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Touchy Question? - Page 4

post #61 of 105
I think the biggest factor is the health care provider that is chosen. I have had two very difficult long labors in the hospital that some HCPs might have sectioned or used vacuum/forceps -- but that wasn't even mentioned by the two HCPs I used. It is so important to choose a HCP carefully.
post #62 of 105
Actually, it has helped me to read about birth stories where things DO go wrong, and what happens as a result. Baby Catcher and Diary of a Midwife are two books written by hb CNM mws. There are some stories about homebirths that required transfers. There are also some horrific stories about what happens in hospital L&Ds (both women were L&D nurses before becoming CNMs). There are also some transfer stories in Ina May Gaskin's books.

I also have now had the opportunity to talk to a few different midwives and hear them "talk shop." I know a few people IRL who have had to transfer to the hospital for various reasons. I've read transfer birth stories here on MDC.

The more I know, the more confident I am about homebirthing. It helps to understand what DOES happen in those "what if" scenarios.
post #63 of 105
I agree with Honeybee. I read a few books that were midwife chronicals, including babycatcher and it made me feel a lot better too. I'm sure that not everyone would agree, but it made me feel better to read about homebirths where things went wrong and the midwife was still able to handle the birth in a way that was safe (in some instances with a transport and some without). I guess when I first started researching HB I thought my birth had to be completely textbook to be safe. These books helped me realize that isn't true.
post #64 of 105
I had a wonderful homebirth despite the fact that I was 4 weeks "late". DS was born after 2 1/2 hours of pushing b/c he had an arm up by his head and the cord was wrapped around his neck (this was no big deal at all; the midwife just unlooped it). Also, my water didn't break until I had been pushing for a while. If I was in a hospital, my water would have been broken for me and I may have ended up with a c/s b/c of how long I pushed. There are risks with all births, no matter where you are. It's about trusting yourself and your body.

Oh yeah, I would've also been induced at the hospital and my baby may not have been ready!
post #65 of 105
I have a son, who just turned 3. He was a homebirth. Due to his large size and a very experienced midwife, I truly feel that he survived BECAUSE he was born at home. At the hospital, the doctors would not have known what to do with a true sd baby. I feel that he is alive be cause he was born at home.
post #66 of 105
My baby brother died after a hospital birth went terribly wrong when I was 17 and when I became pregnant right before my 19th birthday I was actually more scared to go to the hospital. Because my back is fused top to bottom my husband and I decided to have our first at the hospital just to make sure everything would "work". It went great and our next three were all born at home with no complications.

I still have fear, up to the last minute mostly because my babies have had their cords around their neck and that is part of what killed my brother. But my last baby came very fast before the midwife got there (my SIL was there though and she is an RN/lay midwife) and she came out all in one push before they had time to check the cord but it wasn't on her neck and she was pink and beautiful so everything worked out just fine.
post #67 of 105
I thought I would share my fears, just for the sake of vulnerability and honesty. I truly believe birth is a natural process and that home is the best place for it. However, I find myself fixating occasionally (perhaps hormone related) on the what-ifs or worse case scenarios. This is partly fueled from being 45 min. from the hospital. I think for me, even if something went wrong, I could accept (hopefully) it knowing things happen in hospitals as well, even more frequently. I think I really fear being judged or condemned for endangering my child. And having to deal with the what-if question of would this have happened in a different scenario. (contradictary, I know)
I guess in some weird way, I don't want to be a negative testimony for the beauty of homebirth. I have to continue to remind myself that there is no reason to think this won't go perfectly. I trust my midwife, and more importantly, I trust my body.
post #68 of 105
Bonnie: I had the same feelings about not deserving to have an easy birth, or really and easy pregnancy. I'd had a very hard time getting pregnant in the first place and knew so many women who had had losses -- some of the really most terrible losses I could imagine -- and who were still not pregnant. Having got through the entire pregnancy and come to the point of giving birth it was far easier to invision something going wrong than everything going right. Which was odd, because a safe and gentle birth was something I'd been dreaming about since I was little.

In the end, I had to realise that a safe and gentle birth isn't something you earn, it's something you have an inherent right to. And to have the same birth experience as everyone else, you have to specifically give up that right.

I've had two babies who likely would have had serious interventions if we were in a hospital. #1 came at 42.5 weeks, and was persistently asynclitic in labor. #2 came after 12+ hours of broken water with no contractions, and took quite a few minutes to breathe on his own after he was born. Both babies were completely healthy at birth.
post #69 of 105
Bonnie.. thanks for being so genuine and I can identify with where you´re head is at. I´m 39 weeks planning a first birth at home too.This thread encouraged me.
I almost canceled my home birth recently because of like you say not being able to live with myself if something ¨bad¨should ever happen to baby. I´ve been working to go deeper spiritually and let go of some the burden of worry it can be consuming. . I needed to let go of fear of hospitals too I realized!
Breath deep today. I can´t wait to check back and tell you a I have a healthy baby in my arms.Blessings!
post #70 of 105
Thread Starter 
kgrace, I almost cancelled my home birth too. This thread really helped me to work through my feelings of "why" I was so worried. Home birth has always been my idea of a beautiful, wonderful way to give birth. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought that I did not deserve to have such a wonderful birth. I mean, all these women for so many years have trusted their births to doctors and hospitals... and had no control over the birthing process, having interventions that don't make sense, and complications as a result. Why should I be so blessed to have anything different? For some reason, I thought I would be punished for trying to make my birth better than what other women have had. This was the reason I had all these fears about something going wrong. Now that I realize that ITS OK for me to want a better birth than others have had, and its OK for me to try to achieve that (no matter what happens), I can face my fears and move on. Knowing that I am making the best decision based on what I WANT my birthing experience to be helped me to confront the fears of anything that could possibly go wrong.

Sending Birthing Blessings your way!
post #71 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by BonnieNova View Post

I realized my fear stems from the feeling that I do not DESERVE to have what I want. I somehow feel like I DESERVE to have the same birth experience as the other women I know, and if i try for anything better, it will be taken away from me.

I had to assert myself just now and say "this is what I WANT, and Im going to do what I can to get it, and theres NOTHING wrong with that and I don't deserve to be punished for WANTING a great birth experience."
Oh, wow, I completely remember that feeling. I had forgotten about that.
Thanks for starting this thread, Bonnie. In your uncertainty, you're beautifully articulating the process that so many women go through as they approach childbirth.
You're doing the right thing. You're gathering factual information about the birthing process so you understand what will happen, and you're also looking inward and getting an emotional, psychological gauge.
I really wish we had more dialogue like this -- well, we have plenty of it on MDC, but I wish it was more common in real life. Too many women, I think, just show up at the hospital and put it all in the doctor's hands without really thinking about it. It's really helpful to hear other women's birth stories as well.
Here's my birth story. I wouldn't have changed a thing. In the hospital, I know they would have broken my water -- the baby was born in the caul at home. And I was so relaxed and inward at home. I don't think I could have reached that place in the hospital.
Like I said, thanks for starting this thread.
post #72 of 105
I lost a baby three hours after birth. It was a twin pregnancy planned to be at home. I was bedresting and trying to hold preterm labor at bay a month, but at 31 weeks could not stop it and since that is way to early to birth at home went to hosp. One twin had severe disabilities and died. She would have died no matter what the setting, but I wish we had been able to keep the babies inside me until 35 weeks(when my midwife and I would have been comfortable staying home for birth) because I wish I could have been in my home setting when she passed. Some staff was good with us, but some were just awful and made our loss more traumatic. The Amish stay home when they know a baby is going to die and their bedside vigils at the time of death are beautiful (I learned this while apprenticing). Even with a loss I went on to plan the next birth at home (a home waterbirth 8 weeks ago). I trust the process and while I understand in a visceral way that some babies die, I still believe that home is the right place for me.
post #73 of 105
I only personally know of two baby death occurrances.
One was my nephrew who died at 9 hrs old in a planned hospital delivery (probably would have died if born at home as well). Some things could have been done differently that would have changed the outcome. Some were the mothers fault and some the dr and hospitals fault. Eitherway it is still sad.

The other one was a friend who had planned a home birth with her first. The baby ended up being still born. Not sure if the outcome would have really been any different either way. She labored at home for a long time and then when things were not happening for a long time, they went to the hospital and the baby was born there still. She blamed her midwife, but I do not know that it was really her fault. She went on to have two more deliveries but never had a homebirth again. I personally think the outcome would have been the same either way. Who knows how long the baby had been still....
She was not too pleased when she found out I was having a home birth......and oddly enough since then, we have not been as close of friends. I do not know if she wonders why mine worked and hers didn't or what the deal is....but it is sad.
post #74 of 105
Thread Starter 
Blessed One - thanks for the 2 stories... It scares me when I hear stories like this, without details of the complication. For instance, you mentioned that the first mother probably made mistakes as well as the hospital. If you know what could have been done differently and would share it would make me feel better... and the second one (the homebirth) do you think the midwives monitored the baby correctly? Was there meconium? Were the midwives experienced enough?

For some reason, the details take the fear away... Knowing the details helps me to realize that I can learn from the experiences of another and try not to make the same mistakes (if any mistakes were made)...
post #75 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by BonnieNova View Post
Blessed One - thanks for the 2 stories... It scares me when I hear stories like this, without details of the complication. For instance, you mentioned that the first mother probably made mistakes as well as the hospital. If you know what could have been done differently and would share it would make me feel better... and the second one (the homebirth) do you think the midwives monitored the baby correctly? Was there meconium? Were the midwives experienced enough?

For some reason, the details take the fear away... Knowing the details helps me to realize that I can learn from the experiences of another and try not to make the same mistakes (if any mistakes were made)...
With the hospital birth of my nephrew, he died of group b strep. It should have been detected earlier than right before labor and when they did notice it they should have started anti-biotics to the mother right away. Instead they told her to get a c-sect, which she was completely against (keep in mind this was a young teenage mom that may not have know the affects of some things). So they let her deliver normal and the baby got group b strep. The baby then should have been treated for it right away as well. The hospital was not well equipped for problems and they should have life flighted him to the neonatal hospital an hour away if they could not handle it. The dr did not stick around to make sure the baby was doing ok, he instead left. To my knowledge he was the only one that could give the word to transfer the baby. To my knowledge he would not come in to check the baby and approve the transfer. If he was born c-sect, then there probably would not have been a problem. But likewise the drs should have found it sooner and treated it properly when found (both mother and child)

With the home delivery, I am not sure all of the details. IF I remember correctly it was blamed that the baby was in the birth canal too long. But unless the umb cord was somehow restricted, then I do not believe that would have affected it much. Since a baby in the womb gets o2 through the cord. So I kind of doubt that was really the case...unless of course the cord was somehow clamped in the womb....which can happen, but probably not overly common. To my knowledge it was not due to disease or anything. The baby was actually born at the hospital after she was in labor for hours at home and nothing seemed to be happening. I do not know what all the midwife did or did not do. It is possible that the baby could have been in distress and his heart rate failing and the midwife did not realize. But I can not say for sure. I do not talk to my friend about it unless she brings it up, which she only did once. I personally am guessing that the baby would have died in either situation.
post #76 of 105
also in regards to group b strep , the odds of a baby getting infected are only about 1 in 100. And if it is found that mother is infected with it, 90 percent are fixed with antibiotics to the mother.
post #77 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlessedOne View Post
also in regards to group b strep , the odds of a baby getting infected are only about 1 in 100. And if it is found that mother is infected with it, 90 percent are fixed with antibiotics to the mother.
Additionally, that is something that can be taken care of at a homebirth. My midwives do a heplock of antibiotics if necessary and if there is enough time.
post #78 of 105
BonnieNova,

I haven't read all the posts, so maybe you have already answered this question - how far from a hospital are you, in case you/babe need emergency transfer?
post #79 of 105
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlessedOne View Post
also in regards to group b strep , the odds of a baby getting infected are only about 1 in 100. And if it is found that mother is infected with it, 90 percent are fixed with antibiotics to the mother.
Odds are really much lower than that.

-Angela
post #80 of 105
Thread Starter 
Im about 15 minutes from the nearest hospital. I know that is not too far, and if it was any further, I might not be planning a home birth... but even a few minutes in a life and death situation can make a difference..
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