No I don't have paper plates!

[Zach'smom]

This goes along with my "WHy are they scared of my cloth napkins thread". My in-laws came for another visit. They did use the cloth napkins and eat off of plates at dinner because I set the table and there was no other choice. At lunch and breakfast we all just grab a bowl of cereal or fix a sandwich or a salad when we are hungry. So lunch time rolls around and my in-laws make some sandwiches and are getting fruit etc. to go with them when my mil starts rummages through all my cabinets. I ask her what she need and she says plates. I am confused because she know where the plates are. Dh grabs a stack of plates out of the cabinet and sets them on the island for eveyone to use. Mil responds No, I mean paper plates. Dh says we don't use paper plates (mil knows this). So fil, sil and great grandma eat their lunch off of a paper towel. Mil eats her lunch off an empty plastic bag from the pita bread. WTH???? This is how the whole weekend went. When I asked why they wouldn't eat off a plate(we have lots!). They said they didn't want to make work for me. I told them it wasn't. I have a dishwasher. Then they all roll their eyes and look at me like I am the biggest b!tch on the planet.

[beachmouse]

Bizarro. The only reason why we have a stash of paper plates is that they're part of our hurricane kit, and the only reason I see to use them is if our water supply is not useable for washing, or we lack electricity for the dishwasher.

[abomgardner417]

My mil will be over this Sunday and I'm just waiting for the paper plate comment. Wait until she finds out we switched to family cloth!

[Caneel]

Are your in-laws related to my mother and her boyfriend?!?!?!

We have the same thing in our family. It drives me bats.

With my mom, it isn't a germ issue. She has some wacko mental thing going on where it pains her to use normal cups and plates.

She totally would do exactly what you described - plastic bag, paper towel (with the crumbs shaken off for later use), empty cereal box - you name it.

This puzzles me for the following reasons:

1.She certainly didn’t learn this behavior growing up. My grandparents were extremely frugal and certainly never spent money on disposable stuff. The odd plastic things were freebie cups or plastic utensils used for picnics, bbqs, etc. only – never in the house.

2.my mother herself is frugal too. I baffles me that she spends money on disposables at home.

3.Neither DH or I ever said a word about them creating dirty dishes, meaning that she has never been made to feel like she creates work for us.


We do not purchase disposables for our home. It bothers her to no end that we don’t have paper towels. I keep a stack of clean bar rags on the counter. She knows they can be single-use, I don’t mind.

For a period of time, I thought she was either getting better or I was making a positive impact on her until I discovered her "secret."

We had a catered event at the house and the caterer brought a huge stack (like hundreds) of plastic plates. I put them in a cupboard (not in the kitchen) and forgot about them.

One day she asks me "don't you have any more of those nice plates?" I have no idea what she is talking about.

Upon further questioning, she admits they (her and bf) have been using the plastic plates for months. (they come to visit about once a week and dh and I typically go out while they stay with ds)


I tell her no, if you used them all, there are no more and I will not be buying any. I explain my feelings on cost (which she should totally relate to) and waste.

I can't figure out how she found them (she is not a snoop) and say as much. She replies "I watched when you put them away."

She then says she will bring a supply.

It was then that dh sort of had a fit.

He was raised in a disposal house. His caregivers (various family members) treated the kids poorly. He relates paper plates (and many other convenience things) to not caring enough to take the time to enjoy a meal/wash a dish/trust someone not to break things.

He basically says "my house, my rules, my child...no paper plates or plastic utensils when you eat my food under my roof."

She still can't stop herself for commenting on dirtying a dish.

When we have nice meals in the dinner room, I will put out the nicer wine glasses. She will try to remove the wine glass and replace it with a pyrex measuring cup because, in her words, "she likes to keep things simple."

What is so simple about removing items off an already set table, climbing up on a chair to find my measuring cup, and carrying it into the dining room?

And maybe most importantly, why did I just rant about my mother drinking out of a pyrex measuring cup and why do I care?

Thanks for letting me rant.

[MonkeyPrincess]

Probably not the response you're looking for, but I so enjoy reading other peoples odd family dynamics. Makes me feel better about my own.

[Caneel]

Monkeyprincess - you sound just like my best friend She says the same thing.

[Raw Vegan Mama]

OMG -- I had a very similar expereince this weekend.

My grandmother used the same cloth napking for 3 days -- and got P*ssed when I threw it in the washer. Later that day my mom was irked when I washed her bath towel, too. ??????

If they only knew what we were really like! lol!

Very crazy that they rolled their eyes about the dishwasher comment..... Next time, get rid of all the papertowel so they have to use the real stuff! lol!

[superstella]

My xMIL was this way. Always bringing us paper plates, napkins, paper towels... I can absolutely relate, but don't know what the issue is.

[Valkyrie9]

Yeah, you just described my mother-in-law. It drives her utterly crazy to not have disposable napkins and paper plates. Every time they come here, they buy us a super pack of plates and napkins, even though I explain that I'd really rather use cloth and real plates. She just doesn't get it. The really sad thing is that I've got all these partially-used packages of paper plates and napkins in my pantry because they buy a new pack of each EVERY TIME they visit, which is 2-3 times a year.

[lillydilly]

Keep ranting... I am finding it fascinating. drop: I've honestly never heard of anyone doing this until now! My grandmother used to get strange ideas, but she was genuinely eccentric. I take it that these in-laws are normal in every other way? To choose to eat off a bread packet rather than a plate? My goodness.
I'm not very helpful am I?
My only advice is to keep your sense of humour.
Is it an American thing? The people we know here who use paper plates use them mainly for barbecues, picnics, a party with a crowd of people. Our DIL is American, and when we went over there for their wedding and stayed with her family, I was amazed when they used paper plates for everday meals, even breakfast. They went soggy from the vegetables and gravy, and their bin was full every day with disposable plates and cups. They weren't well off people at all, and I was kind of shocked, because disposable plates etc are regarded as a bit of a luxury here.
I thought it was because we were there, and they wanted to save time on the washing up, and I made a bit of a dill of myself, because I said something about "please just do whatever you normally do, while we're here... no special treatment, and let me wash up". And they said, "oh no, it would be fussing to use china. We use paper plates all the time". It felt weird to me.
Share some more. People are fascinating

[mlleoiseau]

My dh can't stand to use cloth napkins or cloth paper towels. When we run out of paper napkins, he stares at the basket of cloth napkins on the table and asks, "When are you going to buy real napkins?" Oddly enough, he supports my plan to amass a set of 25 plates, saucers and glasses so we can have potlucks without having to buy disposables. He'd have a cow if I suggested amassing enough cloth napkins for a potluck.

My parents buy styrofoam plates and cases of bottled water because it's easier than washing dishes. Hmm. Seems to me that they still have to run dishwater for the silverware and pots they dirty. I don't get it.

[LucyRev]

WOW. That would totally irk me! I think using paper plates for everyday is strange. I don't normally keep them around either.

I thought it was bad that my MIL bought a stash of disposable diapers for when she babysits, and then she had to give them away because she rarely babysits so she only used a few out of each size.

She finally started using the cloth diapers I brought. One time she had actually washed the diaper while I was gone and gave it back to me clean because she "didn't know what to do with it." I'm sure she didn't put anything else in the washer but that one little diaper! Then she would give the wet ones back to me tied up in a brand new trash bag. Why not just use the nylon bag I left, or an old grocery sack?

[Zach'smom]

Originally Posted by lillydilly

Keep ranting... I am finding it fascinating. drop: I've honestly never heard of anyone doing this until now! My grandmother used to get strange ideas, but she was genuinely eccentric. I take it that these in-laws are normal in every other way? To choose to eat off a bread packet rather than a plate? My goodness.
I'm not very helpful am I?

I should have noted that my il's are NOT normal in every other way.
It is a miracle that my dh is a completely normal person. The refusing to eat off of an actual plate is just one of MANY strange things my il's do.

[Caneel]

I don't know if my mother is "normal" or not. She is in her 50s, educated and has a professional-level job, keeps a very nice tidy house, and is physically very active but is also eccentric.

She wasn't always like this, it is something new in the past few years and it started after my parents divorced. It very well may have something to do with rebelling against her old life. My dad is German by birth and immigrated as an adult and is rather formal. The marriage ended badly and she is carry tons of baggage that she refuses to acknowledge.

She has never been a cook (we literally lived on TV dinners) and her food-related domestic skills have declined even further recently. If someone (me, her live-in bf, other family members) don't provide her with a cook meal, she simply won't eat anything but a piece of fruit and a bite of chocolate for each meal.

If she comes alone (without bf) for our house to see ds, I have to have a prepared meal ready for him. Simple prep like cooking veggies and a piece of chicken overwhelm her.

Recently, I told her I had lots of fixings for a chopped salad, which she loves. When I told her all she had to do was assemble it (everything was already prepped), she chose to drive 10 miles, round trip, in Friday rush hour traffic to pick up a prepared salad for herself because "putting it together and doing the dishes (meaning putting them in the dishwasher) was too much trouble."

What? How can 5 minutes to assemble a homemade healthly (and free, she is very frugal) salad be less trouble than driving 20 minutes in bumper to bumper traffic?

I remember years ago when our German relatives would visit. They were blown away by the TV dinners. There was a brand that had a rigid plastic plate and a domed cover. It was such a novelty to them they took home all of the covers and plates for use in their camper. I remember the stack was so high, we gave them an old duffle bag because it wouldn't fit in their suitcase. (they visited for several weeks at a time.)

[madskye]

Ha! Same here. Everytime my MIL comes over she makes a comment along the lines of "Why so much fuss?"--regarding my choice of plates and napkins. Also, they will only eat hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza, or takeout Chinese food with us so as not to be trouble. No offense--I enjoy those things in moderation, but we see quite a bit of them, and I would actually enjoy eating whole foods that I've prepared a lot more most of the time.

It really is so weird.

[LionessMom]

wow... my ils support my bfing and using cloth for everything... to my face i guess. their bad habit is all the drinking they do and how my mil likes to spread rumors in bars. then when we visit her she goes on rants about being Catholic and then turns around and gets drunk in front if her grandkids. we dont visit very often.

[Rhiannon Feimorgan]

Wow, it must be an american thing. I've never heard of someone using paper plates for everyday. They're for picknicks or parties or something like that. That blows my mind.

[Ellien C]

I think it's an old people thing (American old people). Paper plates is pretty much all my parents use at their retirement condo. And frozen dinners. I got them gourmet frozen food for Christmas. They loved it!

[sweetcheeks]

I'm wondering if some of us have the same MIL. My MIL always brings out disposable plates, cups and cutlery she picked up at the dollar store when her and FIL come out to visit. I don't get it. She says she doesn't want to create more work for us (we don't have a DW so we hand wash) but, seriously, 2 more settings is NOT more work.

However, I will admit that I did buy some compostable plates and bowls for the first few days after baby's birth when things could be crazy and we're running on fumes. That's better than the other kinds, right?!

[Llyra]

It drives my mother NUTS that I don't have paper plates, paper towels, and paper cups in the house. Last time she came for dinner, she used a wad of toilet paper for a table napkin rather than use the cloth napkin I gave her. She said she didn't want to mess it up, but I think she thought it wasn't clean. Anyway, now she's started buying them FOR me. I think she thinks it's about money for me, which it's really not. I mean, I like that I make frugal choices, but for me it's more about waste. She'll show up with all that stuff, and aluminum foil and plastic wrap and big cases of juice boxes and all this wasteful packaged stuff and disposable stuff.

The paper towels really seem to be the biggest thing for most people. EVERYBODY is always standing around awkwardly in my kitchen searching for the paper towels, and looking terribly confused when I hand them a clean dishtowel or rag.