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February 08 - Bring Out Your May Flowers! - Page 15

post #281 of 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2anna View Post
I haven't read the other posts much, but how are you ladies keeping your head above water? I feel like I am a successful mom to Natalie, but it seems like everything else is suffering.
I feel like this most of the time. It's like I"m treading water and really only JUST making it. And sometimes I duck below the surface for a day or two and come back up for a quick breath only. It's frustrating. I shower maybe 2 times a week, I can't seem to keep the floors vacuumed, I can't seem to make nutritious meals very often for my kids, etc. Life with 3 kids is NOT easy. Especially when there's no one around to help. I suppose the fact that they are all alive and relatively happy and healthy is a positive thing but sometimes it feels like I should have accomplished more in these last nearly 5 months.
post #282 of 379
Mamas, I just read and caught up on our thread, but right now I just need to take and not give.

I called my older sister out via e-mail the other night. She didn't bother to meet ds2 till he was 11 months old (and only then 'cause we attended the same b'day party), has not made ANY effort to see Peter (hasn't even asked for a picture or called to see if he's alive), and most recently completely ignored my two older kids' birthdays. Her response back was that she would not dignify my family drama and utter nonsense with a response but that she "dearly loves" my children and I and that would never change.

My response back was that oddly enough it had never occured to me to show my love for her oldest son by ignoring his birthday or to demonstrate my love for her youngest son by failing to acknowledge that he existed. I told her that bottom line was that she didn't provide an explanation for her behavior because what she's done to the kids is just unacceptable, no way around it. I then added that regret is a bitter dish and that I genuinely hoped she enjoyed it with her crow.

We've had our issues over the years, but I can't believe that she's done this to my kids and that I've allowed it to continue to happen. I excused her behavior after ds2 was born, and even after Peter was born by telling myself that they're little and they don't know. But my big kids are 13 and 10, and what she did was just hateful and wrong.

Why do people have to be so ugly? I just need hugs and a reminder that my babies are better off without her around anyway.
post #283 of 379
I'm so sorry. I don't know that I'd say your kids are better off without her around, but I do think that you're being forced to expect nothing from her and be grateful for unexpected miracles or interest. That stinks

Mommy2Anna, I have a mental dam, lowering the water level so I can stand with my feet on the bottom and not drown. I have very few standards of housekeeping, so as long as the kitchen is clean and mostly tidy, the bathroom is clean and somewhat tidy, we eat 2000 calories a day including 5 portions of fruit and veg, kids have clean clothes and the rest of the house lies just above the dysentery level, I'm happy (It takes longer to write that onehanded than to actually do it.)
post #284 of 379
Hugs to operamommy...that's just crappy all the way around it!

Helen, you give me hope! if you can do all that with 4, surely i can get close with 2!?1?
post #285 of 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by operamommy View Post
Mamas, I just read and caught up on our thread, but right now I just need to take and not give.

I called my older sister out via e-mail the other night. She didn't bother to meet ds2 till he was 11 months old (and only then 'cause we attended the same b'day party), has not made ANY effort to see Peter (hasn't even asked for a picture or called to see if he's alive), and most recently completely ignored my two older kids' birthdays. Her response back was that she would not dignify my family drama and utter nonsense with a response but that she "dearly loves" my children and I and that would never change.

My response back was that oddly enough it had never occured to me to show my love for her oldest son by ignoring his birthday or to demonstrate my love for her youngest son by failing to acknowledge that he existed. I told her that bottom line was that she didn't provide an explanation for her behavior because what she's done to the kids is just unacceptable, no way around it. I then added that regret is a bitter dish and that I genuinely hoped she enjoyed it with her crow.

We've had our issues over the years, but I can't believe that she's done this to my kids and that I've allowed it to continue to happen. I excused her behavior after ds2 was born, and even after Peter was born by telling myself that they're little and they don't know. But my big kids are 13 and 10, and what she did was just hateful and wrong.

Why do people have to be so ugly? I just need hugs and a reminder that my babies are better off without her around anyway.
mama. I know this probably doesnt' help you but my kids only have their father's side of the family because they aren't allowed to see my mother(allowed by me) because she's so toxic. The only member of my family that I speak to is my little sister who lives 6 hours away. But they s peak to "auntie moo" every single day by phone. And what's worse, my oldest has a different dad and he chooses not to see her and hasn't for 6 years. So that means that the only blood relative she knows is "auntie moo." But I console myself with the fact that the benefits of not seeing these toxic people outweigh the risks and that I am acting in their best interest to not pursue the relationships. It's still hard though.
post #286 of 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
I'm so sorry. I don't know that I'd say your kids are better off without her around, but I do think that you're being forced to expect nothing from her and be grateful for unexpected miracles or interest. That stinks

Mommy2Anna, I have a mental dam, lowering the water level so I can stand with my feet on the bottom and not drown. I have very few standards of housekeeping, so as long as the kitchen is clean and mostly tidy, the bathroom is clean and somewhat tidy, we eat 2000 calories a day including 5 portions of fruit and veg, kids have clean clothes and the rest of the house lies just above the dysentery level, I'm happy (It takes longer to write that onehanded than to actually do it.)
yep, sounds just about right.
post #287 of 379
Aargh. You know how I said my life had gone quiet and boring? Read this
post #288 of 379
Allyn, I just want to back up what the other Moms are saying about a growth spurt and the answer being allowing him to nurse as much as he wants, even if it is totally frustrating. 3 months is a HUGE growing time in a baby's life, plus they are starting to become distractable because they're so interested in the world around them. Robin has been doing the on-off nursing thing, too. This is just a little bump in the road of your nursing relationship. Formula will only complicate things more because it will tell your boobs to make less milk. Keep that nursing up and things will fall into place! I totally understand how frustrated you are .

My parents are visiting this weekend. My Dad will finally get to meet Robin! In a lot of ways I think it's good to wait to meet a baby until they're this old because they're so cute and do so much more now than they did as newborns. At the same time, though, Robin has a definite preference for me and doesn't tolerate visitors as well as she did when she was teensy.

Robin is really enjoying being outside now that it's warming up. She loves to lie on her back and watch the sunshine dance in the trees as the wind blows. It's been lovely to get out of the house and read or sit quietly with her. She's trying hard to roll over, too, which is new and scary!! I can't believe how big she has become within a few short weeks.
post #289 of 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by flapjack View Post
Aargh. You know how I said my life had gone quiet and boring? Read this
holy crap! i've moved from neighborhoods for less! i get a certain PTSD from being robbed or vandalized (even if it's coincidence) but it's hard to move everytime you have "disagreements" with neighbors... that's why we are moving into our camper... then we can move whenever we please!!

I am sorry you are dealing with that Helen. I got an "anonymous" letter one time that had an ad for a weight loss program in it... nothing more. It hurt. It hurt REAL bad. Even though it is ridiculous that anyone would care enough to even BOTHER with a stamp for something like that... it was very hurtful.

post #290 of 379
operamommy

Terran's only blood relatives are his siblings. My parents ae both still alive, but my relationship with them is too toxic for me to allow them to hurt my baby the way they hurt his older siblings and myself. I don't know what they have been told about Terran by my ex and/or ds1 when we were estranged or what they believe.

I love my parents too much to cut off all contact with them, but I have to protect my kids.
post #291 of 379
Looking on the bright side, if they'd paid postage then I wouldn't have got to spend a fun lunchtime sitting in the pub with all my kiddos. Or being half-murdered by Alex when he decided it would be a good idea to shepherd us down a very steep slope (buggy and all) rather than walk an extra 100 yards round by the path Thanks for listening, though, it's getting pretty freaky.
post #292 of 379
sleepy babe here - but ginormous s Helen.
post #293 of 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by salt_phoenix View Post
I am sorry you are dealing with that Helen. I got an "anonymous" letter one time that had an ad for a weight loss program in it... nothing more. It hurt. It hurt REAL bad. Even though it is ridiculous that anyone would care enough to even BOTHER with a stamp for something like that... it was very hurtful.

WTF. I don't understand people, really what would possess someone to do this??

Helen, yours sounds like a very awkward situation and I hope you are able to resolve it soon!

As for toxic relatives, I have a few but none that I've 'banned'. My brother moved to Taiwan to teach English 2 weeks before ds was born, and just returned last month to meet him and dd -- I wasn't too surprised it's just his personality...sure I'd love him to take more interest in my kids, but I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. operamommy, I hope you can either work things out with your sister or come to terms with her not being a part of your life
post #294 of 379
I'm so sorry, flapjack. People can be so confusing and frustrating.

I've got some new pictures of Kaia, plus new pics in my sig -

With great grandma
Our "Tulip Time" festival
Advocate for breastfeeding!
Happy being naked!
With her carrot

The a-okay hand sign while nursing just slays me
post #295 of 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juise View Post
I'm so sorry, flapjack. People can be so confusing and frustrating.

I've got some new pictures of Kaia, plus new pics in my sig -

With great grandma
Our "Tulip Time" festival
Advocate for breastfeeding!
Happy being naked!
With her carrot

The a-okay hand sign while nursing just slays me
She is so sweet! I've had some *not as pleasant* hand signals while nursing, lol
She looks a lot like you, she has your dimple! How old are your others?
Stacy (Ocean's mom)
post #296 of 379
Great pictures!

Just to let you know we're going to visit my mum for a few days and she keeps her computer in a smoky den of iniquity, so I won't be back online till Thursday! Have a good weekend
post #297 of 379
Quote:
Ok...I have some concerns and i need some info.

I know that Henry is better off esclusivly breastfeeding, and I am all for it. But my MIL over feeds Henry and i have spoken to her and she just doesn't get it. Plus we have been having some trouble at night where Henry will not take the breast. So long story short...my freezer stash is gone. I have 4 bags in there, each about 3 oz which will only last for Sunday. I work 2 days a week and I pump one time during my 5 hour shift. I absolutly hate pumping but I now know I will need to pump at least 2x every day. So until I can get my supply up in the freezer I will have to send some formula bottles with Henry. I plan on using that Baby's first formulababy's first so anyway...is there anyway to suppliment without totally killing my supply?
I know that every feeding he doesn't get from me reduces my supply...I plan on pumping. I also know that it will mess up his gut...technically it is already messed up b/c he had formula 2x after we moved to Ga and my supply almost dried up b/c of the stress and me not eating or drinking enough.

as I write this I am not sure why I am writing it...for support...for you all to tell me I am not a horrible mom...I don't really know. But I feel like I have to do this until I can up my freezer stash. I am gong to send what I do have in BM first before I send the formula...
ugh I will stop now b/c I am rambling.
Quote:
does anyone know how accurate this is?
milk calculatorMy Webpage

I only ask b/c it says that if Henry feeds 15 times in one day he should be eating 1.66 oz per feeding, and 2 oz per high range feeding.
I am worried b/c my MIL feeds Henry a lot...she insists that he is hungry. I have also started sending bottles that have 3-3.5oz each, and in 5-6 hours she will feed him 4 bags of milk...that is all I send...but I am very worried about her overfeeding him, and him getting used to overeating and expecting that all the time. Not only that but I dont think I can pump enough to keep up.
I am not giving up on breastfeeding at all...I worked to hard to get here...but I am not sure what to do.
When I pump I get a max of 3.5 oz but that is if i don't pump for 3 or 4 hours.

ugh...this is so stressful. I have talked ot her about giving him a paci when he is done. and about how bottle fed babies will eat not matter what...she will not listen.

for example on thursday I dropped him off at 11:30 and he nursed on both sides..ok that is at 11:30...she tells me when I pick him up at 6 that she fed him again at 12:10!!!! What made her think he was hungry?! of course he drank it. Then she was feeding him at 6 when I got there he was almost done. She tells me he just couldn't wait...then tells me that he was sitting in his swing and started fussing so she fixed the bottle...OMG maybe he was just tired of the swing!! She seemed so proud that he took all 4 bags of milk...I just don't know what to do...she doesn't get it, but we need her to watch him on that day.

any ideas?
please excuse hwo this looks...I also posted this on our ddc forum too.
post #298 of 379
Allyn, I would have serious problems with mil if she didn't follow my wishes. I would find a new babysitter!
post #299 of 379
Allyn,
Often nursing babies will overeat from bottles because the flow is unstoppable. It may not be your MIL's fault entirely that he consumes more than he "should" during the day.

The concern with sending formula is that unless you pump for every time he drinks formula, your supply will plummet. If he's drinking from bottles at night - even if it's from your freezer stash!! - you should be pumping at the same time. If he's eating more during the day, you need to pump extra to match it. This will ensure that your body understands that it needs to make more milk. Does that make sense? I can feel how frustrated you are right now!! Are you on livejournal? There is an amazing group there called adopt_a_mom where breastfeeding mentors are matched with moms who need or want help. It could be a great place to get consistent support.

This article may help you rethink the need or use of a freezer stash.
You don't really "need" it -- you simply need enough for the next day. Up your pumping, be healthy, let your body know that Henry needs more milk (even if it's from overfeeding). It will respond. s

* * *
Robin was totally weird yesterday!! She took a HUGE midday nap and then refused to sleep for several hours. She usually naps every 2 hours but was up from 3:30 until 9:30 almost without a break. This would be FINE if she wasn't totally fussy and ACTING sleepy the entire time! She really didn't want to settle down.

She's acting more normal today, so hopefully that was just a fluke. :

s Helen, how hateful. I am appalled at how cruel people can be to each other.
post #300 of 379
Quote:
Allyn, I would have serious problems with mil if she didn't follow my wishes. I would find a new babysitter!
well I seriously would if we had the $$, but that is why she watches him to begin with.


Quote:
Often nursing babies will overeat from bottles because the flow is unstoppable. It may not be your MIL's fault entirely that he consumes more than he "should" during the day.
i thought this for awhile until I saw her feed him, she was trying to force him to finish 1/2 an oz and a i told her he didn't need to...she kinda laughed and stopped.

Quote:
This article may help you rethink the need or use of a freezer stash. You don't really "need" it -- you simply need enough for the next day. Up your pumping, be healthy, let your body know that Henry needs more milk (even if it's from overfeeding). It will respond. s
thank you so much....I am still learning a lot about breastfeeding and never realized that every time I send milk with him from the freezer I was decreasing my supply.

So I really need to be pumping everyday...and just keep the milk I pump on Wed in the fridge an send that.
Is there anyway I can get away with pumping every other day...or it has to be everyday for my body to get it.
And I guess i shouldn't have upped the amount in each bottle...is there any way to decrease the amount in each feeding with out him starving. I really feel like he is overeating.
i must say that I was pumping every 2 hours at work and I talked with the pediatrician(who also breast feeds) and she said i could do once in the am, once at work, and once in the evening...maybe that works or her but i am seeing now that it doesn't work for us. I will try to pump at least 2x during my shift.
Ok I am feeling better. i don't think I will buy the formula...but send what I have and pump more...ugh
****

Helen I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time...and I am so sorry that happened people can be real jerks sometimes.

Lauren maybe she is just growing and it isn't anything major. Hope she evens out soon.

Juise...those pictures are so cute!
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