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So DS is kicked out...and it hurts (xposted) - Page 2

post #21 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by pixiewytch View Post
We knew this day was coming but last night was it. DS was asked not to come for the rest of kindergarten year at waldorf.

I have posted on here quite a bit lately about DS's problems with aggressiveness, hitting, sensory issues, etc. He was at waldorf on a special needs scholarship but his behavior has been escalating as he gets older and harder to manage. We still don't have a diagnosis or know the root of his problems in general.

Well with about two months of school left, we were asked to leave. We all agreed that because of his disruptions lately there really isn't a better option at this point. I guess what hurts the most is the stigma I've been dealing with lately. I mean, the teachers have been above and beyond trying to help and accommodate him but I feel like the parents haven't been understanding. I've been getting more and more self conscious when bringing him there about people thinking "oh, there's that bad kid" like I've done something to deserve it....and thus, I have even noticed up to this point other moms not being very chatty to me.

DS is very sweet and not a malicious child. He could be talking about how beautiful a flower is one minute and then go in a rage the next because he hears a noise that upsets him.

It is just so easy when you have a "normal" child to judge the other children. I feel like people don't care where your kid goes as long as they just go away. How is this going to affect him as he gets older? He is already starting to get low self esteem from being self aware of some of his shortcomings.

And now I have to explain to him that he can't go back to school Monday. The teacher told me to just tell him it is more important to be home right now but he isn't going to understand that. He will want to know why he can't see his friends. We didn't really get any closure either. We just found out last night after a school meeting and that was it.

His teacher said that if we find out what is going on and find some resolution over the summer we are welcome to contact the first grade teacher (when he or she is hired) and see if they will take him.

I'm just really broken hearted about this right now and the social stigma I'm feeling is starting to hit hard lately.
You know, I am going to be frank. I would not worry too much about the whole social stigma. Some waldorf environments put far too much pressure on not letting kids be kids. I know, how ironic. Its hard to see them not honor certain emotions while fostering others.

Your home, your heart really is best for him. Even Steiner himself wrote about the first seven years really needed to be home. I've never understood why Waldorf schools begin so early.

There are a lot of things I love about Waldorf and many, many things that are deeply wrong. I take the good and positive and turn away from the others. This may be a good time for your family to decide what is best for you.

Discipline. Also look at how you gently but firmly approach discipline with your son. I have no reason to suggest this other than its on my mind for some reason.

We homeschool and it works best for our family. Maybe it will be fruitful for yours as well with time.

Now, personally, I think it stinks that they asked him to leave.
post #22 of 55
oh I'm sorry mama. WHat a bummer. sigh

maybe homeopathy can help him.....it's definitely worth a try. I've seen it work wonders for children who have difficulty in school

post #23 of 55
Thread Starter 
Thanks Kindermama. We have been using a weleda homeopathic for almost a month now with no improvement.

I'm a big fan of homeopathy myself but perhaps I need a better diagnosis or understanding of what is going on to be able to treat it.
post #24 of 55
Just throwing this out there but have you looked into SPD? Sensory Processing Disorder. It came to mind when you said he could hear a sound and BAM he is a different child. I have the "touch" one. I am VERY sensitive to touch. He may be very sensitive to sound.
Good luck! I hope you get some answers soon.
post #25 of 55
Thread Starter 
Yes, homeschoolingmama, SPD is a huge possibility at this point. We just don't know if it is that alone or if that is just a symptom of something bigger.
post #26 of 55
We're using the stibium/aurum/another word I can't remember-lol-combination recommended in anthroposophical medicine. I have to give it to my ds three times a day for it to have an effect--his dx is ADHD, autism, and developmental delay.
post #27 of 55
Thread Starter 
fluttermama, we are using aurum trit twice a day. So far I haven't seen any improvement really but it hasn't quite been a month so I don't know....
post #28 of 55
I'm sorry, Pixie. That must be hard for you to watch him suffer. I hope that you and 'the experts' can figure out a way to help him deal with his challenges so he can continue to enjoy whichever school he attends, or homeschooling.
post #29 of 55
Could the doctor run blood tests for chemical imbalances, nutrition imbalances, etc that could be causing his rages?

It sounds to me Pixiewitch that this is physical in nature. Could it be chromosomal?
post #30 of 55

sorry, mama.
It's hard when our kid is "that kid".
Ds is "that kid who snaps and punches his friends if they accidentally bump or otherwise hurt him".

We love them so much, it's hard to see them criticized.

Your little fellow seems to be dealing with more than ds at this point, but I just wanted you to know: I understand the protective/ cringing feeling.

And hey, maybe consider homeschooling. With a small group of friends, and mama around, perhaps it would be less overwheming.
post #31 of 55
Quote:
fluttermama, we are using aurum trit twice a day. So far I haven't seen any improvement really but it hasn't quite been a month so I don't know....
The stibium part is important for the hyperactivity. I have the bottle here now...it's Weleda Aurum/Hyoscyamus/Stibium. He takes 8 drops 3 times per day (when I remember). If you haven't seen any improvement in a month, you probably should try something else, IMO.
post #32 of 55
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kmeyrick View Post
Could the doctor run blood tests for chemical imbalances, nutrition imbalances, etc that could be causing his rages?

It sounds to me Pixiewitch that this is physical in nature. Could it be chromosomal?
Yes, I've considered all of that. Just the thought of the cost of all of those tests makes me cringe right now and since I've been on lots of wild goose chases already this year, I'm just trying to be careful about finding someone who can cover all bases at once, not just focus on nutrition or chemical or something else. Ugh. It really is a frustrating process.
post #33 of 55
I'm sorry Pixie. I used to nanny for a boy with SPD and based on what you wrote I think it is great that you are looking into that as a possibility for your son.

Big hugs to you.
post #34 of 55
Quote:
Yes, I've considered all of that. Just the thought of the cost of all of those tests makes me cringe right now and since I've been on lots of wild goose chases already this year, I'm just trying to be careful about finding someone who can cover all bases at once, not just focus on nutrition or chemical or something else. Ugh. It really is a frustrating process.
You are so right...it's so hard to find someone who will focus on the whole--individual--child. ((((((HUGS)))))) And it's exhausting when you are already exhausted.
post #35 of 55
Pixiewytch !
I am so, so sorry !

I know it is awful, but maybe in the end it will be better for your son and your family. If he really does have special needs than at least it was caught early. In that case, maybe at home with his family will be what is best, or maybe some other shool that will fit his needs.

I believe everything happens for a reason and to try to see the best in everything. I no this will turn out for the best. As for the community turning it's back on you, how obnoxious. That just really makes me angry !!

You are loved on this forum and we are all here to chat when you need to. I agree with another poster who said you should tell your sweet son something else rather than he was asked not to come back.

Have you seen this,

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Waldorfhmschspneeds/


What a wonderful waldorf advocate you have been. I hope you continue with waldorf methods, in whatever path you choose....


(((Hugs))) to you both...
post #36 of 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluttermama View Post
If you haven't seen any improvement in a month, you probably should try something else, IMO.
Definitely true with homeopathy. pm me his specific symptoms & i can try to help
post #37 of 55
I'm so sorry that the school is not working out for your DS right now and that your family has to go through this.

If you want to homeschool Waldorf I'd recommend the Oaksong Cirriculum (you can purchase it online) it comes with everything you need and is purely Waldorf based. Many friends of mine have had great success with it.

As far as the social stigma (not that it matters that much now) but were the other parents aware that he may have a sensory issue or a condition that causes him to act out?

I only point it out because my child came home daily with reports that another boy was hitting him (had once bitten him and left a red mark) and yelled at him. This was confirmed when I saw the child chasing DS with a stick swinging it (the teacher was intervening shortly after) until I KNEW this child had symptoms of a possible sensory disorder, I just thought he was a bully.

And I was all mamabear about my son being hurt. (Although I didn't act cold toward his mother or the boy)

I really hope that the OT can help you on your path to knowing what is going on with your child, so that he can be nurtured the way he needs to be to thrive and flourish. Maybe by the fall things will be much more straightened out for you all and he can return to the school.
post #38 of 55
Thread Starter 
Enchanted Gypsy, thanks so much for your heartfelt post. I really do appreciate it. I think of you guys too from time to time in that bus of yours. It is nice to know that we can all sort of connect to one another from across the country.

Breeder, you are on to something about the parents being in the know. Unfortunately I didn't think much about this early on, probably because a part of me didn't want to single him out as a child with something wrong but in hindsight I think we definitely should have made it a priority to inform the other parents about what was going on with him.

For all interested, we had an eval on Friday and he definitely has tactile and auditory sensory. We pretty much knew this already but this just makes it a bit more official. We will be starting regular OT this summer and then hopefully see some improvement.

I also talked to the school administrator who has invited him to summer camp if we would like to try that out and has also offered us some leftover scholarship dollars for any therapy we might need outside of the school. I really appreciate that they are offering those things to accommodate us. At least I don't feel completely shut out of the school anymore. She reminded me that she would like to do whatever she can to keep the doors open for us and see that he gets to first grade.
post #39 of 55
I'm glad you're getting some answers, pixiewytch.

And keep in the back of your mind that public school districts can be compelled to provide special needs services even for students who are enrolled in private schools. In the schools where I live, you're unlikely to get much help for students this young yet, and there are a lot of bureaucratic hoops to jump, including having to undergo their own assessment process. Sometimes it works out great here, providing needed services that would literally bankrupt the average family. But other times, the ordeal is just a frustrating dead end. But I thought I'd put that out there because it's possibly one option to look into.
post #40 of 55
I skimmed quickly so forgive me if I'm restating.

A. My older son sees in OT - it's covered by our MEDICAL insurance, not mental health. We paid for the eval out of pocket because we were between insurance. They sent a copy of the eval to our pediatrician who wrote a prescription for OT. The OT office wouldn't see us without the Rx for actual therapy.

B. I had a longer appointment with DS's pediatrician about medical sources for behavioral conditions. It's been a pain and a half to get that actual appointment covered (he listed is as a mental health appointment because we were discussing behavior - MH won't pay because he's not a psychiatrist, MI won't cover because it was a behavioral health issue). He ordered a bunch of blood work and a CT scan (which came back fine, but the pediatrician considered the test of last resort) and said if that all came back fine, he'd refer us to a developmental pediatrician. We probably should still see the DP, but the change in Daniel in the year+ that he's seen the OT has been so impressive that we're working with just that right now.

C. OT is fun for most kids - I offer that as an FYI so that you can let your child know. For kids with SID there are lots of chances for jumping/climbing/sensory input. DS, who's always been VERY anxious was willing to go back alone with the OT after 4 visits (which was wonderful for me in that I no longer had to get childcare for my other child).
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