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SAHMing--Do you think being a SAHM is a luxury? - Page 2

post #21 of 185
It's a luxury for us.
post #22 of 185
Sometimes I think it would be a luxury for me to be working since I would likely be paying my entire paycheck for childcare for three children. And that cost would only get higher as the kids got older and they were still homeschooled. So, for us it makes sense for me to stay home and keep our life at a slower pace. At least until next year when I finish my degree and my earning potential goes up. And sometimes I get my guff up and feel like not having a job outside our home is not a luxury or even a choice for some people whose income cannot exceed childcare costs.

But then I remind myself that if we were truly in poverty (like some 40% or more of America) then I would be home during the day while dh worked and then going off to work an 8 hour shift when he got home at night. And we would probably have one of us working during the weekends too. After all, that is what a lot of families in this country have to do in order to make ends even come close to meeting. And we would never see each other and would both be exhausted just trying to keep our heads above water. And we would not have the option of homeschooling our children because we would need to put them in school so we could go to work. So, when I look at it that way it really is a middle class luxury for me to able to stay at home entirely. It just is.
post #23 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Oh, hey Heather, I didn't mean to imply that it was easy for everyone. I certainly don't think so! I know there are folks out there like you who
go through way hard economic times to sah.

I'm saying that for *me* I see being able to sah as the direct result of a combination of privilege, hard work and a lot of luck. Not that this is the case for everyone. So when I look around at all the folks who will never be able to have a parent at home because both parents have to work like crazy just to keep a roof over their heads, yes, my situation feels like a luxury.

Of course not everyone is going to feel the same way.
I totally get you... I should note that I DO attribute some of my good fortune to luck as well.

I also take exception to people who minimalize it as if it were just "cut some stuff out". And I have relatives who, no matter how hard they try, are simply never going to dig out. Granted, a few of them are just making mistakes that keep them there and they're not going to hear about it otherwise; but I could've easily made mistakes that others could've seen long coming. I probably DID make them and just lucked out that they didn't impact me so badly that I couldn't get back up... kwim? And there's where I feel luck has shined on us... because I definitely see things we did that could've completely backfired.

I feel like the whole world makes it a black and white thing. Either you've "got it" or you don't... kwim? I think that it makes some people who (given great effort) COULD make it a sense of despair--that it's not possible. And they don't even try.

I'm rambling. Sorry...
post #24 of 185
For us yes.
post #25 of 185
Given my earing power, yes, I think it would be a luxury.
post #26 of 185
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole77 View Post
But then I remind myself that if we were truly in poverty (like some 40% or more of America) then I would be home during the day while dh worked and then going off to work an 8 hour shift when he got home at night. And we would probably have one of us working during the weekends too. After all, that is what a lot of families in this country have to do in order to make ends even come close to meeting.
That is so very true. Thank you for bringing up that point, and putting some perspective on this issue.

post #27 of 185
Thread Starter 
:
post #28 of 185
Thread Starter 
Reading these posts has been interesting. Thanks all!
post #29 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by matey View Post
Not a financial luxury, but a personal luxury.
I have a few friends that really want to stay home but just can't make it happen. We are poor, but I feel I am living a real dream. I feel very blessed that we were able to swing this.
I agree. My sister went to work when her newborn was 6 weeks and have to put him in daycareThey had just bought a brand new home and she could not afford to stay home and hated missing alot of his firsts that his teachers got. I'm glad we are fortunate enough that I don't have to work. Atleast not now, but I plan on it once our youngest is in school.
post #30 of 185
In my case it's the same as other posters, I would never make enough to pay for daycare anyway so it's not like we have the choice, but yes we have small cars, a tiny house... I'm sure lots of couples could afford to have someone stay at home, but they have bigger houses, fancy mini vans, big TVs... so no, I don't think it's a luxury, but in most cases, a choice.
post #31 of 185
I am not sure luxury is the right word.
Some people here have mentioned luck...I suppose luck fit its better - for us at least!
I feel lucky that it only takes my DHs earnings for me to stay home and raise my DS (and any future children we may have) considering its very hard for anyone to live as a family on just one salary alone...but its not like hes earning 60k lol... hes earning 'enough'...so I wouldnt really consider it a 'luxury'. Theres a lot of hard work invovled, timing etc...and well...luck!
post #32 of 185
Yes I do.
post #33 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by matey View Post
Not a financial luxury, but a personal luxury.
I have a few friends that really want to stay home but just can't make it happen. We are poor, but I feel I am living a real dream. I feel very blessed that we were able to swing this.
I agree, we make some sacrifices so that I can stay at home, it's a choice, harder for some than others.
post #34 of 185
Not really, we worked really hard to pay off bills before having kids and luckily dh has a great job with good benefits so we have more than most of the couples we know that have one income ...but we also don't have all the high tech gadgets, don't take an expensive vacation every year ....we have one car (luckily we live near public transportation for dh ) and we take care of everything we have
post #35 of 185
Yes, I do - depending on the type that you are, anyway.
post #36 of 185
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Flower View Post
Do you think being a SAHM is a luxury?

My personal answer is a convoluted yes and no. I'm very curious to hear what others in this forum think. Thanks so much!
Yes, I do think it's a luxury. It shouldn't be, though. It would be nice if all women had the choice, a true choice, to stay at home or WOTH. I can SAHM because I live in socialistic country, and because my son is disabled. It's what right for us.

It's a very convoluted situation that often depend on class and race. Poor people, POC often have no choice. Luck is a dicey game.
post #37 of 185
In my case, yes. If I went back to work, we'd probably about break even, by the time child care, extra transportation, etc. was factored in. I couldn't afford to stay home with ds1, and desperately wanted to, so this is a total luxury for me.
post #38 of 185
I feel very, very fortunate to stay at home. DH and I are both very educated, and he works in a lucrative field. Our neighborhood has great stuff to do for kids, and we always have the things we need.

That said, we've worked very hard--and overcome lots of obstacles--to craft our lives this way. We will probably never own a home, because we live in such a high-rent area. But this allows us to walk to everything we need, including DH's work. His co-workers constantly tell him how "lucky" he is, but their living spaces are all over 650 feet...

If I weren't able to stay home with the life we have now, we would move to a situation where it would be manageable. This isn't an option for everyone, but it is for many.
post #39 of 185
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by veganjoy View Post
I feel very, very fortunate to stay at home. DH and I are both very educated, and he works in a lucrative field. Our neighborhood has great stuff to do for kids, and we always have the things we need.

That said, we've worked very hard--and overcome lots of obstacles--to craft our lives this way. We will probably never own a home, because we live in such a high-rent area. But this allows us to walk to everything we need, including DH's work. His co-workers constantly tell him how "lucky" he is, but their living spaces are all over 650 feet...

If I weren't able to stay home with the life we have now, we would move to a situation where it would be manageable. This isn't an option for everyone, but it is for many.
I honestly think that sounds wonderful, but then I often read the living small forums on MDC and think it's a great idea to live intentionally small and intentionally within one's means. So many people live beyond their means. Granted, in this economy it is even more challenging to live well within your means. But I see people do it with such passion, joy, and contentment.
post #40 of 185
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