Touchy Question? - Page 2

[aurora_skys]

I am planning a homebirth for my first baby in September. Since Im an obsessive researching type, all I can do is refer you to things I read that put my mind at ease.

http://www.homebirth.org.uk/firstbaby.htm

"The Thinking Womans Guide to a Better Birth" by Henci Goer

"Spiritual Midiwifery" and "Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth" both by Ina May Gaskin.

The best thing for me has been to remember that birth is a normal physiolgical process that goes perfectly fine most of the time. Afterall, our species has made it this long without hospital intervention, right? Plus my cat just had a litter a kittens all by herself so that has been inspirational for me to observe. (I didnt even know she was in labor and she just took care of everything on her own. It was so awesome )

[babysanchez614]

i went through the same fear thing at about the exact time you are.

this is my first and i was gung-ho about homebirth until about 32-35 weeks...i was doubting my decision, asking all the what if questions, fear of something going wrong and not being able to grasp that huge responsibility, very close to changing my mind and just going the hospital route. But after some time passed, I did some more reading, also hypnobabies, reminding myself why i wanted to do a homebirth in the first place and the fear just slowly faded away again.

Maybe it's just part of the process, facing your fears, ya know? Then once you get passed them, you will be better prepared for birth.

Or maybe not, you know yourself best and what you can handle.

[nashvillemidwife]

Summary of home birth safety studies: www.nashvillemidwife.com/safety.html

[Arwyn]

Several posts have been removed for User Agreement Violations, or that were quoting removed posts. If you have any questions, please PM me or courtenay_e. Please do not post questions to the thread. Thank you.

[BlessedOne]

Also, you could always learn baby CPR....it would be good to know anyway.

When and how the baby starts breathing on its own is still very unclear...here is an interesting read...

http://www.madsci.org/posts/archives...9642.An.r.html




P.S. a lot of babies that are born in hospitals have breathing problems because of the drugs that the mother is given. I am not just saying this because I am a homebirther. There is medical truth behind it. My first was born in the hospital and they asked if I wanted some meds. I did not plan on having any but I figured since I HAD to have an IV I would go ahead and have some benefit from it, so they gave me a shot of demoral (that was the most they could give because I was so far along). The nurse before administering, explained to me that this could cause breathing problems in my baby. I took it and thankfully she did not have any breathing problems. But most women have more and stronger drugs than I did........therefore causing more problems.

[3cuties]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Thanks Annakiss - I feel the same way about hospital interventions. About confronting fear... I'm not sure how to go about doing this. Am I supposed to do this only through reading and journaling? Do you think the Hypnobabies Cd's will help me confront the fear as well? How did you confront your fears?

It seems like every time I start to feel better, they come back! :

How do I get rid of them for good?

I do Hypnobabies for my last and then this upcoming homebirth, but I don't think the Fear Release is adequate for confronting fear. What it does -- is it erases or buries it. I found out last birth this is not enough. I love love love Hypnobabies, don't get me wrong but I don't do the fear release this time. In Birthing From Within (I highly recommend reading this book) she talks about how every women has her question about birth -- for me it was --Can I handle transition? Then she recommends you work out every scenario -- the worst and the best and confront. Asking yourself -- okay, then what? And going through that process. Burying worries and fears is the worst thing people can do -- this thread is exactly what you should be doing -- asking questions and confronting it. in Birthing From Within she also has a section on Facing Fears (I think it is Birthing with the Wolves?), anyway it really helped me. I don't have fears for safety but I have fears about my ability to handle transition and this process has been highly useful. So I would say, don't just rely on the Fear Release.

[Thing1Thing2]

Thanks 3cuties! You know, I think you are right. Talking about my fears with you all has really helped me start feeling better. I really do have to get that book, it sounds like it will help me.

[mommyminer]

As a L&D RN and a homebirth midwifery assistant, I can assure you that what would be done at home to help a baby breath should be the same thing that is done at the hospital ~ as far as neonatal resuscitation. The only thing we could do differently would be to intubate the baby ~ which *rarely* happens and if you had a baby that needed intubating, you'd most likely already be at the hospital - i.e. a preemie. Furthermore, only a dr can intubate and that is usually the neonatalogist who wouldn't be around for a normal labor and birth anyway. The OB can intubate, but in 2 yrs at the hospital, I've only heard of an OB intubating a baby once - and that was after the RN's had already bagged the baby for 7 minutes (baby was fine BTW). The reason I choose homebirth is mainly the way baby's are treated at the hospital. If my baby needed to be resuscitated, I'd much rather it be done at home with the cord still attached rather across the room on a warmer with the cord prematurely cut.

[3cuties]

Janel great information! Thank you for posting!

[ainh]

How did you confront your fears?

It seems like every time I start to feel better, they come back!

How do I get rid of them for good?

This might sound crazy, but for me it's almost worse to try to get rid of the fears. It's better for me to acknowledge them and give them some credence. To validate my own feelings, rather than try to obliterate them. That doesn't mean I live "in" the fear, but I learn to live "with" the fear. Like we're comrades (but I get a little more say)...maybe it's more like fear is my trusty sidekick. Always there...but I get to be in charge.

I actually had a very good psychiatrist say this to me. I was very nervous about taking Zoloft (many years ago, during a severe bout of depression) because I didn't want to lose my self (even if "my self" was really unhappy and unable to cope). He said he understood and he just wanted things brought down to a managable level. That he thought it was really important for me to still feel my depression and anxiety, so that I could deal with it. And then he laughed and said "I don't think you'd be happy without your anxiety!...it's been with you forever, after all". Funny to think that taking away the "bad" (fears, anxiety, etc) would actually make me more stressed out than leaving a portion of it in me.

Hope that all makes sense?!

For what it is worth, I had a lot of fear about birth (I had a hospital birth--I'm one of those weirdo's that likes all the machines around*), but when the time came I just knew what to do. My mind didn't have much time to interfere with what my body knew how to do.

Finally, I don't know if anyone else mentioned this, but I would do a HB for you, not for your hubby. It sound like you want to do it, but it sounds like he wants it even more. You need to be in the place that will allow your body to do it's job...be it at home or at the hospital.

*My doula actually commented that I was the only laboring woman she knew that was able to handle contractions (unmedicated up to 9 cm) better WITH the monitors. I liked the validation and the visual of what was happening to my body. I'd say "see, I told you that was a big one!!"

[crunchyconmomma]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Wow - thanks... I thought all those little angels were from HB's. That is good news. If anyone would like to share stories of thier Homebirths (good or bad) - I would still like to hear...

stop apologizing - anyone who has a problem with you asking for some sincere input has the problem and they should do some spiritual work.

I used hypnobirthing, labored in the birth pool, baby stayed in the sac until almost the end, virtually pain free (until pushing, there was some pain, but nothing like with my hospital birth and had an absolutely blissful, wonderful, spiritual experience at home.
NOTHING went wrong for us. Couldn't have asked for much better, except maybe completely pain free, one of those hypnobirth experiences where the baby sort of slips out while mom is calmly smiling and mom plucks it up in her arms and it's like a storybook, but I got a close second.
My first birth was ick ick ick. They "did" stuff TO me and baby - broke my water, monitors, drugs, ordering me to do this or that like they were the experts on MY birth and MY baby, yanked him out with suctiony things that left his poor head all funky shaped, shot him full of drugs, made him cry, awful awful awful.
And the bed was NOT comfortable and the lights were awful and awful awful awful. and we had to wear stuff. At home we got to be nekky with skin-to-skin contact
second birth, baby bathed up by midwife while I bathed. Then we all crawled into our nice, plush, lovely bed and went nighty-night.

and they were both big, BTW. 9.2lbs in hospital, 10lbs with a big old noggin at home
and I have miscarried quite a few babies, I just never put any angels in my sig.

[crunchyconmomma]

Originally Posted by mommyminer

The reason I choose homebirth is mainly the way baby's are treated at the hospital. If my baby needed to be resuscitated, I'd much rather it be done at home with the cord still attached rather across the room on a warmer with the cord prematurely cut.

what a great point!

[Thing1Thing2]

Mommy miner.. what you said was so comforting. That is good to know coming from a L&D Nurse. Thanks for sharing. I was talking to my mom today and she said "you know, I just have a good feeling about this birth". And it threw me off b/c my thinking has been so "technical" I havent been paying attention to my "intuition" as someone else mentioned.

I ordered the hypnobabies self study program today, and cant wait till it arrives!

About my husband being the one who wants to do this more than me... There are times when I want to do it just as much as he does... and actually, when I first got pregnant I had to talk him into this. He doesn't like the fact that I have let my dream of a homebirth be ruined by negative thinking. I DO realize, however, that I need to think these thoughts through in order to be completely free from fear at my homebirth. He kind of sees them more as a threat to the dream that we have of birthing our baby into a safe environment. I'm sure at some point in the next 6-8 weeks (due date June 15), I will be completely comfortable with my decision. And all of you on this forum are helping me make strides towards this, that I wouldnt be able to do on my own.

I have been watching birthing video's on youtube today. I saw a video of a birth where the baby passed away shortly after. The baby came out ok, but then they showed a picture of her with tubes coming out of her. They showed a picture of the mother and father holding her as her last minutes of life faded away. It was so sad to see, and maybe I shouldnt be watching that... but I wanted to figure out if it was a home birth or a hospital birth, so I watched the video again more closely - and there were monitors around during labor... IV in the woman giving birth. It was a HOSPITAL birth - and this stunned me for a few minutes. I guess what they say is right "it could happen in the hospital OR at home".

And.. I will stop apologizing!

[MomtoTs]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

It was a HOSPITAL birth - and this stunned me for a few minutes. I guess what they say is right "it could happen in the hospital OR at home".

And.. I will stop apologizing!

It does happen in the hospital. Granted, I don't know alot of people IRL who have had HB's. but the ones I do know of, none have lost a baby.

As a L&D nurse, I have seen alot of fetal loss in 5 years. And nothing available in the hospital setting would have changed the outcome. I will tell you though, most babies who are stillborn, it is known before labor even begins.

[LolaK]

My friend's baby was born at home and was slow to breath - almost as if her water birth was so peaceful she didn't realize she was out and had to breath on her own. While baby was on mama's chest one midwife brought over the oxygen, the other gave baby a couple breaths and the baby was fine - totally healthy to this day.

To me this is the reason to have a HB. In the hospital that would have been an "emergency" where the baby was ripped away from mom and "resucitated" but all that wasn't necessary, the calmer HB approach worked just fine and baby stayed on mom the whole time.

[Thing1Thing2]

wow lolak! I have seen this too, (ive been watching alot of videos on youtube), where the baby comes out in the water and they dont even know what has happened. Its such a peaceful thing as compared with the videos where the baby is laying on a cold table with instruments all around and getting stabbed in the heel by a dr - all the time, crying his little lungs out and reaching his arms out to be held...and everyone standing around saying how cute he is - not realizing how much trauma he is being put through.

The waterbirth is so much more peaceful and I can imagine, much better for the baby and mother.

[nashvillemidwife]

What makes you think it is "better"? Just curious, as it's certainly not the way nature intended. We natural birth advocates like to talk about not being able to improve on nature, but that sentiment seems to go out the window when the subject of water birth comes around.

[georgannemomof6]

Excellent advice, Mama's! I just wanted to assure you, that fear is normal, ESPECIALLY in our society, where birth is viewed as a medical emergency, instead of the normal bodily function that it is
(((hugs))) and please watch the "Business of Being Born", as well as reading some good books
http://quicksilverscreen.com/watch?video=45525

[georgannemomof6]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

wow lolak! I have seen this too, (ive been watching alot of videos on youtube), where the baby comes out in the water and they dont even know what has happened. Its such a peaceful thing as compared with the videos where the baby is laying on a cold table with instruments all around and getting stabbed in the heel by a dr - all the time, crying his little lungs out and reaching his arms out to be held...and everyone standing around saying how cute he is - not realizing how much trauma he is being put through.

The waterbirth is so much more peaceful and I can imagine, much better for the baby and mother.

I'm assuming she means less traumatic? That's the impression I got, lol!

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife

What makes you think it is "better"?

It's certainly better than the textbook traumatic hospital birth, isn't it? Just because we are land mammals doesn't mean waterbirth isn't a totally awesome (and let's face it, still 1,000 times more "natural" than being loaded with drugs and having your baby extracted manually) way to come into the world, right?