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Are Those Your Children? - Page 11

post #201 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by sevenkids View Post
but I finally came to the conclusion that she really doesn't look Irish, haha!, and it may not be people's business to get in my business,
We have the opposite situation - I'm Anglo, and hubby is a very olive skinned, dark-haired Arab. Our DS is the spitting image of his Baba, but DD is as Irish as she can be! Flaming red hair, light skin, and grey eyes. Her Baba is often met with strange looks ("did that Muslim man just steal that baby?") if he walks around with her.

I tease him and say people think he's the Manny.

D.
post #202 of 222
Quote:
I once had a friend think it was cute to say as I was pushing her child in a stroller, that people probably thought I was her child's nanny, I promptly gave her back the stroller. I was a bit offended and I refuse to be seen as help simply because I am black.
I get where you're coming from, but it's not always just because you're black. I think a lot of people just can't process that kids can have very different skin colors from one or both of thier biological parents, and still be very much their parents children. People like that don't have a first thought of "Oh, maybe they're a multicultural family" but "Hmmm....big difference...what could explain that....Oh! Nanny! Right!" and if not that, then adoption.

My kids are biracial. I'm white. We were at a park once when a white man asked if they were mine, and when I said yes, he said "Oh, I thought you might be their nanny or something".
post #203 of 222
In a lot of places, people don't have a lot of exposure to mixed kids. They don't understand the wide variety of possibilities, and honestly you're right, it just doesn't occur to them! I grew up with a high percentage of mixed kids, black/white/N. American in all different combinations, so it seems normal to me. But since leaving home I have noticed that there are very few multiracial families in some places!
post #204 of 222
You know, I live in Texas, which isn't usually credited with open mindedness. However, when I go places with just me and my best friends kids, who are black while I am white, I get tons of compliments on "my" beautiful daughters. No one has EVER asked IF they were mine, but assumed that they were.

Now I had a friend who was white, married to a man who was Hispanic and they had two ds's. The kids honestly didn't look like they were the same race, much less brothers. People always assumed they had different fathers but they did not. One light complected blond, blue eyed boy and one dark complected black hair and brown eyes.
post #205 of 222
im black
my daughter is bi racial
she is very light
when people i know meet her for the first time it's always like "oh..she's very light...is her daddy white"
other than that i get the "she's beautiful"
and i had some people just look at her like an alien
even had one lady say "that's not right"
but im not surprised since i live in the south
post #206 of 222
I'm white and dh is asian. Dd looks just like dh. When dd and I are out without dh, people ask her if she is adopted.
post #207 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by E.V. Lowi View Post
I'm white and dh is asian. Dd looks just like dh. When dd and I are out without dh, people ask her if she is adopted.
Wow. Just wow. Even if I were sure a child was adopted I would not bring it up! How you handle that information with your child is a very personal issue! This floors me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jenn09 View Post
im black
my daughter is bi racial
she is very light
when people i know meet her for the first time it's always like "oh..she's very light...is her daddy white"
other than that i get the "she's beautiful"
and i had some people just look at her like an alien
even had one lady say "that's not right"
but im not surprised since i live in the south
This floors me too. What the hell does "thats not right" mean anyway? And right in front of the child?

I would seriously hurt someone.
post #208 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by UmmIlyas View Post
We have the opposite situation - I'm Anglo, and hubby is a very olive skinned, dark-haired Arab. Our DS is the spitting image of his Baba, but DD is as Irish as she can be! Flaming red hair, light skin, and grey eyes. Her Baba is often met with strange looks ("did that Muslim man just steal that baby?") if he walks around with her.

I tease him and say people think he's the Manny.

D.
LOL. My best friends xh is hispanic and we use to go out with all the kids together, me, her, him, her two kids (black) and my two (white). You should have seen the looks he'd getting carrying the two small ones. One black child on one hip and one white child on the other. He always joked he was going to get arrested for kidnapping if she and I didn't stick close!!
post #209 of 222
A recent issue for me was at ds' elementary school. My son had come home with cut up clothes (a completely different issue) so I had packed up my kids and driven back to school. We were waiting in the main office in a row of chairs.. two of my ds' me, adopted ds, another bio ds. All in a row.

This lady comes in (not his regular teacher, but obviously knows ds) and walks up to him (I am sitting RIGHT next to him) and says, "A, were you forgotten? Do we need to call your mommy?"

"Um, NO. I am sitting RIGHT here."

Wow. Because you know the lady sitting right next to a child couldn't POSSIBLY be their parent.
post #210 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by KnitLady View Post
I haven't finished reading all the responses (on page 3), but I do have a question. I've never asked anyone if those were their children because I think it is rude. However, I have found myself in a situation where I really couldn't tell if the children were with a nanny or with their mother. I would say different things to a mother than I would to a nanny. In these situations, I've just smiled and said nothing instead of trying to go through the shenanigans to find out who belongs to who and if what I want to say is appropriate or not.

To be clear, I'm referring to situations where small talk is appropriate like playing at a park, not at a store when everyone is busy.

Also, adoption is something that DH and I have thought about many times and I love to talk to adoptive parents about their experiences, but again, I never feel comfortable asking if they adopted or not. Sometimes the questions aren't out of curiosity, but have a purpose.


What would be the best policy? Should I just always assume the adults are the parents and risk offending the nannies? Or should I just stick with the shut up and smile policy?
I've only made it to this post, but I wanted to quote it because it's pretty much my question, as well. DH and I are both white, with white bio kids, but we would like to adopt in the future and neither of us really care what race the child is. So often if I'm at the park or just out somewhere in general and I see, say, a white mom with Asian kids or a black mom with white kids, I really do want to ask because if they are adopted I would love to strike up a conversation. Maybe I should just get myself a shirt that says "If your kids are adopted, please talk to me because I want to adopt too!" and save myself some grief.

For the record, I always assume that kids are with their parents, until proven otherwise. I always make small talk at the park start with "your kids are..." and if it's the sitter, they can let me know.
post #211 of 222
I found that this happened a lot more when my dds were younger. I am reddish blond and pale. Dh is very dark Italian. While they really aren't bi-racial in that we are both of European decent, our girls are much darker than am I (nearly black hair, brown eyes, and dark olive skin for dd#1). With dd#1, who was unfortunately the more sensitive to it, we had some really unfortunate experiences when she was young. The one that stuck with me the most was me walking out of the public library holding dd's hand when she was about 3 or 4. A woman came up along side us and literally pulled dd's hand out of mine, pushed her ahead of me, and told her that she'd "better catch up with your mommy" -- an East Indian woman ahead of me. Dd started to cry, grabbed onto me, and yelled "mommy!!"

Like those of you who mentioned curious questions, I find that I don't mind those types of questions anymore. I do, however, mind the stupid or rude ones like, "did her birth mom know that you were going to raise her vegetarian when you adopted her?" Fortunately, people do seem to have stopped asking or looking so curious as my girls have gotten older.
post #212 of 222
I have no idea why the race of the cashier was mentioned in your OP. LOL
All sorts of colored cashiers probably would ask the same thing too.
Most people are curious..that's all I think. I don't think you should be offended.
That shirt IMO is lame.
post #213 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peepsqueak View Post
I never ask that question anyway because it is like asking an overwieght person when is the baby due? They may not be pregnant...how embarrassing...!!!
Really? you think both questions are on the same level of rudeness? I don't.
Two completely different questions, IMO. And I HAVE been asked when I was due...lol I wanted to cry!!
When the lady asked me I was looking at infant clothing for my pregnant sister..so...I don't think it was just because I had a big 2 year postpartum bellY I did reply with "I was due two years ago" Since my youngest and last child was 2 yo. haha She looked more embarrassed than I.
post #214 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by olliepop View Post
Last week, my dd (4.5 yrs), ds (16 months) and I went to Babies R Us for a registry gift. The (white) cashier asked, "Are those your children?" I said, "Yes." Then she paused and said, "They're beautiful." Of course, I said thanks.

My dd then asked, "Mom, why did she ask if we are your children?" :
I said, "Maybe she didn't hear you call me mom," and I shrugged. The cashier then said, "Oh, well lots of people come in here with their friends' children. That's why I asked."

I think she may have thought that I was the caretaker. I'm AA and my children are biracial. I get that a lot. People aren't sure and they tip toe around the issue, but this was the first time I've been asked outright like that.

Has that happened to any of you? How did/do you deal with it? Would you put your baby in this t-shirt?
I haven't been asked myself, but my great friend who has albinism is asked often when we go out with her twins (they are all AA) people dont' seem to notice that other than skin color, they look EXACTLY LIKE HER!! lol Sometimes you really wonder about people...sigh
post #215 of 222
Join the website and in on the fun that is beginning over the past few months - it's http://mixedandhappy.com/
post #216 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2tatum View Post
Join the website and in on the fun that is beginning over the past few months - it's http://mixedandhappy.com/
It's a pretty cool site.
post #217 of 222
My husband is Honduran and our daughter picked up most of my coloring in the genetic crap shoot. She does look like she has a killer tan and you can pick out their similarities if you know them both, but she's my mini me. Here's a photo
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pi...&id=1122817329
My husbands features tend to confuse most grown ups and they usually shoot for Filipino or "Chinese". One time an older man asked him if his whole family was from Japan, but anyway.
My funniest story I have about this involves a child.
I worked at a daycare center several years ago and he came to pick up our three year old daughter. I kissed her and him good bye and they left.
Another 3 year old little girl came up to me just bawling her poor little eyes out, she couldn't even talk. I picked her up, looking her over to see where she was hurt, and there wasn't anything I could see. When she finally calmed down a bit she was upset with me
"Why did you let "J"'s daddy take Bela"?
J's daddy is Vietnamese.
I had to hug her and explain that that was Bela's daddy, not J's and we only let the right Mommies and Daddies take home their own children. She seemed okay with it, but gave my husband a really good looking over the next time he was in the building. I still give him a hard time about that one.
post #218 of 222
I get this ALL THE TIME!

I have green eyes, dark olive complexion and dark brown hair, from what I hear I'm very "exotic looking" being half lebanese and half african american

My husband is polish, blonde hair (dirty blonde) and blue eyes and white but tans very nicely and easily.

My son however is the fairest skin child ever, and his hair is so blonde it's almost white and he has big blue eyes. He's so beautiful! people always are so surprised that he's mine and then give me the surprised look like that little blonde child came from me. It's annoying. What's extra annoying is the oh he looks like his dad I bet comments even though he is the spitting image of me (other then coloring) but they overlook it. hmph.

edit:


me: http://photos-c.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos..._8315791_n.jpg

him: http://tinypic.com/r/2m6299h/6 (not the best picture to capture it but mehhh)
post #219 of 222
I have never been asked this directly, but I can see people wondering it. Mostly, people ask me where my daughter got her HUGE brown eyes (mine are small and blue). I usually tell them that her father has brown eyes and leave it a that because I know that I am not answering the question that they are really asking.

However, my husband's SIL (also an interracial marriage) has twice had someone say to her, "Your children are beautiful. Are they adopted?" which combines the insensitive questions with insulting her looks. She just makes light of it, but boy, some people really don't think before opening their mouths!
post #220 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristaN View Post
The one that stuck with me the most was me walking out of the public library holding dd's hand when she was about 3 or 4. A woman came up along side us and literally pulled dd's hand out of mine, pushed her ahead of me, and told her that she'd "better catch up with your mommy" -- an East Indian woman ahead of me. Dd started to cry, grabbed onto me, and yelled "mommy!!"
OMG!!! That must have been a terrible experience for both of you. I am so sorry that happened to you.
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