Is there a pregnant over 40 thread? - Page 5

[opally]

Hi everyone - so happy to find this thread. I'm 40, 7 weeks along with my 4th, and am still in a state of half-shock about it, though I've known for a few weeks now. It's such a fluke that we conceived - with our youngest, who is 5, it took us nearly a year, and this one was absolutely unexpected (and a warning for me not to rely on fertility-observation in the future...) I'm still reeling from the surprise of it all. My dh is thrilled, but I'm a bit less-than.

In the bigger picture, I know an addition to the family will be wonderful - it will be a very, very well-loved little one. In the smaller, more nagging, worrisome picture, I just don't know how I will balance work and baby and an already too-demanding life. We accumulated a gruesome amount of debt when I stayed at home with the other kids (credit cards subsidized my SAHM-ness) and I just started work in the fall, once my youngest started school, to try to turn the corner a bit, financially. This news comes as such a challenge to an already maxed out situation. I'm trying not to let this stress dominate too much, but it really has.

I hate to have my introduction to this thread be with so much whining, but the anxiety is really quite something, despite my best efforts. Any help from other mamas to help redirect this fretful brain of mine would be much appreciated!

Opally

[JBaxter]

Originally Posted by opally

Hi everyone - so happy to find this thread. I'm 40, 7 weeks along with my 4th, and am still in a state of half-shock about it, though I've known for a few weeks now. It's such a fluke that we conceived - with our youngest, who is 5, it took us nearly a year, and this one was absolutely unexpected (and a warning for me not to rely on fertility-observation in the future...) I'm still reeling from the surprise of it all. My dh is thrilled, but I'm a bit less-than.

In the bigger picture, I know an addition to the family will be wonderful - it will be a very, very well-loved little one. In the smaller, more nagging, worrisome picture, I just don't know how I will balance work and baby and an already too-demanding life. We accumulated a gruesome amount of debt when I stayed at home with the other kids (credit cards subsidized my SAHM-ness) and I just started work in the fall, once my youngest started school, to try to turn the corner a bit, financially. This news comes as such a challenge to an already maxed out situation. I'm trying not to let this stress dominate too much, but it really has.

I hate to have my introduction to this thread be with so much whining, but the anxiety is really quite something, despite my best efforts. Any help from other mamas to help redirect this fretful brain of mine would be much appreciated!

Opally

Welcome to the thread.

Im 41 and this is my 4th boy and he is a ( welcomed) but BIG suprise. It took me 5 hpt and 2 hcgs to believe I was actually pregnant. I share your shock

[janesmommy]

Hi Mammas!

I just found out that I am pregnant with baby number two earlier this evening, I'm 42, dh is 48, and let me just say, that I am freaking out! I too have been home for the past five years and am scheduled to start an internship and residency
( sp?, it's 2:45 am) at a hospital in September as a Lactation Consultant!

I am planning on taking my exam next summer, my daughter is going to kindergarten this fall and I was just seeing some light at he end of the tunnel. Not just financially but intellectually. I've been so focused on her for five years, I was looking forward to pursuing my new career. Do you think the hospital will let me start?

I was a working artist before my daughter and I will always make art but I have wanted to be a Lactation Consultant for years now. I guess I should feel more grateful as I read about all these women having such a hard time conceiving and my husband and I just blinked at each other like a couple of irresponsible teenagers. We never use bc, I just took for granted that I was older and my body wasn't up for it, but I am totally regular w/ no peri-menapausel symptoms.....WTF?!

Please mommies, any words of wisdom?

[avivaelona]

Welcome Lisa and Opally. I don't have any words of wisdom but I know what you are feeling. This baby was sort of planned (we were planning to have one, and planned to start trying in a few months when the timing was a bit better and got a surprise) and so I knew I was getting into this, but even still the "light at the end of the tunnel" feeling was strong and I'm not so eager about plunging back into it. I keep saying "I want a seven year old and a three year old, so I have to go through this part to get there" But I'm not sure how I feel about the next three years of mayhem and babycare. I think being a bit older does impact on this a little...I do think if I were 25 it would be no problem putting my intellectual life or career on hold for a few more years, but I'm feeling a bit like by the time I am ready to go back to career concerns I'll be close to retirement! (ok that is an exaggeration of course, but the feeling is there)

My Fetal Nuchal Translucency Scan is today, so I'm very nervous and sleepless. Send good thoughts, I want a clear negative!

[PassionateWriter]

janesmommy, if they have offered you the position they cant retract due to your pregnancy.

i guess im so opposite...in my early 20 and 30's i was so focused on college and my career...this is a much more relaxed part of my life. I love the little kid stage (I have a teenager also, so have that chaos to compare it to! lol!).

[JBaxter]

Originally Posted by avivaelona

My Fetal Nuchal Translucency Scan is today, so I'm very nervous and sleepless. Send good thoughts, I want a clear negative!

Good luck. Mine took a FULL hour. Dont eat anything with sugars in it or the baby moves all over and its hard to get a good picture. It was really neat to see the little one for that long.

[janesmommy]

Hi again--

Avivaelona, I guess it's been a while since I did this but what is a Fetal Nuchal Translucency Scan? When I was pregnant w/ dd I had an amnio cause the CVS test was too painful. Now I'm not sure what I might think of as far as "old person testing".

Another question....
So even though it's an internship, not a paid position, they have to let me attend? After thinking about it all night I think it would be cool for new moms to have a LC in the hospital who is preggers. Any thoughts?

[JBaxter]

janesmommy- the Nuchal scan is an ultrasound that measurse the nuchal folds in the back of the baby's head/neck. If the thickness is less than 2.8 ( I think) then the chance of downs & trisomy13 is very low and a cvs/aminio may not be needed. I think in combo with bloodwork it is 75-88% accurate on perdicting chromosonal issues. If the measurments are thicker it does not necessarily mean there is issues but a closer look may be warrented. I have had 2 m/c so I didnt want to do anything that increased my chance of miscarriage so that is why I did the NT scan. It can be done at 11 - 14 weeks. My OB discussed it and his thinking is it should be the first test done that way it my eliminate may more invasive procedures.

http://se.babycenter.com/pregnancy/r...ltranslucency/

[angela40]

Good luck today avivaelona!

welcome to all the new people still in shock... i know how you feel i think most of us do. even those of us who were trying or at least not preventing (me!) i think still had some of that feeling.lisa i know what you mean about not thinking it can happen but i guess we are all proof it can! a few years ago there was an hispanic 53 yo lady in washington state who had naturally conceived triplets i think. her other kids were all in their 20s!
the ultrascreen is a nuchal translucency measurement on ultrasound combined with some bloodwork from a fingerstick. it is a screening test and will give you your odds of trisomy 21 13 and 18. for instance my age related odds of Down syndrome are 1:77 but the test reduced it to 1:576 or something like that. if you want to know for sure you do either a cvs or amnio. or you can just go with your age risk alone and not do any testing. fwiw, both of my friends who had Down syndrome children were 35 and under one diagnosed after birth; one had a normal quadruple screen blood test but a heart defect at her 18 wk scan and then had amnio with results back at about 21 wks. and i don't think they can reject your internship - it will be easier to do as much as you can while you're pregnant that after so i would start! i wouldn't even tell them until you are in your second trimester at the earliest.
opally i am sorry it is financially hard for you. i stopped working last year and my husband is majorly stressed about money and i am as well to a lesser extent. but welcome stresses and all!
light at the end of the tunnel- when my first was little i kept telling dh the year i turn 40 it is going to be all about me ! (she is 5 this year). then with my son - the year i turn 42! now it's - the year i turn 45! oh well! what can you do? but seriously - 2013 is my year ladies!

[avivaelona]

NT measurement was good...no bloodwork results yet for a few day. Too tired to post more...but cerclage is next friday.

[JBaxter]

Glad the NT scan went well

[avivaelona]

Just kind of bumping this up so new mommies see it. I'm feeling a little calmer today. I've told four different people my age today, like just in case I forget

[ninafel]

Hello to all!

Well, I am definitely still pregnant! I had hcgs done last Thursday and then again on Monday and they went from 211 to 1795. I'm a little anxious about that and hoping that a normal singleton pregnancy can still be the case for me. When hcgs jump that way I gather it's sometimes indicator of a blighted ovum or molar pregnancy.....and often a sign of multiples. Since I already have twins who are 2.75 I am more than a little freaked out at the prospect--in my fantasies this baby would be my dream singleton whom I could sling everywhere while following my 3.5-4.5 yr olds around. YIKES! In a way, it's also an exciting idea, since we don't know anything different and there's many things about it that would be great.....but the logistics are daunting.

Anyone have any stories of rapidly rising hcgs and 1 happy baby in there?

I'm feeling great, virtually no pregnancy symptoms again with this pregnancy (very nice, but also unnerving for someone who's had 4 losses) and I'm just trying to be positive and calm until the ultrasound in 1.5 weeks.

If it turns out to be another loss, I think my trying days are over and we will just enjoy the wonderful family we have right now. There is something lovely that is happening this time and happened when I was pregnant in the fall which is that the pregnancy (and my conflicted feelings about adding more to the family!!) really deepens my love and connection to my two terrific children. Thinking, wow, it may be that there are only 35 more weeks of this dynamic, soak it up! Revel in it! That part feels good.

Wishing you all well, thanks for listening.

Ninafel, 42
b/g twins 2.75
3 losses in 2003, and 1 in 2007

[angela40]

hi ninafel; glad to hear your hcgs look good and i will be thinking of you in the next few weeks. i hate that hurry up and wait game. i have had 3 first trimester losses as well as a 20 wk loss and i hate that waiting part to see if this one is ok or not. ugh. i am glad you are enjoying your twins more; i definitely have felt that also.
avivaelona glad your nt was ok!
i have replaced my wine w dinner w ice cream after dinner....so not good!
my 3 yo is giving me fits- so many tempertantrums - throwing things, spitting at me, and hitting me. my dh is always so upset w him. this is one reason dh is extremely nervous about adding a third child to the mix; we are so stressed by the ones we already have even though we love them to death. i think parenting is definitely something that doesn't come naturally to either one of us and when the kids are acting up we turn on each other instead of coming together. anybody else have advice or similar preschooler or toddler issues?

[avivaelona]

No advice but my three year old is also going through a really rough and tantrummy phase and so are most of the three year olds I know. Three just seems to be a tough age...really up and down...more than two actually.

That's great news Ninafel I'll cross my fingers for the singleton

[janesmommy]

Hi Mommies--

I'm now content with the notion of being pregnant but the symptoms really started kicking in. I've had the worst headache for two days now and Tylenol does nothing. I already feel nauseous sometimes too, what is that about? Doesn't it seem early for all that? I felt fine w/ dd until week 7, then threw up for 3 months.

[pattigirlny]

what high risk testing should i do at age 40?

Hi. This is an unplanned surprise pregnancy and I am starting to get used to the idea.I should be 6 1/2 weeks.I even considered terminating when I first found out because I just never planned on another at my age. I have 2 beautiful kids, a boy-10 and a girl-7.We are self pay because never added maternity coverage with new health insurance policy. Mid wife recommended a nuchal translucency. Of course I dont know where I will get the $ to pay for it all. I think I should have the test done,but cringe with the idea of what if there is something wrong...hub and I really do not want to have a child that is not well because not only for selfish reasons...but for the long term well being of the child.I just hate this because I am 40 and hub is 49. With my other 2 I never had any testing. I even refused 20 week U/S! It is scary,but yet I like to remain positive.My mom conceived me when she was 42! I think i am ok,although hub would beg to differ...ha ha

[janesmommy]

Hi Pattigirlny--

I don't think anyone can tell you what tests to get, it sounds like having a challenged kid is not in the cards for you though. I totally feel the same way. I was 36 when preg w/ dd and had an amnio. This time I'll get the nuchal screening and if anything looks funky I'll have an amnio again. I'm 42 and this is a total surprise to us too. Our family is happy and wonderful the way it is and if something is wrong with the fetus then I want to know about it. If someone is going to judge our decisions about what is right for our families that is their issue, not ours. For me having a baby with Downs or Trisomy 18, etc., is just too overwhelming and unfair to our daughter. Sorry to sound a bit emotional but I've already heard the "God's way" comments from a few people and I find it judgmental and insensitive. I feel like we hit the lottery with dd, she is perfect and I can only hope we are blessed again.

[PassionateWriter]

i have posted about this before. my youngest was born was i was 38. they did the whole AMA thing to me, which i now think is just a bunch of BS...they had me in for all these tests.....told me there was a chance of Downs...i had to go to Boston to get a 2nd opinion. OMG i was so stressed for weeks and when i finally got to Boston, all was fine...except i got sick b/c i was in a hospital..only time i was sick during my pregnancy. This time, at 40, i am getting no tests done. Im not a particularly religious person so it has nothing to do w/ G-d..it has alot to do w/ the fact that their tests are often incorrect...and they freak me out. The reason i transferred last time (one of the major reasons) is that i was being pressured into an amnio each and every visit w/ my OB...after he started wanting to schedule a c/s for the first week of Dec, i finally had the nerve to transfer to my MW (my son was born 1/1).
i feel completely confident that a homebirth at 40 is perfectly safe...despite what all the dr's say. but i generally don't believe what comes out of OB's mouths anyway.

[avivaelona]

Well, the reason she may be recommending the NT is that its a fairly non invasive test...just an ultrasound and a blood draw. If it comes out well than you can elect to skip the other more invasive tests. Chances would be pretty good that there were no chromosome abnormalities. If you get a poor result than you have more reason to do the more invasive tests. At least that's the theory. Like most tests though it does have false positives and false negatives. No test is perfect. If you think no matter what, you would want an amnio (which is more accurate) than you should skip the NT, it won't tell you anything an amnio doesn't. The NT has to be done between 11 and 14 weeks so its a time limited decision.

I won't do amnios, the risk of miscarriage is almost as high as something being wrong with the baby and I just don't want to chance it unless I have a strong reason to. So we did the NT and still are waiting on final results. If they come back with a low risk of chromosome problems than we won't be doing any further testing, except for US. If I wasn't having an early cerclage placed though I would not have done even the NT. I also don't believe in divinities but the tests have too many possible pitfalls, and can't test for everything anyway, so I would rather just go with what is. I will do the Level II US at 20 weeks just because that can see some repairable abnormalities that would have a big influence on where we decided to give birth.