or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Blended and Step Family Parenting › Am I being hormonally crazy?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Am I being hormonally crazy? - Page 2

post #21 of 30
Thread Starter 
Yeah the sleepers and such... maybe... a breast pump?? Oh dear God no! Sorry. No way. To me that is like a used bra... no way. lol

And thanks Katwoman, that is very sweet of you.

As for would I buy all new for my second child? I'm thinking I won't need to. Tis why DP and I are picking out neutral things to reuse when we have more children... but they are our children and our things... not his and his ex. *shrugs*

Part of the fun of first pregnancy is picking out the things, that shouldn't be taken from me just because it's his second. And he fully agrees with that.
post #22 of 30
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
As for would I buy all new for my second child? I'm thinking I won't need to. Tis why DP and I are picking out neutral things to reuse when we have more children... but they are our children and our things... not his and his ex. *shrugs*
Bolding mine.

This is really the issue for me. I wanted "our" experience, not a redo of theirs.

With regard to the breast pump, I couldn't do a used one either. I was offered DSD's mom's nursing pillow, and that squicked me out a bit. And now knowing how many bodily fluids I dripped on mine (not to mention spit-up from DS), I am happy I bought my own.
post #23 of 30
I think it's an important talk to have, and something each woman has to decide her own comfort level. My biological babies slept/sleep in the crib that my step-daughter slept in because my husband had a sentimental attachment to it, and it was something he had picked out... I was fine with that. But I can absolutely understand other people not being fine with it.

One thing that was important to my husband when we were expecting our first together was that he didn't want to become afraid to ever mention the pregancy, birth, or infancy of his first daughter... in trying to be sensitive to my need not to hear about it and feel compared, he felt like he had to keep his own feelings to himself... we found a comfortable middle ground where we both thought before we spoke when it came to those "sensitive topics" and we could just let the other know if something they said was upsetting us.

One thing that I initially had a really hard time with was that we weren't going through the "firsts" together... the first time I heard the baby's heartbeat wasn't HIS first time hearing his child's heartbeat, for example. But it really stuck with me when he told me that it was the first time he was hearing THIS baby's heartbeat, and THAT was the same for both of us... when we were pregnant with our second, I really came to appreciate the truth in that... it was just as amazing to hear the second one's heartbeat as it was the first, and it had it's own special place in my heart... her pregnancy and birth was no less special because I had "been there done that." Sure, he has done these things before, but he has never done them with YOU and with THIS baby, and that makes a difference.
post #24 of 30
Originally Posted by JSMa View Post
... but they are our children and our things....

So are you really discounting his first born as not his family? OURchild OUR things? What about the first born children, what about some of the "things" that are special with the first child? My children all slept in the same sleepers... all of them, and it was lovingly packed away for when they have children. (and it was offered to their father.. whose wife refused, robbing him of having all of his children sleep in the same wonderful sleeper) Sometimes things are more than just things, they are family.

And to another poster.. Your husband is not allowed to compare the two pregnancies? I really think you are missing a great chance to grow, and include this pregnancy into the family you already have, a chance to "bond" a little with the pregnancy of the child the universe has brought into your life. To celebrate not only this child's life, but your partner's first child. Truly, you are missing out on something that might be really good.

My new husband asked me all the time how our last pregnancy compared to the first two.. the two he was not around for. If I got sick, the question came.. was it this bad before? When my breasts started growing... How big did they get last time? Labor... what was it like? How do you know??

When your husband seems overly worried because this pregnancy is different, or not worried over an ache or complaint... he might just have the prior experience to either calm you, or push you to going into your care person. That is an invaluable resource, and closing the door on it because you are too insecure is really just cheating yourself.

As for the breast pump.... It was over 500 bucks, and a closed system. In no way was it any worse than renting one. It works wonders for working moms, and supply issues. Bras would have been a whole other story....
post #25 of 30
Starting this out by saying that I am not a part of a blended family (yet, we've been together for almost a year and are planning to marry soon) and I am not pregnant.

I think part of this comes down to a man/woman thing sometimes, at least in my experience. My sweetheart thinks nothing of coming here, sleeping in the same house, bedroom, bed that I shared with my husband. But honestly, it kind of bothers me to be in the bed he shared with his wife (I've never spent the night there though - my kids are younger and I don't spend the night anywhere but at home with them).

We're now trying to figure out how we will blend our families. My house is perfect for all six of us (me and my three kids, and him and his son) but the location is not perfect for us. His location is perfect, but his house will need remodeled (too small for all six of us). One thing that I told him was important to me would be a new master bedroom - a room that would just be *ours*. Luckily he agrees with that wholeheartedly (it is a space issue too, we need to add bedrooms so why not make one of them a master?), but I could see it becoming a problem for me if he didn't. Could I move right in? Sure - but it probably would bother me a bit.

Again, just my experience....
post #26 of 30
Thread Starter 
Boobybunny, I've never once discounted his daughter as family. She is my little girl too... and you might pick up on that from various posts I do here. She is my heart child as someone so eloquently described in another post.

He has no sentimental attachment to any of the previous things... he offered it to save money. He'd rather pick stuff out with me.

I don't feel I am robbing him of anything. In fact yesterday he slipped and called the new baby Alex, I didn't say a word about it. My Mom calls me and my sisters by each others names all the time, it happens.

As for comparing pregnancies, yeah sorry I am taking that away... For one BIG reason. His ex is more into modern things and went to a hospital and was hooked up to five billion things and had an episiotomy and an epidural, and countless other things that make me sick to my stomach. I told him straight out my pregnancy will be different and we are going with a midwife so to noe even mention about getting an epidural because I will not do it.

He is a little scared because his ex had him beleiving all that medical equipment and nonsense was for the good of the baby... I had to reassure him woman have been birthing naturally for centuries and I would not do anything to put the baby in harms way.

There is no need to compare our pregnancies... we are two very different people, and each pregnancy is different.
post #27 of 30
My husband's ex also had doctor, hospital, demoral birth and I think the fact that I did home, midwife, water birth definitly was nice to for DH and me. He had to be way more involved during my birth which was also alot longer than ex's birth. I think I would have been annoyed if he was like oh why are you so whiney, ex was never his whiney when SHE was pregnant, but he did not do this and I don't think I cared about him comparing because all of our ideas about parenting and child birth were so different and I felt mine where so much better that I felt like I was the winner anyway.
post #28 of 30
Matt and I would like to have a baby in a few years. I would not want to reuse the big things either, the feeling of those things being chosen together by them during what was probably a happy time would bee too hard. Sharing clothing or toys would be different, I think. Right now Madison is wearing some of Maia's hand me downs and Sage is wearing some of Madisons. they are siblings now and this is what we do. However, I would have issue using big things I thought that he had picked out with his ex or things that my ex and I picked out.

Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
I'd feel the same way. In fact, when my Hubby and his ExWife were finalizing things and selling the house, one of the suggestions my Hubby put up was us buying the house and living there together- me and him in the Master Bedroom, my son in the guest bedroom and his daughter in her own room. It would have saved us lots and lots of money and made our lives a hell of a lot easier, but all I could think about was making love to him in the same bedroom he started his marriage with his Ex and concieved his child with his Ex. It creeped me out, not to mention all the jealousy issues and inferiority complexes I would have suffered from, either "for real" or "in my mind". Your reaction is completely normal. Nobody wants to be a "leftover".

This is my life right now! We just bought his ex's house. We take possession next week. All of the furniture is going with her, we are having a major house cleansing ritual done by 2 Wiccan priestesses, we are also repainting every room in the house. It is a 3 bedroom Tri-level with an office. We are giving Maia (the oldest) the Master bedroom, each little girl will have her own room, and we are remodeling the lower level family room to be the new Master Bedroom. It was the only way I could do it.
post #29 of 30
I guess, first of all, that some people have issues with "used" stuff in general. I don't, I think it's better to recycle things and use them again. I would be looking for all used stuff for a baby because they grow so fast that I'm sure most things would be in good condition.

Having said that... I highly doubt that DH's ex would volunteer anything she had from DSD's infancy. But if she did, I would see it as DSD's old stuff, not as her mom's stuff. It was DSD's crib, stroller, clothes, etc - not her mom's.

I think it would be a little bit weird but I'd get over it. We have a cradle that DH's dad made for DSD when she was a baby. I don't know if I'd ever actually put a baby in a cradle, but if I wanted to, you can bet I'd use that one! The fact that your husband's ex is the person who has the baby stuff now doesn't change the fact that it belongs to your husband and stepkid just as much as it belongs to her.

Of course, I am neither pregnant nor hormonal so maybe that's why I think I would take the stuff.
post #30 of 30
I wouldn't want anything that belonged to Dh's ex, baby or otherwise. He had a large house that he had bought from her parents while they were married. She was raised in that house and then lived in it with Dh after the birth of Dss. To me every room resonated with unhappiness. Here was the sewing room where Dh had to sleep alone, here was the door his sd had knocked down in anger, here was the paint and furniture his sd had ruined with throwing soda pop at the walls. Here was where the window was broken when his old inlaws broke into the house to steal the things their daughter didn't get in the divorce settlement. Here was the kitchen where Dh cooked every meal because ex was always too tired or too sick or too bitter. There was no way I was living there or keeping any of the stuff that this woman may have touched. Her brother had even carved his initials in the fireplace! No thanks to any of those dysfunctional memories.Dh has sold the house and we live in a new one about 30 miles away. It has been a blessing to get away from all those sad, bad memories. We do have things that belong to dss in storage but I would never reuse them for anyone, though I could have for our grandbaby. Too many negative memories for every happy one.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Blended and Step Family Parenting › Am I being hormonally crazy?