or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Consensual living
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Consensual living - Page 7

post #121 of 153
Here are some old threads addressing some of the challenges of
creating solutions with little people.


-Here are a few non verbal toddler threads:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1881

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1905

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1861

This one is about leaving places:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1719

This one is about leaving the park:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1445

This one is about negotiating around boring appointments:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1692

This one is about "too much information":
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1605

Getting shoes on a toddler and other creative problem solving:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1960

CL for a young preverbal toddler:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1895

Some basic CL questions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1673

Toddlers with a mind of their own and transitions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1443

Food issues and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1123

How to gain cooperation:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1305

Book recommendations:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1279 See also
the files for discussion and links to the recommended reading list.

Please do post particular issues. But I hope this will help to answer
some of the process and philosophy questions related to seeking
mutually agreeable solutions with little people.


Pat
post #122 of 153
Here are some links to archived CL threads. Many are complex issues
with extensive discussion of nuances, practical application, and tools
for overcoming obstacles to creating mutually agreeable solutions.

Pat


Product oriented parenting:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ing/message/52

Sleeping issues:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/185

Boundaries: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/134

Support group vs. discussion list:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/131

Questions re: limits and control:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ing/message/32

Challenges of living consensually:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/405

Toddlers making messes:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/388

Paradigm shift/ non-coercive vs. consensual:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/249

Re: Logical and Natural Consequences:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/408
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/411
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/427
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/466

Saying Yes to video games?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/536

Ouch! And biting while nursing:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/523

Attached babies and carseats:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/542
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/543
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/547

The stories we tell ourselves:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/502

Unconditional Parenting:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/226
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/299

What to do when a mom is being mean to their child:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/424

Underlying needs:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/756
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/757
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/764
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1172

Autonomy:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/696
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/691

Embracing your self-worth:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/699

"Hurt when wrong":
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/654

Reality, Judgment and Modeling:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/587

Goodbadrightwrong:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/601

Persuasion: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1185
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1200

Consensual weaning:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/951
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/956

Living Consensually with a partner:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1356
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1357

How to gain cooperation:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1293
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1296

Talking about peace with our children:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1289
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1298

Food: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1123

Toothbrushing:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1314
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1316

Even spending between siblings:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1263
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1265

How do you respond when you feel disappointment?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1232
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1233

TCC and CL: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1567
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1568

Leaving the park:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1420
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1427

Dealing with issues that can't bend on - i.e. harming animals:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1378

Preschoolers and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1633

Too much information:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1605

Only one parent interested in CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1590

HALT, coercion and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1592




HTH, Pat
post #123 of 153
Holy Buckets! That is a ton of links! I will be reading for months straight. Thanks so much!
post #124 of 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smalls181 View Post
Holy Buckets! That is a ton of links! I will be reading for months straight. Thanks so much!
holy buckets batman is right!
: thank you!
post #125 of 153
I did a little research, and there is no plan to have a forum. I agree that the tribe format is really cumbersome. The yahoo list is very helpful. But I like forums too.

Someone suggested to me that I try posting questions with a "CL approaches only, please" rider at the end. Maybe we could try that?
post #126 of 153
So, do any CL families go to school?

Are they going because they want to? Or because your family situations dictate they do?

What does homework look like at your house? Do they do it on their terms? How do you handle the teachers reactions? What are the teachers reactions?
post #127 of 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by kindergirl77 View Post
holy buckets batman is right!
: thank you!
:

I really do need to start checking some of these links out and sub so I can lurk here.

ds is almost 8 months old. I was not able to do CL with his older siblings (now 19 and 16 1/2 years old) but I am familiar with the concept.

The other way doesn't work. I was raised with Skinnerian Behavioral Modification and have seen what it does to both people and dogs.

I'm not going that way with Terran. I'm just not.
post #128 of 153
Checking in and checking links :
post #129 of 153
Thanks for the bump! I need to get re-reading on this. Things actually have been going pretty well but I always like a little more reading material.
post #130 of 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by MonkeyPrincess View Post
So, do any CL families go to school?

Are they going because they want to? Or because your family situations dictate they do?

What does homework look like at your house? Do they do it on their terms? How do you handle the teachers reactions? What are the teachers reactions?
DS goes to daycare but he's just a little one. He loves it though. I mean, sometimes on weekends he bangs on the door trying to get out and yelling "SCHOOOOOOL" and we have to disappoint him that it's closed today. So I guess he's temperamentally suited to it.

When I was a kid my mother did often offer to home-school me, but I preferred to stay in school. Sometimes they pressured me to do homework and sometimes they backed off-- either way I did it on my terms, the pressuring had no positive or negative effect on that as far as I remember. The teachers pretty much always had set policies about how late homework would affect the grade. So if I got it in late, that would mean a lower grade and I was sometimes OK with that, depending on circumstances. I did get it in on time the majority of the time, though! Now I'm a Ph.D student and... same thing.
post #131 of 153

consensual living tribe 2009!!!

consensual living tribe 2009!!!
post #132 of 153
I was looking for this. :
post #133 of 153
And I had already found it Didn't realize.
post #134 of 153
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sari Mama View Post
I think parents feel a need to subscribe to one philosophy, and mind the rules. Perhaps it starts with pregnancy when we are encouraged to make our birth choice, and it always seems like you are just supposed to go down one road after you choose it, no stepping on the grass.

I subscribe to nothing, but find I'm a bit of everything. I handle my kids with empathy and respect, this leads to a lot of what could be CL, however, I do see that my young undeveloped offspring need some control too, then I appear more GD, yet, there are times when things are going really wild, and I flat out remember and remind them, that I am the mother, and YES, that DOES give me the final say. Period. And that can almost make me seem mainstream. But we have a wonderful household. Everyone is helpful, respectful, empathetic, and above all HAPPY. And it is an everchanging culture. As we all age, have new additions, move, etc., the "rules" are ever flexing and elvoving so that they meet all of our needs.

Follow your gut, use your head, always feel with an empathetic heart, remember when you were their age, and don't forget to be selfish sometimes too!
post #135 of 153
There is a CL Tribe 2009 in FYT: http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1021416 I just added a bunch of links to various discussions at the CL yahoogroup.

Pat
post #136 of 153
I find I am moving more toward CL these days, and getting better 'results' then I do with GD but haven't taken the plunge yet. Maybe I never will! We'll see - I like to try new things and see what works for my family
post #137 of 153
How does CL work for small children and danger situations (like running away in a parking lot, or an "older" sibling hurting a younger sibling--like three and 7 months, or fires, etc.)?

My children never ran away from me in a parking lot (at least not yet) I think this is something we took a CL approach with from the beginning, by controlling the situation until they could understand the dangers. We taught them the dangers by showing them a car running over a can, and explaining to them that cars can cause damage to things they run over, even people, and explaining/modeling things we can do to stay safe. Fires we taught what hot means. MY kids were more then happy to sign language the word hot at a fire instead of touching it. they still learned what hot it, and they learned what hurt is, and we explain that something is so hot it can hurt you. sibling rivalry is something we are working on. Currently, I attend to the hurt child first. If the hurter cannot stop acting dangerously while I do this I will move them to a safe place and give them something to do, and let them know I will be there soon I just have to console the hurt child first. Then I will go to them and connect with them. I will figure out what they were feeling and discuss with them ways that we can manage those feelings in a healthy way in the future, and talk with them about the importance of being kind and gentle to those we care about. I don't know if that is CL or not though, but I think we are headed more in that direction then our previous approach of "no tolerance for hitting, go to time out" and I noticed our new approach works much better then using punishment.

How does CL work for hygiene issues (brushing teeth and washing body)?
My son hates his hair being washed. I explain that we have to do it for health reasons. We have agreed to washing hair every other day, and I will wipe their eyes with a towel when done. I am trying to suggest he tips his head back, but he doesn't understand yet. I also made it more fun (though I suppose this isn't CL since its a reward) by blowing bubbles at the end of bath time for the kids to catch and pop.


How does CL work for eating (like if they only want cookies or something, or have a difficult time trying new foods)?

it maybe helps we don't keep junk food in the house. It's my job to provide meals and their job to decide which to eat. Again, I don't know if this is CL or not, but I hope to learn more from this post. I don't force my children to eat anything. All of our food is healthy, even snack food. We do have cookies as an occasional treat but we talk about why we eat healthy and how eating healthy makes us feel the best Sometimes they will ask for a snack when I don't think they are hungry. I will just ask them if they are really hungry or if they are bored. If they are bored we find something to do. if they are really hungry I let them pick a snack. Snack food in our house is fruits, veggies, etc - not junk food. When my children get older and learn what junk food is I am not sure what we will do... hence why plan to read all the replies in this thread!

How does CL work for the high needs/spirited child?

My son is special needs and very spirited. I have to say that while there are some things I feel aren't as CL as I would like, and I hope to find a better way, that the more CL we are the better my son responds! The only real issue we have is that I have to leave him alone while I console another child sometimes because he won't stop being aggressive or destructive in the meantime, but I try to take a non punitive approach to this..
post #138 of 153
Re: Non-verbal toddlers-repost
Here are some old threads on the Consensual Living yahoogroup addressing some of the challenges of creating solutions with little people.


-Here are a few non verbal toddler threads:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1881

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1905

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1861

This one is about leaving places:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1719

This one is about leaving the park:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1445

This one is about negotiating around boring appointments:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1692

This one is about "too much information":
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1605

Getting shoes on a toddler and other creative problem solving:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1960

CL for a young preverbal toddler:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1895

Some basic CL questions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1673

Toddlers with a mind of their own and transitions:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1443

Food issues and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1123

How to gain cooperation:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1305

Book recommendations:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1279 See also
the files for discussion and links to the recommended reading list.
post #139 of 153
Here are some links to archived CL threads. Many are complex issues
with extensive discussion of nuances, practical application, and tools
for overcoming obstacles to creating mutually agreeable solutions.

Pat


Product oriented parenting:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ing/message/52

Sleeping issues:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/185

Boundaries: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/134

Support group vs. discussion list:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/131

Questions re: limits and control:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ing/message/32

Challenges of living consensually:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/405

Toddlers making messes:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/388

Paradigm shift/ non-coercive vs. consensual:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/249

Re: Logical and Natural Consequences:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/408
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/411
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/427
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/466

Saying Yes to video games?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/536

Ouch! And biting while nursing:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/523

Attached babies and carseats:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/542
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/543
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/547

The stories we tell ourselves:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/502

Unconditional Parenting:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/226
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/299

What to do when a mom is being mean to their child:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/424

Underlying needs:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/756
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/757
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/764
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1172

Autonomy:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/696
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/691

Embracing your self-worth:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/699

"Hurt when wrong":
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/654

Reality, Judgment and Modeling:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/587

Goodbadrightwrong:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/601

Persuasion: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1185
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1200

Consensual weaning:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/951
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...ng/message/956

Living Consensually with a partner:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1356
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1357

How to gain cooperation:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1293
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1296

Talking about peace with our children:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1289
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1298

Food: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1123

Toothbrushing:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1314
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1316

Even spending between siblings:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1263
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1265

How do you respond when you feel disappointment?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1232
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1233

TCC and CL: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1567
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1568

Leaving the park:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1420
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1427

Dealing with issues that can't bend on - i.e. harming animals:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1378

Preschoolers and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1633

Too much information:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1605

Only one parent interested in CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1590

HALT, coercion and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1592



Pat
post #140 of 153
Is consistency important? What is consistency?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5017
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5038

I don't want my son exposed to children who watch TV or movies:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5039
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5044

Validation vs. Fixing?:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5025
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/5026

Recommended Reading Request:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4984

Child can not get enough of me:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4982

Kids testing boundaries in social situations:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4928

Getting your child ill on purpose (chicken pox):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4929
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4948

helping dh to understand consensual living:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4914
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/1793

Siblings: To share or not to share, that is the question...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4822
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4804
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4891

How to restore trust and remove guilt with a 4 year old:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4775


Manners?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4851

Teens sneaking out, need some perspective:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4780

Wasting water:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4808

Finding it hard to deal with others and 'praise'...
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4745

The Whole Point - I Think I Finally Get It!:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4733

Almost 4 y.o. wanting to nurse instead of eat:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4683

Does CL mean your toddler never cries?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4595

Rude seven year old son---THIS IS LOOONG.:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4664

question about judgment:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4593

CPS may visit our home:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4643

Consensual Eyedrops?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4657

Medications:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4600

Help. Sleep issues.
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4555

Another question...about NVC:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4476

Toddler who wont move:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4516

Tick Bite:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4374

dentist and CL:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4362
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4365
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4092

Won't take a bath?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4166

Changing clothes:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4131

This isn't consensual!! (re: toy mess):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4115

goals and living in the moment:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4102

non-coercive, but reasonable bedtimes, boundaries, etc?
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4014
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4023
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4030
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Consen...g/message/4035
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › Consensual living