Touchy Question? - Page 3

[nashvillemidwife]

I agree it's totally awesome. But I don't see any way to justify calling it "better".

[barefootpoetry]

I think it can be justified because it lessens pain for the mom, makes tissue more elastic so there is less chance of tearing, and makes it easier on the baby to come from liquid into liquid. But, that's just how I see it.

[3cuties]

Or it could have just been a choice of words - not purposefully meant to convey anything.

[momtopea]

Thats great that you are getting the hypnobirthing cds. Those affirmations were what REALLY put my head in the right place b4 my homebirth. For me, they did not cover up my fears, instead affirmed that my body would just do what it was made to do, therefore- eliminated my obsessing about the "what could go wrongs." I began to focus on all that "would go right." All that would be peaceful and joyful and a natural bodily function. Not that I did not plan for the "what ifs." But, like some did also, I made a plan in my head and moved on. I felt like it was no good for my body to dwell on the negatives esp. in those last weeks of pregnancy ( I even stopped watching scary movies, which i LOVE!). When my DD big entrance came, it was perfection and bliss.

[Thing1Thing2]

Yes, I meant less traumatic. The baby is used to being in "water" so when he comes out, it is as if he is in the same environment (almost). Not necessarily better, but maybe less of a transition for him... Sorry about the poor choice of words.

I didnt realize fear was a normal part of childbirth. In a way, it's good to hear that because it almost makes it "ok" to be a little afraid. I am a natural worrier, so it takes time for me to work these things out. My husband said I was doing too much and I should slow down, then maybe most of my anxieties will have time to work themselves out.

Even though Im already 34 weeks I think the hypnobirthing Cd's will give me a good foundation to a fear free birth. I am starting Ina Mays guide to birth tonight and Im gonna take the day off of work tomorrow and just relax.

Anyone else feel like they had to slow down in the last two months? I feel like maybe I should take the next 6-8 weeks to relax and take care of myself and my baby...

[LolaK]

Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife

I agree it's totally awesome. But I don't see any way to justify calling it "better".

Well it is certainly better then a hospital birth where the baby is taken away immediately from the mom to be tested and that is what she was comparing the water birth videos to.

Peaceful water birth vs. instant away from mom and stuck with sharp things hospital birth. I guess I just don't see how she would not be justified to call one of those better then the other.

[Belle]

I thought I would share my stories with you too since I also have an angel in my siggy. I also have links to all three stories in my siggy.

Summaries:
My first baby was born in a hospital. Not really a horrible experience but it wasn't exactly pleasant either. I was shocked by the stupid things they did that made no sense whatsoever. Like making me hold my breath so long I saw stars, putting oxygen on me, and wouldn't let me breathe when I needed to. I was sure I would do it different the next time.

My second pregnancy I had planned to HB w/ midwives. We started to m/c and confirmed it by u/s. I tried to m/c at home but needed to transfer. You can read the gory details if you want, but long story short, it really sucked to be in the hospital. It was a different hospital than dd#1 was born in. If I could have done it at home it would not have been so traumatic. It made me want to HB so much more.

Third pregnancy was a planned HB with the same midwives. My water broke with no contractions. If she'd been born at the hospital she'd have been forced out with pit or sectioned. She was born a day and a half after my water broke. They also probably would have freaked out because her cord was long and around her neck twice. It was a beautiful birth.

[Night_Nurse]

baby #1 - born at the hospital where I work. Baby was healthy but the experience wasn't all that great.

baby #2 - born at home - tons of warm and fuzzy feelings then and now when I think of that perfect birth. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

My OB had attended plenty of deliveries where the baby died. My midwife had never had a baby die. Sometimes babies die in both the hospital and at home. But most babies live long, full lives however they are born. All of my personal researched told me, which is supported by current statistics, a planned homebirth is just as safe, if not safer, than a hospital birth.

[crunchyconmomma]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Anyone else feel like they had to slow down in the last two months? I feel like maybe I should take the next 6-8 weeks to relax and take care of myself and my baby...

Do you meditate? On the possibility that you don't already know from experience, I cannot say enough positive things about meditation! And if you aren't experienced and are like so many who want to try but feel like it's torture to sit still and quiet and try to force their monkey minds to "behave," you could get some guided meditation CD's or even some guided visualization or relaxation CD's and make that your special practice. The good vibe stuff (physical and emotional states, hormones, immunoglobulins, etc) that the body generates when you do that would be a perfect thing to get into that relaxed, ready, attuned state.

[Thing1Thing2]

Belle, Im sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing your birth stories!

Crunchy, I dont meditate, but its funny you should mention that, I picked up a book from the library last week (with guided meditation cd) on medititation.

Isn't Hypobabies also the same thing? The cd's are guided meditation arent they?

[Thing1Thing2]

I was trying to work out my fears a few minutes ago. This may sound strange to you, but I wanted to run it by you... to see if you had any similar experiences.

I realized my fear stems from the feeling that I do not DESERVE to have what I want. I somehow feel like I DESERVE to have the same birth experience as the other women I know, and if i try for anything better, it will be taken away from me.

Now I know that sounds wierd, but maybe something in my past has forced me to think this way.

I had to assert myself just now and say "this is what I WANT, and Im going to do what I can to get it, and theres NOTHING wrong with that and I don't deserve to be punished for WANTING a great birth experience."

I am still working through this, but the feelings were SO intense when I made that statement that I figure maybe you wonderful ladies would have some thoughts on it and be able to guide me.

[crunchyconmomma]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Belle, Im sorry about your loss. Thank you for sharing your birth stories!

Crunchy, I dont meditate, but its funny you should mention that, I picked up a book from the library last week (with guided meditation cd) on medititation.

Isn't Hypobabies also the same thing? The cd's are guided meditation arent they?

yes, for our purposes you could say so. I'm sure a whole bunch of us could get into a big long discussion around the semantics and philosophy and theory of which tenchically qualifies as meditation and which qualifies as simply visulization and yadda yadda yadda....but that isn't the interest in this case - deciding what strictly qualifies as meditation and what doesn't - we'd reserve that for some philosophical, metaphysics discussion on the spirituality thread!
bottom line, since what you would like to achieve is a peaceful, trusting union between your mind and body and your baby, anything (from straight silence, blank mind stuff to listening to relaxing music while imagining floating on rainbow colored clouds) that will get your body into a relaxed, receptive, positive state is a good choice, and I don't think anyone would debate that point.

[crunchyconmomma]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

I was trying to work out my fears a few minutes ago. This may sound strange to you, but I wanted to run it by you... to see if you had any similar experiences.

I realized my fear stems from the feeling that I do not DESERVE to have what I want. I somehow feel like I DESERVE to have the same birth experience as the other women I know, and if i try for anything better, it will be taken away from me.

Now I know that sounds wierd, but maybe something in my past has forced me to think this way.

I had to assert myself just now and say "this is what I WANT, and Im going to do what I can to get it, and theres NOTHING wrong with that and I don't deserve to be punished for WANTING a great birth experience."



I am still working through this, but the feelings were SO intense when I made that statement that I figure maybe you wonderful ladies would have some thoughts on it and be able to guide me.

Personally, I think that is a far too common theme among western women (and maybe western men and maybe globally men and women), the idea of not deserving. Culturally, I do believe that we have a "problem" with that.
But we aren't talking about something even as debateable as whether you deserve a particular material possession. This is about whether or not you deserve to use your body and your baby deserves to use your body in the way it is naturally designed to be used. It's almost foolish, hence the reason you brought this up and used affirmations and stuff.

But it's also very valid. You have these feelings and feelings, while perhaps not helpful or balanced or progressive, simply exist. The good thing is you can change them, by doing what your doing, evaluating them for their usefulness and discarding ones that don't work for you.

Everything is perspective. Try on a variety of them until you find one that suits you well, for example, you deserve to have this homebirth experience because you will reclaim the power for your circle of friends, or because you are such a supportive friend to those women or to be a leader in a movement toward empowering more women. Or try the perspective that your baby deserves it and you are merely the vessel for your child to make her/his entrance.

Keep affirming, always in the positive, and tune in to your intuition. Intention is powerful beyond measure. State your intention to courageously have the (fill-in-the-blank-adjective) birth you and your baby deserve and say it over and over, into the mirror also.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

I somehow feel like I DESERVE to have the same birth experience as the other women I know...

Yep you do! So do all of us. This is why it's important to use this convenient medium to get know women who've had wonderful birth experiences.

If anything, if you don't know anyone outside of MDC who's had a really good birth, you've got an obligation to have a fabulous birth so that the kids in your circle of friends can hear the positive side of things. No pressure!

[MyBoysBlue]

I totally understand the undeserving feeling. I had such and easy birth with my first son. I almost had myself convinced that my second birth would be really long and hard as punishment. I started to research and read on these message boards and came across Unassisted birth. It ended up being what I really wanted. I had to then focus on convincing myself I would have another easy labour and I did. But remember dealing with the fear that I would be punished for my easy labour. My stories are linked in my signature.

[UnassistedMomma]

I'm dealing with a similar fear now I think. My 4th baby 2.5 years ago was my first HB, and a UC and it went so beautifully (not perfectly, mind you but beautifully - I would have been sectioned at a hospital - but it was AMAZING) that I'm almost like, can I be that "lucky" again now that I'm planning another UC??

Those feelings don't make sense, per se, but they are there and I'm working through them.

For me, when the fears come up I can't squash them or I just end up with a lot of anxiety. I just have to process it: If XX happens, what would I do to manage it? After I educate myself more about XX and work through it mentally, I feel much better.

It's going to be a work in progress for me I think. Feelings of not being worthy of such another spectacular experience are feeding into these fears I think.

Good luck to you, Mama. I hope you get the birth you deserve and desire in every way.

[BlessedOne]

I did not do the meditation thing or hypnobabies...although I did have the option at the birthing center that my second was born at.
I personally am not into that type of thing.....although I am very spiritual and that is what I rely on for my births.....especially unassisted homebirths. But I am more into Christian faith and that is what works for me. I am a devout Christian and faith is a big part of my life. I rely on my faith in God for everything to be just fine......and he has not let me down!


In regards to baby deaths......
I know several homebirth stories as well as hospital births and I know of more complications from the hospital side of things. I only know of one person that had major problem while trying to homebirth, in which the baby died. But to my knowledge it did not die at home....but the hospital. She was laboring at home and nothing seemed to be happening and they went into the hospital and she ended up having a still born baby. But that is not necessarily because of her laboring at home......who knows if the outcome would have been any different if she did everything by the book. Sadly, still births have happened in by the book pgs/deliveries too.
My nephrew died in the hospital when only 9 hours old. The pregnancy was traditional outside of the dumb dr who made some mistakes in testing and not transferring him to the neonatal hospital an hour away. The mother did make a mistake though that did contribute to the his death (refused a c-sect). They knew he had problems from birth and sadly the mother and family (except my brother for a moment) did not get to hold him or really see him while he was still alive because they had him tucked away. I just got a glance at him when they rushed him off. That was it. So sad.
Later it was deteremined that she was extremely high risk. She went on to have several miscarriages. She ended up with two healthy children out of her 8 or so pregnancies.

Looking back both the mother and the hospital could have done things differently to save his life.

[Thing1Thing2]

Thank you everyone. You have been so helpful to me. Its nice to know that there are knowledgeable, caring people out there like yourselves.

[ColwynsMommy]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

I realized my fear stems from the feeling that I do not DESERVE to have what I want. I somehow feel like I DESERVE to have the same birth experience as the other women I know, and if i try for anything better, it will be taken away from me.

I had this same feeling a lot several years ago. It wasn't really related to birth, but more to anything positive in my life.. if my life was going really well, I was always looking/waiting for the ball to drop. It's really hard to think that way, so you have my sympathy.

I don't know what happened and why I haven't been thinking/feeling that way in a while. I honestly hadn't thought about it until you mentioned it just now. So I'm sorry I can't give you much advice there. I do know that the Hypnobabies CDs do include affirmations and suggestions about you deserving to have a healthy, safe, normal pregnancy and birth.

For those of you who mentioned having several wonderful homebirths and now worrying about your chances on the next.. personally, that's why I chose homebirth this time. I had two absolutely wonderful hospital births with my boys.. seriously, no complaints other than the fact that I would have been more comfortable at home, postpartum. I was starting to worry about c-section rates, how if it's 1 in 3, I had my 2 vaginal births and now it was time for an unnecessary c-section, or how the epidural wouldn't work, or whatever. I have faith in my body, so it was more that I worried that the hospital would screw things up for me.. thus my decision to homebirth.

[BlessedOne]

Originally Posted by ColwynsMommy

I had this same feeling a lot several years ago. It wasn't really related to birth, but more to anything positive in my life.. if my life was going really well, I was always looking/waiting for the ball to drop. It's really hard to think that way, so you have my sympathy.

I don't know what happened and why I haven't been thinking/feeling that way in a while. I honestly hadn't thought about it until you mentioned it just now. So I'm sorry I can't give you much advice there. I do know that the Hypnobabies CDs do include affirmations and suggestions about you deserving to have a healthy, safe, normal pregnancy and birth.

For those of you who mentioned having several wonderful homebirths and now worrying about your chances on the next.. personally, that's why I chose homebirth this time. I had two absolutely wonderful hospital births with my boys.. seriously, no complaints other than the fact that I would have been more comfortable at home, postpartum. I was starting to worry about c-section rates, how if it's 1 in 3, I had my 2 vaginal births and now it was time for an unnecessary c-section, or how the epidural wouldn't work, or whatever. I have faith in my body, so it was more that I worried that the hospital would screw things up for me.. thus my decision to homebirth.

c-sect rates are so high....not really because of all of the NEED for them but more so the rules behind them. For instance, traditionally, if you have had a c-sect....then many drs automactically set you up for another with other babies (unless you convince him otherwise....which does not always go well) Many drs are not into vbacs....they would just rather do a c-sect....so much easier for them....no impromptu deliveries.....supposedly no problems...everything is planned.....come in on such and such date and we will do it.. I have several friends who the first baby was breech or something and so they did a c-sect and the next delivery the dr just automactically scheduled them a c-sect...just because their last was a c-sect.

So that is one of the main reasons why the c-sect rate is so high. The other is for liability purposes. If things are not going 'by the book' then the dr would rather just take the baby by c-sect just incase of possible problems. For instance, I do not know of that many drs that will go ahead and deliver a breech baby vaginally.....although the breech baby could be spun. If they know ahead of time that the baby is breech, then they will typically just schedule a c-sect.

So those are some of the reason why drs are so apt to give c-sect therefore causing the rates to be so high. Also to my knowledge when c-sect first became popular, you could just choose to have one for no important reason. Some women would do that to avoid having to deal with labor and such. They have since changed it to where you need a cause for the most part.


P.S. I have had 3 deliveries and about to have my 4th and never a c-sect or reason to have one.

I also have two friends that each has 7 kids and none of them have had c-sects. One of which had all but her first baby at home. So do not let stats scare you.