Queer TTC May 2008

[pranava]

Queer and Pregnant thread is here.

Queer Taking a Break from TTC is here.

Thanks to JennM1021 for keeping last month's thread!

:A Rainbow of options! :

Waiting to O
quasar (and DP smartycat)
Coco99
knit_grrly
pleasantlyfurious
Heart-N-Bones


Waiting to Know... Braving the 2WW
TerraCotta
Erica12009
familypart2
giggleblue
PiGirl
frog
pranava
starling&diesel
Astraphell
twylightdove
DM360



Insemming all the freakin' time!
kjm


Waiting to Implant


Taking a Break
FtMPapa
Hulahoop
mhiccup
osker
Sprout's futuremom
Sugersen
want2bmoms
BurtsGirl
wannabemoms
Amigone
maorimama
snoopy13
Sugerson
simplelah
QTRANDI
SGrey
teafor2
baby_baby_mommy
Zyla



Waiting to be Ready
erthe_mama
katharinerose
ktcl (and DP megincl)
lemurmommies (and DP ruvalokiteshvara)
willowbean
FJKelley
JennM1021



:GRADUATES:

May BFP's
:


April BFP's
tigermiep
MujerMamaMismo
tiggerkong22
simcon
2happymamas

March BFP's
JenInMpls
mahrens77


February BFP

January BFP
cookie70

December BFP
Scalpel

November BFP
mamimapster
AngelaM
solejean
lmh222

[pranava]

OK, let's get busy filling up that May BFP column! :

[kjm]

Thanks Pran!!:

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by pranava

OK, let's get busy filling up that May BFP column! :

OK but you first!!

[astraphell]

Here's hoping that May will be as productive as April was around here! And special hopes that keeping the thread this month works out as well for you, Pranava, as it did for Jenn!

I've been kind of absent lately, just hanging around waiting to O. Good news though, I got an almost positive OPK this morning which should go completely positive by this afternoon or tomorrow morning. So I'm just in time to do the IUI with the RE before we leave on vacation on Monday!

This was my first experience with Clomid this month too. I didn't have too many issues with the mood swings part of it, but for the past couple of days my ovaries have been hurting like crazy. It's weird, cause I'm a bigger girl and always assumed that was the reason why I never felt ovary pain like mittleschmirtz before, but I'm definitely feeling it this month!

I've had the cold/flu from you know where this week too. I've had to throw out my temps from the last two days because they were pretty elevated, due to the cold. Anyone chime in if inseminating when you're sick is a bad idea?

[pranava]

Originally Posted by BurtsGirl

OK but you first!!

I would gladly go first! So, I'm trying not to get too excited becuase I'm only 7dpo and this could be a Clomid induced symptom. . . but. . . my nipples feel sunburned. I have never had ANY nipple sensitivity - you could pinch 'em all day long and nothing. Now I can't stand to be bra-less and have my shirt brush them. The water hit them in the shower this morning and it felt like they were being sliced off. : They cannot be touched. No breast soreness yet, and nothing else going on.

Anyone have different pms symptoms on Clomid than on a natural cycle?

[wannabemoms]

Hey Frog, glad to hear your HSG went well.

My brain has been in overdrive mode this week, leading to a full-blown anxiety attack two days ago (not cool). Trying to make THE DECISION seems completely beyond my grasp right now. So DW and I agreed that we will just check in with each other every month and see how we're feeling about proceeding with TTC. And as pigirl suggested in the April thread, I'm enjoying the occasional coffee, doing some butt-kicking workouts, having the occasional beer in the sun on my back porch, and generally allowing myself to be very selfish about what I wantto do with my body and not worrying about what I should be doing for a potential fetus. After 9 months of preparation and two months of IUIs, it feels pretty darn good.

Thanks to those of you who validated my crazy emotions this month.:

[smartycat]

Here, let me get the May thread off to a rocking start.

Thanks to Frog and JennM for lending a cyber ear. You asked for it... you got it... Here are the thoughts whirling in my head... (I hope quasar doesn't mind me blabbing)

Known donor situation: The known donor would be my brother. I have always liked the idea of our child being biologically blended between my family and Quasar. Quasar has never really liked the idea. Frustration over the cost of frozen sperm and the timing issues opened quasar up to the possibility. My brother is all for it. He has actually been super awesome about the whole thing. He has gone and had the blood tests and his penis swabbed and is making an appoitnment to talk to a therapist. He currently lives in Deleware and just got divorced. He plans on staying on the East Coast and doesn't plan on coming back to Michigan. And I really think the distance thing would make for a great known donor that the child could know but not have him in our lives really.

Problems with the situation... his three kids are all super weird. Now I attribute 99% of that to his insane ex-wife and their home-schooling that wasn't. But it is so hard to get over the fact that his kids are strange and how much of that is his genetics? Aside from that, some health issues are that he has bad hay fever and severe vision problems in one eye. quasar already has bad skin allergies and many of the kids in her family have huge problems with that. So adding hay fever to the mix is scary and a child with a pet allergy is our biggest fear. Plus, quasar's family is also very myopic and all the kids are in glasses at a young age. I didn't think much of my brother's eye problem until his youngest son just got diagnosed with the same thing... so definitely genetic and not just a fluke. Plus, quasar still can't get over the "ick" factor and a feeling that it would be us raising my "brother's" child and not a "smartycat family" child. And even if everything else was super awesome, the fact that quasar still has reservations just really negates the whole idea.

And then there is me... Actually considering the brother sperm, has made me re-evaluate my desire to be genetically connected to the child. The therapist asked if I would be jealous of quasar's pregnancy and seemed like she didn't believe me when I said "No" but I really don't envy the pregnancy... its the genetic connection I envy. I had given up on my chance to carry years ago. I have a fibroid and probable endometriosis and just horrible cycles in general. I had gone and had an intial evaluation and they thought I could get pregnant but wanted me to lose some weight first which I agreed with. Then my work life slapped me hard for 2 years. Now that that is better, I just wanted a family. I'm now 39 and still not any thinner and was totally cool with quasar being the one to carry. But then yesterday, a good friend of mine put me in touch with a good friend of hers who is head of maternal/fetal medicine at a very good hospital here. He was very encouraging. Said nothing I told him was a deal breaker and sent me off for some basic testing at my GP. OK, so thats good news...

BUT... -What do we do about quasar? Do we put her on hold indefinitely? Oddly enough, neither one of us wants to. We want our family and we want it now and both realize that while the doctor was very nice, that I still think the reality for me is slim.
-Do we honestly try to get pregnant simultaneously?? Two kids at once doesn't sound bad but what if one of us had multiples? Three or more babies and 5 dogs and 4 cats??? YIKES!!!
-What happens if one of us gets pregnant and the other one struggles? Logically in my mind I think, WOW, that could be awkward... but how I feel about it right now when I think about it is just if quasar gets pregnant, that is really how I saw our family in the first place... if I get pregnant, its a bonus. I think quasar would have the bigger problem if I got pregnant and she struggled.
-If we honestly want to get pregnant simultaneously, will our doctors even support that??? I think the therapist we saw would literally implode with the thought of it.
-And oddly enough, back to my brother... what if quasar gets pregnant and I can't and I still want that genetic connection? Will my brother change his mind by the time we want a 2nd child? Will quasar ever change hers?
-Is there such a thing as a dog nanny??

So, there you go... you asked for it... you got it. I worry that you all will think we are big freaks for even considering some of this stuff but who else can I talk to that would really understand what our struggles are? Thanks to all you ladies for listening. :

[simplelah]

I wish this was easier. I wish it didn't cause so much heartbreak.

I hope you ladies are all doing better than I am today. This is hard stuff. I wish you all of the best.

[kjm]

Originally Posted by smartycat

I worry that you all will think we are big freaks for even considering some of this stuff but who else can I talk to that would really understand what our struggles are? :

Yup Yup we are a big barell of freaks over here--so don't be afraid Smarty let your freak shin on!!

We've actually been talking about Moll's bro's swimmers lately too. Interestingly enough Moll is the on having the issue? I originally breached the subject 4 years ago and she practically flipped--eeeewwww my bro's sperm---eewww
Then when we first told Moll's mom we were TTCing she immediately said [in her thick Brooklyn Jewish accent]"Tony's the donor? huh? well what about your brother? Ooh no that would be like incest!"
huh? Its not like I'M his sister?? it isn't exactly inbreeding?
And then I think about how if he did have a kid of his own and something happened to him, we would certainly take in his child and raise it as our own and NO ONE would think that is weird at all!! I don't get it!!

Anyway I dropped the whole subject, I had just brought it up because I thought Moll might *want* to have a biological connection.

Flash forward 6 months into us ttcing and we find out that another couple is thinking about asking Moll's bro for his swimmers (they are really good friends, but a little competition flares up between the 4 of us at times...) Moll gets really upset with the idea that THEIR kid would be more genetically related to her then OUR kid!!! They decide to go another route.

Flash forward to last weekend when Moll spends all day Saturday thinking about wanting a genetic connection to our child, and we begin talking about how I will approach her bro and see what he thinks (of course he is one of the most unreliable people we know, he hates doctors, and he is the king of poor decisions. He is also currently battling major food issues and is rather poor health--BUT the positive side is that he lives near by and he isn't usually sexually active??)

Yeah you see how complicated this gets!!

Then we had to figure out what we would possibly say to our wonderful KD who is in good health, has had his test run, and has bent over backwards for us, etc etc.

We're thinking about maybe approaching her bro? but continuing to use KD? Making paternity a mystery?? oh that sounds like a box belonging to good 'ol Pandora!!

oh yeah, and then to top it all off, Moll and I had it out 2 nights ago!!!
She is still having cold feet!! We are a year into this!! 9 months worth of trying and 3 months worth of breaks!! uuggghh!!
So now we are right back at square 1!!
re-evaluating, asking "why do we want this baby? do we want this baby? is now the right time?"
All the while I can't hep but feel like it is because we are coming up on 1 year of TTC!! We went into this expecting that we would have to try for at least 1 year before we expected ANY results (per the advice of my midwife cousin, she claims 1 year is the average)

so yeah roller f*^&ing coaster!!!
I am flying my Freak Flag High today on this Beautiful MAY DAY!!!

[smartycat]

Lah, lots and lots of Hugs for you today.

It is hard for all of us and we do understand.
Come join us in our freak flag, pity party parade!!

[frog]

smarty, I don't think any of that sounds bizarre. Not at all! I don't have any answers for you, really, but it sounds like you're asking good questions and continuing to talk things through with quasar and others, and I think that can only be good, right?

A million years ago, I asked my brother whether he'd be interested in being a donor for me and my partner, should we want kids that she would birth. He was maybe 20 at the time, but I thought his answer was good. He told me that he wouldn't rule it out, but that he couldn't answer me at that point because he'd not yet met the person he'd spend his life with and he thought she should be involved in the decision. Now that I'm in a position to want children, I can't imagine working that out with my bro and his family. It just doesn't seem right for me/us.

AAM update: I'm waiting on a call from the RE's office. I spoke with the nurse yesterday, just to make sure I have my ducks in a row for what's next, and found out that there's an additional testing cycle, which I hadn't understood. So, the plan is that I do nothing until I bleed again, then I call them and we set up a mid-cycle ultrasound.

But.

The nurse asked me what cycle day I was on--yesterday was cd11--and said that she thinks we could do the mid-cycle testing ultrasound tomorrow, possibly, and move right into IUI next cycle.

Either way is fine with me, I'm just waiting for the phone to ring!

[kjm]

for the full effect open
http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/lyrics/antsgo.htm
on a separate tab while you read the following post!!!


The Wanna be Parents go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching one by one,
The Papa one stops to bite his partners' thumbs
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching two by two,
The Smarty one says, "I can get pregnant too!"
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching three by three,
The KJM one stops to fight with her DP
And they all go marching down to the ground
To get out of the rain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching four by four,
The Pran one yells 'cause buying sperm is making her poor
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching five by five,
The Burts one stops to take a look at her live
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching six by six,
The S&Ds hope these embryos stick
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching seven by seven,
Even the atheist ones stop to pray to heaven
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching eight by eight,
The Lah one stops' cause her . she hates
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching nine by nine,
The frog one stops to fill her uterus with dye
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

The Wanna be Parents go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The Wanna be Parents go marching ten by ten,
They all stop to to yell "YES WE CAN"
And they all go marching down to the forum
To get out of the pain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

[frog]

:

[smartycat]

That would be awesome if they could do your ultrasound tomorrow frog!

So no one thinks its weird that we might try to get pregnant simultaneously?? To me that is the weirdest thought that I am having but it is the option that really interests us the most right now.

And then there was the brother's new girlfriend drama that did make me consider the possibility of how this would fit in with a new wife. I just thought he was done with women / being married for a while but now we have this new girl in the picture. All kinds of stuff to consider.

Plus I hate my mother... all I hear is Kate this and Kate that (new girlfriend). Kate said bro should do this with his kids / divorce... Kate said he should do that. I want to scream into the phone... THAT IS WHAT I HAVE SAID ALL ALONG AND YOU AND HE NEVER WANT TO LISTEN TO ME!!!! And I just know she would not approve of our TTC stuff. I haven't told my family and it sucks to listen to my mom go on and on about how happy she is for my brother's divorce and new girlfriend blah, blah blah... What is new with you?? Oh me, I'm just hanging out with the dogs. Bleh.

[smartycat]

OMG KJM.. that is toooooo funny. I am dying laughing over here!

[quasar]

Love the song, kjm! :

I know I've been MIA for a while and kind of have no idea what everyone else is going through right now. Sorry.... Guess I took a little break so I could just gather my thoughts and not worry about anything since we were taking off this cycle. I do have to say that I was a little bummed that everything going on with my body seemed perfect this month. I had the darkest freaking OPK EVER, and a nice 'peak' reading on the monitor. My temp went up, just as expected and the timing for insemming would have been great as well. I know smartycat put up all our options, and I guess I'm just interested in getting back in this next cycle. Taking a break for a month didn't really quell my desire to carry a baby at all. In fact, I think it made the desire stronger. I went on a trip to Phoenix this past weekend to visit some friends and on the way back, I was sitting next to someone that had a 2 1/2 month old daughter. I just kept thinking, "I really want that for us."

frog, sounds like things are moving along for you. Got my fingers crossed over here that you'll be able to get the ultrasound tomorrow and then do the IUI next month! How exciting!!!

[starling&diesel]

KJM ... I : you.

[frog]

Originally Posted by smartycat

So no one thinks its weird that we might try to get pregnant simultaneously?? To me that is the weirdest thought that I am having but it is the option that really interests us the most right now.

It's not right for our family, but I think this is a great option if you feel it's right for yours. In fact, I think there was a couple wandering around MDC not that long ago where both women got pregnant the same cycle--their due dates were something like two weeks apart?

Naturally, I can't remember who they were, where they were from, or where I saw them posting about it. I am a WEALTH of information. But maybe someone else remembers?

[pranava]

Smartycat & Quesar I don't think it's weird at all to wonder about the 2 of you doing this at the same time. DP and I thought about that for awhile, but decided we might kill each other if we got really hormonal. Also, we wondered who we would get to do things like clean the gutters and carry in the 50lb bag of dog food if we were both rolly polly preggos at the same time. We decided against it.

The biological connection is something we've struggled with a lot. DP has said that it will be my baby, it won't really be hers since I'm carrying. I know she won't feel that way once it's born. When we were considering a known donor we worried about someone else in the vicinity having more of a biological connection with the kid than DP.

Everything can be so overanalyzed when it takes so long for this to happen. I bet the couples who end up preggo after the first or second try don't go through this cyclical unsuradness. Too much time to think is sometimes a bad thing.