Thank you again for everyone's responses.
To respond to the most recent discussion - I posted earlier that I would absolutely treat her right - give her minimum what is required by law, 2 weeks pay in lieu of actual notice. To one PP, she has been here 5 yrs and has her citizenship. This is what she chooses to do for a living.
Also, for the record - I didn't mean to sound like I was omitting any info, I just didn't want the post to be so long that nobody had time to read it.
What I put in my other posts were questions about how to set limits with a 4 year old and how he "runs the roost" at our house. THIS message was initially intended to get people's feedback on whether they would take the earphone thing seriously or not. It didn't *really* bother me that much, but some close friends seem to think it is a HUGE deal, so I was curious what others thought. I know I added details as this went, but I wasn't purposefully trying to "omit" (I think is the word that was used) anything. Just trying to stay on point.
That said, and now that I'm done defending myself, I really DO appreciate everyone's replies, the good, the bad and the ugly.
Unfortunately today I asked them to go to the park and/or the library, got the stroller all set up, got the hats, sunscreen, drinks, snacks, etc. all ready for them before I went to work, left the house at 8:30 am and suggested they go for an hour before the morning nap. By the time DH got home at 4pm, they hadn't gone yet - he got home early, surprising her, she ran and turned off the tv, made some excuses, and rushed them out the door to go to the park. My cracker cupboard had been reorganized AGAIN (for like the 9th time) so I know there was a lot of tv watching going on. She later told me how - at the park - my 1yo had wandered off across the other side of the park (near a school, up a path...) and my 4 yo was playing at the park, but then pooped/peed in his pants.
Just her luck...
I've done some soul searching and realized that our current situation is not working for our family, so we are going to try to change what needs to change, but try to keep the parts that are working. I want more stimulation/less TV for my 4yo, but I want consistency of care and a few more months of the babe in his own home. I also really value the help our nanny gives during dinner/bedtime since I'm on my own most nights.
So we are enrolling my 4yo in a Montessori school for Sept, and he'll do 1/2 days during the summer starting in 3 weeks. We're also going to make a rule "no tv" while at home with the nanny, (which will now be only 1.5 - 2 hrs in the morning). We have decided to put my 1 year old in a centre once he is 18 months, (just trying to decide whether to go with a not-so-great one at my work, or a better one a little further away). Both have spots for him in the fall. OY I'm scared of the illnesses already, *deep breath*, but I do think it's the best for all involved.
I am exploring the option of a nanny-share with my neighbour and have worked out a plan that would allow us to have our nanny work for us 2 hrs/day to do some housekeeping and help with the boys over dinner while I'm home, (i.e. her strengths) but allow her to help my neighbour with her baby during the day. I just have to work out details with the neighbour - it could be a win-win as it would save us both money, and the nanny would actually work 1hr less per week but make more $$ (if she is interested).
So that's my update. Thanks for listening and commenting!
Just hoping I don't regret making these changes. Going from having both boys at home to drop-off and pick-up at two different locations is going to be haaarrd.