WWYD? DH is supposed to travel next week..

[cj'smommy]

am I being silly asking him not to go? I'll be 37 weeks on Friday but I have no signs of labor coming (I was finger tip dilated today but that's it and no contractions) on so I feel bad telling him I'd rather not have him go.

He'll be 6 hours away by car and probably leave the night before around dinner, have his meeting during the day and then head back that night sometime. I think I'd be a lot more comfortable if it was only a couple of hours away instead of at least 6.

My big fear is that if I do go into labor he won't make it back in time. I'm trying for a VBAC but have been told that at any signs of distress I'll end up with a c-section. It's kind of scary gong into all of it alone and stressed if he'll make it home in time. Then we have the issue with the baby's health and if something were really wrong (though we have no indication of that) he would be transfered to another hospital about an hour away. Obviously if that happens I can't go with the baby and I can't bear the thought that he would be alone. The chances of that are very slim but it's a possibility.

I hate to admit this but I honestly don't know that even if the baby is ok, I can handle all the stress of waiting to find out about the tumor/how the baby is by myself.

His work has been wonderful with giving him time off for all our appt's and stuff and he said he didn't think his not going would be a problem. That makes me feel better, but I still don't want to get him in trouble. He's going to need time off when the baby is born and then when he has surgery and I don't want to take advantage of their generosity.

My DH has no problem asking to not go on this trip if I don't want him to. I don't think he's as nervous about him going as I am though and I think a teeny part of him is in denial that we are actually so close to having the baby - I think it's a guy thing. One of those they don't believe it until it's happening kind of thing.

Would you want your DP to go away on a trip like this?

[Luv2Skydive]

Realistically, you'll probably be fine and just knowing he isn't close will probably keep labor at bay.......but I wouldn't be thinking realistically and I wouldn't want him that far away, no matter how unreasonable it sounds or others might think I'm being. ; )

[amyaebi]

Originally Posted by Luv2Skydive

Realistically, you'll probably be fine and just knowing he isn't close will probably keep labor at bay.......but I wouldn't be thinking realistically and I wouldn't want him that far away, no matter how unreasonable it sounds or others might think I'm being. ; )

I was thinking the exact same thing. The chances are so small that something would happen, but I totally understand needing him close. I would be the same way. This is the time your life that you get to be a little bit selfish and ask for things to be how they will make you most comfortable. It sounds like it is all going to work out.

Amy

[cj'smommy]

Originally Posted by Luv2Skydive

Realistically, you'll probably be fine and just knowing he isn't close will probably keep labor at bay.......but I wouldn't be thinking realistically and I wouldn't want him that far away, no matter how unreasonable it sounds or others might think I'm being. ; )

I told him exactly the same thing! I know it will be a quiet week next week and then we'll feel silly that he stayed home. Oh well, I'd rather be silly than sorry.

[cj'smommy]

Originally Posted by amyaebi

I was thinking the exact same thing. The chances are so small that something would happen, but I totally understand needing him close. I would be the same way. This is the time your life that you get to be a little bit selfish and ask for things to be how they will make you most comfortable. It sounds like it is all going to work out.

Amy

I try not to be selfish whenever I can but I did tell him that this time I really need him close. Thankfully he can be and has no problem with it. He's very lucky to work for the company he does, the last one he was at would have sent him anyway.

I seem to be in a funk or something that has me thinking the worst for everything and I'm usually not that way. Maybe the hormones are changing...

[MarchWillow]

My dh is a contractor and sometimes has to stay weekends out of town for jobs, or has some travelling to do and it sucks, even when your not pregnant. I can totally relate!

On the other hand...maybe there is someone who can keep you company since it is only a matter of like 48 hours? That and keeping in touch with dh over the phone may help if you really want to let him go. Idk, just a thought, it kinda sounds like you'd rather him just stay home, but I thought I might toss in an idea.

That is really cool that his company is giving him time off after the birth. My dh is self employed so he can stay home a couple days, but that's probably it. I don't know if I'll want him hanging out much longer anyway lol, he's too high energy and can give me a nervous tension.

[Molck]

If I was in your shoes, I would definitely ask him to stay. Totally reasonable wanting him to be close, even if you don't think you'll go into labor while he's gone.

[joyfilledmomma]

It's not silly at all that you want him with you. Dh has told his company that he has a "no travel policy" from week 36 (of pregnancy) till week 6 (postpartum). It may sound like a lot to ask, but I'd say 99 percent of the time they ask him to travel they don't actually *need* him to go...he's just a hard worker and often volunteers, so I don't feel badly about it, especially with a toddler running around. I feel like companies should really do all that they can to let dads be with their pregnant partners/tiny babes, but that's just my ideal world.

[NatureMama3]

DH's boss was asking him if he wanted to go to a seminar (2 hours away) next week. Then he caught himself and said "oh that's right! your wife is due any day now! well nevermind then. I was going to go to a seminar and just as I was getting ready to leave my wife's water broke."

Definitely better safe than sorry.

[PuppyFluffer]

I would want him closer to home.

Let me tell you a little story about my last birth!

I'm a professional dog groomer (hence theusername) and after my first baby I quit full time work and worked every saturday instead - scheduling my clients a full year in advance. When I got pregnant with my second baby, I further reduced my work to one Saturday a month with the plan to fully quit after she was born. My last day to work was October 7th. The baby was due Oct 28. Dh was trying to stay home the last month but he had a job that had him traveling about every other week. Something came up and he really had to go out of town to address it on Monday (Oct9th). We had talked to the midwife about it and there were no indications I would go early. (First baby was 40wks/3 days)

On my drive home from my last day of work, I had a funny vibe about him taking that trip on Monday, 2 days away. I told him about this and he rolled his eyes and said he really needed to go and that we'd talked about it and he wished I'd tell him if I didn't want him go. I explained that I was fine with it except for the vibe I JUST got on the way home. I had an errand to run and upon returning from it, got out of the car and my water broke. I just laughed! I came into the house, went to the toilet, kicked off my jeans and called him into the bathroom. I pointed to my wet pants on the floor and said "I didn't pee them". He stood there with a blank look on his face....then it hit him what was happening. (And I wish I had a camera!) He said "What does this mean?" and I laughed and said we'd be holding a baby in less than 24 hours and you're probably not going on your trip Monday. Water broke at 9:10pm, first real contraction was at midnight, midwife arrived at 3:15am, baby in my arms at 4:37am. I smiled at him afterward and said "Don't mess with my vibes!" (And he rescheduled his trip! )

[smeisnotapirate]

I informed my DH that his rational, sweet, "I'm the only guy in the shop with a not-crazy wife" DW would become the hellion of the decade if he traveled from May 1 on. So I would tell him (and the boss, if necessary) in no uncertain terms that now just isn't a good time.

[ericaz]

Amy,
My dh was supposed to travel to Boston (we're outside Philly) two days after I went into labor. I was 4 weeks early but I was so worried that something would happen that week that I asked dh to get out of it. So glad I did! Guess I had mother's intuition

I dunno, I just think it's better to be safe than sorry. A friend of mine went into labor when her husband was out of town (close to her due date) and she wound up delivering in the ER, alone

Good luck...I'm thinking of you!

[RootBeerFloat]

I'm 38 weeks on Thursday and my dh is out of town right now as we "speak." When he first told me about the trip, I totally flipped out. Unfortunately, his company was not so understanding and really pressed him to go anyway . . . . mostly I've just been trying to relax and tell the baby to stay put for another 24 hours or so--which has SUCKED because it's really put a damper in my getting ready-ness. If I had a choice, I would have far preferred he's stay.

[smeisnotapirate]

Originally Posted by Ally'smom

I'm 38 weeks on Thursday and my dh is out of town right now as we "speak." When he first told me about the trip, I totally flipped out. Unfortunately, his company was not so understanding and really pressed him to go anyway . . . . mostly I've just been trying to relax and tell the baby to stay put for another 24 hours or so--which has SUCKED because it's really put a damper in my getting ready-ness. If I had a choice, I would have far preferred he's stay.

I'm thankful there are only 6 guys in the business my husband works for, so we all know each other really well. I also know his boss' gastroenterologist, who goes to my synagogue, so I can make his life VERY uncomfortable. \

No, seriously. That totally sucks that your DH's company is like that.

[cj'smommy]

Thanks for the input everyone!

DH told them he'd rather not go and they said it was fine. Like I said, he works for a great company, when we found out about the baby/tumor he asked (after only being at the company a year) the General Manager if it would be possilbe to take one morning off a month to go with me to the u/s appts. The GM said Jim could have as much time as he needed before birth/after birth/and even surgery without losing pay or vacation days. Of course it helps that he really works hard for them but they're a pretty family oriented company to begin with.

I know I probably won't go into labor but it will still be nice to have him home. I didn't realize what a relief that would be emotionally until he actually told me he would be here. I'm starting to stress a bit and I know if he was gone that would increase. I wouldn't want it to affect my labor, I want this LO to come as peacefully as possible.

PuppyFluffer/ericaz - Glad that your DH's didn't end up going!!!

Ally'smom - I hope he gets home soon. I was worried about the same thing, not just going into labor but the whole getting ready thing. Plus I have a 5 yr old and a 2 yr old to take care of and I just don't have the energy I had a few weeks ago.

[Breeder]

Truthfully, if it were me: I'd cry. I cry if you look at me crosseyed right now so my DH making a long trip right now would totally freak me out.

[merry-mary]

I would not want my DH to be that far - especially since this is not your first baby.

Let us know what happens, and big hugs to you!