Son and Cat issues

[Frisha]

Ok, DS is about 20 months and he has startted hitting, pulling fur hard,and throwign things at the cats. Heavy, hard things and we cann't have him hurting them. We have spanked and I hate it and don't want to do it when he has hurt them and am in desperite need of alternitive means to stop this, before he does seriously hurt the kitties.

He throws things when he gets upset as well, and we are trying to head this issues off with distractions and redirections away from the kitties but last time I have a big bruise today from where he threw the item at me cause i was moving the cat away from him as he was pulling on his fur last night. We have tried to explain to him that it hurts the kitties and it's not nice and to be gentle but it's not working. The only time we did raise our hand to him the cat had cried out in pain so it was a reaction from us to protect the one being hurt. I don't know what to do.

He laughs when the cat runs from him or cries out and we've tried to tell him it's not funny but he's just not understanding. He laughs at us when we say no too so we're have several problems but the problems with the kitties and him are the most serious because injury can occur there and hopefully the things we learn with this can be applied elsewhere to change other damaging behaviors as well.

I know part of it is jealousy as the cat he picks on the most is the one I have the closest bond with and was my baby before he was born. However this is also our most easy going cat and the only one that will let him play with him so I hate to do anything that could destroy that relationship as well.

Many thanks I didn't mean to write a book here.

[dubfam]

Sounds perfectly normal for his age.

Can you just keep him separated from the cats when you aren't right there to supervise?

It will take a while, but he will outgrow it. Just keep telling him how to be nice and redirect him. Hitting him wont help.

[yoginisarah]

My son is right around the same age and is also very rough with our kitties. One thing I have done is to allow the kitties to go hide out in our bedroom if it seems like it is getting to be too much. Of course, I'm constantly redirecting and showing him how to be gentle to them. I don't think I would consider punishing him because he truly doesn't get it. He doesn't see any reason why he wouldn't grab their ears or pull their tails.
In terms of throwing things, that's exactly what my DS does when he is frustrated. I don't keep anything breakable or heavy within arms reach. Also, he is extremely predictable, so if I can tell he's about to start throwing things I'll grab any heavier toys. I allow him to throw his smaller objects like plastic blocks or paperback books and I just move out of the way. I reflect back to him that he seems mad and ask him what he needs. It's usually done within a minute or so.
I think they really start to feel strong emotions now and have no idea what to do with them. It's too early for most kids to talk about it and they are really physical little beings. Be gentle, I don't think this age is that easy for them either!

[Nan'sMom]

Here are some things that have worked for us.

One thing about doing those things to cats is that it's REALLY exciting and feels empowering for them to act upon something else and get a reaction (from the cat and then from you). So substitutes help a LOT. If my girls went for the kitties I'd suggest we give them a treat or pet them or find a toy to play with them. These things are exciting and feel empowering too, but are better for the kitties.

Also model how you want him to treat kitty. Show him how gently you pet the kitties, play with them, love them, etc. Tell him how they feel (i.e., "Look at how she LOVES to be petted. Do you think she will start purring? Feel her nice purr!" or "Wow, kitty looks really sad that you hit her," then a redirect, "Why don't we give her a nice treat. Would YOU like to give her the treat by yourself?")

I know how frustrating it can be. Realize (1) it's normal and (2) you CAN find creative non-violent ways through.

[possum]

My 13 month old is very rough with the kitties. My original plan was to let them all work it out among themselves (one baby, 2 kitties). But he is super-duper rough even when it seems he's trying to be loving. He'll lay on top of a cat and coo. The thing is the cats generally take it all in stride. One of them is "that cat" at the vet where we have to arrange ahead of time for them to have an extra tech there just for him; he gets a sedative ahead of time, they wear leather gloves to hold him, and he has only had the rabies shot for years - no exam or anything because they are afraid of him. He's so sweet and gentle at home, but I KNOW he knows how to defend himself. The cats have the laundry room with food and the litter box and places to sleep or hang out where they are protected by the baby gate, and they go in and out of the house as they like, so they don't have to be near the baby - ever. But they choose to.???
I keep a close eye when he is near the cats, and we frequently model easy touches on the kitties, but I really think he's just too little to get it. Occasionally, I will put the cats outside if things get too unbearable for me to see, but mostly I think it's okay to let them work out how they are going to co-exist as long as the cats can escape and everyone is able-bodied.
Just my $0.02,
Melinda

[Frisha]

Thank you for your replys.

There is no real way we can separate them, The cats can get away if they choose but they like to be in the main area of the house too.

We have been trying to redirect him when he looks like he is thinking if doing something to the kitties. Will have to start keeping the feathers handy though so that we can hand him a feather or other wand toy (only toys the cats will play with him with) sometimes instead.

My bruise is from a paperback book actually we have already been working on removing the heavier items when looks like a throwing phase is about to happen.

Our original plan was to let them work it out too, but he too is laying on them and the kitties have been amazingly docile with Justin. I have had a first aid kit handy expecting a scratch or something but the only scratches have been light ones that just get cleaned up with no need to bandage them, those accidental dew claw scratches.

Thanks to letting me know it's normal though I will try these more and just try even harder to redirect and will keep removing the kitty when looks like the situation is getting to the point and Justin isn't listening. They are so cute together playing together at times though And I will hope this phase passes soon.

[johannasonja]

if it helps my D
D1 is 4,5 years old, and she still wont leave the cat allone.
I started leaving our bedroom door open too and i think if he dont want to hide tough luck its the cats fault, and also i found out its not always as bad as it looks.


johannasonja