Is this what "mainstream" birthday parties are like? - Page 2

[OhDang]

Usually birthday parties have junk food, but not as much as what youre talking about.
Honestly if it's once in a while it's not going to do any harm, let your kid be a kid.

And it's kind of offensive to talk about 'mainstream' like it's an alien life form.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by wagamama

On the weekend we attended a birthday party at our neighbor's house, and I could not believe what was on the buffet table: trays of pototo chips, donuts, white-bread sausage rolls and white-bread mini pizzas, jello, sodas and candy. Kids from ages 2-10 were piling their plates with the stuff, and their parents weren't blinking an eye. Meanwhile, I was practically in agony watching my 2.5 year old eat this junk. And after all of this, the big cake came out!

My dh says I am overreacting, but I really thought it was nuts. And now that DS is in a morning preschool, he will be getting a lot of birthday party invitations.

Do your kids go to parties like these, and how often? Do you let them eat whatever they want? Am I overreacting?

Yes, my kids go to parties like these, as often as they are invited usually. Two per month maybe? Yes, I pretty much let them eat whatever they want. I said no to pop when they were really little (toddlers/preschoolers). My 11, 7 and 4 year olds don't have pop at home or out with me, but I would let them (especially the older two) at a birthday party. And yes, you are definitely overreacting.

Originally Posted by veganf

We usually bring our own food to parties.

I see you are vegan, so I guess my comment is not what my initial reaction was. If you weren't, I'd say please don't make your kid bring his or her own food to a party...

Originally Posted by mumkenna&lucas

I actually didn't go to a birthday party because they were having corn dogs (they actually rented a grease machine to fry them in right there) cotton candy, sodas, cake, and ice cream, etc.

You didn't let your child celebrate with a friend on his special day because you judged the food as being not to your high standards? Wow.

Originally Posted by OhDang

Honestly if it's once in a while it's not going to do any harm, let your kid be a kid.

Thank you - the voice of reason! We are talking about a birthday party - a special occasion. No one is asking you to feed your child cake and ice cream every day. And a potato chip - the horror!

I have three kids. You will look back on this and laugh in ten years. I promise. Feed the kids good, healthy food during the 88 meals and countless snacks each month. Let them eat party food on the one or two times per month that they may attend a birthday party. It won't hurt them; it really won't.

If you must, pick your hill to die on - red dye or pop or whatever is most offensive to you. Tell your kids no to that, but let them have the rest. Honestly, most kids will put it on their plates but get so busy playing that most of it isn't even eaten. What you buy, what you serve, what you eat yourself will have much more of an impact than a few snacks at the occasional birthday party.

[wagamama]

Originally Posted by OhDang

And it's kind of offensive to talk about 'mainstream' like it's an alien life form.

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend. Actually, we are living in Nigeria at the moment, and I was wondering whether that kind of party is the norm in other parts of the world as well. I should have worded my question differently.

It seems like the general consensus is that yes, I did overreact. I still think the party was over-the-top in terms of junk food, but OK, will try to chill.

[Hannahsmummy]

Originally Posted by Chimpmandee

That is exactly what mainstream birthday parties are like!

And yes, I let my child eat what he wants at them. It's a special occasion, and a little processed sugar crap for one meal isn't going to do any serious damage. Might even give him a bit of a tummy ache since it isn't part of his regular diet and teach him to avoid the junk naturally!

I agree with this.

We have also been to loads of birthday parties lately, 3 this month alone! It's really really varied as to what has been on offer. A couple that were at standard kids party type places have the usual crap. However, I am really not bothered about it. It is a special occasion thing and I hope that the kids have a great time while doing it!

Because food of all sorts is available to my daughter if she wants it, she has very little desire for junk. It's not an all or nothing kind of thing with her and she is great with self regulating as she knows the opportunity will arise again and no reason to go insane when confronted with it.

Personally we may be a bit different in that we are very food oriented and while I think it is important to be healthy we are more about learning to cook and appreciating good food (I am a chef). So our party will have what some may see as "grownup" food which is fine with me.

Unfortunately this has resulted in raising a little food snob who told me she didn't want to go to parties if the cake wasn't nice. We've been at more than one party with an artificial ingredients/store bought cake that she pronounced as "not nice!". So at the moment we are dealing with ways to be polite at parties.

[spero]

Man, I WISH I DD would get invited to a party with homemade corn dogs.

[hanno]

Originally Posted by Kirsten

I see you are vegan, so I guess my comment is not what my initial reaction was. If you weren't, I'd say please don't make your kid bring his or her own food to a party...

Why is it so horrible?

[fireant]

I just threw my kid a party like the one mention in the OP.

My daughter has family from every part of the crunchy-mainstream spectrum. I tried to have foods on the table for everyone invited. Although I realize I did not have anything for the folks that are vegan-organic but from what I've learned, they bring their own food because this is what is comfortable for them.

I don't eat meat but I did order pizza with pepperoni on it. She doesn't like soda or beer but we had those available too. I had chips and cupcakes sitting out as well as a mixed lot of fruit and veggies. We had a large water dispenser on the main table next to the organic juice.

There were many options for children to choose from and I hope no one felt pressured one way or another.

If anything, I'm left feeling like crap because not everyone was happy with the food I served.

Her gifts from other people were all over the place as well. Sure, I gave her a used puppet for her birthday. She loves it. But I'm not going to make anyone feel badly that they got her a baby doll with a bottle and disposable diapers. They were thinking about her and were genuinely trying to get her something she'd like. Later, I put the doll in a cloth diaper and everything is fine. She did get some awesome fairtrade butterflies and a rattle that everyone was impressed with but I would hope that no one felt their gift was not good enough.

Seriously, why do these things have to be such a big deal? If you know what is being served (or you have doubts) and it's not what you want, why not take the stress off of the parents (who are most likely worried about making it a great day for all anyways) and bring your own food?

IMO, the focus should be on the kids having fun.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by fireant

Seriously, why do these things have to be such a big deal? If you know what is being served (or you have doubts) and it's not what you want, why not take the stress off of the parents (who are most likely worried about making it a great day for all anyways) and bring your own food?

I agree people shouldn't make such a big deal about it. But I disagree about suggesting someone bring their own food.

I'd say remember that we are talking about a few bites of cake (have you never cleared after a kid party - more cake is thrown away on plates than is ever eaten). Pick and choose from what is available during that 90 minutes of your kid's month. Is bringing your own food really necessary? Really? You gave them breakfast at 8:00, lunch at noon, snack in the car on the way, party is at 3:00, dinner will be at 6:00. Snacks/food available at the party. A handful of non-organic fishie crackers and a glass of fruit punch is the end of the world? I swear to you it isn't.

Say you think I'm a neglectful, mainstream mom, and bring your own food to the kid's friend's party anyway. Just off the top -
*your kid feels odd as he is the only one not having the party food
*host mom feels judged/like she didn't offer food good enough for you
*Cheetos are now your kid's forbidden fruit and will be the thing they request from gramma, auntie, neighbors, etc
*kid gets an untrue and worried view of the "evils" of snack food
*topic of the day - with kids and parents - is why you won't let your kid eat cake and ice cream

What is so terrible with providing healthy meals and snacks at home, and letting the kid have a few bites (honestly, they are running off to play) of party food on that one or two days per month? Kids are smart; they can understand that we choose the food that is good for our bodies, that helps us grow, that gives us energy to play and work, etc. AND once in a while we have a treat.

You can control to an extreme degree what your child is not allowed to eat. And the minute they are old enough to go to the store or a friend's house without you, what do you think they'll be eating?

My college fiance's mom was a over the top with healthy eating ideas when he was a kid. A decade later, and he was still talking about how his mom made Kool-Aid with honey instead of sugar. Geez, once a month let the kid have a glass of Kool-Aid. It doesn't have to be a daily habit. Is that what the moms who think bringing their own food to a party believe would happen?

I am honestly wondering what the harm is in letting the kid be a kid and have a few bites of party food.

[hanno]

Still not getting the big deal about bringing your own food. Many people have dietary restrictions and it's just not fair to expect a host to accommodate them. It would drive someone batty. It would also be sad if these people didn't come. For our tiny party there were vegans, babies, someone who can't eat garlic, people with high cholesterol, someone who hates chocolate, someone allergic to bananas and someone allergic to balloons (me).

[bandgeek]

We're more mainstream than most here (but less mainstream than most other people I know) and I try to provide a variety of snacks. At DS's bday we had pizza, veggie and fruit trays, cake and cupcakes, and bowls of yummy candy! For drinks we had pepsi, sprite, and bottled water.

The only person I accomodate is my friend's son who has a very serious peanut allergy. I just made sure not to buy anything with nuts. There were other people there who had restricted diets (no gluten, no sugar, ect.) but I just can't accomodate everybody. The boy who couldn't have gluten was able to eat the fruit and veggies and some of the candy out of the bowls. The kids on the no sugar, no white flour diet eventually convinced their mom that a cupcake or two wouldn't hurt (it was 5 to one after all, so she gave in LOL).

I can't imagine having ONLY sweets at a party. I'm not a cake person myself, so it just doesn't seem right to have only sweet stuff.

But as far as letting my kid eat it...sure. He only goes to a few bday parties a year so I let him eat whatever he wants.

[425lisamarie]

Originally Posted by Kirsten

I agree people shouldn't make such a big deal about it. But I disagree about suggesting someone bring their own food.

I'd say remember that we are talking about a few bites of cake (have you never cleared after a kid party - more cake is thrown away on plates than is ever eaten). Pick and choose from what is available during that 90 minutes of your kid's month. Is bringing your own food really necessary? Really? You gave them breakfast at 8:00, lunch at noon, snack in the car on the way, party is at 3:00, dinner will be at 6:00. Snacks/food available at the party. A handful of non-organic fishie crackers and a glass of fruit punch is the end of the world? I swear to you it isn't.

Say you think I'm a neglectful, mainstream mom, and bring your own food to the kid's friend's party anyway. Just off the top -
*your kid feels odd as he is the only one not having the party food
*host mom feels judged/like she didn't offer food good enough for you
*Cheetos are now your kid's forbidden fruit and will be the thing they request from gramma, auntie, neighbors, etc
*kid gets an untrue and worried view of the "evils" of snack food
*topic of the day - with kids and parents - is why you won't let your kid eat cake and ice cream

What is so terrible with providing healthy meals and snacks at home, and letting the kid have a few bites (honestly, they are running off to play) of party food on that one or two days per month? Kids are smart; they can understand that we choose the food that is good for our bodies, that helps us grow, that gives us energy to play and work, etc. AND once in a while we have a treat.

You can control to an extreme degree what your child is not allowed to eat. And the minute they are old enough to go to the store or a friend's house without you, what do you think they'll be eating?

My college fiance's mom was a over the top with healthy eating ideas when he was a kid. A decade later, and he was still talking about how his mom made Kool-Aid with honey instead of sugar. Geez, once a month let the kid have a glass of Kool-Aid. It doesn't have to be a daily habit. Is that what the moms who think bringing their own food to a party believe would happen?

I am honestly wondering what the harm is in letting the kid be a kid and have a few bites of party food.

exactly. I get so annoyed by the word "mainstream," and what exactly does that word mean anyways. It is what you think is the accepted norm. But whatever about that one....

Seriously way too many people turn their noses up at others.

And I'm guessing that alot of people try to host a fun party for kids cannot afford to do so in an organic foods catered menu. It just a party.

[fireant]

Originally Posted by Kirsten

I am honestly wondering what the harm is in letting the kid be a kid and have a few bites of party food.

Right, I let my kid eat almost anything at a birthday party but it's not my place to decide that for another parent.

I had a variety of food laid out and that's all I'm willing to do.

I wouldn't be offended (and wasn't...hanno was at my DC's party on Saturday...I knew she would bring their own food) if someone brings food.
Why be offended at that?

I've never had anyone call me a horrible mainstream mom (that I know of) and I think it's ok to have different values.

[Alyantavid]

We've done parties like that. And I don't mind if my kids eat total crap at the very few parties we go to. It won't kill them to have a small amount of stuff that isn't completely healthy.

I am still trying to figure out my way around parties now that my boys have been diagnosed with dairy allergies.

[fireant]

I guess having had so many different step-families with different religions and beliefs I've gotten used to different dietary restrictions.

I would never imagine someone expecting my step-mom to just eat some ham because eating pig isn't "the end of the world".

[hanno]

Originally Posted by fireant

Right, I let my kid eat almost anything at a birthday party but it's not my place to decide that for another parent.

I had a variety of food laid out and that's all I'm willing to do.

I wouldn't be offended (and wasn't...hanno was at my DC's party on Saturday...I knew she would bring their own food) if someone brings food and I would hope they wouldn't be offended at what I serve.

not at all

I guess I just hope that my kid grows up around people who accept and love his differences and that he doesn't get ridiculed for what he does and doesn't eat. He'll also need to learn how to explain these differences without hurting other's feelings. Each and every family is different and children need to learn and celebrate that.

[mistymama]

Yep, that's what the b'day parties around here are like .. and now we can add snacks after baseball, soccer and football to that list.

Yesterday after a baseball game the snack was cheetos and a capri sun. :

I don't sweat it. I guess I'm lucky in that my son is a very picky eater and wont touch most of the junk. In fact, over the weekend someone made him a white bread sandwich and he insisted on wheat.

I do think that as long as the day to day nutrition of your child is healthy and balanced, the occasional total crap wont hurt anything.

[Storm Bride]

hmm....I'm actually pretty mainstream about parties, and I don't think I've ever seen one that was quite as bad as in the OP. A standard party here would generally have chipes, cheesies, maybe pretzels (I include pretzels, because I love them, and so do dd and ds2) and some kind of "food" for the main meal. That's usually either hot dogs or mini pizzas. Most of them have pop. DH and I provide juice, and offer water first, usually. (DS1's parties have pop, because we had it in the house when he was little - my ex was the type to consider it a daily beverage - so that's what he's used to.) Almost every party I've been to has had some kind of fruit or veggie plate. DH and I do a huge one. I'm trying to find a balance between providing a party that my mainstream relatives will enjoy, and not putting out all junk, yk?

That said, I do bake our cakes from cake mix...haven't quite reached the point where I'm ready to try one from scratch, and don't want to experiment for a birthday cake, yk? DS1's birthday cake is covered with candy - every year, it's a 3' electric guitar, with candies used as frets, fret markers, tuning pegs, pick-ups, knobs, switches, etc. Until they start asking for the "standard" kind of cake, I do cakes frosted with thick whipping cream, and decorated with strawberries and sometimes kiwi slices. I haven't had a single kid reject those, and I think they're a bit better than the usual frosting, but I sure don't think they're health food!

I've had a lifelong struggle with my love for candy and other sweets, and even I find the buffet described in the OP a little...much.

ETA: I should have read more posts. Several people commented on trying to have a variety of food for different tastes. That's me, too. I could put out a healthier menu - but none of my nieces or nephews would eat most of it, so it would be kind of a waste.

[bri276]

yeah, that's what they're like, and it freaks me out too, and I just sort of cringe/grin and bear it, and try to guide my dd towards the healthiest things or hope she doesn't eat much of it. now that I think about it, stuffing her with healthy food before we go to a party is a good idea!

[Baby Makes 4]

Sounds like a birthday party at our house!

98% of the time we eat strictly organic, free range, local, whole foods. We avoid artificial sweeteners, fake fats and food colourings. We eat better than anyone I know in real life.

But on birthdays we go all out. We hit up Costco for the junkiest junk we can find and have the biggest parties we can because we love birthdays. A little junk (or even a lot of junk) a few times a year isn't a big deal. We do put out large trays of fruit and veggise with dip but there are lots of chips and candy as well.

Heck, last year at DS2's 2nd birthday party we went through 100 cans of soda. (We did have 60+ guests though)

[choli]

Originally Posted by wagamama

On the weekend we attended a birthday party at our neighbor's house, and I could not believe what was on the buffet table: trays of pototo chips, donuts, white-bread sausage rolls and white-bread mini pizzas, jello, sodas and candy. Kids from ages 2-10 were piling their plates with the stuff, and their parents weren't blinking an eye. Meanwhile, I was practically in agony watching my 2.5 year old eat this junk. And after all of this, the big cake came out!

My dh says I am overreacting, but I really thought it was nuts. And now that DS is in a morning preschool, he will be getting a lot of birthday party invitations.

Do your kids go to parties like these, and how often? Do you let them eat whatever they want? Am I overreacting?

My kids have always been allowed to eat whatever they like at celebrations and parties. I think it's overboard to veto foods at parties. Of course, my kids have no allergies and have always been pretty self-regulating about food. They don't stuff themselves till they are sick or anything like that - probably because they are ALLOWED to self-regulate.