Workshop #2 - Baby’s Early Years; Breastfeeding - Page 4

[OTMomma]

Originally Posted by Nillarilla

How do you ladies support another mom who you know is struggling with bfing without sounding to preachy?

I think its actually good to talk about have been through difficulties yourself is helpful to some people. My best friend had a baby about a year after my dd was born, and she really struggled to start bfing- she was so relieved when I told her I had had a hard time with dd in the begining too. We had totally different problems, and I hadn't wanted to complain to her when dd was new, because I didn't feel right telling someone with no kids about bfing problems. But she was feeling like a failure that nursing was hard at first, so just knowing I had been there and that she wasn't defective because it was hard getting started really helped her. I also tell every mom I meet who has had to pump for her baby how much I admire that.

For me, I try to listen hard to what I'm saying and not equate breastfeeding to being a good mom. In a perfect world, every woman would feel empowered to breastfeed, and have the support to do so, but its not a perfect world.

[shayinme]

Originally Posted by Nillarilla

How do you ladies support another mom who you know is struggling with bfing without sounding to preachy?

For me its been about just sharing my own experience with BF'ing, admittedly as someone who didn't nurse their first child and was initially ambivalent with the 2nd child seems to help when I am talking to a Mama to be or new Mama. Biggest suggestion I have when a Mom i spregnant and ambivalent is that based off my own experience I say commit for at least the first 6 weeks.

In my reading while pregnant with dd, it seemed like if I could make it to the 6 week mark many of the kinks would be worked out and for me it did work that way.

Shay

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

I like the idea of saying commit for at least 6 weeks. Because when you say 6 months or a year, it sounds so very long. I think if it's possible to get a good nursing relationship within 6 weeks, that in itself is encouraging enough for some people to continue.

[Bad Mama Jama]

the easiest way to help motivate someone is to share yourself with them. it is not easy when we look at breastfeeding in terms of years. as a mama who breastfed after a reduction, i took it seemingly one day at a time. i wasn't even sure if i could breastfeed or not, so i just had to play it by ear.

me playing it by ear lasted 3 years and 2 months. when i had dd, i could not have imagined that i would make it that long, so my suggestion is to encourage mamas where they are.

breastfeeding was so intimate and such an accomplishment for me that i expected more when it was ending. a medal? a parade? confetti, at least? but alas, it just went away quietly.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by Bad Mama Jama

the easiest way to help motivate someone is to share yourself with them. it is not easy when we look at breastfeeding in terms of years. as a mama who breastfed after a reduction, i took it seemingly one day at a time. i wasn't even sure if i could breastfeed or not, so i just had to play it by ear.

me playing it by ear lasted 3 years and 2 months. when i had dd, i could not have imagined that i would make it that long, so my suggestion is to encourage mamas where they are.

breastfeeding was so intimate and such an accomplishment for me that i expected more when it was ending. a medal? a parade? confetti, at least? but alas, it just went away quietly.

:bro c:::::violi n

Here's the breastfeeding parade coming your way, mama! You deserve it!

[NotTheOnlyOne]

my ds will be 2 next month. I knew I would breastfeed because it just was the right thing to do. I had a lot of support from family and friends and my dh for the first year or so.... Then they are started thinking I was crazy for continuing.

I got pregnant when he was 18 months old and I weaned him gently due to fear of a miscarriage. When I hit about 16 weeks or so he started asking for the boob again and I was past the fear of losing the baby so I let him nurse. He has been nursing ever since then. I cant believe he took a FOUR month break and now is nursing like he never had quit.

He was nightweaned and sleeping through the night and now he is waking to nurse... which is slightly backwards, but I really am just happy to have him nursing again. I am excited to start the next journey in tandem nursing.

Oh, one of our biggest problems in the begining was thrush. We had it for the first 6 months of his life. I finally stopped trying to treat it and just waited for things to get back to normal. I hope we dont have to battle that again.

[tanya1976]

Is it too late to join?

My second son has now been bfing for ten months and I am still loving it. We're moving right along. My goal was a year, but I'm thinking that I may want some extra time! I don't think I can give it up too easily, lol. My husband is supportive, but it wants me to stick to my original for my health (I'm bipolar without medication and he's concerned about its daily effects on me).

We've battled Thrush for most of our time , and it has caused some issues with my hubby and my MIL. But, overall, I know what's best for my baby.

I do regret not doing so for my first baby. I didn't have any support, Oh, to turn back time.

[ElsaHaas]

Saturday: Breeastfeeding Hits the Stage!

We (I and nine others, mostly homeschooling kids and adults) are putting on a show in a big theatre in NYC this Saturday. A major theme is breastfeeding, especially the reactions of others to my nursing in public (I was fairly discreet, but I still got lots of questions and comments). To get a feel for the tone of the show, click on the first link in the press release below - it will take you to a poem of mine that was on the Mothering.com website. Hope some of you can make it to the show (and please re-post this on any relevant e-list or board)!

Breastfeeding Hits the Stage, June 14!
(Along with Co-Sleeping, Babywearing and Baby Sign Language)

Who would have thought that writing about her son’s first (unconventional) two years of life would win Elsa Haas a $1,000 literary prize - plus the chance to put on a show (“Wearing My Baby: A Stone Age Mommy on Staten Island”) in a magnificent, 2,800-seat, restored 1929 theatre, only a 25-minute free ferry ride, plus a ten-minute walk, from Manhattan?

If you choose baby slings, breastfeeding and a (carefully-prepared) king-sized bed over strollers, playpens, bottles and cribs, do you get a happier baby who cries less and doesn’t suffer from insomnia? And is Jean Liedloff, an observer of tribal cultures, right in that our civilization’s woes stem in part from how we treat our babies?

In 1975, Liedloff’s The Continuum Concept proposed that parents in our culture consider doing like the natives (she had lived amongst the Yequana of Venezuela, stumbling into observations of their way of life after joining a failed diamond-hunting expedition).

Haas first read Liedloff’s book in 1985 after “dropping out” of college to work at a homeschooling magazine. It was only in 1999 that her son was born, and by that time a babywearing subculture had grown up around books by Liedloff and others (including Dr. William Sears, M.D.).

Babywearing often goes hand in hand with co-sleeping, about which there has been controversy. Safety tips on co-sleeping will be handed out with the playbills. Baby sign language, which helped Haas’ son Tyler (now 9, and excited to be in the show) communicate back in the days when his “cheese”, “juice” and “shoes” all sounded alike, is also a theme in the show. Most of the performers are homeschooling kids or parents.

You can read one of the poems that won Haas the literary award at this link on the website of Mothering Magazine: http://www.mothering.com/sections/poems/reality.html .

Mention of Support: Summerfest is a series of FREE exhibits and performances by Staten Island artists, presented by the Council on the Arts and Humanities for Staten Island (COAHSI). Summerfest Literary and Exhibiting Excellence in the Arts Awards are made possible through JPMorganChase.

“Wearing my Baby”, a FREE show, is at the St. George Theatre, 35 Hyatt Street on Staten Island, on Saturday, June 14, at 10AM. (The ferry, a free 25-minute ride, leaves from Lower Manhattan. The Theatre is a ten-minute walk from the ferry terminal. If you take the 9AM ferry you’ll be early and if you take the 9:30AM ferry you’ll be just in time, because the doors open at least by 10AM and the show starts at about 10:15AM.) Hands-on pre-show exhibit. Family-friendly (sound piped out to glass-doored lobby in case of restlessness).

Blurb about show, with photo: http://www.freesummerfest.org/Literary_Artists.html .
Venue: www.stgeorgetheatre.com (the show is not listed because the space is donated to the sponsoring organization, but you can see the lavish interior of the theatre and get directions here – click on “Contact Us” to see the directions). For more info (or to volunteer): [e-mail] or 917-750-2643

[NZmumof2]

I come from a family that has never formula fed really my mum and all her sibs her breatfed (9 of them) and me and my 3 brothers were also. I never doubted that I would breastfeed. I also never doubted that I would have my baby at home. However our 1st was born by GA c-section at 28 weeks after I had severe PET / HELLP syndrome.

I was terrified after that that I would not manage to breastfeed. I pumped and established a fantastic supply while he was in neonates - more than a litre a day when he was on TPN or 1ml of breastmilk an hour. We did heaps of kangaroo care - several hours a day from the time he was 8 days old and stable enough to hold. At 35 weeks / 7 weeks old, he latched on during kangaroo care and never looked back, came home exclusively breastfeeding a week later. I was so glad!

I was a medical student when he was born and he came to my public health elective for 3 months then stayed home with my partner, coming in for a lunchtime feed at the hospital, I pumped lots during the day - great hospital that considered baby-friendly applied to staff too and supplied hospital grade pump and sterilised my gear each day and gave free access to the LCs.

I pumped at work for 16 months and fed him in lunchbreaks and survived my intern years working 70+ hours. He nursed till just before he turned 4.

Our second was born to my partner Leah who comes from a formula fed family. She committed to 2yrs minimum nursing as per the WHO recommendation and Emmett was weaned at 2.25yrs.

Florence was born to me last January by ventouse VBAC and nursed immediately and has barely stopped - such a different experience than feeding a premmie. She is likely to be our last and I'm planning to enjoy every moment of feeding her for as many years as she likes! I'm only working a little bit these days and she comes in for feeds so I seldom have to pump which is nice. I also represent NZ family physicians on some government maternity committees, so she comes with me in a mei tai, sling or wrap to high powered government meetings and breastfeeds everywhere! I love "walking the talk".

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

What wonderful stories you've all shared! It makes me miss nursing so much! I honestly think that was the most magical time for me. Holding that little bundle of sweet smelling softness while he snuggled and nursed at my breast. And each one of my sons was such a different nurser. sigh.

[Nillarilla]

Did breastfeeding affect anyone else's sex life?

It did have an effect on mine to an extent. I would get a torrential letdown when ever I would start to get aroused. This could put a damper on things for me because then I was soaked and sticky and smelling like my son's lunch. DH really didn't mind but he did miss his 'all access pass' to my breasts. I was also so sensitive I could not really stand any stimulation on them at all. I am hoping that it will be different this time around.

[tanya1976]

Thankfully, bfing hasn't affected my sex life; however, I always think that maybe I'll start gushing in the heat of it, lol.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Originally Posted by Nillarilla

Did breastfeeding affect anyone else's sex life?

It did have an effect on mine to an extent. I would get a torrential letdown when ever I would start to get aroused. This could put a damper on things for me because then I was soaked and sticky and smelling like my son's lunch. DH really didn't mind but he did miss his 'all access pass' to my breasts. I was also so sensitive I could not really stand any stimulation on them at all. I am hoping that it will be different this time around.

Yes. My breasts were totally off limits while I was breastfeeding, and now that it's been about a year since I stopped, they are finally back in the game. It really took awhile before I didn't want to smack dh if he even looked at them sideways!

[Melly24]

I knew as soon as we were TTC that I would breastfeed. I had a couple of friends who had breastfeeding difficulties so I was determined to learn as much as I could about it. My midwife gave me the books Bestfeeding and The Womanly Art to read, and I also attended a 3 hour workshop on breastfeeding presented by a LC. I am soooo glad that I did this learning and reading as I LOVE breastfeeding my daughter. I often have an overwhelming feeling of "wow she is growing and thriving from something that is made from me!" What an incredibly powerful feeling it is.

I have had great support from my family and DP's family as well and have committed to breastfeeding for the first year...however I have a sneaky feeling that we will continue past 1 year. I have friends who have openly told me how disgusted they are with extended breastfeeding and made the usual "If they can ask for it they are too old for it" type comments, but I WILL NOT let these people and their comments affect my decision. I must admit that before DD was born I even thought the very same thing!

I have had a plugged duct followed by mastitis but other than that no major difficulties with breastfeeding. DD latched on great pretty much from the get go so we are very lucky. My milk came in on day 3 and I will never forget the look on her face that day as she was GULPING! She almost looked confused but happy at the same time...I didnt have any painful engorgement when it came in just a "zinging" warm feeling is the best way to describe it.

My most favourite part of breastfeeding is when DD gives me the gorgeous milky smiles..you can see it coming as it starts in her eyes that are gazing into mine and then a great big gummy smile as if to say "thanks Mummy, I'm all done now".

[funkymum]

I will be embarking on my first breastfeeding journey sometime in August or September, and I appreciate all these posts. I'm confident in sticking to it with the help of friends, LLL, and MDC.

I am somewhat confused (and even more encouraged to bf) by my own infant breastfeeding experience. I had always had that feeling or memory that when I was a baby, I had the most comforting times in the arms of my mother breastfeeding. When I was older, she told me that her milk had "turned sour" when I was still quite young which had been confirmed when some neighbors put vinegar to my mouth and I had sipped it right up. I chalk this up to her lack of bf education and support, but find it amazing that she was still able to establish a comforting and nourishing connection with bottle feeding.

[QueenOfTheMeadow]

Congratulations funkymom! How exciting!

[heidirk]

Although this isn't a story, I feel compelled to share.
I've felt ambivalent about this pregnancy, and guilty about feeling that way. But the other night I had a dream about the baby.

I gave birth early, but my babe was petite and perfect and I put it to my breast and it fed right away. It made me feel so much better! I can trust that by the time this babe is here, I'll be ready to nurture him/her!

It feels good to dream of success!

[Thandiwe]

It's incredible how much we can change over the course of a few years from child to child. I have two, ages (almost) 3 years, and 8 months. My 3 year old was conceived less than 4 months after my wedding, when I was just 21. I was a kid! I didn't have a clue about how I felt, or what I wanted, or the "right" way to parent. I just, basically, did what I had seen my mom do. She was a nurse, so - even though she'd had one homebirth - I had a hospital birth. She nursed for 7-8 months for each of my two sisters (not at all for me - my birth father's family was against it), but also combined it with formula. She didn't really have any "natural" living tendencies (no co-sleeping, a little cloth-diapering but not much, and no "gentle discipline" to speak of). I had a very intervention-laced pregnancy and delivery, and had complications following his delivery. We were sent home (despite my gut and vocal proclamations that something was wrong) only to be admitted to a larger, better hospital 3 days post-discharge for a non-responsive, severely dehydrated baby. At that point, I hated La Leche. I called several local leaders (admittedly rural, but still), and had NO response. Since our hospital was quite po-dunk, they were no help. One leader said she couldn't help, she wasn't current, and another was on vacation and never returned my call. Our pediatrician simply told me to give formula. My mom said I had tried and to just give formula. My husband's family already thought I was weird to want to BF, so they were no help when it didn't work. Needless to say, w/o any support, and no real knowledge, I [failed] to BF and my son ended up hospitalized severely dehydrated. I had major, major guilt for "hurting" him, but I was hell-bent on nursing. I don't know why, looking back, except that I am a definite Taurus - bull-headed and stubborn through and through. The incredible staff at the second, larger hospital recognized my will and helped immensely. They immediately brought a good pump in and a fridge, brought a lactation consultant in, and set the treatment plan as no discharge until several days of succesful nursing. The head of ped's was in our room every AM for an update and the LC was amazingly helpful. Because of the wonderful invention of the nipple shield (my nips weren't drawing in far enough for my lazy latcher), we were able to nurse. Though I ended up with PPD and anxiety from the ordeal, I have been eternally grateful for the hospital that saved my son's life (and nursing relationship). He nursed for 13 months and kind of self-weaned, was kind of weaned by me. Sadly, my PPD was not managed well by BF-friendly drugs and I had to make the gut-wrenching decision to stop nursing in order to get on stronger meds. At that point in life, we weren't very green or natural.

Fast-forward to my new son (I guess not so new at 8 months old ). His pregnancy was a strong transition-point for me into a more natural life. Whereas before I had no problem using disposables, I couldn't stomach the idea any longer. Whereas before I would allow my oldest to sleep in our bed, but preferred him in his crib, I set out to only co-sleep with my new babe. And for his birth, I planned (and succeeding) a homebirth. Nursing went easier, minus a struggle the first few days with him only wanting to nurse football hold at night. And now that he's reached solid-ready days, he's refusing. This is quite a difference from my oldest who refused to NOT take solids at 5 short months old! By 8 months old, my oldest was eating tons of solids and eagerly finding new stuff. This baby, not so interested. I'm generally okay with that, except for those moments when I start to feel too needed. There's too much pulling sometimes, to be a SAHM 24/7 to two needy little ones. And, hilariously, we all (4 of us!) pile into a full-size bed every night!

Nursing my youngest has been so much different from my oldest. My oldest was a very efficient, very focused nurser. He did what he set out to and then was done. My youngest is a snacker. He's on, off, on, off. He loves to make my milk squirt all over his face or hands and enjoys getting my milk to let down, then hop off to laugh at his brother leaving me desperately stopping the flow. And boy oh boy is he a biter! He got his first (2) teeth at 4 months old and already has a mouth full of teeth. Every now and then he'll chomp down w/o warning and pull backwards.

As for support, my husband has been a saint for support. Even my best friend (who didn't nurse any of her 3 babes) has been very supportive. Most family has been, though they're all starting to question when we'll stop. I just smile and say, "You know, I'm not sure." I've tried fighting the battles, but it sometimes works better to choose your battles. In the last while I've been looking into becoming a lactation consultant and have had the opportunity to be around a few friends with new babies. While I would love to boast on all the benefits of why they should breastfeed, I've really chosen to take a more laid-back approach. I find that being an example and being available to answer any question they may have is better in the long-run. I was tickled pink the other day when my childhood best friend had a baby and decided to have the staff delay cord cutting because of something I mentioned! Every small step makes a difference and it was that much better for that beautiful baby girl!! :

[Thandiwe]

Originally Posted by Nillarilla

Did breastfeeding affect anyone else's sex life?

Um, sex life? What's that? I'm beginning to think I understand why "natural family planning" works....baby, no sex, no new baby. Piece o' cake!

Seriously, though, it's not the BF'ing persay that's killing my sex life. It's a combo of BF'ing a very clingy co-sleeping baby, a co-sleeping toddler, exhaustion, and darned Zoloft for PPD. I would never do it, but some nights I envy the formula-feeding mommies who have "sleeping-through-the-night" babies. Just to get some rest in a bed with ONLY my husband...ahhhh; like dreaming of a treasure island....