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Touchy Question?

post #1 of 105
Thread Starter 
Please don't be upset at me for asking this. I don't know if this is rude or not... but I am planning a home birth in June and I am wondering how many of you have had home births gone wrong where the baby was lost or almost lost - and was it preventable by going to the hospital? I'm sorry to bring this up, but I am reading all these posts and seeing these little angels that people have under thier names and wondering if home birth is the right choice for me? Its my first baby and I really want a home birth, but Im a little nervous.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope I didnt offend anyone.
post #2 of 105
Most of the angels under names here are miscarriages.

Do babies die at home? Yes. Do babies die in the hospital? Yes. Someone here has a great quote in their sig- says, birth is as safe as life gets.

post #3 of 105
Thread Starter 


Wow - thanks... I thought all those little angels were from HB's. That is good news. If anyone would like to share stories of thier Homebirths (good or bad) - I would still like to hear...
post #4 of 105
There are moms here who have lost babies at homebirths. There are moms here who have lost babies in hospital births. Both carry real risks. BIRTH carries real risks.

I had a homebirth with dd and wouldn't plan it any other way. If that had been in the hospital she most likely would have gone into distress from interventions and ended up a c-section. As it was it was uneventful and peaceful.

She was very wrapped in her cord and labor was LONG (I think it was the cord stretching) and my water didn't break until the very end. In the hospital they would have wanted to break my water very early on- before that cord could have stretched, and personally I feel that would have put her into distress.

post #5 of 105
I had two homebirths, neither with complications or still births, but my oldest son was born with an unexpected cleft lip & palate, which I think were we in the hospital would have resulted in him being taken away from me immediately.

My births are on slideshows:
First Birth and story
Second Birth and story
post #6 of 105
I had a homebirth that went really well. And I know that if I had been in the hospital, they would have broken my water (it didn't break on it's own until I was pushing), and they would have given an episiotomy (baby was crowning for a loooong time). I may have had a c-section because I had a cervical lip that my midwife pushed out of the way (but some docs do a c-sec for this reason). Also, when she was finally out, she was a little "flimsy" - breathing and a good color, but not a lusty cry or waving arms and legs. If I was in the hospital I know they would have rushed in to take her and been dramatic about it. Instead, my midwife was really calm, told me to talk to her and rub her back, arms, legs etc. She was fine a few minutes later.
As pp said, babies do die in homebirths. But most statistics show that a larger percent die in hospitals.
Try not to think negative about it. And by all means talk to your midwife about this too!
Best of luck!
post #7 of 105
I chose to have my first baby at home & that comes with some extra outside stresses, I think. Some seem to think you need to "prove" you can birth in the "safety" of a hospital. But, for me, I knew that homebirth would give my child the best start at life & I didn't want to deprive him of that, just because he was my first.

I had a wonderful homebirth with my first. His labor followed a VERY different pattern. I'm quite certain in a hospital setting I would not have been "allowed" to continue. So, I'm VERY glad that I listened to my gut and chose homebirth with him. I went on to have 2 more homebirths & am currently planning my 4th homebirth for this July.

Here are my birth stories if you want to read more in depth (I used hypnosis for childbirth for each of them):

My first Baby Jude's birth taught me the importance of encouraging optimal fetal positioning. www.spinningbabies.com

My Second Baby Cicely's birth taught me that prodromal labor is my normal birth pattern. It's not a failure on my part (felt like it during her pregnancy though!), it's just what my body does. Her birth also taught me that I birth best when left alone. I learned to ask for what I want, not just assume or imagine that it would turn out the way I desired.

My Third Baby Josephine's birth taught me to tune inward to connect with my baby to work together, even when my mind has no road map to follow.
post #8 of 105
I have had one hospital birth and 3 homebirths. My first birth was the hospital birth, no complications. My second was attended by a certified professional midwife, my third was an accidental unassisted homebirth,, I was only in labor for 1 hr 15 minutes.

There are risks for homebirth and for hospital birth. But I felt that the smaller risks were for homebirth for our family.

Here are links to the stories of two of my homebirths:

Lily's Home Waterbirth

Felicity's Unplanned Unassisted Home Waterbirth
post #9 of 105
I, too, had a prodromal labor with my last birth, and if she had been born in a hospital, I feel certain I would not have been allowed to continue without intervention. I've had two unneccessary hospital inductions, and would not wish that on anyone, ever. The pain during an induced labor is constant, whereas the contractions with a natural childbirth are rhythmic and progressive.

My labor with #5 lasted 105 hours, over nearly 5 days. Because my contractions were so oddly spaced, unproductive and uncoordinated, I would have been given Pitocin with expediency, I'm sure. My emotional issues were stalling all progress with the labor and I know for a fact, had that occurred in a hospital setting, they would have sectioned me. I am so thankful that I chose to remain at home with the love and support of my best friend and my midwives, and though I did end up having my water broken to hasten the transition (I was getting dangerously exhausted by that time), that was the only intervention. I was then able to delivery my little girl peacefully. Afterwards we were both allowed to rest... something that just doesn't happen in a hospital, where they want to take your vitals every hour and push on your abdomen and check your bleeding and then expect you to get through all this with woefully substandard food and minimal contact with your newborn.
post #10 of 105
I have one of those angels under my name... that must have frightened you to imagine that they were all homebirths gone awry!

I had my first daughter at home, very much researched, planned for and wanted. I also feel that had I had her in a hospital, I would have had a tremendous episiotomy at the very least and a c-section at the worst! It was not a long labor, 7 1/2 active hours overall. But, I pushed for 2 hours and 40 minutes while at a 10. That baby was not coming down! I feel like I got into every position known to man in order to get my DD under my pubic bone, which is where she was stuck with one hand up around her head! And when she was born, she had some minor respiratory distress that was quickly taken care of by our CPM. It was an incredible experience.

My second daughter was born still in the hospital. I went to emergent care thinking I'd be given some medicine and sent home. Sadly, Angel had severe chromosomal abnormalities and had died in my womb up to a week before her birth. You might be thinking, ah ha! Good thing she went to the hospital. Not me... had we had ANY idea that we were going to lose Angel, my husband and I would have chosen to have her at home with our midwife. Instead, I had a nat'l birth in the hospital. In the hour and 15 minutes between finding out via u/s that Angel was dead and having her we were offered drugs at least four times. I was also offered an IV at the emergent care center before my ambulance ride to the hospital! "Fluids won't hurt you!" I told the hosp staff that I felt as tho I were in labor because their first suggestion was induction (WTF!) and I got, "Well, you might not be." "Some women (having a m/c) never do go into labor.". It was insane to me that they NEVER gave me any credit for realizing that I was in the process of having that baby! I'd been having honest to God contractions all day at that point.

So having had both a homebirth and a nat'l hospital birth, I would definately choose a homebirth! Never the hospital.
post #11 of 105
I'm the oldest of three born at home, my mother in law had her last at home, and I am having my 4th in June as well! that's 3 women, 8 births, 6 different midwives all at home. I think a very qualified care provider goes a long way in any setting to setting the stage for you the mama to feel safe enough to birth. The real question you need to ask yourself is why do you have so much fear and where is it coming from? The fear needs to be addressed before birth even if you choose a hospital birth. I think Kim Wildner's book Mother's Intention How Belief Shapes Birth has you work out your mental and emotional belief in birth and what that means for your own births. Big stuff to work out. I personally could never have a hospital birth unless I had a real medical reason for transport. . .but I also don't think homebirth is for everyone and I believe a women needs and must give birth the place she feels the safest. Good luck and happy birthing
post #12 of 105
I have two lost little ones. But neither were lost because of HB. I have had seven live HBs and one second term m/c.

The only "negative" HB experience was my first that did not breath for eight minutes after her birth. I don't think that being born at the hospital would have improved her outcome but would have actually made it worse for her. BTW, after her first breath, she was absolutely perfect. That was my first, but not my last.
post #13 of 105
number one was born healthy in a hospital...but I hated the experience dr appts to birth....it was annoying. I did like that the nurses waited on me hand and foot..hehe that was the only thing I liked.

Number two was barely born in a birthing center. We got there and five minutes later he was born. The birthing center experience was a nice one except the 6 hour drive there while in labor for the majority of it. Ugg! I however was not fond that they did not let me stay longer. They believe that if you are not ready to leave by 6 hour pp (or less) then you should be evaluated to make sure that you are alright and if not...then off to the hospital you go. I would have preferred to just stay and relax, but that was not an option. We had to go to a stuffy hotel room. I do not know if all BCs are that way, but mine was. They will hold you for two hours to make sure you appear fine after that they start pushing you towards the door. Honestly they were not as rude as I am making them sound. They tell you all of this stuff prior to delivery so it is no suprise. ....and they are nice about it. They actually did let me stay alittle bit longer because of paperwork issues and I decided to take a last minute shower...hehe. So my birthing center was a nice experience for the most part. Just way too far away..

Baby number three was born at home...unassisted. Everything went perfectly fine.

And now I am pg with baby number 4 which will also be birthed at home unassisted. Although my mom is trying to get me to allow my half sister (an EMT) to be there in case something were to happen.....my mom does not like the idea of homebirths...they have been known to make her nervous. I told them that she could be there but would not do anything except maybe check the babies vitals after birth.....and that would be way after......as in after the cord was cut (which I leave attached for 30-1 hr) and we were both cleaned and dressed. Now of course, if there appeared to be a problem, then
I might let her step in. But in all honesty, I have about as much knowledge on the subject as her, if not more. But I am NOT ok with her delivering my baby even if she has delivered several.

But I feel good about homebirth. I will say it is a faith step to the ones that have not done it before and want to.

It is not unheard of for a homebirth to go wrong. But likewise with the hospital. I think what should be looked at is the ratio. I know several people that have birthed several children at home, and I only know one that had problems....that MAY have been avoidable by a normal dr/hospital pregnancy/delivery. If I took all of my friends and family and were to separate them out evenly as to if they did a homebirth or if they did traditional hospital birth and looked at problems. I would say the hospital side would be higher on the problem list.
For instance, I have one friend that did not have a successful homebirth (the errors of such was distinguished later). Then I have one friend that planned on having her first at home.....but after the baby was not coming for a while, they went to the hospital and of course the hospital did a c-sect. (imagine that...*rolls eyes*). With the next pregnancy she was deteremined to have a homebirth. She labored for a long time, but refused to go to the hospital and eventually her baby was born healthy at home. Chances are the first would have been the same outcome, but she did not stick with it.
Those are the only two complications that I know of out of all of the people that I know that have had homebirths. And the c-sect one was not even a health complication....just that she had been in labor for so long and seemingly nothing was happening.

But if you took the same amount births that were born traditionally in a hospital as homebirths that I know of and say you took those randomly....because obvious there are more hospital birthers than homebirthers (atleast in the states) and looked at their track record of births, you would be suprised that many many many of them had minor complications at or during pregnancy and delivery. Many of which probably could have been avoided if not interveined with. Such as my nephrew was born with breathing problems, but it was due to the meds that the mother was on. Same with me when I was born. A lot of times the meds and tests can actually cause problems. There is a dr in town that every patient that I know that has had her , outside of one has had some form of complication. And everyone of the patients that I know that have had her (including the one without complications) do not want to use her next time and all but one, plan on having a homebirth with their next child.
Interesting isn't it?

And that is not taking into consideration the flat out annoyance of drs and hospitals.

I am definitely a homebirther!
post #14 of 105
Thread Starter 

Thanks for all the advice!

It's good to hear so many positive birth stories. I do realize that I have to be comfortable where I give birth - but it seems to me that the best place to give birth would depend on the situation. If I am taking a while in labor, it would be best to be at home. But if the baby comes out and does not breather - maybe it would be best to be at the hospital? But I would think that if the heartbeat is monitored - a good midwife will be able to transfer BEFORE the situation becomes an emergency.

And yes, all those that said I have to deal with my fears. Here is what my ONE fear is... the baby is not breathing and there is not enough time to get to the hospital. SO many stories I hear are of babies not breathing - I/m not sure my fear is rational or not though. I mean, if the cord is not cut, will the baby still get his oxygen, until we can take him to the hospital?

This is the one thing that bothers me. I KNOW that my midwife will be able to handle the other complications that could come up. But Im not sure I could face myself if I lost a baby. When I see those little angels on some of your posts, I want to cry for you. Its a tremendous ordeal to go through (whether at home, hospital, m/c or suicide as someone had mentioned). My heart goes out to you and I pray for your healing.

Also, I am looking into the hypnobabies cd's - so many of you have spoken about the hypnobabies program. I hope its not too late (im 33 weeks!)

I took the Bradley course and was thinking to combine hypnobabies with Bradley (but havent had the money to purchase the Hypnobabies yet).

Thanks again for all your advice. I really love this forum!
post #15 of 105
Midwives carry oxygen and are well equipped to deal with babies who aren't breathing.

Ask your midwife about it.

post #16 of 105
Every homebirth midwife I know/have heard of carries oxygen and infant resuscitation equipment. Not breathing is something they are equipped to deal with, but they cannot necessarily prevent the reason why a baby is not breathing. If a babe is just slow to start, then oxygen may be enough (and usually is all most non/slow breathers need). If there's something else going on, the midwife can perform resuscitation while an ambulance is called and begin a transfer.

There are things that just happen that are nobody's fault. For me personally, knowing that my risks for morbidity go up in the hospital (in addition to the practically automatic inhibition of a physiological birth), I'd rather not deal with it at all. I believe whole-heartedly that the interventions in the hospital cause many of the problems that we see in birth. I believe that things that are touted as safety measures result in bad science and worse outcomes - electronic fetal monitoring has been shown in several studies not to improve outcomes at all and yet that's the one thing that you do automatically get in a hospital that's touted as the thing to save your baby. Everything else may or may not happen and necessary interventions may or may not work, just as at home.

It's a risk wherever you are. Confront those fears now and read read read (I recommend Birthing From Within and Pushed) and journal if you can to get in the place you need to beto have an unihibited birth. Your fears can inhibit your progression, so better to deal with it now than later.

Also - you have plenty of time to do hypnobabies. If this is your first baby, I'd start to expect to go past your due date. Release yourself from the burden of expectation.
post #17 of 105
Thread Starter 
Thanks Alegna - It helps to know that my mw will have recus. equipment on her. I am wondering if the equipment is better or the same as hospital equipment, but I can ask her that today when I meet with her. In fact, I am gathering a list of questions to ask her. I just hope she doesnt feel bombarded!

Its funny, but when I first got pregnant - I was SO sure I wanted a home birth. Its now that Im getting closer to the date that these fears are cropping up. I would still feel upset if I dont have my home birth experience (and my husband would be REALLY upset - he's so into this!)- thats why I am trying to do as much research as I can so that I can be totally comfortable when I give birth to my little guy.

In my heart, I KNOW I'm going to have a wonderful home birth. I have a great CNM who I trust completely and I know she will be able to foresee any kind of emergency.
post #18 of 105
Thread Starter 

Confront Fears?

Thanks Annakiss - I feel the same way about hospital interventions. About confronting fear... I'm not sure how to go about doing this. Am I supposed to do this only through reading and journaling? Do you think the Hypnobabies Cd's will help me confront the fear as well? How did you confront your fears?

It seems like every time I start to feel better, they come back! :

How do I get rid of them for good?
post #19 of 105
Well confronting your fears is only something you really know how to do because it's all in your head, after all. heh. One thing that helped me though was to consider what I would do if x-horrible-thing happened, think about how we would cope and then forget about it. Once I had a "plan" in place for each fear - even if it was just, "well, we'll cope like we always have" - I felt like I could check that off the list, like I had that contingency plan covered and didn't need to think about it anymore.

So if your fears keep coming up, remind yourself of your plan, then try telling yourself some affirmations that reinforce that. For instance, "my baby will be born bright and pink, making delicious baby noises, clearing the fluid from her lungs." Or, "my midwife is skilled and my family is strong. We can cope with whatever comes our way."

There was a book recommendation around here somewhere that I'd never heard of that sounded really good too... Found it above: Kim Wildner's book Mother's Intention How Belief Shapes Birth.

Reading to educate myself and journaling to process my emotions is how I deal with things. Talking things out with my midwife always helped a lot too. But how you process things could be very different. So do what you do to get through the stuff of life.
post #20 of 105
Originally Posted by BonnieNova View Post
About confronting fear... I'm not sure how to go about doing this. Am I supposed to do this only through reading and journaling? Do you think the Hypnobabies Cd's will help me confront the fear as well?
One of the Hypnobabies tracks is "Fear Release", so I would guess yes.
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