Others' Comments re: Low Supply

[ColwynsMommy]

Does anyone else have a hard time with other people's comments about your low supply issues?

I suspect I have undiagnosed IGT and/or PCOS, as I was completely unable to feed my boys, despite doing everything under the sun to increase supply. This time around, I found out about shatavari and goat's rue, which I didn't know about before, and I'm hopeful that it'll make a difference.

I still have a lot of grief over the whole fiasco, and it definitely manifests in some touchiness when other people make comments to me. Like when I was talking to a LC over the phone, looking for advice on how to increase my chances of producing enough milk this time around, and she said, "You know, some women just *can't* produce enough milk." I got ticked off because I thought she should have been more supportive, though in a way it was validating.

The other day my midwife asked if I had been having any dreams about breastfeeding (which I don't get.. how would that predict whether or not I'll have a good supply? I had the same sort of dreams with all my pregnancies), and then we got talking about how I've started taking shatavari and will start the goat's rue soon, and then I have to make sure to order the Lact-Aid so I'll have it on hand if/when I need to supplement. She said, "Oh, don't order that now, I'm sure you won't need it, you'll do fine." I get that she was trying to be supportive and positive, but it also seemed really dismissive, like all my previous problems were all in my head, and that by using a CPM instead of an OB and thinking happy thoughts will magically make an abundant supply.

I mentioned it to my husband and he totally didn't get why I was irritated by her comment. He thought it wasn't (unintentionally or otherwise) dismissive at all, that she was just trying to cheer me on. Obviously, he doesn't get it.

Does anyone else have trouble with other people commenting on their ability to produce enough milk? I'm sure I'm just being hormonal.. but on the other hand, people who haven't experienced these levels of difficulty just don't get it. What do you think?

[tinahiggins]

I don't think you are being hormonal at all. I still have unresolved pain and frustration from what I went through with my first child.
I reassembled the "kit": electric pump, manual pump, SNS, nipple shield, fenugreek, blessed thistle, goats rue, More milk plus, teas, reglan, and ordered some Domperidone, all before the new baby came. Silly? I don't think so at all. I haven't used any of it, and have a 10 weeker that is gaining well.
My husband sent a little bit of eyerolling my way. I think it's normal to be sensitive when you've been through hell and back.

[mamaChe]

Originally Posted by ColwynsMommy

Does anyone else have trouble with other people commenting on their ability to produce enough milk? I'm sure I'm just being hormonal.. but on the other hand, people who haven't experienced these levels of difficulty just don't get it. What do you think?

In my case, I think it is very difficult to receive comments as a low supply mom because of all the the guilt I hold over not being able to give my babies my milk. I think there is also a lack of information about low supply presented to the general public, and that also can be part of the problem. Not too many people know about issues with IGT and PCOS. Since not being able to nurse your baby is so rare I have also found that people really just don't believe me when I say I couldn't nurse. They assume that I was just given bad advice at one point or another and that I missed a step somewhere. When I run across people like this I do my best to inform them without getting defensive. And usually I think if someone were to think about what it means to not be physically able to breastfeed that they surely know what a loss it is.

I have also been in a similar situation. My friend once insisted that I could breastfeed because my body knows what it's doing. It made a baby didn't it? Well, she is such a dear friend and I knew that she was only trying to be supportive. She was thinking that for breastfeeding to work I had to believe it was going to work. And I think there is some truth to that. Positive thinking you know? But, in the end, I had to be honest with myself.

I also had to be honest with other people. When asked difficult questions like, "Did you even try to breastfeed" or, "Are you pumping or have you gone to formula" I just have to remember to be proud of myself for trying the best I could to breastfeed but accepting the way things are. It's not my fault my boobs don't work! And really, in general I find that people are just trying to be helpful.

I've also heard so many tales of breastfeeding troubles that sound REALLY difficult. So people have been there. Some just make it through and continue breastfeeding, and some just can't.

So, yes, I do have trouble with people commenting about my low supply issues. But I think that people can emphasize with us about our loss, and sometimes just really need to help even when it's not all that helpful. (Remember all the stories you'd hear about birth when you were pregnant?)

[ElliesMomma]

it sounds like you are taking it all very personally, which is appropriate, considering that it is very personal. it's a tough subject.

[justthinkn]

it's such a tender area that it's really hard for anyone to get it right, I think! a woman who I know wanted to be supportive questioned me for a bit too long about why my LC thought I had IGT, and maybe I hadn't been pumping right... the woman who did absolutely the most to support me still acted a bit as if choosing to supplement with formula rather than continuing the torturous effort to nurse a hungry, fussy baby for an hour each time and then still pump (which I'd done for about two months at that point, getting a half ounce or less each time I pumped) was taking the easy way out... people (a) really do want us to have a great breastfeeding experience, and (b) are so used to people whose problems with breastfeeding are more about social support and education than biology.

[Violet2]

I hear you and I think that's the issue, the people you're talking to aren't hearing you. They're coming too much from their perspective and not really taking time to understand yours.

Also, low supply is supposed to be relatively rare and some women aren't LS so much as inexperienced at bfing or bad bfing advice, kwim? So those experiences undermine those of us with true LS.

And just as a side note, I have found Goat's Rue combined with lots of Fenugreek to be helpful (by lots I mean like 6 capsules four times a day), although at the 6 mo mark when supply traditionally dips I've had to add Dom. And I did a lot of pumping in the morning after dd ate to try and ramp up my prolactin levels. I doubt we'll make it to the landmark year, but we are 7 months in and I still have milk, although with the recent biting/nursing strike I do have to supplement more.

Good luck with this babe. Just remember you are doing your absolute best and that's all any of us can do. At least that's what I keep telling myself--sometimes it works.

V

[pantufla]

Originally Posted by justthinkn

people (a) really do want us to have a great breastfeeding experience, and (b) are so used to people whose problems with breastfeeding are more about social support and education than biology.

I really think this is the key. People are so used to providing emotional support they just don't know what to say when there's a true biological reason and not bad info or lack of support.

[luckygreen713]

I understand what you mean. Mothers that don't have bf issues just don't understand the pain that is caused when you can't make enough milk. a few days ago I read that when a mother intends to bf and can't, the grief she experiences is much like grief one experiences with death of a loved one. I can understand that now that I'm having issues but before I had kids I would not have believed that. I think for the most part people are just trying to be helpful, but its such a sensitive subject. I don't think you are overeacting. Just try to keep in mind that yo are doing all you can and you should be proud of your efforts. You want whats best for your baby and thats really what matters the most. I don't think its silly that you are preparing with your lact-aid and everything- you are just trying to make sure you everything you might need to give yourself the best chance and thats awesome. To me it just shows that you will do everything you can, and for that you should be proud. Good luck!!

[ColwynsMommy]

Thanks for the responses! I'm normally able to cope, but having my husband shoot down my interpretation of my midwife's comment was just really frustrating.. it's great to hear from other women that experience similar things.

I really do think that a lot of it is because all of the breastfeeding literature out there says that low supply isn't really an issue, that it's all in a woman's head, that it has to do with education and support. I mean, I suppose that's as it should be, since actual low supply is fairly rare.. but it just sucks to be us and on the receiving end of these people's beliefs that we're just imagining it.

There really is a lot of grief involved, it really is like a loss--especially for those in the more crunchy circles where breastfeeding is considered necessary to being a good mom. I always likened the grief to what people must experience when going through infertility--the feeling that your body is broken and has betrayed you. Granted, we have it easier since we're blessed with children, but it's the same general feeling.

I didn't prepare as much ahead of time with my second.. I figured the first time was a fluke. It was stressful running around trying to get all the different herbs, bottles, and supplementers.. so hopefully having everything on hand will let us relax a little.

Again.. thanks for the support!

[visrumxl5]

new here - hope it works...

new here - maybe something wrong with the way I am logging in but haven't managed to post or reply yet..

sometimes the problem is people looking at you in disbelief - my in laws - both doctors - told me that I can't be having LS because it's commoner to have the opposite problem i.e. too much milk...

..and here I am fussing with the SNS since Day 3 and wishing I could die..

[svmaine]

[QUOTE=luckygreen713;11145646]I understand what you mean. Mothers that don't have bf issues just don't understand the pain that is caused when you can't make enough milk. a few days ago I read that when a mother intends to bf and can't, the grief she experiences is much like grief one experiences with death of a loved one. QUOTE]


Yep, Luckygreen713, that's exactly how it feels and the only ones who understand are other LS moms!!! I've also been through everything, herbs, drugs, SNS, pumping, nursing non-stop, supplementing all 3 boys, and the emotional rollercoaster that accompanies it. A fellow mom with LS and I were at a potluck dinner last year talking about our breastfeeding difficulties and a mom with no supply issues commented "I just can't imagine not breastfeeding, it's so easy", I just about throttled her and wanted to scream "breastfeeding was harder then climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro, in fact it was the hardest thing I ever did in my life!!!!!". But I bit my tongue and the LS mom and I just looked at each other with an understanding grimace.

It still hurts like hell but I've finally come to terms with the 1/2oz I produce for each feed and I've got a nursing champ for my 3rd DS so I'm shooting to break my 1yr nursing record with this one!!