Wanting but Waiting tribe - Page 5

[DogLady]

Great post, Kanga. Anyone want to discuss what you're doing to prepare--your body, your finances, your family, or something else--while you wait to TTC?

Here's what I'm doing:

1. Healthwise, I'm trying to do everything at once. I don't need to lose weight, but I do need to get in shape. I'm also eating better in general, eating more organic food specifically, and taking prenatal vitamins and maca powder to help regulate my cycles.

2. Saving money. DH and I disagree about this one because he thinks we should use these months as a time to do the things we won't be able to do when a baby is here, such as attending baseball games and going out for drinks with friends. We're trying to find a happy medium between saving every penny and still being able to enjoy our carefree childless days, which I hope will be over soon!

3. I used to want to move into a house before TTC, but now I think I want to prepare the apartment I live in now for a baby. I'm slowly purchasing green stuff like a new shower curtain and nontoxic cleaning supplies. One of my summer goals is to donate some of our old things to make room for a new baby.

4. This one is more difficult to describe, but I want to cut the toxic people and situations out of my life. I'm not talking about close family or anything here, but I mean distancing myself from gossipy coworkers, etc.

[ann_of_loxley]

I do not need to lose weight, but I wouldnt mind losing another 14lbs roughly - However like you, I do need to get in better shape so I happen to be losing weight slowly (which I hear is the best way) whilst I do that....of course, so I can go and gain it all again lol

We do not really have expendable money at the end of the month to put aside - we do have some but we usually plan to spend it on something a little bit at a time iykwim - Something I have to do before the end of the year is going to cost nearly £700 - So I am saving what I can up for that as that really must be done before the end of the year - and before a baby so it will get done hopefully by Sept! .... Other than that, the rest is organising our monthly outgoings. So I have next years months lined up with what will be bought when. I have two jobs - both of which I can take my son (and future children) with me to, so I am very lucky in that respect....we wouldnt be able to TTC if I couldnt - and I wouldnt have the jobs if I couldnt! lol As with most Christmases - I ask for things we need so that will help out financially. We still have all of my sons things as well which should help - and even more if we have another boy. However, if we have a girl, our neighbour has all her girls stuff saved from her daughter who is the same age as my son - and she said if I have a girl I can have all of it...which will help as well! hehe The only big thing we are going to buy next year is a king size bed so we can all fit! lol

Like you - I wanted to move house until we had a baby but then found out my DHs loan is not finished until 2011 - We couldnt move before then and I certainly couldnt wait until then to TTC #2! lol...So I am just preparing our current house for another baby (which is a 2 bed house so its not so bad actually - its just its really tiny as well so like you...stuff is going! lol)

As for my body and mind... Well, I will be trying for an HBAC! - So currently im on a pregnancy multivitamin and mineral - EPO - Nettle Tea - and I will be getting my RRL capsules soon (all good to strengthen my uterus!) - Hanging out on the HB and VBAC boards to hear loads of positive stories and watching so many HB videos I could burst with tears they are all so beautiful and give me such positive hope for the birth both my future baby and I deserve!

I cant wait! hehe....

Its hard...patience is probably the hardest thing I am having to work on through all of this....

[Kama82]

I read the child spacing thread and have been reading a lot in general and I have found a lot of peace with waiting another year minimum to ttc. I really feel like my girl needs to be an only child for a while longer and I want to keep her needs in mind too.

By way of preparation I am trying to read lots of HBAC /VBAC stuff to prepare myself. I just read about red rasberry leaf tea and I am thinking about starting drinking it. Does anyone know a good place to get it? How much/often should I drink it? What are the RRL capsules ann_of_loxley? What benefit does nettle have? Where do you get that?

I have been focusing on trying to overcome emotional issues caused by my c-section related to pregnancy and birth, and just change my negative view of childbirth and pregnancy in general.

I have also been trying to get into a house cleaning routine and homework routine that doesn't involve doing everything at the last possible minute or staying up all night to accomplish it.

I also want to move before we ttc because I don't want to be having to run a toddler up and down the stairs to the potty with a newborn in the house. So I am focusing on trying to organize and minimize. I also figure with one around I get no time to read books I want to read (like parenting books and stuff) so I should try and get some of that reading done before I add another.

I guess over all I am just trying to work on nurturing me a little before I start trying to nurture a new baby.

kanga- the drive of the biological clock amazes me. It gets really bad for me mid cycle, I start craving a baby so badly. I have to chant over and over "This is my hormones getting the best of me, I will not let my biological urges rule my life unchecked"

Doglady good for you for trying to cut toxic people out of your life. I used to have some really toxic coworkers while I was pregnant and it was really easy to get drawn into that crap in my over emotional state. I can't imagine it was good for my stress level.

[knittinanny]

It's nice to hear what everyone's doing. I started yoga and joined the local gym, because I have a bad back and wanted it to be stronger. I've also changed the way I eat so hopefully my body will be healthier as I move towards TTC.

We rent our house but we're moving into a bigger one in September. It's a 2BR that our friend will be sharing with us for a while - it's one we could afford on our own, but will be nice to share and we can save that money up till we need the extra bedroom.

I'm also trying to sort out my OCD/anxiety. That's the last thing I need to be dealing with while I'm pregnant. I'm trying to save money and make sure my student loans are paid on time (I have mountains and mountains of student loan debt). Oh, and I'm starting to look around for a donor (got any friends? )

The hardest thing for me right now is convincing DP that we're ready to have a baby. He really doesn't think it's the right time - I think it's because he's afraid. He frequently says that it won't be fun to have a child, that he won't be able to do his own thing, that I won't have any time for him, we don't have enough money, etc. It's really hard for me because I have this dire, burning need to have a child, but I don't want to force him if he's not ready. We've talked about having children for years and it's just recently (the last year or so) that he's started to say he doesn't think he wants to have children.

[ann_of_loxley]

Does anyone know a good place to get it? How much/often should I drink it? What are the RRL capsules ann_of_loxley? What benefit does nettle have? Where do you get that?

I just get mine from a health shop - every one I have been in has had both the tea and the capsules - the capsules are just like the tea but in pill form so usually higher in dosage and easier to take (as you dont have to then make a cup of tea lol). I do not know how much to take exactly (which is why I am going pill form) but I would just be taking lots and lots as much as I can! hehe Nettle tea is good for the uterus too like RRL - also full of iron for you! Its growing widly here now so I can get it for free hehe - I do not know if they make it in capsule form though. The tea itself is sold pretty much everywhere here - bit if you are in America/Canada, etc...you might have to go to a health shop to get that as well? I suggest the EPO for your uterous as well like the nettle and RRL! - Im on extra strength hehe

[Neuromancer]

Originally Posted by DogLady

Great post, Kanga. Anyone want to discuss what you're doing to prepare--your body, your finances, your family, or something else--while you wait to TTC?

I can really relate to your whole post (though I only quoted a snippet)! I'd better join this thread.

I'm 31, DH is about to turn 30. We've been married almost 7 years (but together 14 years. Yikes!) We're wanting and waiting to really want! By which I mean, we both think we "probably-almost-for-sure" want kids and both like being around kids, but neither one of us feels really convicted and ready to take the plunge. We've talked about how we each wish the other were sure. If one of us gets the feeling we should go for it, that's probably all it will take. I imagine this will take us another year or two to reach this consensus. Right now, we're both too scared about how things will change, honestly.

In the meantime, I'm definitely trying to be ready for the possibility.

1. I declared 2009 my "year of health," which means I'm updating all my medical records and getting dental work done that I've been putting off. I'm visiting ALL my doctors for checkups this year. I also am building better health habits -- working out (I joined a nearby gym), taking a vitamin and calcium, eating better, I joined a weekly tai chi class and am trying to build that into a daily practice, doing more stretching, etc. I'm drinking some RRL tea, too. I'd like to do some more yoga. I also learned some meditation techniques (which I don't do nearly enough yet). It would be okay by me if I lost 10-15 pounds.

2. Socially, I'm trying to focus on important relationships, fulfill myself with my activities, watch less tv, be a more actively thoughtful partner to my husband, keep lines of communication open, spend time with family, etc.

3. I've done some research on buying/renting another place. We could have a baby in our tiny 1BR apartment, but we'd need to move before he/she needed anything like a twin bed! I'd like to do some more organizing/minimizing in this place, for now.

4. Financially, I'm working on saving more and getting my Roth IRA started, for sure. That's a good idea whether or not we decide to have a baby.

5. I'm spending a lot of time doing research (much of it on MDC) on pregnancy and parenting. And I'm saving notes for myself for the future. I'm watching one of my closest friends go through her first pregnancy right now (due next month!), so that's like research for me, too!

[akaisha]

for anyone else wanting to know about RRL tea, you can buy it in most regular grocery stores in canada as well (assuming the same in the US). traditional medicinals (very famous, huge herbal/organic tea company) makes one that i've seen in lots of regular stores as well as in pharmacies and health food stores.

i second EPO (also very good for cramps of any kind).

[Brown Lioness]

Originally Posted by DogLady

Great post, Kanga. Anyone want to discuss what you're doing to prepare--your body, your finances, your family, or something else--while you wait to TTC?

body:

I need to revamp my diet. I eat way too much meat and not enough water, fruit and veggies. I need to infuse ALOT more good fats (nuts, fish, etc) into what I eat. Looking to eat more organic as well. OH! and also needing to start taking my prenatals (mental note, buy a pill cutter lol).

While Im on it, has anyone tried the "Fertility Diet"? They say its a good lifestyle of eating to be on, but of course, more specifically to prepare for pregnancy.

Also gotta get the body right. I need to start weight training again (3 times a week), bikram yoga (twice a week), and capoeira (when i feel like it, lol).

your finances: UGH. Our finances are a mess right now, but slowly but surely getting better. Hubby just got a new job yesterday (YAY!) that will afford us to downgrade to a one bedroom apt closer to both of our jobs so that will save us a good $400 to $500 a month on transportation, rent, and utility bill costs alone (crazy right?!). Once that move is completed, we are hitting the credit cards hard (shouldnt be too hard to do, they are under $2500 combined, we'll just take that $400 to $500 we are saving and apply to the cards each month).
Also, hubby is doing his side freelance stuff and Im in the beginning stages of my business (about to put the marketing campaign in effect and tryna keep those costs to a minimum with maximum return), so hopefully that will help us pay off those cards, back taxes we owe (yes, Uncle Sam is in our pockets, ugh), pay off the car and start a decent savings. After that, its diversify, continue to stack dough for savings, potential babies, and a house.

your family: Eh, not too much to say here. I'd like to get in contact with some of my extended family. We live hundreds and thousands of miles away from our immediate families. I am estranged, for the most part, from my mother and her side of the family. Im still cool with my father and he is really looking for me to finish my degree before kids (which i forgot to mention up there in finances, i have a balance to pay off before they will let me register for classes, blah), but other than that, he is ready for some grandbabies and so is my MIL even moreso.

personally: Well, emotionally, i would like to work through my issues regarding my estranged family so that I don't carry that mess into conceiving, pregnancy and parenthood (dont want to repeat the mistakes my mother made). Spiritually, i would like to strengthen my walk with God (just found a church home to help with that ). Marriage wise, I want to continue to hammer out the TTC date negotiations with hubby as well as certain aspects of parenthood we may clash on (circ and spanking mostly). Also, of course, want to strengthen our marriage more, basically smooth out our communication kinks.

I'd also like to start my reading (up until now, i havent read any books, too superstitious about it, lol) on TTC, pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.

[Peony]

Great topic.

My body... I need to eat better, I was the queen of great food/eating until DD2 came along, I made my own yogurt, cooked all the time. Not so much now. She was on O2 for 6 months, I couldn't cook while holding her, and you are always holding a sick child, we moved, then as her health improved, I got busy. We are on the go frequently, dinner is often a frozen pizza or something we throw together. I exercise infrequently, I have an elliptical machine but have been averaging one day a week on it, maybe another day of pilates. DH's work hours are all over the place, he has to be here to watch DC for me to workout, and I can never count on him. Often when he does get home, it's too late and DC are too tired, I'm tired, DD2 is 19m and still only sleeps on top of me so I can't do it while she is napping or when she goes to bed.


Finances are ok. I need to set up a HSA, so many of our expenses from DD2's health issues, insurance hasn't covered. DH has been starting another company and he really needs to get the ball rolling so that it is up and running and not requiring so much of his time before another child comes along.

Family is fine, although I do want to take some time for ME before another baby. I can count on one hand the number of times I have done something fun for me in the last 5+ years. DD2 is starting to be able to go off with dad for short times, and I need to take advantage of it.

[shanna-cat]

to try or not to try...

DH and I are struggling with whether we want to try for another baby asap or wait a few years! We already have 2 boys (3 and 1) and are kinda stuck in a rutt... we both defintelty want antother child but have different ideas of when. I feel like I want to have another quickly and then we can be done with it and can start to get rid of all the baby stuff (instead of the GIANT stash we have in the garage!) and watch our little ones grow. Another point is that DH is getting snipped after the next baby because we are sure that we don't want more than three, and I would rather just do it now and get it done with. Make no mistake, I love being prego and having babies but I feel like once we are done I can focus more on our family and not keep wondering about the future or have to plan around possible pregnancy/babies. But I am also kinda worried that my 'baby brain' is just in overdrive with hormones and what not and that I so desperatly want another one right now because my youngest is almost 1 and I miss the little baby thing. I have to wonder if I will have such the same baby desires after the next one even though we have discussed and both agree that 3 children is the right number for us.
On the other hand... DH thinks that 3 children under 5 is too much to handle and that we would just be continuesly stressed out and not be able to do anything (like vacations) for several years to come. He is also much more worried about the financial side as well- though we do make enough money to support ourselves and are not needing we definetely don't have much to save at the end of the month and live pretty much pay check to pay check. However I am not sure that if we do wait to have another baby that this will change, as neither of us are really planning on having a carreer change.
SO- after that mega post I am wondering what others oppinions are. Do I keep wanting but waiting or go for the #3?!

[MEcatlady17]

We are definitely using the time before TTC to prepare all aspects of our lives.

Financially, as I've mentioned before, I really want to be in a place where we have limited student loans and car payments so I don't have to go back to work full time. We already own a home, but have some costly improvements/finishing to do to make more room for a family. I know it will be easier to finish our house before having a baby.

social/psychological aspects of life... DH and I have been married almost 4 years, and I always thought that it would be nice to be married at least 5 years to work on having a stable and healthy relationship that can handle the stress of a new baby. We are still working on better communication as we have very different communication styles. I am also working through some family stuff because I don't want to carry over things from my childhood into my parenting.

As for my health, I have been working out 3-4 times a week, trying to lose some weight and need to get depo provera out of my system. Hopefully by the end of this year I will have healthy cycles and lose the extra 20-30 lbs. We eat mostly organic and balanced, so it is more fitness and reproductive health to work on. I think that focusing on being the healthiest I can be helps make the waiting easier. I know that it will make for a healthier pregnancy.

[akaisha]

shanna-cat, i'm with your DH. although i can totally understand your reasons for wanting to TTC now, i think waiting until your LO is between 2 and 2.5 at the earliest to start TTC is what i would do. my personal reasons revolve a lot around breastfeeding and concerns about losing supply in pregnancy, but i've also just got back from a visit with my cousin who has kids spaced very close together and it is by no means stress free. not that kids ever are, but i feel like a bigger spacing gives you more room to breathe, and is easier on the kiddos as well. not to mention you just gave birth a year ago, which has huge effects on your body, obviously. i'm a big advocate of complete healing from pregnancy and birth (physically and otherwise) before TTC again, so you have to ask your self if you're "there" yet. kwim?

good luck with whatever you decide though!

[shanna-cat]

thanks akaisha,
we had originaly decided to ttc#3 when our younges was around 2, but I just have that nagging constant desire to have another baby and I don't quite know what to do with it! we have never really had to 'plan' to get prego before because we knew we wanted kids so we just let things happen as the would and didn't worry about when it happend (though it happened within two weeks of making that decision both times...). so I have never had to curb these feelings before and am now struggling with how to be patient and wait. In reality I do think that waiting a year or two would be a good idea for us but it is so hard to come to terms with that decision! I am still nursing both my LO's right now... when AF naturally returns is that your bodies way of telling you that it is ready to concieve agian or does your body/LO's realistically need more time than that to recover and get enough nourishment through BFing? Anyone know? I have tried talking to some friends/family about these issues but I usually just get an eye roll and a lecture on how I 'don't really' want another child! Urg...

[boigrrrlwonder]

Things I want to do to prepare:

body - eating organic is a big thing for me. We recently started a CSA and organic garden - we're going to try to can/freeze/etc in order to keep eating more organic foods during the winter - because out of season, organic produce is a real killer. I also want to try to get into an exercise routine to help my back. I do think babywearing has definitely helped strengthen my back - but my little one may still want to be in the sling sometimes and I remember how much my back hurt my last pregnancy. So, exercise (other than biking which I do now) would be good.

family - whoever mentioned a housecleaning routine - I'm right up there with you. I need more home organization like whoa. I also want to talk to my family of origin about me having another baby. Last time I was pregnant, my mother flipped out like whoa (threatening to divorce my father if I didn't give up the baby for adoption and stuff). My mother especially still hopes that I'll go to back to school soon. So, I don't want to surprise them with the pregnancy.

financially - we feel pretty secure. While we're less secure than a lot of people having kids, since we had our first kid with neither of us having a job and me living (not with him) at my parents', all the stability we have in our life (my partner in an apprenticeship that pays well, has benefits, and is a real career, and we live on our own) makes me really not worried about it.

[*Amy*]

We're mainly waiting because I'm working on my PhD (grudgingly) and I have to get through qualifying exams before we have another babe. I'm hoping to have them finished by next Spring, so we're going to start TTC in September/October for a June/July '09 baby.

Healthwise, I could stand to lose 10 pounds and just generally build up my stamina (I remember from my first pregnancy how much of a strain it was just to go for long walks). I also have fibromyalgia so I want to feel a little more stable in my "newish" dairy-free diet before going through pregnancy again.

That's really it though. Financially, we're fine, and other than being too far away from our family and friends, we have good relationships with our families of origin. I just got back from a 2-week visit at my parents', and it was hard to leave. We wish we had more help, too (especially now that we know how hard it is to have a newborn *without* any help!) but it's not in the cards right now.

So....have y'all started naming your future babies yet? I was just lying in bed, not sleeping (still adjusting to the three-hour time difference upon returning home) and thinking of baby names. I have yet to think of a boy name I really like (even with my first pregnancy, we couldn't really come up with anything we both loved), and even girl names are harder this time. My DD's name is Brynn, which I think is the most beautiful name ever, so it's going to be hard to find something I think is as beautiful and uncommon. Here's the list currently in my brain:

GIRLS
Allegra (It's a Latin name, meaning joyful.Too bad it's also the name of a medicine!)
Brooke
Calista (I know, it's so recognizable, but I think it's beautiful)
Willow
Marnie
Dorothy (DH's beloved grandmother's name)
Maisie (I love this name, but a friend of mine said it works well for a little girl, but not a woman)
Serena/Sabrina
Carly (after my dad, Carl)

BOYS
Um.....

What's on your list?

[akaisha]

amy, maisie is traditionally short for margaret, will that help your good for a girl not a woman problem? she can be officially margaret and maisie for short!

anyway, i keep envisioning three girls then a boy. if that happens we're 99% sure they will be:

carys seren
maeve anaya
maya soleil
keiran arthur

we may or may not adopt a sib group one day (maybe in addition to three or four bio kids, or have only 2 bio kids instead), and if we do then we'll be keeping their names for sure so who knows what their names will be.

[Peony]

Oh yes.... names..... I am obsessed with #3's name right now. I have two girls, Madeline and Gabrielle, need something that flows well with them, goes with the two last names the baby will have. And interestingly enough, neither one of my girls where named the girl names that we had on our list, both times, they were born and then we just looked at each like "crap, they are so NOT that name".

I am in love with Julian for a boy. Love Juliet for a girl but doubt I could get Dh to agree to that, Julian was a hard enough sell. Am rather fond of Tabitha as well. Good thing we don't use nicknames because we could have Maddie, Gabbie, and Tabbie.

[*Amy*]

Originally Posted by Peony

I am in love with Julian for a boy. Love Juliet for a girl but doubt I could get Dh to agree to that, Julian was a hard enough sell. Am rather fond of Tabitha as well.

I was *just* thinking of Tabitha this morning! How funny! I like Julian too, but my PhD advisor (and very good friend)'s name is Julien, so I wouldn't want him to think I was naming a baby after him! The other boys' names I love are Riley and Spencer, but I have had two dogs in my twenties with those names, so I can't really "re-use" them! I also love the name William, but it was my ex-husband's name, so I don't think DH is going to go for that one. So....I'm still on the hunt!

[Brown Lioness]

AH names!!! I been thinking of names since I was what...13 years old! LOL!

Anywho, here are our names (so far )

Girls:

Ayele Corrine
Celeste Malaika
Zora (no middle name as of yet)

Boys:

Khi Alexander
Cesar Alexander
Elijah (no middle name for this yet)
Jelani (no middle name for this yet)
Hollister (no middle name for this yet)

Hubby thought of most of the boy names and me the girls, but who knows

[Ianthe]

Can I join your tribe??? I WANT to TTC.. but we are waiting.

I have names too!

Girl: Right now I am currently in love with Veronica
Dh also likes Naomi, and if DS was a girl we thought of, Zahra Isabelle, Phoebe Xylia, and Tierra Belle.

Boys: The only name I really like right now is Oliver. I think it flows well with our LN, and with our other DS. I'd also like to use Ethan as a middle name because it combines both our names (Elizabeth & Nathan)