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Are Those Your Children? - Page 4

post #61 of 222
If anyone mentions my DCs complexions, it's usually a German saying how nice it is that they won't burn easy! My husbands family is Quebecois and Polish,and people often think I AM German, but the kids all take after his side.

I think as "mixed" kids become more visable, the ignorant masses will realize skin comes in all shades, regardless of what your parents look like!
post #62 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by innle View Post
My uncle has gotten the question a few times. He's anglo-saxon, and my aunt is Japanese. As for how their kids look ... well, we (my family, who are all also anglo-saxon) think that they look more Japanese. My aunt's family (who are all Japanese) think that they look more anglo-saxon!
:
This is something we've found too -- when DD is here in Colorado with me, she looks very Japanese, to the extent that many people assume she's an adopted child from an Asian country. But when we're in Japan it's pretty much instantly obvious when you look at her that she's not 100% Japanese. The question we get asked there all the time is "Is she hafu?" -- which is "half" pronounced Japanese style, the term for a child like DD with one Japanese parent and one non-Japanese parent. That question bugs me in a different way, for a different reason, but it's not the same one that we get here in the US.
post #63 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by joanq View Post
OH! And also when DS was born....I had a nurse insisting he was jaundiced although the test came back normal. She insisted "look at how yellow his skin is next to yours!!" The whole time my dh (a mexican with yellow undertones to his skin) was sitting next to me. I just looked at her like she was daft and they redid the test....it came back normal of course.
One of my dad's favorite "multicultural family" stories is similar. He was at my older brother's first doctors appointments, sitting in the exam room with my brother while Mom was parking the car, when the doctor told him "Oh, your baby looks a little jaundiced." and when Mom walked in, said "Oh, nevermind that bit about jaundice."

My dad is Anglo with the typical red headed complexion. Mom is Japanese. I frequently get mistaken for being Hispanic. My kids are 3/4 Japanese... they definitely look more Japanese than I do, but you can tell they're biracial still.

My nephews' father is Anglo, and he and my sister popped out 2 blonde haired, blue and gray eyed, pale skinned boys with somewhat Asian looking eyes.
post #64 of 222
I get this all the time being white with biracial children. I LOVE the shirt!!!
post #65 of 222
DH and I are both white, but DS is a lot darker than both of us, sorta olive toned - People always ask if he is mixed with something, and when I say no, they look at me like they dont believe me.
I have no idea where his skin tone came from, its kinda weird!
post #66 of 222
Oh, i have one of those stories too
When the nurse brought me to my mother in the hospital (back in the 60s), she checked my bracelet, my mother's. mine again, and was about to take me back to the nursery when my mother insisted that I was hers. My mother is very blonde/blue-eyed, my father is Indian. Mixed children were rarer back then.
post #67 of 222
I get just the opposite. My DF and I are both white, as is our DD. However, my stepson is black and has a 4mo who I often babysit. My DD and DGS are 18 mos apart so when people see us together they assume both are mine. That sometimes bothers me for a different reason. People seem to think that because the kids don't look alike but are so close in age, and because I don't have a wedding ring, that I must sleep around and got knocked up by two different men.

We get a lot of looks now. I wonder if I'll get more or less when he is walking and talking and DS calls my "Mommy" and he calls me "Grandma?"

Also, when I first moved in with DF and his DS and we would go out together we would get lots of looks as people tried to figure out the family relationship. They couldn't figure out why 2 white folks would be with a black teenager.
post #68 of 222

"Did she adopt your kids?"

My husband is Hispanic and I am white skinned ( hungarian mix). My kids are BEAUTIFUL and they brown right up in the sun even more.

When we were swimming last year at the community pool, someone asked my husband (who was holding our 3 month old and playing with the 3 and 5 yr old)

"Did she adopt your kids?"

I love it! It makes me laugh.

I brag all of the time about their beautiful skin. My kids even come up to me and say- " Look mom, I am turning brown." to hear me gush over them
post #69 of 222
I haven't finished reading all the responses (on page 3), but I do have a question. I've never asked anyone if those were their children because I think it is rude. However, I have found myself in a situation where I really couldn't tell if the children were with a nanny or with their mother. I would say different things to a mother than I would to a nanny. In these situations, I've just smiled and said nothing instead of trying to go through the shenanigans to find out who belongs to who and if what I want to say is appropriate or not.

To be clear, I'm referring to situations where small talk is appropriate like playing at a park, not at a store when everyone is busy.

Also, adoption is something that DH and I have thought about many times and I love to talk to adoptive parents about their experiences, but again, I never feel comfortable asking if they adopted or not. Sometimes the questions aren't out of curiosity, but have a purpose.


What would be the best policy? Should I just always assume the adults are the parents and risk offending the nannies? Or should I just stick with the shut up and smile policy?
post #70 of 222
I'm biracial (mom- red-haired Belgian, dad - dark-skinned Zimbabwean!) and the strangest thing for me was looking like NEITHER of my parents. If I was out with just one of them, people would always say things like "oh, whose kid is that?" One thing that really helped was that my sister looked just like me! We definitely looked related, and when all four of us were together we got far less questions- I guess we looked more like a family unit with 2 of us that looked alike!

When I was a kid in the eighties my sister and I were the only biracial kids we knew. We used to get sooo many comments and compliments about how "exotic" we looked and how stunning we were, etc. We didn't really mind unless the comments came at a time that singled out us from a group of kids and made us feel "different".

I think these days, people are getting a lot more used to seeing biracial and multi-racial kids.

One thing that I really love about the way I look is that so many places I go I really look like I could be from there! I have traveled all over south-east asia, africa, the middle east, europe and south america and in so many places people assumed I was a local! Then they see my polish/ukrainian-english husband and catch on that I have no idea what they are saying!

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about offending kids and parents too much~ most of us are used to the questions and proud to tell you the answer! Especially if the questions come after a big fat compliment!
post #71 of 222
Quote:
Anyway, I wouldn't worry about offending kids and parents too much~ most of us are used to the questions and proud to tell you the answer! Especially if the questions come after a big fat compliment
I love this!
Yes!
post #72 of 222
I've occasionally had similar questions like 'are they yours', and it might be both because I (think :-) I look younger than my true age, and because of the tan of my kids. Also on one occasion someone asked me if I was one of the teachers since I was always spotted with one or two of my children when bringing to/picking up from pre-school.

I am Belgian, white-skinned freckle-faced with darkbrown eyes and fine light brown hair, in Turkey where I live they even call it blonde :-). DH is local and dark olive skinned with thick black hair. DS1 looks like a real mix and has middle brown hair, 'my' darkbrown eyes and quite a tanned skin. DS2 is dark blonde with the very same dark eyes and has a paler skin than DS1 but now summer has come he starts to get a darker complexion too. His features look the most like mine. Kids look like each other too.
You also find middle to dark blonde hair en bright blue, grey or green eyes in Turkey. But still I guess my kids look just that littlebit 'different' from others here, at least it's always being spotted.

My HB has been asked a few times 'are they foreigners'?, about our children and/or me. Mostly when I was not in the picture for a few seconds. He replied: 'indeed, but only half, mom is European' or sth. It may sound rude people asking if you'r foreign or a foreigner but it happens to me ALL THE TIME in this country. Sometimes you hear them say it behind your back but I sure do understand them). Whatever, I was quite annoyed about this kind of question but now realise it is just the direct way of curious Turkish people wondering where you're from. However, the often inquire because they positively interest in you (although exactly for being a foreigner) and/or for starting a social conversation. Still it's annoying, especially the frequency, but I guess I'll have to learn to live with it, that it 'll happen as long as I live here :-). But I DO hope that my children will not have too many annoying or embarrassing (in the meaning of rude by the questionneur) experiences in this regard. They ARE locals, yes mixed, and bi-lingual, but born and raised here.

I think it is important indeed that on the one hand you do not take the inquiries too seriously, and on the other hand try to give a plausible and polite answer (not defensive) as an example for your kids. My 4y old starts to understand more complex subjects and understands already that he is a mixture from parents of two origins, so he can also accept and think about our explanations about it. He likes to compare his darker skinned arms to mine too and finds it funny :-). And then I show him my freckles (which HE doesn't have) :-).

And they are both handsome (look 'different' and interesting to people in both Belgium and Turkey) - and oh my do they KNOW IT. Hope that won't lead to arrogance or annoyment later in life :-). But they get to hear it all the time, also from complete strangers and they often get cuddled and kissed without 'warning', which my 4y old starts to resent! I assume random people will stop cuddling our children past 6 or so? Or maybe I should ask their IDs first ...
post #73 of 222
We are biracial I am hispanic and dh is white as casper. LOL Anyway we have 2 children together and then each of us has a boy from a previous relationship. His son is of course white. I am his mom. I am in the process of adopting him and have raised him since his mom left him on our doorstep at the age of 9 months. But we get this ALOT. My older daughter 4 looks nothing like me. She looks alot like a light skinned Dora. My son looks AA and the youngest baby looks like my mini me. ANYWAY< I would want a shirt that says I AM the nanny!! For all the time we have breakdowns over toys in stores or outbursts in restaraunts. LOL Somedays I wish I could just be the nanny. =)
post #74 of 222
awww i love the http://www.swirlsyndicate.com/shopping/sh_swirled.html so cute and the mixed thing is always there. i got when dd was born "THATS NOT YOUR CHILD" yes it was being yelled at me by a cashier. my mom was standing beside me and said i was there when she was born and "YES that is her child" i guess i am just a mommy time even kids that i was taking care of have always been looked at as mine every day my and my bestfriend go out. both me and my best friend are white both of our kids are mixed with black. she has 2 kids 8dd and 7ds and me i have 6dd and 19m ds well when we are out they are all mine never once are they her's. she is looked at the mothers helper even when they are calling her mom.
post #75 of 222
Ugh, it happened again today! We were leaving the playground, walking home, as 2 women and 5 kids were also leaving. The kids looked biracial black/white (some had blue eyes). I assumed they were the moms of the children until one of them, after gazing into the jog stroller, asked me "are those your kids?" I said yes and answered questions about their ages. Then the woman said "they must look like their father" and it sounded rude to me but maybe I am reading into it. But it really hurt my feelings! ANd right in front of my 2 year old who understands and remembers everything. I said something stupid like "it's hard to tell who thye look like at this age" but I wish I said something like, "oh, I always thought they were my spitting image!"
post #76 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunnybee View Post
Ugh, it happened again today! We were leaving the playground, walking home, as 2 women and 5 kids were also leaving. The kids looked biracial black/white (some had blue eyes). I assumed they were the moms of the children until one of them, after gazing into the jog stroller, asked me "are those your kids?" I said yes and answered questions about their ages. Then the woman said "they must look like their father" and it sounded rude to me but maybe I am reading into it. But it really hurt my feelings! ANd right in front of my 2 year old who understands and remembers everything. I said something stupid like "it's hard to tell who thye look like at this age" but I wish I said something like, "oh, I always thought they were my spitting image!"
i would of said YES of course they are mine! are all of them YOURS?
post #77 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by meowee View Post
What happened with the dads in the story is that they had to produce a birth certificate to show the police (they had been stopped while driving out of state on vacation). I guess they'd had trouble before so always carried a copy of her birth certificate.

The pictures are a good idea!


I know of a story just like that, but with the mom. They were going on a cruise ( the father had passed away years before) and she was asked to show their birth certificates and his death certificate in order to leave the country! How horrible!!! They missed the first half of the trip.
post #78 of 222
I haven't had this problem with my own children, but my mom used to have it with me. I also haven't finished reading all posts.
I'm blonde-haired, blue/green eyed and "Irish skinned". My mom's Native American, dark brown hair and eyes, dark skin, so are my 3 brothers.
I remember one incident where my family went across the border (from Canada to the US) to go shopping. We were confronted by a security guard and my mom was accused of kidnapping me. :
Another time, my brother and I went to visit my gran when she was staying in an Elder's home on reserve. I went in first and asked which room my gran was in. I was told that only family could see her. I argued with the receptionist until my brother came in about 10 minutes later and confirmed that I was *indeed* her granddaughter.
And I don't know how many times I was asked if I was adopted, had the same father as my brothers, etc. My brothers used to just laugh and say "No, she's the mailman's." and I'd say "We have a mail lady." or I'd say "Yeah, they're Uncle Ralph's (who is "black")" if he was around. I still sometimes get asked that.
It's annoying but I don't (personally) find it offensive. I just try to remember that not everyone's lucky enough to have a family as multi-racial as my own.
post #79 of 222
Quote:
Originally Posted by leighi123 View Post
DH and I are both white, but DS is a lot darker than both of us, sorta olive toned - People always ask if he is mixed with something, and when I say no, they look at me like they dont believe me.
I have no idea where his skin tone came from, its kinda weird!
This reminds me of a story my SIL told me. A co-worker had knew some people from Church. Woman gives birth to a child, her DH is set to leave her because the child is too dark to be his. DH mother is informed about the impending break up and comes clean that his great-grandfather was Black:
post #80 of 222
I love the shirts.

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