Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Breastfeeding Challenges › Panic attack...she is not nursing..WHY?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Panic attack...she is not nursing..WHY? - Page 5  

post #81 of 136
5/7/08 at 10:27pm
Thread Starter 
Gooey, thank you for heartfelt response. Your words are very healing on my tender heart right now. Thank you. And thank you all mamas for your support and checking in on this thread. I wish I could give you all a very big hug!
post #82 of 136
5/8/08 at 12:20am


Oh I can feel how sad you are!

Just hang in there. Keep pumping. Don't give up. Give her some time and space and she'll come back. I am sure of it. Like many have said before, babies her age do not self-wean. She's on a stirke right now but she'll be back. Just pump and maintain your supply as best you can so you can be there when she is ready again.

I know there are many who say not to give bottles and I totally understand that reasoning and agree with it to some extent. BUT I had to give my days old son bottles of breastmilk or he would have starved. We tried eveything else (cups, SNS, finger feeding, etc . . .). AND he eventually made it to the breast even though he'd had trouble from the very start.

You had a good solid nursing relationship before and the groundwork is all still there. I think right now it would be good not to frustrate her since I bet being on a nursing strike is frustrating for her too, even though she is the one refusing it. And a hungry baby is less likely to have patience. So if she needs a bottle let her have the bottle. Feed her close and gently . That was another thing I did with my son when I was bottle feeding him those first four weeks. I held him and the bottle very close to my breast so he was nestled right in there almost as if he were nursing. I think it built up a trust that had been compromised in his breast aversion.

My son and I had many issues after the breast aversion was overcome (nipple shields for 4.5 months, super fussy nursing due to OALD). When he was 5 months old he was going on mini nursing strikes every other day and I thought there was no way we'd get through it. He'd nurse for 30 seconds at a time and then scream and spit up. And he really hated nursing. He just hated it. He never ever nursed for comfort. Once we figured out the OALD, within a week he was comfort nursing like crazy. So even with all the bad associations that went on for months, he overcame it and now loves nursing. And during those tough months, I tried to stay calm and not to let him feel my desperate worry and not pressure him. I just kept gently offering and if he refused I backed off. It's amazing to me now how great our nursing is going given how hard it was for so long.

Anyway, I do not mean to go on and on. I just want to say don't give up yet. I have seen first hand how perserverence can really pay off even when it seems hopeless. I am positive your daughter is just working through something right now and will nurse again. ANd I really think since your nursing was going well before this, it won't be long before it is again.
post #83 of 136
5/8/08 at 8:43am
Last night sounded really rough for both of you. I tried the bottle nipple trick with my dd, too. It also had really bad results. I am glad your neighbor was able to come over to feed your dd. I hope today brings a better day for you both.
post #84 of 136
5/8/08 at 12:12pm
Thread Starter 

I have made my decision...

I will continue to pump for her until she is at least one (two more months) and hoping she will begin to nurse before that time. I am taking a different approach today. I am not even going to try to nurse her, I won't even show her my breasts. Maybe if she does not see them for a couple days and then sees them all of a sudden she will be interested. I don't know if this will work or not. Guess I will find out. I am so tired of my friends telling me to quit and it is too hard on me. I actually had a friend come over this morning with a can of formula "just in case things get bad" WTF? She has NEVER had formula (neither has her sister) and won't at all. If I did wean her it would be to whole milk and not formula. Geez, I am just crabby I guess. I know she meant well but I told her to donate it to a local shelter or something because it will just collect dust at my house. Oh I am so tired of this, but I am committed to keeping her on breast milk until she is one. It is the least I can do as a mother...
post #85 of 136
5/8/08 at 1:41pm
That would probably pi$$ me off about the formula, too. I would probably be doing the same thing in your shoes right now. I hope she has interest in a few days. Who knows, maybe she feels too pressured. You are doing everything you can at this point. Its up to her. I think its great you committed yourself to making it 2 months to avoid formula.

I just want to prepare you... When my milk started drying up from pregnancy I had a terrible time getting dd to take another type of milk. I had to start by mixing 1/8 new milk with 7/8 mama milk and gradually add more of the new milk. I just want you to be prepared for that so you aren't suck thinking "Well now what do I do, I have no milk and she wont take another milk." When I switcted back to mama milk she again refuses other milks. So I am stuck pumping for I have no idea how long now since she is smart enough to figure out if I try mixing them.
post #86 of 136
5/8/08 at 2:36pm
Hang in there. Pumping is hard but worth it - she'll still be getting your milk.

Plus I have another story to share - My friend's daughter 'weaned' abruptly at 9 months old (nursing strike, but my friend didn't know any better) so she fed her formula with a bottle. At age 14 months her daughter saw her getting out of the shower, grinned and held up her arms. When my friend bent down to scoop her up, she latched on! The baby still mainly got her nutrition from formula, but they were able to breastfeed for another year, and once verbal the little girl could tell her mother that there was milk there (my friend was sure that the milk was completely gone.)

With you pumping, you'll keep your supply, and hopefully some day out of the blue (sooner rather than later) your little one will latch on!
post #87 of 136
5/8/08 at 2:39pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks for heads up Gooey. As an experiment, I tried her on whole milk this a.m. (please please no one flame me, it was only an experiment to ease my mind!) and she took about 4 oz of warmed whole milk so that is positive I think. I have had to deal with OTHER issues too...my two year old bit her this a.m. and drew blood. She has never shown aggression to her..but that is off topic and another thread. I just am sick of being stressed about it. I think you are right Gooey, maybe she is too pressured. I will lie low about nursing and let you all know, unless someone else has some ideas out there? Anyone? Anyone?
ps. Gooey good luck with milk thing, I hope you figure something out. Those little ones are too damn smart for their own good I think at times
post #88 of 136
5/8/08 at 2:40pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatioGardener View Post
Hang in there. Pumping is hard but worth it - she'll still be getting your milk.

Plus I have another story to share - My friend's daughter 'weaned' abruptly at 9 months old (nursing strike, but my friend didn't know any better) so she fed her formula with a bottle. At age 14 months her daughter saw her getting out of the shower, grinned and held up her arms. When my friend bent down to scoop her up, she latched on! The baby still mainly got her nutrition from formula, but they were able to breastfeed for another year, and once verbal the little girl could tell her mother that there was milk there (my friend was sure that the milk was completely gone.)

With you pumping, you'll keep your supply, and hopefully some day out of the blue (sooner rather than later) your little one will latch on!
OH THANK YOU for the story! Oh my gosh, that is exactly what I hope happens to me. I pray for it! Thanks again for such an inspiring story. You give me hope mama! HUGS!
post #89 of 136
5/8/08 at 3:05pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by PatioGardener View Post
Hang in there. Pumping is hard but worth it - she'll still be getting your milk.

Plus I have another story to share - My friend's daughter 'weaned' abruptly at 9 months old (nursing strike, but my friend didn't know any better) so she fed her formula with a bottle. At age 14 months her daughter saw her getting out of the shower, grinned and held up her arms. When my friend bent down to scoop her up, she latched on! The baby still mainly got her nutrition from formula, but they were able to breastfeed for another year, and once verbal the little girl could tell her mother that there was milk there (my friend was sure that the milk was completely gone.)

With you pumping, you'll keep your supply, and hopefully some day out of the blue (sooner rather than later) your little one will latch on!
Thats quite a story! I wouldn't think babies could remember what breasts were for after being weaned 5 months. 5 months is so long to a little one. Its inspirational, thats for sure!
post #90 of 136
5/8/08 at 3:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by GooeyRN View Post
Thats quite a story! I wouldn't think babies could remember what breasts were for after being weaned 5 months. 5 months is so long to a little one. Its inspirational, thats for sure!
My friend was shocked for sure! I was even more shocked that she decided to go ahead and keep nursing her - she is quite straight laced, and shocked too that she told me about it. I guess most of my friends know that I'm a safe person to tell their 'nursing past 6 months' stories to! She is pregnant again now, and had such a great experience comfort nursing her toddler that she plans to nurse this new one as long as possible.
post #91 of 136
5/8/08 at 3:59pm
Thread Starter 
Ohh I am so happy for her. Do you guys think my girl still remembers what my breasts are for? It has already been six days! I have not tried nursing her at all today. I want her to relax a little. Maybe I am doing something wrong. I will try to nurse late tonight and see what happens after a little break. Oh please just nurse!
post #92 of 136
5/8/08 at 4:01pm

same thing for me

Hi sweetie! My 7 month old stopped nursing yesterday. I brought to the doc, she said he might have a sore throat, then I thought maybe teething. But when I saw your dilema I calmed down a bunch. I was worried he was done nusing, and me other boys went till at least a year!! I was crying all yesterday and this morning, but I'm just doing the best I can to stay calm and soothing. Subsequently, he's nursed three times today. Twice after I rocked him to sleep and got him to latch on, and once while awake, but with lots of patience and shoving my breast into his mouth and grit my teeth when he bit me (he has his two bottom teeth already). Oh, yeah, he had been biting me and I was reacting just as you did. He's a very sensitive soul and it makes perfect sense that he just might scared of my reaction! You'll make it through, just try to relax and have confidence that it won't last!!!
post #93 of 136
5/8/08 at 4:20pm

maybe dumb question

What is OALD?
post #94 of 136
5/8/08 at 4:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by skiingmamma View Post
What is OALD?
Over active let down?
post #95 of 136
5/8/08 at 4:24pm
OALD=over-active letdown

Mytwogirls, big hugs to you. I think it's awesome that you've got a goal for pumping. I hope you won't have to follow through with it and that your little dd starts nursing very soon. Since she took milk from a cup, do you think she'd take some of your milk?
post #96 of 136
5/8/08 at 4:37pm
Thread Starter 
I tried my milk in a cup and it was a no go. The little turd knows the difference that is for sure. I have one stubborn little girl I guess...she takes after her mommy. I am not giving up, no matter what. The pumping sucks (no pun intended) but I want to give her a chance.
skiingmamma Good for you! I am glad you got him to nurse. I would let her bite the sh*t outta me if only she would nurse. I told her that too. She still won't sit down to negotiate the strike with me though. *sigh* Back to the drawing board....
post #97 of 136
5/8/08 at 7:13pm

Be at peace

Ok, honey, take a deep breath! I am definitely no expert on breastfeeding, but (being new to this whole forum thing) I just read all of the posts and you seem to be having a miserable time with your perception of yourself. I talk to a lot of moms in a lot of different groups and have learned a little about perspective. I'm a complete nursing nazi (my OB's term), but the more mom's I meet, the more respect I have for choices. As long as you love your children and are doing the best you can for their mental, emotional, and social development, then you are accopmlishing a miracle!!!

There are so many mothers out there that are content have children for other people to raise, but there are much worse things, such as abuse, neglect, etc. We all have to make hard choices, but in the end, as depressed as I would be if I had to stop BFing my son, it matters more to love and cherish your daughter, AND give her a bottle if you have to.

You are so wonderful for wanting to do such a healthy and loving thing for your daughter, but if it doesn't work out, it WILL all be ok!!!! Just do the best you can, and great if/when she nurses again, but if not then just get up and dust yourself off. At least you have a good heads up on her personality. A knowledge that might be useful in the years to come!

I just think as long as we love our children and give them our absolute best, then we are angels in there lives. SO, don't give yourself such a hard time! You are a good mom! You are just stressed and miserable, your little girl knows it and just wanted someone calm to put her to bed last night. It's so hard w/o dad around, too. Best wishes and peace to you and your home!!!
post #98 of 136
5/8/08 at 10:35pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by skiingmamma View Post

There are so many mothers out there that are content have children for other people to raise, but there are much worse things, such as abuse, neglect, etc. We all have to make hard choices, but in the end, as depressed as I would be if I had to stop BFing my son, it matters more to love and cherish your daughter, AND give her a bottle if you have to.

You are so wonderful for wanting to do such a healthy and loving thing for your daughter, but if it doesn't work out, it WILL all be ok!!!! Just do the best you can, and great if/when she nurses again, but if not then just get up and dust yourself off. At least you have a good heads up on her personality. A knowledge that might be useful in the years to come!

I just think as long as we love our children and give them our absolute best, then we are angels in there lives. SO, don't give yourself such a hard time! You are a good mom! You are just stressed and miserable, your little girl knows it and just wanted someone calm to put her to bed last night. It's so hard w/o dad around, too. Best wishes and peace to you and your home!!!

Well said! You are doing your best. What else can your daughter or anyone else ask for? When you tell her about this 25 years from now she will be thankful that you tried so hard. Like I said, I went on strike at 11 months old and never went back. My mom didn't really try to get be back, and did not pump, and I do not have any negative feelings towards her for it. I am happy to know I got 11 months of the good stuff. And I am VERY healthy. You really are putting the effort in for her. You care. That makes a great mom. I hope you have a peaceful nights rest.
post #99 of 136
5/9/08 at 1:21am
this might sound a little nutty, but would you consider craniosacral therapy for her? it's good for releasing trauma, which it seems like she has a bit of from the biting incident and your reaction...that might help her relax and accept the breast.

i wouldn't give up.
post #100 of 136
5/9/08 at 8:52am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by skiingmamma View Post
There are so many mothers out there that are content have children for other people to raise, but there are much worse things, such as abuse, neglect, etc. We all have to make hard choices, but in the end, as depressed as I would be if I had to stop BFing my son, it matters more to love and cherish your daughter, AND give her a bottle if you have to.

You are so wonderful for wanting to do such a healthy and loving thing for your daughter, but if it doesn't work out, it WILL all be ok!!!! Just do the best you can, and great if/when she nurses again, but if not then just get up and dust yourself off. At least you have a good heads up on her personality. A knowledge that might be useful in the years to come!

I just think as long as we love our children and give them our absolute best, then we are angels in there lives. SO, don't give yourself such a hard time! You are a good mom! You are just stressed and miserable, your little girl knows it and just wanted someone calm to put her to bed last night. It's so hard w/o dad around, too. Best wishes and peace to you and your home!!!
Oh my gosh, thank you, I needed that right about now. I do feel like have accomplished a lot. Breast feeding is hard and easy at the same time I think. Easy once you get the hang of it, then hard when you face circumstances like this. I will continue to pump until she is a year (she turns one July 1...already!) I am a good mother I think. I have made a purpose to try and do everything right for my kids. My childhood was a nightmare. I do not remember ONCE ever receiving a hug from my mom or dad, them saying "I love you" or anything. Seriously, I don't. I was very physically, emotionally, and verbally scarred, and I will just leave it at that. SOOOO, I want to make damn sure my kids are not like that. You are right, she will be proud of me when she gets older ( I think!) about this situation and I did try my hardest. I am not a quitter, never have been so I will continue pumping. I am just very proud I have the supply I have. I had no idea I made enough milk like that until I had to pump. I have not had to thaw any milk out at all. Yeah me. Gooey, thanks for telling me about you at 11 months, it makes me feel even better. Guess my girl is a lot like you then, huh? I am off to pump. Will keep you all updated. Thanks a million!
ps Skiingmama I noticed you are from Omaha! I live south of Omaha about 25 minutes on a farm! How cool we are so close!
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Breastfeeding Challenges
This thread is locked  
Mothering › Forums › Breastfeeding › Breastfeeding Challenges › Panic attack...she is not nursing..WHY?