"Father" on birth certificate

[PerkyKP]

If you don't mind, I'd like to get some input from you ladies on what to put for father's name on the birth certificate.

As you may have noticed from my siggie, DD was conceived via donor insemination. Donor is anonymous, but (in theory) will be willing to meet with DD if she desires after age 18.

I am registered on the Donor Sibling Registry (DSR) and I've read lots of opinions both ways on the birth certificate information. Basically, some people feel it's a fact that should just be listed as such, and others feel it's part of the child's 'story' to tell how and when they see fit, and not for total strangers to see without his/her choosing to tell. [I put the donor's detail info in my signature because I want to have contact with any half-siblings and want to cast a wide net (I met someone here who tried my donor, and she contacted me because it was there)].

Then again, just how often does anyone *see* a birth certificate, and how much does that matter? Schools, passport application, doctor's offices perhaps... can't remember the last time I produced DS's b.c. for anything.

For the record, I plan on being up front with her from day 1. She will know she doesn't have a father, but a donor.

Here are the choices as I see it:

• Leave it blank
• use something simple like "donor"
• or, what I've been thinking, is "OHSU 9888"

[momtobeof3]

I would put donor since you will be upfront from the beginning with your daughter. That makes the entry factual but not too personal until your daughter is ready yet on the other hqand it is the schools business.....i guess I changed my mind...keep it blank is my vote

[momtobeof3]

I meant not anyone elses business

[battymama]

I actually dont have a father listed on my birth certificate, it has never caused me any problems. My mum left it that way because my father let it be known that he didnt want anything to do with being a parent, so my mum decided to do it on her own. In her situation i would do the same, she always said if i wanted and he wanted he could legaly adopt me and get his name on the certificate. I would keep it blank personally, it is no one elses business.

[cj'smommy]

My first thought would be to leave it blank too. My friend also had her children (twins) by donor, I wonder what she put if anything.

[KatWrangler]

Hmm good question. I am leaning toward blank. But I think donor would be acceptable too.

[thismama]

Nooooooooooo donor. If you list him that will give him the rights and responsibilities of a father. I believe the man has to actually physically be there to sign anyway, you can't just write down his name I don't think, at least not here.

If it's a donor, I say leave it off!

[Molck]

Another vote for leaving it blank, though I have nothing to back up my reasoning. Just feels right.

[SumnerRain]

I agree with leaving it blank. I think legally you cannot put a name on there unless the person is there and signs it, at least in the states where I have lived. When my oldest son was born, the birth mom was not allowed to put anything under father because she did not know which man was the father since she cheated on DH and then alienated both men. It NEVER caused her any problems. When DH went to court to make his intentions clear on custody we filed paperwork to get him added and then 2 years ago I legally adopted DS and now MY name and DH's name is on the BC.

You could always include the donor info in the baby's file in the file cabinet. We have one file that contains everyone's shot records, birth certificates, social security cards, and any other important documents we would need if we had to grab and run in an emergency (like a fire).

I just thought of something! When we wanted to get the kids a passport, because birth mom's name was on the birth certificate (before the adoption) even though DH had full sole physical and legal custody, we still would have needed her permission to get him a passport. I would not want that to be an issue with you that you have to explain to every office why you do not need Donor's permission for x, y, and z. Sorry this is so long and winded.

[PerkyKP]

Originally Posted by thismama

If you list him that will give him the rights and responsibilities of a father.

Originally Posted by SumnerRain

I think legally you cannot put a name on there unless the person is there and signs it

You could always include the donor info in the baby's file in the file cabinet.

To clarify -- I don't have a name to actually put down on the form.

And I do have his full profile printed out and saved in a notebook, along with all my FF charts. Maybe she'll find it interesting one day what all I went through.

I suppose it would make everything simpler if it were simply blank. For some reason I'm resisting that though. Hmmm.

[thismama]

Are you sure it's even up to you? Wouldn't he have to be there to sign, or no?

[snazzy_mom]

My vote would be to leave it blank as well. As slim as the chance may be, if something were to ever come up, say he all of the sudden wanted "rights", if his name is on the bc ( I don't know about donor though), you essentially have attested that he is the father and should have parental rights.

I know my situation is a bit different but I left my ex-husband off of the bc and when he decided after our divorce that he wanted joint-custody, the court told him that he would have to pay for the paternity test, since he wasn't on it and that was enough of a deterrent to keep him from persuing it, that and he wasn't smart enough to call the Maury Povich show.

[symesa]

I thought in the state of OR, there is just a spot for "parents".

[PerkyKP]

Originally Posted by thismama

Are you sure it's even up to you? Wouldn't he have to be there to sign, or no?

From reading posts at the DSR, it seems as long as you aren't putting a name it's okay to put "donor" or "anon donor". I think -- now you've got me questioning myself! I'll be back...

[thismama]

I'll be interested to see what you find!

[pdxmomazon]

Originally Posted by PerkyKP

As you may have noticed from my siggie, DD was conceived via donor insemination. Donor is anonymous, but (in theory) will be willing to meet with DD if she desires after age 18.

Actually, with OHSU, the donor can choose when the child turns 21, not 18, whether or not he wants his information released. There are no laws governing ID release- it's a courtesy and if he moves, decides not to release his info at that time etc, our kids won't have any recourse. Not trying to rain on your parade and you might already know this all, but the reality of the arrangement will definitely affect how we explain it to our daughters!

http://www.fertilityoregon.com/lab/d...fo-release.htm

[PerkyKP]

Originally Posted by pdxmomazon

Actually, with OHSU, the donor can choose when the child turns 21, not 18, whether or not he wants his information released.

Oh, I didn't realize it was 21 and not 18. I've heard 18 thrown around so much I just assumed it was standard. And unfortunately I do realize the ball's in his court, and he could just disappear. On the bright side, she'll have a loving mother and big brother and grandparents who will adore her.

[Sage_SS]

I don't know what American birth cert's look like, but in Canada we have a long form, and a short form, which is more common because it can be carried in a wallet. The short form doesn't have the names of the parents on it, and I've never had to show a long form for anything, I think they're more meant for personal use.

BUT that said, I'd leave it blank. He's a donor, which doesn't make him the 'father', a father is someone who kisses your boo boo's and tucks you in at night.

[thismama]

Originally Posted by PerkyKP

Oh, I didn't realize it was 21 and not 18. I've heard 18 thrown around so much I just assumed it was standard. And unfortunately I do realize the ball's in his court, and he could just disappear. On the bright side, she'll have a loving mother and big brother and grandparents who will adore her.

Yep she will and even if he doesn't keep his info current, with the donor number I'm sure she will have a very good chance of finding half sibs if she wants.