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What's the likelihood I could home birth with twins or triplets? - Page 3

post #41 of 52
Obviously, we're all coming from different places. I'm coming from the perspective of someone who, after a very rough birth that did not go according to plan, went through around 18 months of severe PTSD-like symptoms and had a very rough time connecting with ANYONE during that time period, much less my baby. So, I wasn't interested in repeating anything like that again, and did everything I could to stack the odds in my favor for a good birth. But deep down, I knew that it was still ODDS, and that anything was possible (one way or the other). Because of what I had gone through with my last birth, I think I was more open than ever before to dealing with things not going according to plan, however, I was also more committed than ever to doing my part to encourage the outcome I wanted.

So, I'm not sure that we're even completely disagreeing here, so I won't say agree to disagree...

I do think lining up support for the first little while is very important. I had a great first year with my twins, for the most part, and just had to get used to a whole new level of chaos. I'm just thankful I wasn't dealing with some of the issues I had last time around (after my own horrific birth). Maybe it's a coincidence, and maybe it's related, but I'm thankful.
post #42 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by christyc View Post
a big part of why the birth actually matters is because we all want our babies (and our relationships with our babies) to get off to the best possible start. Obviously, there are no guarantees, but why not go for whatever it is you believe, in your unique situation, will make that good start more likely?
Thank you cristyc for bringing this up. This, for me, is why the birth matters. It is not about some perfect, beautiful dream image. It is about choosing the road that each woman feels is best to safeguard the health of mom and babies, thereby doing what she can to ensure a healthy, successful postpartum/newborn period and beyond. Each woman does her own research, asssembles a birth team she can (hopefully) trust and consults with them to determine her own risk vs. benefit analysis for herself and her babies. Some women will decide that the risks and benefits of being in the hospital outweigh the risks and benefits of being at home. Other women will decide the reverse. Both groups of women accept the risks that come with their chosen birth place, be that home or hospital. They are both valid paths that should be available to choose for multiple moms.

If the birth is very important to the mom, then that feeling should be respected even if it is not shared. And if the mom honestly does not place a lot of emphasis on the birth, well then that is her choice too. Both women share a desire for health/safety for them and their babies. It isn't necessary to say it to either.

From my perspective, the birth mattered very much. I chose midwifery care and homebirth because I believed it was the safer option unless or until there was a true medical indication that an OB or a hospital was needed. I was terrified of trying to recover from major abdominal surgery while struggling to care for two newborns and an older singleton. During labor at home, my midwives did identify an appropriate need for transfer (as they are trained to do) which happened in a safe, smooth manner. I did end up having a section. And it was even harder than I had imagined it would be recovering and caring for two babies at the same time. I agree that preparation for the postpartum period is also very, very important, but their birth had a lasting physical effect on our first 6+mo together despite my doing just that sort of preparation. So the fact that the birth did not go the way I had hoped did indeed have a dramatic effect on the way the "rest of reality" went during our postpartum period.
post #43 of 52
I have a friend who had 3 transferred... and one split. She she had quads. Did I mention she's a single mom? You may have seen her on Oprah a few years ago. Her quads are almost 5yo now.

Anyway, I really feel like this thread is starting in on scare tactics about mult pregnancy and homebirth and parenting twins, and let's get back to the op: it's all hypothetical!

post #44 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerchild View Post
Though on second thought, CAN one ever truly be prepared in advance? I'll have to think about that one.
I don't think any first time parent can really know what birthing/breastfeeding/parenting is going to be like. There will always be some surprise involved, some aspects that just never crossed your mind (i.e. when you and your kids are all sick with the stomach bug), some things that are harder than you thought they would be (breastfeeding for me) and some things that aren't as big of a deal as you imagined they might be (nighttime parenting for me).

If I could go back in time and decide if I wanted my babies to be born as twins or one-at-a-time, I would choose for them to come separately. The birth experience would certainly be one of the factors I'd put on the list of "pros to have them separately," but there would be so many other factors on that list, which all add up to being so much bigger than the birth experience alone. Even if, for some crazy reason, having twins meant a natural homebirth and having a singleton meant a c-section . . . I'd still choose the singleton for all the other reasons. My experience does not reflect the experience of all twin moms by any means whatsoever! But for us, having twins has been a huge struggle, and continues to be be a struggle, even now that my twins are 5.

Lex
post #45 of 52
This is a fascinating conversation and I'm really interested in all these various opinions.

It just never occurred to me to plan anything other than a physiologically normal birth. I had already had two successful home births and one of those was UC. So perhaps I was already used to/deaf to the 'that's so dangerous' party line. I did actually have a breech twin A, who decided at the last second to come footling, and she was born safely at home. If we'd needed to have a c-section then we would have had it and I would have dealt with it but honestly, I have four older children and my oldest is SIX so recovering from surgery would have been hell. I chose to plan the birth that had the best likelihood of not having a big old wound on my abdomen when I got done. I happened to not have anything arise that required me to have a surgical intervention. Some of that was luck. Some of that was good planning. I was never so hung up on the birth that I couldn't see past it but I honor that fact that birth is our first step into parenting and as such, it is a very important step. Only one of many, but important none-the-less.

And for me, parenting twins has not been the doom and gloom I'm reading about. I hate to see that put up on this board as 'fact'. It may be the overwhelming majority but it's not the only experience out there. Perhaps it's because I have a lot of kids so throwing two more in hasn't been that big of a ripple. Or maybe it's because my two have been sleeping well at night since about 4 weeks. Or maybe it's just because I'm a laid back person and I have low expectations of myself most days. Whatever it is I am overjoyed to be experiencing twins and I have not needed nearly as much help as was recommended. I had two weeks of help from my mother and my best friend/her husband and my husband. Then I was on my own and we've done just fine. There are many hairy moments and evenings are stressful but we're getting on OK.

So for those reading who are pregnant right now, it's not always as hard as it's been said here and sometimes it's even harder. You cannot know until your set of multiples comes out and you see how it's going to be. Plan for the worst but hope for the best.
post #46 of 52
Chantel, I regularly want to throw my arms round your neck!!!
post #47 of 52
as in, to HUG you not strangle
post #48 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by shukr View Post
Chantel, I regularly want to throw my arms round your neck!!!
:

Quote:
And for me, parenting twins has not been the doom and gloom I'm reading about. I hate to see that put up on this board as 'fact'. It may be the overwhelming majority but it's not the only experience out there. Perhaps it's because I have a lot of kids so throwing two more in hasn't been that big of a ripple. Or maybe it's because my two have been sleeping well at night since about 4 weeks. Or maybe it's just because I'm a laid back person and I have low expectations of myself most days. Whatever it is I am overjoyed to be experiencing twins and I have not needed nearly as much help as was recommended.
Same here, and it feels good to hear someone say that. I had help the first few weeks, which was very important to me (until I stopped bleeding), and then that was it. I have older kids around who help some, but they're still kids, so it's only so much. But I've really enjoyed my babies over the past year. Were there times I've felt a little overwhelmed? Absolutely. But I remember having those times even when I had a singleton. All in all, they're a lot more work, but a very special kind of fun.
post #49 of 52
The twin babies time was pretty amazing for me too . . . the twin toddlers and twin preschoolers is where it got really tough for me, which came as a HUGE shock and surprise (I really thought things would just get easier as the babies got older).

I never meant to imply that my experience is everyone's experience (or even the norm). I was in a somewhat similar situation as the OP while ttc, and while I welcomed the possibility of multiples at the time, in retrospect I had no idea what that would really mean (for birth and the rest of my life). I think part of what has made my particular set of twins particularly difficult is that they're both boys, but not monozygotic (in my experience, monozygotic twins seem to get along better), they share all the same interests, but have very different ways of interacting with the world. They are incredibly competitive. They, of course, also have moments (even hours sometimes!) of being quite loving and sweet together . . . although these days when they're getting along they can turn into a huge ball of unstoppable, giggling energy, and I sometimes find myself wondering if it's easier when they're NOT getting along, lol.

Anyway, I didn't mean to imply that having twins is a horrible curse or anything like that. But if I was in the position to CHOOSE one way or the other (which the OP seems to be in), then *I* would choose to have my babies one at a time.

Lex
post #50 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by lexbeach View Post
The twin babies time was pretty amazing for me too . . . the twin toddlers and twin preschoolers is were it got really tough for me, which came as a HUGE shock and surprise (I really thought things would just get easier as the babies got older).
Hey, now, don't say that! I'm on a roll!

I've actually heard that dz same sex twins are MUCH more competitive than MZ, though I can't remember where that study was.
post #51 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by lexbeach View Post
The twin babies time was pretty amazing for me too . . . the twin toddlers and twin preschoolers is where it got really tough for me, which came as a HUGE shock and surprise (I really thought things would just get easier as the babies got older).

Lex
Ditto! I was pleasantly surprised at how easy the first year was compared to what I was expecting. (I also had a great birth which I think helped because my recovery was so fast.) I had no help aside from my DH taking a few days off and when the babies were 2 weeks old I traveled 650 miles up to visit family. I was crazy! Then my girls turned 1 and it got really hard to keep up! I was a little shocked because I had heard that it was supposed to get easier! And now here I am getting ready to do it again.
post #52 of 52
I didn't have a home birth with my twins -- didn't plan one. I didn't even research it really. I was less crunch then and knew less.

Anyway, I'm chiming in because my twins are from IVF. It was our second IVF after 4 Clomid & 5 injectables cycles & one miserable failed IVF. I was an emotional and physical mess. It was the hardest experience of my life. As I said on a different thread recently, twins seemed like the best possible outcome. It seemed like the only way I was going to get 2 kids. It's hard to overstate just how hard the whole infertility process is and how it just takes over. I transferred 5 embryos, which seems crazy to me now. We only had 5 embryos & they were all good quality. My doc was leaving our clinic & she'd put so much effort into trying to get us PG that I think it was her final shot or something. Anyway, I was thrilled with twins. When we first started TTC my DH said he'd hoped we'd get twins & I told him I did *not* want twins because it would be so much harder to AP them.

When I was PG, I did not focus on pregnancy or birth books at all, other than to read Barbara Luke. A friend told me she thought it was better to focus on what happens after the baby is born because the rest takes care of itself. Seemed like good advice at the time . . .

I don't think anything can prepare you, really, for the reality of having two babies because so much depends on who your babies are and who you are. That's why comparisons seem so silly to me -- who has it harder -- the Mom with her babies 12 mos apart or twin mamas. Two Fionas would have nearly killed me. Twin Phoebe & Ians would not have been so hard.

Lexbeach, I think it's such an interesting question as to whether you'd rather have your babies one at a time. I guess theoretically, I could have frozen embryos and transferred one at a time so I could have had that choice. It breaks my heart to think of my two not as twins, but Fiona has needed so much and has been so difficult and I think it would have been a different story if she'd been born first and by herself. She still would have been a high needs baby and toddler and preschooler, but I would have had more bandwidth to meet her needs. Nicer for me, definitely. I agree with you that I didn't know how hard twins were until I had a singleton.

So, to the OP, I just wanted to say something about IVF. It's good to have plans and think it though, but IVF will throw at you what it will. My first IVF we only had 2 embryos so we transferred them on day 2 since there was no reason to leave them in a petri dish. My second, 13 eggs were retrieved and from that, there were 5 viable embryos on day 3 & all went in. I have a friend, however, who had tons of good embryos and she has been able to transfer them one at a time & had 2 singleton pregnancies result from 2 transfers. That seems ideal to me. Twins are do-able, but triplets, I honestly can't even fathom how triplet Moms do it. Just from my own experience, I know that I romanticized pregnancy and having children while we were TTC. It's a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Also, much better in many ways. The love for your children is indescribable, but it is hard.

Sorry to ramble on and offer unsolicited advice. I hope your IVF works!

Best wishes to you.
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