Arguments about gender equality absolutely
have a place in this discussion. Absolutely. It has already been well established that many posters would treat this question differently if the poster were a man, hell one poster even admitted straight up that she thought the double standard was a good idea!
Nobody wants to talk about it, though, because it makes us all uncomfortable and puts us all (myself included, mother of a son who does NOT live with me at the moment, though I do see him almost every day...family issues I will elaborate on if asked...according to some posting here, I'm a freakin' monster because of this! That is so unbelievably untrue, and pure hatred based on gender role double standard CRAP).
I can not stand to see people hating on this woman (and by extension, those in similar situations) for doing nothing more than proposing something challenging, different, unconventional. Asking a question. Laying out a scenario and asking for advice. Why the hatred? Where does it come from? Why the anger and rage and insults and talk of being a bad parent and person for just considering it? Because she is a woman, that's why! Because women aren't 'supposed' to consider these things. That, this is *wholly* gender based. Completely. It is not 'irrelevant', and the more you insist it is, the more I insist you don't want to deal with the root of the issue.
I did say in my original post that based on the father's behavior, she should carefully consider this move. And I think she should. But, the thing is, only she knows the specifics of her situation best. Her son best. Her ex best. Her self best. Therefore, it is her
call. Not ours. Shaming her, hurting her, insulting her doesn't help her. It might help some here feel self-righteous and better about themselves
, but it doesn't help her.
I trust her to make the decision that is right for her family, as I would for any rational, non-abusive adult (and I find her actions to be well within the parameters of both).
Sometimes people's identities can be so caught up in their parenting/style of parenting that even the thought of someone doing things differently can be very upsetting, even threatening. Same goes with everything else in life. But, that is no excuse to crap all over this woman's character and call her a bad person. You can disagree with her, or tell her it's not the decision you would make, or ask her about the specifics, sure. But insult her? Call her names and try to make her feel like she doesn't love her son? Like she isn't as good a parent/person as you/others are? That isn't about her or her son. It's about you
OP, I stand in support of whatever decision you make, and your right to make it without people standing in judgment of you.
Oh, and this isn't about lowering parenting standards, either. It's about women being treated as human beings instead of floor rugs, and about affording them the same respect and space to find themselves and live their lives as we currently only do for men. I'm standing up for her, and all of us as women in this regard.
And obviously, not all of us believe in a god or any higher power that somehow necessitates we behave and be treated like lower beings because we can bear children. THAT I find pretty freakin' irrelevant.