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These kids are three and four years old.. - Page 11

post #201 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
A Home DCP is almost like an extended (honorary) member of your family. When parents have to WOHM they are putting so much trust in their child care provider.

They are trusting that the DCP has respect for them as parents. You, as the Home DCP, should be loyal to your families that you are providing care for. NOT trashing them on the internet.

Totally different from griping about company policy or a nasty supervisor at a major corp.

Gossiping about your clients who are trusting you to be almost a part of the family....a total breach of trust IMO.

But then again, this is the reason I SAHM with my kids...

Maybe I just have higher expectations of a DCP than most people...I am okay with that
Ok. Thank you for explaining where you are coming from. Do you think it is unethical to vent about your family on the internet?
post #202 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post
Ok. Thank you for explaining where you are coming from. Do you think it is unethical to vent about your family on the internet?
Nope. Totally Different.

You don't get to choose your family.

As a DCP you DO get to choose who your clients will be. And it is a business relationship, even if it is unique.

If the people that you are providing daycare for bother you enough to bash them on the internet then maybe it isn't really a good match, you know?


.
post #203 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
Nope. Totally Different.

You don't get to choose your family.

As a DCP you DO get to choose who your clients will be. And it is a business relationship, even if it is unique.

If the people that you are providing daycare for bother you enough to bash them on the internet then maybe it isn't really a good match, you know?
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I'm confused. First you say that daycare providers shouldn't bash clients because they are honorary family members, but then you say it is a business relationship.

From where I am sitting (it's a pretty couch) everyone has some level of frustration with people they interact with. Humans are annoying. I feel like anonymously venting about something small that annoys you (and whether or not kids eat strawberries and watermelons is certainly a small thing) allows you to get out the level of irritation you feel with people. It's not hurting anyone. The people you are feeling frustrated with never even have to know you were frustrated with them but they get to benefit from you lowering your frustration level. I agree that it would be unacceptable to say, "My name is Mary and I work at Sunshine Daycare and the parents of little Billy and little Sally are horrible parents." I don't feel like that is what the original poster did though. She has a certain set of strong values around what sorts of food children should be exposed to (I'm not saying those values are right or wrong) and she said essentially, "Gahhhhhh!!!! How can people not share my values?!" That seems like a pretty neutral thing to me.

I think that where your opinion and mine are sharply diverging is that I think that it isn't fair to hold different people to different standards of behavior. I'm very universal in my approaches to things. This bites me in the @$$ sometimes because I'm too black and white, but it also means I am far more tolerant in situations like this. Maybe this is just a situation where you are seeing a different shade of gray than exists for me.
post #204 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
until someone else jumps on your bandwagon???
What are you talking about?

I don't understand your tone when I have been very careful to be conscientious of mine.

I don't need anyone to jump on my bandwagon to disagree with you. I think you are wrong. I thought you were wrong when I first responded. I think you are wrong now.

The fact that several other people don't understand your position has nothing to do with my disagreeing with you.

All in all, I've tried to be respectful. Obviously, that doesn't make much of a difference to you. Oh well. So much for meaningful communication.
post #205 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjanelles View Post
What are you talking about?
this

Quote:
Originally Posted by cjanelles View Post
That said, clearly we feel differently on this subject and I will just have to agree to disagree with you.
post #206 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by cjanelles View Post
Perhaps the OP doesn't have anyone in real life with whom she feels she can discuss these things? Perhaps she hoped that she'd get a little understanding from the members of the MDC because she shares many values with other members here, non-mainstream values, I might add.

As for her ethical right to vent about the parents of her daycare kids, I don't see her naming names, giving out identifying information or otherwise specifying anything about these people that could identify them to someone reading the post, so there is nothing unethical about her venting her frustration in the manner she did. If she worked for a medical office and she posted a vent about something going on in her office and did so in the same vague terms she did here, she would not be censured by the privacy laws--because she didn't identify anyone.

Call it "bad form" or an error in judgment, but I think implying the OP is somehow "UNETHICAL" because she dared complain about the parents of the kids she cares for is beyond hyperbole.

What, exactly, are "Non-Mainstream Values"???
post #207 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post
I'm confused. First you say that daycare providers shouldn't bash clients because they are honorary family members, but then you say it is a business relationship.
Yep

It is both

I am not sure what is confusing...



.
post #208 of 243
Complaining is par for the course. But the judgment of other people's parenting gets old--no matter what your values are, or what philosophies you to which you adhere.

I'd say the thread sparked with so many people because we are all so darn tired of being judged for our choices as parents, yet...it's so darn hard to stop judging.

Ha--maybe I should have said the judgment of other people's parening NEVER gets old!
post #209 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by madskye View Post
Complaining is par for the course. But the judgment of other people's parenting gets old--no matter what your values are, or what philosophies you to which you adhere.

I'd say the thread sparked with so many people because we are all so darn tired of being judged for our choices as parents, yet...it's so darn hard to stop judging.

Ha--maybe I should have said the judgment of other people's parening NEVER gets old!


My main concern with the OP's bashing of the parents is not so much about the ethics of anonymously complaining about unnamed people, to complete strangers who have no way of knowing who you are or who you're talking about.

It just bugged me, when the OP's bashing of these children's homes and lifestyles, was followed by what seemed to be a lot of posts saying things like, "How lucky these children are, that at least they have you to care about them."

I wasn't saying the OP was a terrible person -- I just don't think any child is "lucky" to be spending his/her days with someone who has such disdain for that child's parents. And no, I don't for one second believe that the OP says hateful things about the parents in the children's hearing.

I just know, from my own personal experiences of being a kid, that adults don't have to say anything directly bad about another person, for kids to pick up on the fact that they dislike/disapprove of that other person. So, I think that if she loves these kids and wants to keep caring for them (and I believe she does), she needs to make a choice to start loving and respecting their parents, too.

And no, respecting doesn't mean agreeing with all the other parent's choices ... it's impossible, anyway, to find one. single. other person who we're going to agree with 100% anyway. It just means that she respects the fact that God (or whatever force she believes in) has entrusted these particular children to these particular parents -- so there must be something about these parents that's ideal for these particular children. They were meant to grow up in these families.

As I've already said, I sometimes come here to vent, too. But I always do so knowing that I'm venting to a diverse bunch of people, some of whom may sympathize more with the person I'm venting about, than they do with me. I think it's healthy to hear back from all kinds of people -- sure, empathy and sympathy helps, but so does the reminder that diversity is essential to life and good problem-solving.
post #210 of 243
I just bristle a little when caregiving workers are called members of the family by their employers. I know it's done out of respect for the close relationship, but caregiving workers have their own families. I think they are entitled to the same kind of mixed emotions that most of us have toward our jobs. And as long as anonymity is closely guarded, I don't see a problem with venting about it online or anywhere else.
post #211 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by madskye View Post
Complaining is par for the course. But the judgment of other people's parenting gets old--no matter what your values are, or what philosophies you to which you adhere.

I'd say the thread sparked with so many people because we are all so darn tired of being judged for our choices as parents, yet...it's so darn hard to stop judging.

Ha--maybe I should have said the judgment of other people's parening NEVER gets old!
This is SO true!
post #212 of 243
I have been following this thread and I just dont see where the OP was "bashing" the parents per se. Expressing shock perhaps but not bashing. And while she was expressing shock she was not complaining about the individual children, to me she just seemed really surprised that they had not been exposed to things that she feels are fairly common. It is not like she came out and said "My Day Care Parents are horrible parents and complete unfeeling a-holes because these kids have never had a strawberry..."

I really think she just seemed shocked....
post #213 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by mammal_mama View Post


My main concern with the OP's bashing of the parents is not so much about the ethics of anonymously complaining about unnamed people, to complete strangers who have no way of knowing who you are or who you're talking about.

It just bugged me, when the OP's bashing of these children's homes and lifestyles, was followed by what seemed to be a lot of posts saying things like, "How lucky these children are, that at least they have you to care about them."

I wasn't saying the OP was a terrible person -- I just don't think any child is "lucky" to be spending his/her days with someone who has such disdain for that child's parents. And no, I don't for one second believe that the OP says hateful things about the parents in the children's hearing.

I just know, from my own personal experiences of being a kid, that adults don't have to say anything directly bad about another person, for kids to pick up on the fact that they dislike/disapprove of that other person. So, I think that if she loves these kids and wants to keep caring for them (and I believe she does), she needs to make a choice to start loving and respecting their parents, too.


And no, respecting doesn't mean agreeing with all the other parent's choices ... it's impossible, anyway, to find one. single. other person who we're going to agree with 100% anyway. It just means that she respects the fact that God (or whatever force she believes in) has entrusted these particular children to these particular parents -- so there must be something about these parents that's ideal for these particular children. They were meant to grow up in these families.

As I've already said, I sometimes come here to vent, too. But I always do so knowing that I'm venting to a diverse bunch of people, some of whom may sympathize more with the person I'm venting about, than they do with me. I think it's healthy to hear back from all kinds of people -- sure, empathy and sympathy helps, but so does the reminder that diversity is essential to life and good problem-solving.
This

I think it stinks that she has this attitude about the parents

I wouldn't want my DCP judging my family like this.

I feel like it's just that much worse because she did it online.


.
post #214 of 243
Yes. Not to mention, it's just one side of the story, and 100% negative.
post #215 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by dubfam View Post
This

I think it stinks that she has this attitude about the parents

I wouldn't want my DCP judging my family like this.

I feel like it's just that much worse because she did it online.


.
It reminds me of complaining about DH outside the marriage. I don't do that. When/if I start doing that our marriage will probably be at a very weak point.
Some people see complaining about DH or DW outside marriage completely different though...just for venting and getting it out.

The only big worry I have is that the kids pick up on the complaining in the OP case and are influenced by it (because the DCP is so important) in their relation toward their parents. This is visa versa also true.

Carma
post #216 of 243
Okay so yesterday at dd school the teacher was furious and in shock that the oranges that were being served by the cafeteria were injected with carbonation...Kids said they tasted like soda!!! I agree with the op. I don't think she is trying to judge...just shocked at what she sees. People are becoming further removed from nature taking eating food in its natural state with it! I think it is pretty clear that a good chuck of Americans eat crap. Processed, injected and boxed for your convienence. blech
post #217 of 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by iamama View Post
Okay so yesterday at dd school the teacher was furious and in shock that the oranges that were being served by the cafeteria were injected with carbonation...Kids said they tasted like soda!!! I agree with the op. I don't think she is trying to judge...just shocked at what she sees. People are becoming further removed from nature taking eating food in its natural state with it! I think it is pretty clear that a good chuck of Americans eat crap. Processed, injected and boxed for your convienence. blech
Carbonated oranges? Sounds kinda yummy to me! Not for all the time: I do love oranges just as they are -- I love grapefruit, too, but sometimes it's just fun to sprinkle a little sugar on top, or drink some grapefruit juice cocktail, for a little added kick.

Frankly, if my children went to public school and I was determined that they only get foods in their natural state, I'd've been sending their lunches from day 1. Only, in my case, I'm just determined that my children have natural foods available to them, and I'd be okay with them sampling the odd carbonated orange, if they wanted to see if they liked it.

You know, sometimes we buy oranges and find they're rather sour and not so tasty -- maybe next time that happens, we can try adding carbonation, rather than me and dh being the only ones willing to eat oranges that week.
post #218 of 243
I appreciate the OP's vent....but I cannot, as of yet, get my 2 yo to eat any type of fruits and veggies, and his first solids were fruits and veggies. I hate it.
post #219 of 243
Near as I can tell the divide is between people who think it is ok to vent and people who think that venting like this is disrespectful. I know that I'm new around here and all but bedrest during the end of my pregnancy has given me a lot of time to sit around and read on the internet. It seems as though a rather large percentage of the threads here on MDC are venting about something: moms/moms-in-law/children/partners/jobs/medical situations/etc.

I guess I don't see the point in being upset by people venting on a bulletin board. If you think it is inappropriate for people to be doing it, why are you reading the threads? I'm really not trying to be rude in asking. When things irritate me or I think they shouldn't be happen I don't keep looking at them. What do you get out of continual exposure to people doing things you disapprove of?

For me I'm reading threads because even when I don't think I will adopt a point of view it's neat to see where other people are coming from. If I find a thread that really bugs me I don't look at it again.
post #220 of 243
Quote:
I guess I don't see the point in being upset by people venting on a bulletin board. If you think it is inappropriate for people to be doing it, why are you reading the threads? I'm really not trying to be rude in asking. When things irritate me or I think they shouldn't be happen I don't keep looking at them. What do you get out of continual exposure to people doing things you disapprove of?
The same could be said of the OP. This thread bugs me because as a working mother, I trust my child's care to someone else for the majority of the day. I'd be mortified if she was complaining to other parents about this certain mom of a kid in her care, about how she won't cut his hair or how he has to have his own blankie for naps or about how he can't have certain foods so she has to make allowances for that.

I understand the OP was venting but it seemed so judgmental. And then all the other posters piled on too agreeing it was horrible these poor children hadn't had watermelon.
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