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Would you fire your nanny over this? - Page 2

post #21 of 123
First I am also a WOHM so I don't want you to think that I don't understand but that being said I have also worked in daycare AND worked as a Nanny before becoming a doula full time. This behaviour is completely unacceptable and I would fire this Nanny immediately. You would expect that when someone gives you references they would be glowing and not so so after all they are handpicked references BY the person applying from the job. You have dropped in several times to the same scenerio, it ISN'T going to change. This is how the woman works. I had a total schedule for the entire week I was working with the children I nannied for including an outing every single day whether that be to a playgroup, storytime, outing to the park, etc. I also had a routine to the day as in, snack time at 9am, lunch at 1130am, nap at 12pm etc. The kids THRIVED on it and the outings gave me some contact with other adults while allowing the children to have activities to do. I NEVER once would turn on the tv for them in a 10 hour day. It wasn't necessary. I was being paid to play with them and take care of them. Definitely find better care for your kids.
post #22 of 123
I think you understand the reviews - there is not much to recommend her, but no good reason to fire her. How hard is it to find a different nanny?
post #23 of 123
You know I think that people either enjoy children or not. Those who enjoy children can't stop themselves from interacting and being engaged with children in their presence....it is part of their nature. The observation that she seems to switch this on and off depending on who is watching means that she has to work at it--she's not taking genuine pleasure from interacting with your children. It is a job.

As hard as this is, my guess is that you'd like to have someone that really enjoys your children, almost like their "own." Many quality nannies or child care providers possess this quality and their joy is infectious--it can't be stopped when they take as much pleasure in your child (almost) as you do.
It is this sense of joy and shared pleasure that seems to be missing from this arrangement, moreso than any specific danger. Children know when they are special to someone, or when they are just a source of a paycheck.

My hunch is that this is not your gal, as much of a "pain" as that is.

I hope you can get this figured out and find a suitable resolution!
post #24 of 123
I'd be looking for a new nanny.
post #25 of 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by lauren View Post
You know I think that people either enjoy children or not. Those who enjoy children can't stop themselves from interacting and being engaged with children in their presence....it is part of their nature. The observation that she seems to switch this on and off depending on who is watching means that she has to work at it--she's not taking genuine pleasure from interacting with your children. It is a job.

As hard as this is, my guess is that you'd like to have someone that really enjoys your children, almost like their "own." Many quality nannies or child care providers possess this quality and their joy is infectious--it can't be stopped when they take as much pleasure in your child (almost) as you do.
It is this sense of joy and shared pleasure that seems to be missing from this arrangement, moreso than any specific danger. Children know when they are special to someone, or when they are just a source of a paycheck.

My hunch is that this is not your gal, as much of a "pain" as that is.

I hope you can get this figured out and find a suitable resolution!
Well said.
post #26 of 123
I haven't read the responses but my though is, if I felt like I needed a nanny cam for my nanny, I would let her go. You want someone who you trust 100%.

Also, whne giving a bad review of a past employee, I will still try to sound nice. If I liked a nanny and gave a review of her, I would NOT bring things like you mentioned up. I would only bring those things if she was horrible and I was trying to drop hints to that.
post #27 of 123
Yep, doesn't sound like a good situation to me at all.

I was a nanny for a few summers starting with kids ages 6,4, and 1. I can honestly say that the only time the tv was ever on was when the baby was sleeping and the older 2 girls were having a snack (their parents let them snack in front of the tv). Otherwise we were at the park, playing in the playroom, taking walks, etc... I LOVED getting them out of the house, even if we just went to walk around the mall.

Your nanny sounds like she doesn't even really enjoy interacting with children. Sure, she's not hurting them and they're okay, but no one is really having fun.
post #28 of 123
I would get rid of her. My hubby and I work opposite shifts and when I'm in school this fall he'll be home during the day and I won't work at all. When I graduate and get a job he'll be a stay at home dad. Hope it all works out!
post #29 of 123
I would find a new nanny, but I wouldn't fire her until I found the new one. Since the kids are safe, it sounds like, it isn't an outright emergency.
post #30 of 123
Just because she's not abusing your kids doesn't mean you shouldn't fire her. the fact that you feel the need to check on her means you don't trust her. If you don't trust her, deep down in your gut, she shouldn't be taking care of your kids.

We have a nanny who takes care of our almost-3 year old and a friend's almost-2 year old. The TV has never been on, and she's outside with them for huge chunks of the day. I would trust her (and have!) with anything, including a trip to the ER.

One of the absolute hardest things we figured out when we were interviewing nannies was that liking someone and not finding anything "wrong" with someone was not enough reason to hire them. One thing we did was call references before doing interviews, and only interviewing people with water-walker references. You'll find someone you *adore,* seriously, and never look back.
post #31 of 123
I used to be a nanny and the type of care you describe from your nanny is not acceptable imho.
I would first go over with her your expectations, very explicitly. Do more surprise drop ins at different times of the day if you can and if she's not following through then she needs to go. It sounds like childcare isn't her passion-maybe it was at one time and isn't anymore...? You could bring that up and see what she'd most like to be doing in her life and encourage her to do that...?
Even though I LOVE kids I got to the point where caring for other people's children just wasn't cutting it for me anymore and found I wanted too to only be doing the bare minimum interaction w/the children everyday, and it didn't feel good so I left at an aggreeable time for both me and the family with no hard feelings.
Hope you can find a resolution soon! Your kids deserve more!
Cheers,
Chelsie
post #32 of 123
Thread Starter 
Wow, thanks everyone!

I guess I find myself making excuses for her though...we live in a townhouse and our yard is teeny tiny, so they can't really spend all day out there, (though there is a small climber, balls, sandbox, chalk, bubbles and the sand/water table). It is not child proofed though, I found it hard out there for 20 minutes on the weekend - the 4 yo threw all the balls over the fence to the neighbours and the 1 yo headed for the a/c unit or ate a bunch of dirt every time I turned my head, that was all while dodging all the wasps...I gave up and came inside.

Inside, my 1 yo constantly removes our floor vent covers and climbs in to the air duct , or he opens the freezer (which is on the bottom of our fridge ) and pulls out everything, or pushes something - anything - over to the dining room table so he can climb up and stand on it...that's if he's not turning the tv on and off (repeat ad-nauseum) or climbing on top of the fireplace hearth and throwing all the toys across the room, or picking stones/paint chips out of the sliding door frame and eating them, or finding his brother's milk/juice/lunch and dumping it on his head, or standing on the coffee table/couch/chair/trike/anything he can get on to...he is really non-stop. As I baby proof one thing, he finds something I haven't. So I feel for her - you have to be down on the floor playing with him 24/7 or all hell breaks loose.

I really appreciate the feedback. I guess I was just so relieved to be rid of the bad daycare situation that the nanny thing seemed wonderful at first. As I read your posts, I hear in my head, "she's right, she's right, and she's right too...". I think deep down I now I know that this is not the ideal situation, but for a while it was "better than" the last situation (the daycare).

I think I will do a few more surprise visits and see what I see. I think I will also set up some outings/routines for them and have a chat with her about reading more books, doing more things with them, and asking for her input on how we can make the situation better for the kids and her. She was told in her offer and interview that her job is to play with the kids, NOT clean my house, but she insists on cleaning every inch - I would rather she is with the kids and have told her this, but she insists "it's no trouble".

Ack! I could go on and on...thanks again for everyone's thoughts.
post #33 of 123
yes the tv would be a dealbreaker for me. : for you.
post #34 of 123
first off if you want a cam look here http://toronto.kijiji.ca/f-spy-cam-C...wordZspyQ20cam
where outside toronto are you? and that would bother me and i am a mom and a child care giver. i hate to say it but i see that alot i live just outside of toronto also i live in thornhill.
post #35 of 123
I'd find a nice day care. I feel safest with a program whose philosophy I respect, and whicht has people going in and out all the time. A university program ranks high for me, although, of course, that is not always doable. I like teachers to be able to share with each other, get breaks, get fired- up about some cool art inservice etc. I also appreciate the accountability that goes along with more open programming. A couple of kids in a house with one person all day long... a person who is not my MIL is an issue *for me*.
post #36 of 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by ananas View Post
Hmm, tough call. See, this is behavior you'd expect at a daycare center, NOT with a nanny. The whole point of nannies is personalized, one on one care. I might let her go, or at the very least, give her one more very chance with a very firm warning.
In my experience that sort of behavior is a lot more common with nannies than at daycare centers. Over the years I've had friends who have had similar experiences with nannies (e.g., came home at an unexpected hour and found situations like you describe) but never with unexpected drop-ins to daycare centers.

If I was in your situation, I would be looking for a new nanny now, but in the interests of full disclosure I would have a hard time trusting any nannies and we'd go to a lot of lengths to avoid nanny-care for DS. I feel like my alarm bells would be ringing all the time, and that's not fair for anybody.
post #37 of 123
Find a nanny you can trust to take them to the park

oops waking babe
post #38 of 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeybum View Post

Are there really nanny's out there who are superhuman who can somehow interact and entertain a 1 and 4 year old for 8 hours a day?
Yes, there are.

I have been a nanny-employer for 5 years now. I've had some GREAT nannies. Nannies who plan activities, outings, play dates, educational crafts, outdoor activities, read to my children, get on the floor and play with them, teach them how to do the grocery shopping, do their laundry, love them, treat them with respect and SO MUCH MORE!

I would absolutely start looking for another nanny. It's like when you are dating someone who is "ok", but not the greatest. It's easy to justify staying with that person, because maybe you don't realize that there CAN be someone better out there for you.

Same thing with nannies. There are so many wonderful women out there who are nannies, who would do so much more than this woman is doing for your children.

It's a common saying in the "nanny world" (yes, there is one), that if you think you need a nanny-cam, then you just need to find a new nanny.

Please, believe what I'm saying. I've been on the nanny search so many times, and I know it's hard to find the right person. But there are good ones out there, and your children deserve so much more!

I can recommend a good agency to you, if you want to go that route. The owner is great, and very committed to finding the best nanny for the family. PM me if you want the name.
post #39 of 123
Quote:
Originally Posted by monkeybum View Post
She was told in her offer and interview that her job is to play with the kids, NOT clean my house, but she insists on cleaning every inch - I would rather she is with the kids and have told her this, but she insists "it's no trouble".
Sounds like she ought to be a housekeeper then, NOT a nanny.
post #40 of 123
OP - This is from the International Nanny Association's "Recommended Practices for Nannies". Read this and think about if your nanny is doing these things. The problem is - anyone can call themselves a "nanny". But you need to find one who considers herself (or himself) a professional.


http://www.nanny.org/professional_standardsNannies.php

INA Members :: Commitment to Professional Excellence Standards
Recommended Practices for Nannies

To promote quality child care and an environment for all children that nurtures their well-being, the International Nanny Association recommends several practices for nannies.

Professionalism

Participate in personal and professional growth activities.
INA recommends that nannies become involved in social, cultural and educational activities not only to maintain and improve their child care skills, but also to enhance their own personal growth. Suggested activities include attending child development courses, seminars and training programs on the care of children, participating in nanny-related organizations, and involvement in community affairs and child advocacy groups. INA has developed a Nanny Credential Exam to assess an individual's knowledge of children, their developmental needs and how to meet those needs of an in-home environment.

Act as an advocate for young children.
INA recommends that nannies promote knowledge as well as understanding of young children, and their needs and rights. Nannies should be familiar with the signs of child abuse and neglect, and be knowledgeable of procedures for dealing with them.

Relationships with Children

Respect each child as a unique individual.
INA recommends that nannies recognize the individuality of the children in their care. Nannies can create an environment that fosters children's trust, self-esteem and independence through the practice of daily routines and developmentally appropriate behavior management techniques.

Provide developmentally appropriate play and learning experiences.
INA recommends that nannies provide for the physical, emotional, intellectual and social needs of children by using developmentally appropriate play/learning activities, materials and equipment.

Create and maintain a safe and healthy environment for children.
INA recommends that nannies promote the physical and emotional well-being of children. Duties may include: serving nutritious meals and snacks; supervising rest periods, naps and sleep; recognizing symptoms of common childhood illnesses; handling emergency situations; administering first aid; teaching children the hygienic way to bathe and wash hands, hair and brush teeth; taking every safety precaution when traveling with children; performing domestic tasks related to the care and maintenance of the child's areas of the home such as bedroom, playroom, bathroom and outside play space; laundering and making simple repairs to children's clothing; and observing safety rules in the home.

Communicate effectively at the child's level of understanding.
INA recommends that nannies model appropriate language for children, recognize stages of language development in children, and engage in activities that encourage language development.


INA Commitment to Professional Excellence

Respect the contributions of individuals and organizations involved in professional in-home child care. Maintain high standards of professional conduct. Respect and support families in their task of nurturing children. Promote the physical, emotional, intellectual and social development of children. Support the lifelong process of personal growth and professional development.
In recognition of their responsibilities of children and families, members of the International Nanny Association make these commitments in support of professional in-home child care.

Relationships with Parents/Employers

Request a personal interview with prospective employers.
INA recommends that nannies interview prospective employers in person, preferably in the family's home.

Request a descriptive, written work agreement detailing conditions of employment.
INA recommends that, at a minimum, a work agreement include the following: job duties, hours and days of duty, salary amount, when and how paid and compensation for overtime worked, employer's legally required tax obligations, fringe benefits such as health insurance, holiday and vacation policies, sick leave if offered, probationary period, frequency of work agreement review, terms of notice and termination and grounds for dismissal. INA has developed an excellent Family and Nanny Agreement to assist in addressing all the details.

Respect the family's right to privacy.
INA recommends that nannies show good judgment in maintaining confidentiality about the private lives of the families for whom they work.

Support the child rearing philosophy of the employer. INA recommends that nannies recognize the ultimate authority of parents in making decisions about the welfare and care of their child/children by respecting the parent/employer's philosophy of child rearing.

Develop positive relationships with the family.
INA recommends that nannies work cooperatively with the family, perform duties as agreed, communicate openly and effectively, show sensitivity to family situations, seek constructive solutions to problems and maintain a consistent, positive attitude.
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