say thank you for that!

I am 28 years old and hubby is 31. It seems like we shoulda had our stuff together years ago, but its just now coming together (we knew 2008 would be a transition year for us, buts its so hard to go through, you know?).

I believe you have hit the nail on the head, because for us its ALLL about options. Having a baby now wouldn't totally break us, but it would severly limit our options in life for a long while, but if we wait until those ducks line up like we are working toward, then our options are MUCH more plentiful and fabulous even and we could be truly present in our journey to parenthood and i think THAS what a lot of people dont seem to understand. I do also agree that they are coming from their own experience and there is nothing wrong with that, its just not the experience hubby and i are working towards.

I am definitely a woman of faith and i do feel like i communicate with my babies already. I picture them waiting for us in Heaven in a sort of to-be-born pre-Heaven, lol. I also dream a LOT about having babies, pregnancy and parenthood at night. I know that when you look in a dream interpretation book, it tells you dreaming of pregnancy and birth just means you are trying to start something new in your life (which i am), but i also seem to think that i am somehow communicating with them in my dreams as well. One dream, i was giving this beautiful baby a bath and in another im pregnant and brandishing a big belly around the house and watching it move as the baby kicks. Just crazily VIVID dreams. But yea, I will definitely try to communicate with them more (i dont think its way out there) and see if that eases my mind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post



Thats the hardest part for me - that is why I started this thread. Its especially hard because I know my DH will never understand how I feel (I just dont think men can experience broodyness in the same way - especially as its not their bodies built for the creating, growing, and carrying of a baby!) and thats harder than anyone else not understanding that.
I totally agree and thank you for starting this thread too!
post #70 of 520
I understand what the last several posts have been about, I also can't stand the "no perfect time to get pg" line. When we decided to TTC #1, it was a very thought out process of where where we were in life. I had just graduated college, DH was very well established in his career, and had supported me for the last two years so I didn't have to work and go though college at the same time. We were used to living off of one income already, were building a house, it WAS the right timing for us. We didn't have to wait too long before the time was right, just several more months until I was done with school, but those months made all the difference in the world as to how everything would play out.


Child #2, was a lesson in patience, TTC took much longer then expected when the timing was right for us. And now I'm on the waiting for #3, I admit to being where Ann is now, I sometimes wish an "accident" would occur so that I don't have to be careful and continue to wait. I only have that way of thinking because while it's not my plan to get pg until next winter at the earliest, it also wouldn't be devastating either.
post #71 of 520
Yeah, I am considering waiting 1 more year...TTC in 2010...and becoming more at peace with that possibility.

We just got finished with $10,000 of dental work for me, and I am pretty sure when DH finally has his check up he is going to need that much as well. I love DH with my life, and need to put his health before my desire to have a baby right away. So rather than rack up $10,000 more debt to our already $24,000, we should continue to work hard and pay it off so we can welcome DC with open arms instead of fear.

Thankfully, I just got a raise and promotion and my bosses just LOVE me, so I really like my job right now and can so stomach the possibility of waiting longer at this point. Before the desire to be a SAHM just consumed me.

So I will be 29 when we TTC in that case. I will officially be the oldest of any family member in on both sides in all our history to get pregnant for the first time, and not many in our immediate circle will understand us...but oh well.
I will count my blessings in the meantime...having a wonderful, loving DH, a good job with the opportunity to pay off debt, and know that I will have dc one day.....
post #72 of 520
i spent chunks of last weekend at playgrounds with a newly engaged friend, talking about the fact that she probably will not have children, how tiring it is for her when people assume mariage=babies. meanwhile, i was aching, watching my LO help those smaller than herself, wanting to have another.

yet, later that day having a glass of wine and feeling abundantly glad i did not have an infant to breastfeed, or a crawler to chase around my friend's apartment! this confusion tells me i am not quite ready.

yesterday someone asked us when we will have another, and dh said "we are still in the negotiating stage"...well, in theory, but we never have time to do the negotiating! it made me realize we need to revisit our timeline, make sure we really are still on the same page.
post #73 of 520
Can I join in on this thread!!!!??? I have 3 beautiful children, but so badly want another. My DH isn't totally on board w/ having another right now, so I'm waiting until he comes around. We just had a talk last week about having #4--up to that point he said NO NO NO, but last week, he said he would consider having another! Yea! And, the very next day, PPAF came! (I haven't had a period in almost 4 years, thanks to pregnancy and nursing). I told him that was sign---someone is telling us that another baby is in our future!! I would like to get through the summer though--my youngest is 15 months--would like to wait until she's closer to 18 months-2years--but I would be thrilled w/ an "oops" baby if it happens before then!
post #74 of 520
well i had been worrying (hopeing!) that we were pg. but got BFN last night and this morn so its a no go. still waiting...not so patiently here.
post #75 of 520
Quote:
Originally Posted by Betnybaby View Post
I've started stocking up on baby things too, which my dh doesn't quite understand but that's ok.
omg, i so want to start doing that! i think this summer when i have a bit of extra money i'll start collecting i have quite a long wait though (22 now don't want to have a baby before 26) so i'll have to pace myself or i'll end up with a tonne of stuff.
post #76 of 520
Hi ladies! I just wanted to join. For a while we were contemplating being parents to an only child and while I would be ok with that it isn't what I really want.
We have decided we are going to try for a second, I don't know when for sure because the timing issue is complicated and I need to lose 100-110lbs first.
I know it can be considered healthy to lose up to 16lbs a month and that would put me at 6 months before TTC, but if we TTC in 6 months that would give us an end of the year baby and I want to try for a summer baby because my husband and I are both students. So I guess that would put us at trying in summer 2009. I don't wanna wait that long though! It is so hard. Ugh.

I also want to try for a HBAC and for one thing I am not even sure that there are providers that will do that where I live right now (and where I will probably be living for the next 6 years), and I want to be as healthy as possible to make my dream of a HBAC a reality.
So what are you other ladies who are trying to get healthy for a HBAC doing to reach your goals? I keep telling myself I am going to start a work out plan and diet but I am having a hard time with it.

I also have this weird duel urge to get rid of the baby stuff from my daughter and to stock up on new baby stuff. I have to suppress the urge to buy cute little neutral outfits that I see on sale everywhere. Wanting to buy baby stuff when I can't even TTC for a year, so crazy! It doesn't help that I live in a small town and I swear everyone is about 8 months pregnant!
post #77 of 520
Thread Starter 
I just wanted to share that my impatience may get the better of me...We may consider TTC in August instead of December...But I am not sure how much 4 months will make a difference with my DS as that is really the only deciding factor because I am ready, my body is ready, and our finances realy wont make much a difference going ahead 4 months earlier than planned except I will have to hold off painting our bedroom for a bit - but only for the obvious reasons and not because we couldnt afford a pot of paint lol

Its a tought one...because I am soooo broody as all of you will understand!...But I also dont want to feel like I am robbing my son of 4 more months of 'us' time iykwim. 1 out of the last 5 nights this past week, I have felt 'yeah- we can wait until December'....but the rest of the time I felt, yeah...august would be just fine.

And I cant help but feel giddy with the fact that we may be TTC in 2 months time instead of 6 months time!....
post #78 of 520
i say go for it. 4 months is here nor there. the longest it took me to concieve was 6 months

i still have over 12 months before we decied if we are going to TTC or not and it sucks so bad. but i look at my babe sleeping and think, no she needs mama now and i need to get my body ready etc .

Kiz
post #79 of 520
We're waiting to TTC until when we will get insurance through the union - in about six months. It's so hard, because ideally I would love to have my kids spaced closer together (DD is 15 months) and I want an unassisted birth anyway, but DP wants to wait.
post #80 of 520
those of you waiting on ttc your first child, know that as hard as it is to wait, the energy you give to yourself and to your partnership now will surely bear fruit for you later.
my LO is 4yo, and during the first 2 years of her life my marriage was a mess, not because of the transition but because she was a surprise baby and my dp had so much personal stuff he was dealing with. well, he stepped up for the first 4 months or so to help, but then his depression took over again.

also we had just moved and i had no local support system.

so for what it's worth, anything you can do now to nourish yourself and your family as it is now, i feel certain can only be good for the future babies.

i am waiting to ttc#2 and i feel ready but know that my dp, our finances, our physical space (rooms still not painted since dd was born!), these are not ready. plus i want a homebirth and our very pathetic hmo won't help so we need to save. but at 34 (not so old but..) i feel the tick-tock of my body's clock.

can i say how much i enjoy the diversity here? from younger mamas to mamas of many, all of us with the hunger.
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