Originally Posted by Whistler
I also really want my white kids to experience racism from the inside. Nothing like defending a sibling to make you more aware and more willing to do what you can to stamp it out in the future.
gosh, i don't know if there is a way to experience racism from the inside unless you actually identify as non-white. i think i see what you are meaning though in that it is more intimate, the experience of witnessing racism and one's own white privilege, when your kid is not white. it has been really painful for me. i cry about it sometimes. i wouldn't assume your kids will have any particular experience though? my middle son (latino) went through a lot of changes trying to sort out why african american men are stereotypically portrayed in the media and don't match his experience of his brother, who presents as african american. i'd say, with lots of help and shaping, he "gets" it to an extent, but (at 8) he isn't exactly what i would call radicalized. it is very confusing for him.
as for "are those your kids"--can you believe that when i registered my 12 year old for school this year the guidance counselor looked at me (white) and then at the birth certificate and said--"but, is he adopted?" and my son, who is aa and latino, said, yes, before i could say anything, and then the counselor said "well, we might need some more evidence in that case to corroborate that you are the legal guardian! i will check with the school dept." huh? my name is listed as momma on the birth certificate. how humiliating for my son.
when i am not with my husband, who is also white, i get a lot of mmm, he must take after his daddy type comments. sometimes it bothers me more than others.
the absolute worst was when my african american child was playing soccer with a stranger on the soccer field who was african american, ie, my kid kicked him the ball and the man kicked it back, and the coach, sweetest guy you'd ever know, ignorantly/innocently came RUNNING across many many yards of field to the man, saying, hey, hey, i am so glad to meet you finally, I am coach t, your son is fantastic, just fantastic. i had to tell the coach we did not know that man. the man was horrified, the coach was, my son was, i was. so much easier not to make assumptions, or at least not to publicize them!