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Consensual living - Page 4

post #61 of 153
Originally Posted by allgirls View Post
Consensual living is a philosophy of discipline that is gentle but there are people who discipline quite gently who are not cl.
not confusing to me! i agree. i am not CL, but i do adhere to GD.
post #62 of 153
Loving this thread. We've been practicing (or striving toward) CL for several months now, and recently things have fallen into place, so to speak. We were "in the gap" for awhile - I knew intellectually how I wanted to parent, but it took some time for my thoughts and actions to catch up with that - but we're in a great place right now and it's totally worth the work. Daily life is much more peaceful and joyful now that we've learned to work out solutions that respect everyone involved. There is a HUGE difference between permissive parenting and consensual living - knowing that I don't need my child's permission to meet my own needs is incredibly freeing. I'm much happier about meeting my kids' needs when I am fully aware that it is *my* choice - that I'm doing whatever I'm doing because I'm choosing to.

My oldest son is only 2.5 but he is already learning to take others into account, and to think of solutions. For example, DS2 just started crawling and has been irritating DS1 by trying to grab his toys while he's playing. DS1 and I talked about how it can feel frustrating to have DS2 trying to take his toys from him, but that DS2 doesn't understand why he can't play with whatever he sees. (Obviously at 2.5, DS1 has a very primitive understanding of this, but just enough.) He has learned now to bring his toy farther away from the baby, or in another room entirely, before the baby gets to it and all heck breaks loose. He's even started offering DS2 alternative toys to play with.

Would anyone here be interested in a CL subforum on MDC? I subscribe to the Yahoo CL list but I hate the list format and can never keep up with the digests.
post #63 of 153
I am very interested in this. I am striving to acheive gd and to some extent cl. I know that dh will never go along with cl, gd will be a stretch. But, I am subbing so I can learn as much as possible.

I love the way things have been explained!!
post #64 of 153
I have tried to join the yahoo group but whenever I give a profile name it does not accept it and gives me an option with a million numbers after it. Did you use your real name? Did anyone else have this problem? Maybe I should just take what is offered. I once tried all sorts of creative names that I LIKED for almost 20 minutes then gave up .

I really want to learn more about CL.
post #65 of 153
That's a Yahoo thing. I think it just means that the names you've chosen are already taken. I've got some crazy numbers after my login name on Yahoo, too. (So I save my name and password somewhere b/c I would NEVER remember all that mess! )
post #66 of 153
Yes, I think it would be great to have a CL sub forum here. Before reading this thread, I had no idea what CL was and had only seen it mentioned here, but it seems like something I would really enjoy practicing as it feels like what I naturally gravitate towards.

It makes so much sense to me what pps have said about children learning self-discipline by being able to exert their autonomy over their own life. I especially liked the example of the children eating marshmallows and wanting to make something healthier to eat when they got home, not because it was healthier but because they like the way their bodies feel better when they eat those foods. It strikes me that perhaps we wouldn't have so many eating disorders in this country if kids actually knew how different foods made their bodies feel. And you're all totally correct, we learn best through our own experiences and make choices based on that. If we actually trusted our kids as kids instead of thinking that only adults can be trusted to make good choices, maybe there'd be a lot less difficulty in those relationships.

I see that even in my ten month old ds- if I trust him to show me what he needs we're all a lot happier. My best friend said something that really struck me not too long ago- she said that babies have the same IQ that we do, they just don't have the language and experience yet. We tend to think of children/babies as somehow a totally different entity than an adult and while certainly they are in a different place in their lives than we are, they will be an adult someday, this very same person who is a baby now. Mostly we would never treat adults the way we treat children, so why do we treat children that way? Certainly they like it just as little as adults do.

Very interesting thread, you've all given me lots to think about as usual! Thanks
post #67 of 153
Originally Posted by dantesmama View Post
Would anyone here be interested in a CL subforum on MDC? I subscribe to the Yahoo CL list but I hate the list format and can never keep up with the digests.
Count me in! I really appreciate the format here at MDC now that i've tried the yahoo group!
post #68 of 153
I'd be happy for a forum.
post #69 of 153
There is a tribe. But I would also enjoy a subforum.
post #70 of 153
Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
Thats bound to confuse anyone! lol
I remember when I posted this...lol...I was interrupted and meant to come back...I am so much more long-winded than this....lol
post #71 of 153
me too!I try to live consensually with my 2 year old, but only succeed some of the time.
post #72 of 153
Originally Posted by contactmaya View Post
me too!I try to live consensually with my 2 year old, but only succeed some of the time.
It's an ideal. I don't know that it could ever be 100% perfect, particularly with little kids and larger families. But we do pretty good. I'm a work in progress, as is my family.

The hardest part for me is striking the balance where I'm not the one doing all the consenting
post #73 of 153
Thanks monkey's mom. I guess I will be starjune7113876545125547257162647686186656456.
post #74 of 153
I would really enjoy a subforum. When I post cl questions on gd, it usually ends up being another explanation of cl thread rather than brainstorming with others who are on a similar journey, which is what I need in this regard- that companionship and support that comes with being free to express my thoughts within an established context.

The other issue is that many of my cl questions relate to my marriage, so I have to post in two different forums when it's the same group of people I'm trying to communicate with, and who agree that cl is a way of living with all others, not a parenting style, although it may incorporate many aspects of gd as we relate to our children.

How do we petition for a CL, NVC forum?
post #75 of 153
post #76 of 153

Angelbee, I ::: your signature line!!!
post #77 of 153
I'm new to MDC and new to the identified ideas of GD and CL...I just had a conversation with my Dad yesterday about how I've been trying to parent my kids with the dignity they deserve rather than to just order them around based on what best suits me (which I wasn't doing before 100% of the time, but ykwim)...and my Dad and I teased out that this idea is really applicable to all relationships in our jobs, communities, etc. I love the idea of parenting like this with the idea that it will carry over into our entire community. I sent my Dad some of the links. Thank you all
post #78 of 153
I would LOVE a subforum!! What can we do to try and make that happen? I`m not CL, but it`s something I really, really find very interesting, and gets a lot of great ideas and thoughts from.

This thread has been extremely helpfull!
post #79 of 153
I have started a thread in Suggestions, where I ask about the possibilities of getting a subforum. I bet it would help if more people show their interest, too.
post #80 of 153
I found this thread so interesting! Thank you!

Some of the posters reminded me of the basic principles I strive to live by: stay in the present, stop allowing the fear of the unknown into my life, respect my child's feelings, let my child enjoy and learn from their own experiences, etc.

And while I don't think CL is really right for my family, there's a lot of good stuff here to draw from.

Thanks again for this.
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