Touchy Question? - Page 5

[BlessedOne]

[QUOTE=alegna;11215216]Odds are really much lower than that.

-Angela[/QUOTyeah I think they are too. I only know one baby that had it and that was my nephrew.

[Thing1Thing2]

Just wanted to update everyone on my decision regarding homebirth.

I am planning to wait until the last minute to decide. My idea is to go and visit a couple of hospitals, find out which ones I like and then wait until my little one decides to come and make the decision at that moment.

My home birth CNM is coming tomorrow to my house to go over the final preparations for the home birth. I have the tub set up and ready to fill. I'm not sure if I should tell her my plans or not... I am afraid she will be upset with me for making her come all the way to my house (1 hour away), and then telling her I "might not" go through with it. I guess that's my MAIN concern about changing my mind.

There are two hospitals I have made appointments to visit this coming saturday and next saturday. These hospitals have great websites and seem "natural birth" friendly. They both have 24 hour rooming in, and labor and delivery suites. I can have 2 people in the room with me and in one of the hospitals, I dont have to have an IV and can eat as I want. It seems that I can get the birth experience that I want at these two places. The only thing I'm not sure if they have is the birthing tub.... but a hot shower will give me the same pain relief wont it?

Of course, my midwife does not have privileges at these hospitals - so I am at a loss as to how to approach the subject with my midwife. I dont want her getting upset at me for being so darn fickle and wasting her time. The hospital she DOES have privileges at is a HORRIBLE hospital... It looks like a psych ward so I am NOT going there.

I have decided not to let myself get too worried about this anymore. I have gone weeks doing research and FREAKING myself out about this decision. I have done all the research my little brain can handle and I figure I will leave it up to my last minute intuition to make the decision for me.

What do you all think about this? Do you think I should tell my midwife?

[3cuties]

Bonnie, it really sounds like to me you are not comfortable with a homebirth -- despite wanting one. That is okay, homebirth is not ideal for everyone.

I think you should look now for midwives who deliver at the hospitals you have chosen. And just an aside, I have had 3 hospital births and my experience is that the health care provider is key -- not what the hospital advertises. You need to have somoene who is willing to vouch for what you want and what you don't. If you walk into one of these hospitals in labor with no HCP -- you will likely get forced/talked into all sorts of interventions.

So 1) find out what birthing like at the hospital your midwife is on staff with is like -- not just what it looks like, perhaps it doesn't have the same marketing fund/decorating fund but it allows non-internventionist births. That is the key. 2) Find another HCP now -- find a midwife or very open OB (based on references -- not just what they tell you). and 3) I do think you should tell your midwife. Good luck.

[alegna]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

There are two hospitals I have made I can have 2 people in the room with me and in one of the hospitals, I dont have to have an IV and can eat as I want. It seems that I can get the birth experience that I want at these two places. The only thing I'm not sure if they have is the birthing tub.... but a hot shower will give me the same pain relief wont it?

You don't have to have an IV wherever you are and you can always eat as you want. You are not the property of the hospital. You can refuse anything.

And no, IME a shower is NOTHING like a tub in labor.

-Angela

[BlessedOne]

Originally Posted by alegna

You don't have to have an IV wherever you are and you can always eat as you want. You are not the property of the hospital. You can refuse anything.

And no, IME a shower is NOTHING like a tub in labor.

-Angela

my hospital would not allow me to go without an iv...they said it was hospital policy and they did not want me eating either....but I think that was more of a dr preferrence than the hospital.






I know hospitals technically can not refuse someone......but do you think it will be fine (as in hassle free) coming in without any real repore with the hospital and drs and having your baby? I am not overly familar with it, but I know some drs will not take patients that are so far along. For instance I came to my dr at 6months pg and he was barely going to take me. It is too much of a risk for them. Now of course I do not know that a dr can say no I will not deliver this baby because they are not my patient........like I said I am not familar with the rules. But to me that would be more stressful than a homebirth....just jumping on a wim. But that is just me.

A hot shower may feel great, but I do not know about standing and laboring....to me that does not sound fun. And besides that, you should check with hospital policy as to if they will even let you do that type of thing.
To me it sounds like you should labor at home and then when it is closer to time to give birth, go to the hospital......providing they let you right in. Unless of course at that time you feel more comfy with the home birth thing.
I personally would never birth in a hospital again..........homebirth all the way for me!

[alegna]

Originally Posted by BlessedOne

my hospital would not allow me to go without an iv...they said it was hospital policy and they did not want me eating either....but I think that was more of a dr preferrence than the hospital.

I know hospitals technically can not refuse someone......but do you think it will be fine (as in hassle free) coming in without any real repore with the hospital and drs and having your baby? I am not overly familar with it, but I know some drs will not take patients that are so far along. For instance I came to my dr at 6months pg and he was barely going to take me. It is too much of a risk for them. Now of course I do not know that a dr can say no I will not deliver this baby because they are not my patient........like I said I am not familar with the rules. But to me that would be more stressful than a homebirth....just jumping on a wim. But that is just me.

A hot shower may feel great, but I do not know about standing and laboring....to me that does not sound fun. And besides that, you should check with hospital policy as to if they will even let you do that type of thing.
To me it sounds like you should labor at home and then when it is closer to time to give birth, go to the hospital......providing they let you right in. Unless of course at that time you feel more comfy with the home birth thing.
I personally would never birth in a hospital again..........homebirth all the way for me!

They can not force you. Period. And if you go in in active labor- they can not turn you away.

They can claim hospital policy until the cows come home. Practice saying- I do not consent.

Yeah, they will be unhappy. Yeah, it will be a fight.

Personally I don't want a fight in labor- so I birth at home. But if birthing in a hospital is needed or important to you, might as well understand your rights

-Angela

[Thing1Thing2]

maybe you are right - 3 cuties. I guess its so late in the game right now (36 weeks), that Im afraid to change my mind. I dont want my CNM getting upset at me.

[holothuroidea]

Originally Posted by BlessedOne

I know hospitals technically can not refuse someone......but do you think it will be fine (as in hassle free) coming in without any real repore with the hospital and drs and having your baby? I am not overly familar with it, but I know some drs will not take patients that are so far along.

If you do this, you will run into the doctor's liability issues. It is difficult for a doctor to be responsible for the care of someone whom they do not have adequate records for.

So what does this mean for you? It means that they will most likely want to section you the first opportunity they get to avoid a lawsuit.

I think you should sit down and do the classic "pros and cons" list. If you decide to birth at the hospital, you should probably find a HCP that delivers there, so that they can get your records in time.

This, of course, is just my opinion.

You know, either way you're going to get a beautiful baby out of it!!

[Thing1Thing2]

Not only that, but I dont want to let go of my dream of a home birth. I feel I will have some grieving to do if I decide to go to the hospital - Yes, I do feel it will be MORE stressful to just arrive at a hospital and expect a DR to deliver my baby. I just have a feeling that as time goes on, I will feel better about homebirthing, but I've waited this long (its been a month that Ive felt uncomfortable about giving birth at home) and my mind keeps changing. I guess Im just not home birth material.

[nashvillemidwife]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

My home birth CNM is coming tomorrow to my house to go over the final preparations for the home birth... I am afraid she will be upset with me for making her come all the way to my house (1 hour away)

Two hours of my time on the road and the price of gas what it is? I would be upset. You should call and discuss your concerns with her today.

[3cuties]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

maybe you are right - 3 cuties. I guess its so late in the game right now (36 weeks), that Im afraid to change my mind. I dont want my CNM getting upset at me.

I am a pleaser too, I hate when people are mad at me, hate it. It feels so uncomfortable, but this is bigger than that -- so while I understand that sentiment, you need to just accept that she might be mad and address it. People switch HCPs at all sorts of dates, you can do it now too.

[3cuties]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Not only that, but I dont want to let go of my dream of a home birth. I feel I will have some grieving to do if I decide to go to the hospital - Yes, I do feel it will be MORE stressful to just arrive at a hospital and expect a DR to deliver my baby. I just have a feeling that as time goes on, I will feel better about homebirthing, but I've waited this long (its been a month that Ive felt uncomfortable about giving birth at home) and my mind keeps changing. I guess Im just not home birth material.

This is your first right? You can have your next at home, you aren't giving up a dream. You need to have a HCP lined up and pre-register at a hospital. So I would start looking now -- get references from the Tribe section for midwives. Ask your CNM about her hospital.

[nashvillemidwife]

Originally Posted by BonnieNova

Not only that, but I dont want to let go of my dream of a home birth. I feel I will have some grieving to do if I decide to go to the hospital.

BonnieNova, it does not sound to me like you're prepared to deal with the consequences if your baby were to have complications if born at home. That's very important. You've done all the research, you've heard all the pros here and you've read the scaremongering. You know that something bad could happen. Maybe it could be prevented by going to the hospital, maybe it could happen because you go to the hospital. It is important that home birth families are at peace with this. You aren't.

[BlessedOne]

I will be honest with you....with my first UC homebirth, I could have gotten really nervous as well(and did sometimes)....but I kept kicking the fears out. If I would have kept thinking about all the bad that could happen and listening to all of the people bringing up the what ifs, then I probably would not have been able to go through with it. But at some point I just had to make my decision and stick with it....no matter what. EVERYTHING has pros and cons....you win a little here, you lose a little there. So just find what makes you the most happy and go with that and stick with it. And just keep kicking out the fears that come along with that decision (either decision you are going to have some concerns). In my eyes (now of course this is coming from a bias homebirth...hehe) I would say just stick with home birth....you have midwife that should be skilled enough to combat most problems that were to occur (IF any occur) and if she can not...then didn't you say the nearest hospital was only 15 minutes away? That is not that far. I would say your homebirth experience would be just fine. But if you really do feel more comfy with the hospital idea, then go with it and stick with it. It could be a pleasant experience as well............it is just not my thing.

[BlessedOne]

Originally Posted by BlessedOne

I will be honest with you....with my first UC homebirth, I could have gotten really nervous as well(and did sometimes)....but I kept kicking the fears out. If I would have kept thinking about all the bad that could happen and listening to all of the people bringing up the what ifs, then I probably would not have been able to go through with it. But at some point I just had to make my decision and stick with it....no matter what. EVERYTHING has pros and cons....you win a little here, you lose a little there. So just find what makes you the most happy and go with that and stick with it. And just keep kicking out the fears that come along with that decision (either decision you are going to have some concerns). In my eyes (now of course this is coming from a bias homebirth...hehe) I would say just stick with home birth....you have midwife that should be skilled enough to combat most problems that were to occur (IF any occur) and if she can not...then didn't you say the nearest hospital was only 15 minutes away? That is not that far. I would say your homebirth experience would be just fine. But if you really do feel more comfy with the hospital idea, then go with it and stick with it. It could be a pleasant experience as well............it is just not my thing.

and to be even more honest........I was even nervous with my hospital birth....and my birthing center birth......nervousness just tends to accompany most people in the birth process. I do not know of that many people that were not nervous giving birth......no matter where.

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife

BonnieNova, it does not sound to me like you're prepared to deal with the consequences if your baby were to have complications if born at home. That's very important. You've done all the research, you've heard all the pros here and you've read the scaremongering. You know that something bad could happen. Maybe it could be prevented by going to the hospital, maybe it could happen because you go to the hospital. It is important that home birth families are at peace with this. You aren't.

:

It's okay to decide homebirth isn't right for you.

[3cuties]

Originally Posted by barefootpoetry

:

It's okay to decide homebirth isn't right for you.

It is completley okay. Please just find a HCP for the hospital, do not just walk in! Choice is what is important - -fully examining all choices available, I just wish more women fully examined all the choices available to them. Good luck and let us know how your search goes.

[sapphire_chan]

Got a tough decision where technically either choice will be fine? Flip a coin. Your feelings about the results will tell you a lot about how you actually want to choose. For example, "heads! oh well, I'll try a homebirth next time" verses "heads again! oh, well... um, best 7 out of 10?"

[mamaverdi]

Originally Posted by nashvillemidwife

BonnieNova, it does not sound to me like you're prepared to deal with the consequences if your baby were to have complications if born at home. That's very important. You've done all the research, you've heard all the pros here and you've read the scaremongering. You know that something bad could happen. Maybe it could be prevented by going to the hospital, maybe it could happen because you go to the hospital. It is important that home birth families are at peace with this. You aren't.

:

[homewithtwinsmama]

I am afraid she will be upset with me for making her come all the way to my house (1 hour away), and then telling her I "might not" go through with it. I guess that's my MAIN concern about changing my mind.

Regardless of what you decide, do be sure to pay this midwife for her good care of you up until now. I have seen too many last minute-back-out-of-homebirth types stiff my dear midwife friend.

There are two hospitals I have made appointments to visit this coming saturday and next saturday. These hospitals have great websites and seem "natural birth" friendly. They both have 24 hour rooming in, and labor and delivery suites. I can have 2 people in the room with me and in one of the hospitals, I dont have to have an IV and can eat as I want. It seems that I can get the birth experience that I want at these two places. The only thing I'm not sure if they have is the birthing tub.... but a hot shower will give me the same pain relief wont it?

A shower will not give the same pain relief as a tub. Yes, it can be helpful, but not nearly to the degree of full emersion (I have done two births with only access to showers - in hosp. and two homebirths with Aquadoula tubs and there was NO comparison between the two for pain relief for me) does.

Of course, my midwife does not have privileges at these hospitals - so I am at a loss as to how to approach the subject with my midwife. I dont want her getting upset at me for being so darn fickle and wasting her time. The hospital she DOES have privileges at is a HORRIBLE hospital... It looks like a psych ward so I am NOT going there.

No offense, but what does the decor have to do with anything? I would think that if you have a relationship with this midwife and really like her that you would be better off in her hands in any hospital than in a pretty one with a stranger (since you are not making decisions until the last minute).

Do you think I should tell my midwife?[/QUOTE]

Yes, I do believe that you should respect her enough to tell her what you are considering.