How to deal with The Rage (the angry kind)

[Kerlowyn]

My DS1 (soon to be 15) and I have been talking lately, about the rage he has been feeling. It comes from way inside, and it is never set off by the same thing. He says it is also not set off by others. It's usually something small that does not go his way, like not being able to find a pencil to do his homework.

It's a scary, dark place for him. He is in therapy now for SAD/mild depression, and is doing really well. Except, he has not told his therapist about the rage. He does not think his therapist will 'get it'

We have spoken about the surge of testosterone he is now getting, as his body goes from boy to man. He knows what 'roid rage' is, he has heard about that.

I talked to DH (DS's step-dad). DH had blinding rage as a teen. He will talk to him.

We are trying to figure out how to help DS deal with these feelings.

Anyone been there, and come out the other side?
What worked for your family?

Thanks mommas, I know I can always count on you

[Surfacing]

My girls are not teens yet, but I definitely felt rage as a teenager.

What helped? Time. Exercise and a healthy diet. A stable peaceful environment in which to live. Supportive listeners. A hobby. Journalling.

Good luck to you and your son. It probably feels really good to him to know he has your support.

[KarenEMT]

My son is not quite that old, but last year around the time he turned 13 there was a definite rage problem with him.

What worked for him was LOTS of exercise, as much peace as possible at home, healthier diet (he was anemic during this time we later found out), more sleep, and finally counseling. He is in a WAY better place now that he was last summer.

We also communicated best during that time either taking walks or car rides together. He felt more at ease not having to make eye contact in those situations.

Hope that helps.

[BelovedK]

My son had rages more when he was younger, he has special needs though so it may not count. I used to have rages though as a teen, from about 14 on into my 20s. I think it is partly depression, partly normal. What helped me was b vitamins (the whole complex) and journaling, and I had some pretty amazing friends who were able to be there for me. I didn't share with my parents and the fact that he is sharing with you is GREAT!

[superstella]

My son was a little younger I think (12ish) when the ragies hit him, and what helped, incidentally, was (re) enrolling him in martial arts. Kenpo, specifically but I think any martial art would have done. It was the emphasis on honor, self, health, etc., combined with the meditative aspect of the arts that gave him an outlet for the negative energy. Of course, throwing mom on the mat at a Kenpo class (we took classes together) at 12 was a great stress reliever no matter what, right?

[Groovy Mom]

Beyond any depression or psychological issues going on, raging emotions are something teens do deal with.

Sports are a fantastic outlet for kids, I think. Some better than others. Boys especially (and some girls -- knew plenty of them) get this "fight" rage in them. Look at all the gangs and fights that happen around this age. And not just now - every generation deals with them. There are a few "fight or flight" kind of sports, like boxing, wrestling, fencing.. martial arts, those sports that really tap into that core feeling that some people seem to need to get out in a healthy way.

Trying to limit the video games (if he plays them) might also help, getting outside, like others said. It is definitely difficult when you have a kid in that situation who doesn't articulate with you because they don't even know how to address the feelings that they have. As others said - it is GREAT he can put words to what he's feeling.

[Kindermama]

Homeopathy would be a wonderful way to help him process and heal the cause of his rage. PM me if you need help finding a reputable one!

[kriket]

exercise will defiantly help mama. I'm really hot tempered, and short of MJ (which I think your son is a bit too young for ) a nice run, or martial art is always helpful

[Kerlowyn]

Thanks for your replies

He goes to school on an organic farm, and does farm chores most days. He is outside a lot. He does not like sports, so that's out.

He is a second degree blue belt in tae kwan do, but since moving here we have not found a local school. I'm still looking though.

He is doing well in therapy.

Groovy Mom, "fight rage", that is exactly how he feels. He wants to explode when it's happening. He feels like a bomb ready to blow. He does not hit, punch or yell however, just seethes.....fighting the dark side, it oozes out of him. After it passes, he is all smiles and such. I feel like I'm living with Annikin Skywalker..