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Battle of the "stuff" You want to purgue but your dh says..."we might need that" - Page 2

post #21 of 37
Quote:
I actually hide what I donate to Goodwill. Not that anyone in the house ever seems to miss it once it is gone!
I do this all the time! Next, I am planning on taking one piece of junk at a time and bringing it to goodwill
post #22 of 37
Side note - Every few weeks I try to bag up a grocery bag of toys that aren't being played with much or are broken, and I hang it on the front door to remind myself to take it to my car, and then Goodwill, the next day.

DS (2 1/2 years old) has started bagging all of his toys individually and hanging them on the door. It's the cutest freaking thing I've ever seen.


Real point - My DP is also a hoarder to the max. He got it from his mom, who lives in over 4,000 sq feet of crap piled to the ceiling, unable to move without knocking over piles and piles of stuff. I saw "Clean Sweep" on TLC long ago and liked what the guy said - "If this stuff is important to you, treat it as such. Display it, value it, etc. Keeping it in boxes piled up like garbage means it is garbage." I talked to DP about it, and pulled out some "special stuff" - like awards for running, etc., and displayed them and managed to get rid of boxes of childhood stuff.
post #23 of 37
Thread Starter 
I like that. If it's valuable display it.

I usually put old toys or ones they don't play with in the garage in a plastic bag for donation. I have to cover it well. I threw in a duck that made quacking noises and he found it. He was like, "oh, you can't get rid of that...just look at how cute it is."

Ok, so when both sides of the family give each one of the kids a gift...it starts to mount.

I swear my kids will play (this is true) with construction paper that I have drawn a crude drawing of a dinosaur on. I made some dinosaurs and my little one wanted a lake for them to drink out of (so blue paper cut in a wavy circle) and plants for them to eat (so green paper cut in plant shapes). He has been playing with this for 2 days! He is 4.

The other toys, the neat gizmos..they might play with for a day and then leave it on the shelf. I don't just get rid of stuff, I pack it away and bring it out a few months later if there is still no interest then I sell or donate.

clothing, ok if it doesnt' fit me (like I want to be reminded I am not a size 8 anymore) or is not flattering I donate it. He will hold onto pants....for when he loses weight. I told him, "honey, if you lose the weight..you deserve nicer pants than these...treat yourself for your accomplishment." No dice.

Do you think it is sneaky to get rid of things slowly?
post #24 of 37
Thread Starter 
I just don't want to park my car outside so I have ahome for my junk. I don't want to spend 50 bucks a month storing, "things".

My mom is the same as me. She has alot of stuff but she doesnt' want to die and leave us kids with a bunch of stuff to find homes for. Honestly, what is important to me it pictures. Pictures of family.

Now I am on a rant.
post #25 of 37
This has been a constant battle for us! Dh is a total pack rat but he is getting better. An example would be he saved all the candles from the candelabras from our wedding for YEARS. He kept them in a big trash bag, just in case. I finally got so sick of the bag of about 20 candles that I got rid of them. He was like "I can't believe you got rid of the candles!! What if we need them one day?" I figured if we had lived 6 years without using them once, it was probably safe to get rid of them. Now if he wants to keep something I just have him keep it in his workshop downstairs. He can clutter that place up as much as he wants! He does know where my Goodwill bag is, though, and he occasionally will sneak in there and take stuff out. :
post #26 of 37
My DH was EXACTLY the same way but has gotten a bit better. He would fight me so hard on decluttering anything. The textbooks that he hasn't cracked open in 15 years (and he doesn't use his degree)? PRECIOUS! Anything that has ever been given to him as a gift? JEWELS! Every piece of paper that I have written on? VALUABLE! It's nuts. I'm working on him. (Plus I told him if he doesn't start getting rid of things like notes that I write to him then I'm not going to write anymore
post #27 of 37

this is me and my husband...

i love this thread because i dont feel alone. i do hide things and take them to goodwill/thrift store when he is at work. the key is to use the black plastic bags, not the clear ones. he does have a room and part of the garage that he can hoard stuff in. i do throw away unmarked vhs tapes which drives him crazy (wher eis that tape that was on this shelf....???", but hey i figure if you havent labeled it in two months, it probably wasnt that important.
post #28 of 37
I was just coming to check this part of the forum out with the thought in my mind "Maybe they can tell me how to get DH to let go of this crap" or something along those lines.
I've tried very nearly all of this. DH says he's a "minimalist" but he hoards everything. The story about the husband who said "These are a good size, should we keep them?" about the cardboard boxes.. yeah, that's my DH too.
Then there are times when he decides HE's sick of the clutter and he's going to get rid of it... He tried to throw out the baby's playpen on me. : The baby was 3 months old so it didn't get any use at the time. I saved it from the trash and gave him crap; now that DS2's older, we use it outside to keep him from going too far and/or eating the wood chip mulch, pine cones, etc while he's outside with us.
But the truly horrific thing is the books. I swear we're a fire hazard. And god forbid I try to get rid of ANY of them. "I want to build a library when we build our house." : How about we buy a lot to build the house on first?
post #29 of 37
I have a semi-packrat dh.

I am a reformed packrat.

It's slow going at our house...and we argue over what should go.

Also, he is TERRIBLY slow about getting the filled boxes out of the house. It slows everything down and my decluttering gets backed up :

Oh, and no matter how much I declutter ( and I have been decluttering a loooong time) more stuff comes in...

I am trying to do better, but I don't seem to be able to convince him or ds#2 that we don't NEED more new stuff.

I am hoping that once they see how much nicer our house looks and how much easier it is to clean when we have done enough decluttering to make a real difference that they will decide to join in more enthusiastically.

Also I would LOVE to institute a one in/ one out rule.

But right now, we are arguing about stuff like old cross country skis...he says we need to keep them, I am pretty sure they can go.
post #30 of 37
Thread Starter 
[QUOTE=tinybutterfly;11237185]I have a semi-packrat dh.

I am a reformed packrat.

It's slow going at our house...and we argue over what should go.

Also, he is TERRIBLY slow about getting the filled boxes out of the house. It slows everything down and my decluttering gets backed up :


Keep a box in the trunk of your car, then when it's full you can drive it over to donate...if this will work for you!
post #31 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gwendolyn's babies View Post

Keep a box in the trunk of your car, then when it's full you can drive it over to donate...if this will work for you!
This is a good idea! I will try this...once we get the bazillion books that are supposed to be dropped off out of my car trunk. :
post #32 of 37
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by tinybutterfly View Post
This is a good idea! I will try this...once we get the bazillion books that are supposed to be dropped off out of my car trunk. :


Ha! i know what you mean. I have still....my wedding dress that I have been meaning to drop off at the dry cleaners (I have been married 5 yrs!) and a huge bag of grocery bags that I have been meaning to drop off at the grocery story!!! When i get my butt in gear I will let you know!
post #33 of 37
OMG! So many of these posts could have been written by me!

Our house is full of crap that DH refuses to get rid of. He has two closets full of clothes that I KNOW he will never wear b/c they are too small. Can I donate them...heck no! We have tons of old non-stick pots and pans that are losing the non-stick stuff and are probably toxic to cook with, can't dump those either. We have Rubbermaid/Tupperware containers spilling out of our kitchen cabinets, but we must keep them ALL.

The real kicker was a couple months ago when DH's BIL asked if he wanted a bunch of old clothes that he no longer wore. Said BIL is about five inches shorter and 40 pounds lighter than DH, no way will any of this stuff fit him! I now have three large Target shopping bags of BIL's old clothes in my dining room. And I can't donate any of them because DH says he must go through them and will then see if he can find anyone else in his family who might want them.

I have nothing else to add except:::::
post #34 of 37
Dude.

I know this thread is about DH's being packrats and such, and since reading through this thread I've realized that my dh isn't -nearly- as bad as everyone else's when it comes to this stuff (literally and such, heh)... but I just felt like I could offer some advice (or babbling, whichever you prefer to call this) for all the ppl posting here who are overrun with lots and lots 'o crap. My husband and I have been together for eight years, and I used to have a lot of stuff, and my husband used to have buttloads of stuff, but since our daughter was born 28 months ago, I've slowly decluttered and purged and decluttered and cleaned and moved massive amounts of STUFF out of our home and garage. I've donated everything, and have never kept track of exactly how much has gone, but I do know that it's been a beyond ridiculous amount.

Anyway, today our apt (just moved from a townhome) is shpick and shpan, and has just a handful of stuff in it - and it's all stuff we absolutely love and use all the time. Like three plates, four bowls, 6 towels, seven shirts each, two pants each, 10 toys, etc... you get the idea. Today I feel like I'm a minimalist and that's how I want to stay, because it makes my life incredibly calm, relaxing, clear and open to do anything we want to do. Since our dd was born I've slowly and surely come to my senses and have -seen- our society for what it is-- a crazy, consumeristic nutsos land, in my own werds, there. And I don't want a bunch of useless stuff living in my house! And I don't want to buy buy buy and go to malls for fun every weekend! I don't understand how I got here or why it wasn't sooner, or why most ppl aren't here (I go to friends' houses and there's crap everywhere that makes me crazy, because I am a little crazy, I shpose). It's very strange.

I've slowly gotten my (total packrat) husband to follow me along as I've slowly donated lots and lots and lots of our stuff. My dd and I are here at home most of the time, and dh's at work, so the girls live here the most, and we need a home that is neat and clean, and easy to clean, and a home that has space to play and be crazy, without fear of falling knick-knacks on our noggins and whatnot.

I've gone over and over our stuff (many times in the last 2 years) and just taken out and donated anything that isn't beautiful or useful. If it hasn't been used in the last six months, it's gone. If we buy something, two things must go. I call up Salvation Army and they send a truck and pick up the stuff. I don't drive, so this is the easiest way for me to donate it all. Every week, I come up with a bag or two to donate, and I keep a bag in the front closet ready for anything I come across that we don't need. My dd Molly loves to grab a "Donations Bag" and help go through the closet or toys or bathroom or wherever on occasion, and get things we don't want or need or love or use and put them in the bag.

I cannot even begin to describe how amazing it feels to be FREE! Not totally free of course, but freer than I've ever been in my life. It is so incredibly easy to clean, and to play and to do whatever we happen to feel like doing. I LOVE knowing exactly what we own and exactly where it can be found. I love having one or two things in a cupboard and that's it- clear space around everything. I don't have knick-knacks or random anything anymore. Counters and tables and flat surfaces are clear. I just wish everyone could experience how I feel about this. I read this thread and had to ramble about what we've been doing.

I have also -completely- changed how I see houses and what I thought I always wanted. A mansion? HA! I wish we only owned 10 things and lived in a much smaller apt (ours is 1100 sq ft). It's so weird to see home shows now and all the decorating and huge rooms and kitchens and giant bathrooms and who cleans all that space, anyway? :-p (The one thing I can't get dh to get rid of is the TV and $190/month cable -GAK. Yes, I watch Lost and occasional random HGTV shows, and my dh barely watches anything on it, and dd watches only Wallace and Gromit every Friday, but this is a whole 'nother story.. yeesh. I just want it gone forever, but this one seems hopeless :-()

I feel so trippy about how much my mindset has changed in just the last two or three months. No one -needs- millions of dollars or a huge house in the suburbs with two cars. I always thought that it would be so great to win the lottery and get that "dream home", but now I want to live in a yurt in Oregon and be self-sufficiant. THAT is my new dream. I'm from Seatown, I've got some good love for Oregon. Get me out of busybusybumblebees Va, please! :-p (We're saving up dosh and getting the frug out as soon as can be expected. ) Anyway, I don't want my stuff to own me, as it were. I don't WANT a mortgage! Ever!

One great book that I feel like everyone hanging out on this awesome forum should read is It's All Too Much by Peter Walsh. I've posted about it before, but it's a fantastic book about decluttering all your Stuff, and it even has a section for you to "have your partner read", if they're the one with the holding-onto-stuff issue. Another book I'm still reading right now is Walden by Henry David Thoreau - all I can say so far is Read It. :-p

I think that's all I've got to say about this for now... Methinks I'll post my little Stuff Story in its own thread, only because I want other peeps to read it and maybe it'll help someone, and also 'cause I love this forum so much it's got it's own little spot up on my browser and whenever I get on the coopie (as dd calls it), I click Gmail and then MDC Organizing. I'm a little obsessed with this decluttering and organizing and downsizing and simplifying goodness these days. :


Search words like Simplifying, Simplify, Declutter, Minimalist and suchlike in this forum, that'll pop up some good threads to read. Also, I can't get it to come up on search right now, but google "10 Toys Tribe Mothering.com" and a great thread about minimizing toys will pop up. I also enjoy reading zenhabits.net - here is a link to the Guide to Creating a Minimalist Home (LOVE IT):

http://zenhabits.net/2007/08/a-guide...nimalist-home/
post #35 of 37
I am the one who says, "we might need that." I have good reason. Everytime I have let dh get rid of something we "didn't need," we ended up needing it and had to go buy the blasted thing all over again! I would rather something take up a little space than to spend more money.
post #36 of 37
Let me be clear about something: I didn't mean to put ALL the clutter off on DH. I do my share of "we need that". The difference is this: when I say "we need that" I *usually* already have a use for it in my head (ie the playpen he tried to throw out on me). When he says "we need that", he doesn't seem to have any idea what we need it for beyond "at some random point in the future there may be a use for it" (ie the 3- yes, three- *boxes* of random computer parts and cables).
On top of that is the random crap he brings into the house. I started trying to declutter again not long before Christmas (great timing, huh?). Within a week, I had 20- that's right, two zero- boxes of a game called "Heroscape" in my living room. And I don't mean the little boxes that hold just the game. I mean cardboard boxes that most people use to pack house for moving. His reasoning? "People collect this and we can sell or trade it online." Well, it's nearly June and we still haven't sold and/or traded any of it. Grr.:
post #37 of 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Danidama View Post
Also, I can't get it to come up on search right now, but google "10 Toys Tribe Mothering.com" and a great thread about minimizing toys will pop up.
I couldn't make that work, but I found:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=876524
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