Umm Haneefah, I have to reply to your post. The quotes you posted taken out of context may seem mainstream and not GD, but if you read more thoroughly you will see that this woman is VERY gd.
For example, this quote that you gave:
"You’ll experience most people believe that a child should be taught to obey. And I agree."
The sentences following your quote say this:
"However, the method with which most people are familiar in teaching this includes punishment, most often spanking. Happily, it’s possible and indeed imperative that we teach our children to obey without resorting to spanking or other punishment. Even if we chose to reserve punishment as an option in our home, we can not spank or punish our child for every misbehavior. We need tools that work in the absence of punishment. It’s my experience that it’s not the spanking or time out that teaches. It’s the absolute consistency and parental involvement. GOYBP provides both of those key elements."
To me it is clear that she does not advocate spanking or even punishments of any kind, but she realizes some parents will choose this way.
You said you have a problem with the words obey and compliance, but the quotes you took are out of context.
Children do need to obey and be in compliance. I don't know any parent even the most extreme gd parents who don't need/want their children to obey. It is a necessity for their safety and their growth in life to learn this from their parents. I am not talking about militaristic/authoritarian obey me or else. I am talking about obeying in the sense that we are a family and everyone has to learn their function within the family. The parents have to teach this and the children have to learn it. Parents teach by doing (modeling) and stating what needs to be done (command). Children learn by following (obeying/complying) the parents. Don't let the terminology turn you off. Get the basic premise of her principles.
She says, you need to state your command and then act on it, rather than repeating yourself over and over, saying their name in an 'I'm going to punish you' tone, or spanking.
For example, "Suzy, it's time to put on your shoes." Parent needs to follow this command with bringing the shoes to the child and helping them put them on.
Or, "Suzy, get off of the table." The parent goes and takes Suzy off of the table.
If you do this from the time they are young, you are helping/disiplining/teaching them to 'obey' your command. Eventually they will comply with just the command. It just becomes a way of life. Parent teaches/disciplins the child by doing everything WITH the child until they grow enough to do things on their own.
Some parents give a command and when it is not obeyed, their follow up is a time-out or spanking. However, she is saying that there is no need for this punishment when your follow up is lovingly doing it WITH the child.
So, maybe the terms compliance, command, and obey sound a little militaristic, but if you read the whole context I think you will be surprised to see that she is quite gentle. She doesn't do time-outs or anything punitive.
I was very enlightened by her website. I hope I made sense. I am not trying to start an arguement, but I felt to defend her a bit.